Rain,
Haven't seen this thread in awhile! But it was a good one.
So is that, any sort of , counter evidence that you don't have to be a perfect rock 100% and 'in control' all the time? Add to that the first example where there may have been crying, definitley anxiety/panic with the first one. So maybe the control thing can be, they cut you some slack if they really like you, what about the crying? Same thing? Or is the never crying thing just your personal policy?
My thing about crying is more of a personal policy that I've attempted to make into a hard rule. When I say, "my girl will never catch me crying in front of her," it was more of a reference to me saying, "I will do everything in my power to not let that happen" rather than "if she catches me crying even once, I'm toast."
Ironically, I've actually now cried once in front of my girl. It was unplanned, and I didn't want it to happen, but it did. However, this occurred after being with her for 3 years, so the amount of time I've spent with her combined with her strong opinion of me will drastically reduce the effect of any mistakes like that.
When she did see me cry, she actually thought it was endearing to a certain degree,
but that's only because I never cry. It seemed genuine, and it made me relatable. At the same time, crying one time in three years doesn't suddenly make me "not manly," but it's very unmanly to be crying constantly, all the time. If you think about any movie with a strong male character who cries, does he usually do it more than once in the movie? I can't really recall a strong male figure in a movie who cries more than one time!
Anyway, the point here is that crying is not a death knell to your chance of sleeping with (or having a relationship with) any girl who catches you in the act of crying. The point is that crying is
generally a feminine trait, and if you do it too often, your woman's opinion of you will go down. Just like a woman might think less of you if you're scared of bugs and scream like a girl every time you see one! Thus, I always plan to
not cry so that when I inevitably
do cry, my girl sees it as endearing rather than weak.
I know 4 couples, and I would say that I'm 99% sure all 4 of the guys, are not out there approaching women at all. They can't cold approach. And I'm doubtful that they are in any sort of open/poly relationship. Is it different for these couples, who are all married for years, why they still together if the woman thinks they 'have' them? Have the women here cheated and the guys just don't know about it? But, I want to make sure I'm undersatnding the terminology correctly so that we are talking about the same thing. Are you meaning don't be clingy? Eg have other interests/hobbies? I can't say if these guys are clingy or not, I know they all work, so there's that.
I can guarantee you that either one or both parties in all of those relationships is not totally happy.
Relationships in Western society do a ton of things to create external "handcuffs" on both parties once engaging in marriage. Marriage itself is somewhat of a handcuff for the man these days since "
divorce rape" is a real thing, so even if he's unhappy, he risks losing a
lot more than just a girl when he goes through divorce.
There's also children that become involved. Splitting up becomes a huge disturbance to children and family-oriented values, so sometimes couples stay together for that reason.
Also, cheating happens... a
lot. Sometimes the couples stay together for the children, but the wife or the husband seek sexual partners outside of an unsatisfactory marriage.
Basically, people will do just about anything to get out of situations that make them unhappy (and I'd say this is especially true for women). And Western marriage makes a
lot of people unhappy. That's not to say that you can't make a marriage work, but I'd say 95% of men are clueless on how to make one work where both parties remain happy. And for that reason, it's not a good idea to use examples of relationships where you
really have no idea what thoughts both parties are actually having (and what actions they are taking behind the scenes).
Take your examples with a grain of salt.
This sort of confuses me beacuse I don't want to get into a relationship if it won't last. If I think I can do better or eg what if a oneitis comes back onto the scene/is single then I should not be in the current relationship in the first place? Or what if the woman 'gets old'? Like you said if you lose interest, would you leave your woman if she got fat, what if she got breast cancer? If so, wouldn't it be better to not do long term that way the woman never gets hurt? See I struggle with this because I don't want to commit to a woman if it may not last. But how do you know if it will or won't? Or how do you predict your feelings for the next 10 20 years or till the end?
Relationships are still amazing and fun. Women are exciting and awesome creatures, and I enjoy spending extended periods of time with them. Can you imagine only spending 1 night with every single woman you meet from now until you pass away?
I sure couldn't.
I love creating connection (both emotional and physical) with women, and that can only be done through creating relationships. Women are wired to bond with us after sex, so the
best connections are made within the period
after you have sex with her the first time (which also includes the next few months of sex when you explore each other's bodies and preferences even further, which is loads of fun).
There's just too much to miss out on by not engaging in relationships with women at all. You'd have to have at least a borderline personality disorder to never want to engage in (at least short) relationships with them. One-night stands don't cut it for me (nor do they cut it for most men).
As far as relationships almost always coming to an end: yeah, I mean it's something you really just come to accept. When you think about the actual animal kingdom out there, animals aren't having "until death to us part" relationships with each other. That shit is entirely created by our society to control the masses. It's easier to get production out of people who aren't wildly seeking sex and romance all the time rather than working hard, building new things, and making the country stronger. Society wants you to produce for society: not for yourself.
Once you come to grips with that, you just accept that relationships have a big "?" on how long they will last for you since you're aware of the fact that a "never-ending" relationship most likely won't keep you happy. When you become better at screening for the types of women that you are not only compatible with but also connect with the best, then you end up having longer relationships. If you're
really good, you can aim for "until death to us part," but you should always at least be aware of the fact that that is a difficult goal to achieve if you want to maintain long-term happiness, and there's a very strong chance that at some point in any relationship you'll eventually want something else. People's desires are constantly changing, all the time.
I try not to think about things like "what if my woman gets breast cancer and loses a breast?" At that point, I might as well be worried about something like, "what if my woman gets in her car today, gets in an accident, and has an arm and a leg amputated?" Or "what if plane crashes on my woman's office building and she gets killed?" You can't be worried about things that are highly unlikely to happen, otherwise you just become a frozen shell of a person who's afraid to do anything because of the risk of just about
anything bad happening.
When you get good at screening, you learn to choose women who take care of themselves both physically and mentally. I don't worry about the things you mentioned because I pick good women who are
very focused on things like staying slim and fit. So it's a good idea to know what things are
most important to
you so that you make wise decisions on which women you want to keep around in your life for extended periods of time.
So I try and make sure I will like them forever so we do stay forever? But then is the woman going to do the same thing? I know some women become 'carers' if the guy gets cancer. They don't leave. Do they cheat? I don't know. My thinking, ie you should know beforehand that you would stay together, or is that a flawed mental model? I have this feeling you're going to say flawed mental model
If you suddenly improve your game and want to leave, how is that fair on the women if you suddenly have the ability to get more hotter women and then desire them instead? Because then you think, well you should have learned game before going long term, and then find someone. As opposed to finding someone, learning game etc, and then dropping them for someone better, isn't that 'wrong' beacuse that particular woman could have been with someone who wasn't looking to improve and then not get hurt?
"All is fair in love and war" comes to mind, lol.
Nothing is truly "fair" when it comes to romance these days. Everyone is chasing their own happiness, and there's always a carrot on a stick somewhere attempting to tell you that even
more happiness is in
this direction instead of the direction you were going. Women get their hearts broken. And so do men. All you can really do is attempt to improve yourself and continually gauge your own levels of happiness and adjust as you go. There might be a few times where you have to break a woman's heart -- if you're a genuinely good man, then you do so with compassion, and you attempt to avoid breaking hearts as often as you possibly can. When you get good at this stuff, you become aware of women's emotions and learn how to manage them well. That way you're breaking less hearts and providing more smiles.
One other thing to note here is that
women are extremely strong-willed when it comes down to it. If you break a girl's heart, it's
highly unlikely she forfeits the rest of her life because of your deed. At some point, she gathers herself together and delves into love and romance again, and eventually she finds something she wants (at least for the time being). Women are resilient, and as I mentioned previously, women will almost always seek to get themselves out of situations where they are unhappy.
Ideally, you start improving yourself
right now so that the quality of women you bring into your life from this point forward is high. This way, instead of breaking the hearts of women you aren't very attracted to, you're instead creating meaningful, fun, and awesome relationships with amazing women who see you as an amazing man. Maybe you strive to make the relationship go for as long as you possibly can, and maybe it actually goes the distance. Or maybe it ends after a few years. Either way, if you find amazing women and bring them into your life, you will have amazing experiences that you can learn from and enjoy, just like she will have amazing experiences that she can learn from and enjoy. Don't let the "fear" of a relationship potentially ending at some point scare you away from starting one.
Personally, I would be much more scared of never being able to have a relationship again!
- Franco
