Am I putting myself in the Friendzone?

[TheWiseFool]

I am not sure if I am setting myself for the friendzone with all the intrigue I am creating with this girl or if she is into me into me. I am talking to much which is worrying me but Idk... Can someone review my texts and tell me what they think?

Me: "Hey *Girl*, this is TheWiseFool. Save my number " Thank you Tool
Her: "Ok [: what's your last name btw? And are you sure you don't know a *Inserts common person we both know*?"
Me: "*My last name*. I'd say, "Don't go searching me up on facebook" but I don't have one, fortunately/unfortunately. And yours is? *I mention something about the common person we know*.
Her@9:29: "*Last name* is my last name and you probably shouldnt facebook me either.... I have so many privacy settings on [: and year *so and so* is a sweetheart."
Her@10:20: "I have a lot of privacy settings on so family from Pakistan won't find me*"
Me: "Oh really? Hopefully it's for good reasons. I don't think I'd be able to handle a bad girl hahaha"
Me: "Aside from my humor, I totally understand. Maybe we have a lot in common, who knows
Her: "Ah so im a little curious and I really hope you don't take offense to this. But how often do you go up to random people and ask if they're single? [:"
Me: "Take a guess, I'm sure you'd be surprised, but I have my reasons"
Her: "My guess would be often although you seem like a really decent guy"
Me: "Frankly, the number doesn't matter. What does matter is that when life comes knocking at your door, present in hand, waiting for you to take it... you either accept it with open arms and a big smile on your face or you tell Life, "I don't want it, it's not for me." You only get so many knocks, so many chances, before your left wishing life would come knocking at your door one more time. Whatever is in my past does not matter, all that matters is the present, the now, this moment because the present is where life begins"
Her: "I can understand that but you have to get a little curious when someone approaches you like that. I hope you didn't mind me asking. I take it your philosophy regarding opportunities is the reason you approached me. If you don't mind me asking, what led you to that conclusion about opportunities? I'm just curious "
Me: *I give her an answer about experiencing and growing as a person and imparting the idea that I am someone who does not want to ruin that for her*
Her: *So she gives me an answer that creates intrigue about herself, expressing the idea that she understands my words and that she herself has experience for life is indifferent to all beings*

At this point I realize that I should tone myself down and that I need to qualify her at this point, which I can do genuinely cos I like where our conversation is going. I am going to send one more text and close all texts for the rest of the night and pick it up two to three days from now. Hopefully setting a date after exams... But right now, I need to get this situation under control cos we are deep diving on text and that is not what I want.

 

[Smurf]

You've pretty much hit it on the head.

Try and cut the texting out and work to set up a meet after your exams. You basically came to the conclusion yourself.

Jake.

 

[Whizzy]

I agree with Jake, the texting so far is not too shabby. Just try to text her less to build rapport and more to get her out on a date now

 

[TheWiseFool]

Yea, I haven't texted her back since her last response to my text. I don't like texting as much especially cos it's such an impersonal form of communication and words can get misinterpreted if one fails to properly punctuate or emote. I sent one more text after her last one and then told her I needed to get back to studying cos I have an exam tomorrow. (which ended up becoming a take home exam pushed back two days, so lucky...), which I guess she felt bad cos she dubbed herself as a distraction and apologized for such behavior when there's no need to apologize. So, I am going to text less, and gradually thin them down to the recommend below three sentences. And any form of rapport building should always be removed from any impersonal forms of communication. If you guys don't use texts for rapport building, what do you use texting for? Chase and sexual frames with logistics or just strictly quick, concise answers and logistics? I'm probably leaning toward the later of the two, but there has to be some way that I can keep her attraction up for another week... I'm probably gonna set up frames in which she misses me and wants to see me or carrying for me when she said she just wants to be friends. Really stuck in the dark here but thanks guys for giving me some sort of direction
- The Wise Fool

EDIT: Just ran into this:

The veteran cares about whether things are moving forward or not: he doesn't care about making her like him more - he's an attractive guy; he KNOWS she likes him, and anyway, whether she likes him or not is irrelevant - whether she'll invest in him and move through the interaction with him and set up a date or go home with him later is what matters

I guess keeping attraction may not matter as much and I shouldn't be worrying about it cos if she likes me she'll want to come out however way she responds back to me regardless of whether or not I am in constant contact in between times we've seen each other face to face.

 

[Marty]

WiseFool,

I don't think you're putting yourself in the friendzone... YET, but in the interests of effortlessness, a conversation of this depth shouldn't be occurring over text (though Drexel gave a recent counterexample, but he's an expert who's allowed to bend the rules).

Basically my opinion is that from the "how often do you go up to random people" text onward, you've strayed into territory that should only be the subject of a face-to-face discussion. I'd have replied "You have to meet me to find out " and set up a date there and then. So what if it's a week down the road... a confident man doesn't scramble to "check in" with her; and you can only really build attraction in person (pace Drexel who is a genius, but I wouldn't attempt to imitate him at my stage of progress).

If you guys don't use texts for rapport building, what do you use texting for? Chase and sexual frames with logistics or just strictly quick, concise answers and logistics? I'm probably leaning toward the later of the two, but there has to be some way that I can keep her attraction up for another week...

I use texts only to set up logistics. Frankly, even when I use phone calls (outside of a relationship) it's only to set up logistics too, with the minimum rapport needed to avoid provoking auto-rejection. Like I said above, you can't really "keep her attraction up" other than in person, and if you want to come across as confident, you shouldn't even try...

Oh... and when you do answer her question (in person), make quite clear that she's not a "random person". Far from it!!

-Marty

 

[TheWiseFool]

As of now, I've realized that my actions have certainly been too much and I am currently on damage control...

The conversation right now is:
I reply back to her last text cos it needed to be qualified in some way, but after that I just stopped.

Afternoon the next day she replies back apologizing cos she fell asleep and also for keeping me from studying for my exam.

And I decided to test something and here is how it all goes:
Me@7:27pm: I'm sure I popped up in your dreams to greet you one way or another My exam became a take home exam pushed back by two days, so no worries darling
Her@7:33pm: Hay Eric.... you do remember that i would just like to be friends, right? [:
Me@8:06: Yes... I recall
Her@8:08: Sometimes people forget. Just making sure. Im actually just studying for a written programming final I have tomorrow.
Me@8:27: That is true. Aren't we friends yes?
Her@8:57: Yes I guess we're getting there. Although my friends generally don't refer to me as darling or anything of that sort (besides a few good friends).
Me@9:44: Well, my dear, this friend marches to the beat of a different drummer.
Her@9:57: So you're saying I would need to store you in a struct as opposed to the array of same type elements(friends)? Although I prefer vectors because theyre resizeable... Or maybe i just need to create a whole different class for you and your functions? o.o sorry im studying and i figured since youre a CS major, you may be able to follow that
Me@11:11pm: Seems like you are at a crossroads of sort. What do you want to do with me?
Me@11:16: Think it over. I'm going to bed. Study with desire and passion, get plenty of rest, and get some glucose in your system an hour to thirty minutes before your exam. You'll do great, but I'm sure you don't need a me to tell you that. Goodnight and sweet dreams, darling ;P
Her@9:04am: Psh I don't need fuel (mainly because I can't get myself to eat in the morning). That final was a joke.


My Thought Process:
@7:33pm: At this point anxiety hit me really bad... so I needed to calm myself and thought, what have you leaned from all your reading? And first thing that comes to mind is 1) ignoring her frame 2) reinforcing her frame but transforming it into a new frame. I just think, "What would Christian Grey do?" He is always in control of himself and the situation. He is rarely fazed, short, to the point, and talks to miss steele as if she is a child aka (i'm older than my actual age). Whatever he does creates intrigue within the woman's head. I'm no christian grey but damnit I said if I'm going out, I'm gonna persist to the end rather than accept her frame
@8:08: I'm thinking that she is trying to change the subject and solidify me in some category just like she does with every guy she meets
@8:27: Maybe I am framing this wrong, but my reasoning is aiming at saying, "Yes, we are friends... but we are going to be something different... something you aren't used to... you just don't know it yet.)
@8:57: As you can see... she is trying to steer me towards something I don't want to be, a friend.
@9:44: Me implying, "I'm different. I am not like other people. Expect the unexpected."
@9:57: Instead of answering her frame trying to prove myself I take her question and assume she doesn't know what she wants. I'm assuming she is possibly crumbling a bit cos she is losing control (I'm not giving her the expected responses, I'm not behaving the way she wants me to). How ever much control she has... I'm telling her, "I'm not like your friends child. Look I'll do it again, and again. I'm reasoning that if she's gonna stay here and take my crap... either she is 1) trying to put me in the friend zone cos she doesn't want to lose me. Maybe I came off as some guy that can leave her at any moment with all my implied words... 2) or you are interested and trying to get me to bow down." I didn't care if that was true or not I was just believing in the frame (frames are awesome...). These are all assumptions, she could very well just stop talking to me, but again, if I am going to lose this girl, it's gonna be to the very end. And if that is so... I might as well test things and push my current understood limits. To be honest, I am quite surprised she is still talking to me... I was expecting her to just ignore me like that cos she barely knows me at all... why continue right? I almost said, "screw it I'm never gonna be with her" after she reminded me about being just friends.
@11:16: I'm throwing in commands (think about it. Study. Get a lot of rest. Eat something before your exam. And I took the last sentence as a command... I want her to have a goodnight and sweet dreams) cos I was thinking about a part in Fifty Shades of Grey. Grey tells Ana to drive carefully on the way back to her home. Ana finds her self driving at a rather slow speed while on the highway, why is that? She attributes it to Mr. Grey's command to "Drive carefuly". I thought, "If this works here it must work in real life...". Why? I remember listening to this video about a guy reading tons of literotica and creating a process based off of all these books. The funny thing is... it worked... A LOT. So I said, why not do what the character does, the romantic archetype. The first text was me speaking to her subconscious. She doesn't need to answer it, especially since I threw the second text as a cover up (hoping to lighten the mood cos the tension was pretty heavy... at least for me).
@9:04: As you can see, she didn't answer my first text, but I'm sure she's going to be thinking about it because I am spending the whole day and better part of tomorrow with no contact whatsoever. I want her to think about what I said and then I'll come back and see if her behavior has changed. She is trying to challenge me by saying she doesn't need a bit of my advice, but then she comes off apologetic-like (in my head that's what I'm thinking) through her excuse. She tries to prove herself by saying the final was a joke.


From the last text (hers), I'd like to ask, "what should I say back?" I'm sure I can use a chase frame. There is one in particular I want to use, but I can't find it on the site or the forums, it may be in the book, I'll have to check later. Right now though, these are the things I want to respond with:
1: "Trying to impress me... okay *girl's name*..." (Whatever response she gives back idk...)
2: The same thing from above with the addition of "... I like it, but don't get any ideas. You need to know that I'm not easy, things will get a little rough, but I'm sure you don't mind. I like girls that *insert sexual frame connecting the word rough* (not sure about this, but I know it will work if I fix it up)
3. "Hmmm.... three of the four were completed. A 75%... that doesn't make me happy, but we're getting there. (Connecting back to the commands I gave her before I went to bed. She may have done well on her final, but she failed my test. Also, I connect back to her "Yes, I guess we're gettin there." Lastly, I make it three out of four, instead of four out of five in order to give myself plausible deniability in the contingency of her heading back to the "think it over" comment.


I know that I am probably making things much more complicated than they need to be, but I tend to overthink a lot (my INTJ nature). In addition, I hope my damage control is working out great and she does conform to my frame. I will propose the meet, and she is probably going to give me the friend thing again and I will use logic to win, but I certainly need to qualify her well to avoid emotion depletion. I NEED to move things forward... but I don't want to take her out and not end up back in some place we can get intimate. However, now that I am thinking about it, there is a park nearby the place I could take her. In due time, it will all come together, hopefully.
- The Wise Fool

 

[TheWiseFool]

Marty,

I should have proposed to meet in person at that point. I knew I should have also kept text to the most MINIMAL amount possible, but I let worrying about her interest get in the way. I certainly will learn from this as moving fast and keeping yourself a mystery are my biggest take backs from all this. Lastly, I definitely want to keep texting to logistics only. I should have kept to my predisposed plan rather than listening and acting on doubt.

Thanks for the feedback!