Am I the asshole here? (Girl with a BF)

[Infernalmachine]

Yo dudes, I need advice. I asked to meet up with this girl as friends cause we had some common interests and she agrees. I call her the other day to ask her to hang out and she says immediately says she wants to break up with her BF before agreeing to go to dinner and drinks with me. She literally said 'the break up is a long time coming, I never see him, etc" I take her back to my place and try to escalate all night without being too pushy. I'm not getting a strong indicator or how she's feeling so I play it easy. I put her legs on my lap, or my arm around her and she was cool with it. I did get some static at some points but I never was grab-y. We dance around, talk, and flirt.

She ends up leaving a little later and texts me when she gets home etc. Today she sends this huge text saying she's mad: "you stepped on her bf's toes." She continues "I let it fly because I did say I wanted to break up with him, but I'm still very in love and I think you tried to trick me. I thought we were meeting under different contexts.

I just found it super weird that she tells me she wants to break up with him, then agrees to go out for dinner/drinks. I did kind of agree to see her as friends, but the whole, I want to break up, let's go out, just threw me for a loop. So I don't even know what to say to this girl. I think she was looking for a beta to to cry to (She mentioned feeling down lately before we met up) and was pissed when I didn't end up playing her attention games and instead went to escalate. Any ideas?

 

[Starboy]

Well bro I can tell from your 2nd sentence why she pulled that on you. You said "let's meet up as friends"(idk your exact wording or how you phrased it to her. So in her mind she really thought you two were meeting up as friends. Even if you two had dinner and drinks together it doesn't mean the non friend dynamic was there. That's why she said she thinks u tried to trick her and was meeting under different contexts when you tried to escalate on her and brought her home as she was still with her man.

Sounds like she was venting to you when she said she wanted to break up with her bf and you took it as green lights to make a move,but it set false expectations. I think you recognize that. I don't think this girl is worth your time she has issues of her own to sort thru.

 

[Infernalmachine]

Well bro I can tell from your 2nd sentence why she pulled that on you. You said "let's meet up as friends"(idk your exact wording or how you phrased it to her. So in her mind she really thought you two were meeting up as friends. Even if you two had dinner and drinks together it doesn't mean the non friend dynamic was there. That's why she said she thinks u tried to trick her and was meeting under different contexts when you tried to escalate on her and brought her home as she was still with her man.

Sounds like she was venting to you when she said she wanted to break up with her bf and you took it as green lights to make a move,but it set false expectations. I think you recognize that. I don't think this girl is worth your time she has issues of her own to sort thru.

Thanks man. Think I should apologize?

 

[Starboy]

Thanks man. Think I should apologize?

Well it's up to you. How well do you know this girl? Is she someone you regularly see in your social circle or is she just a blip in your life? If you barely see her it doesn't matter as much,but if you see her enough that you don't want there to be awkwardness between you two you could say "hey i'm sorry if you felt that I mislead you and was trying to take advantage of your situation. That wasn't my intention. I hope you work things with your bf" and leave it at that. Just wish her well. You're not seeking an outcome you're just patching things up.