FR amazing date but fucked up near the end.

[Smith]

Hey guys,

I can't remember a lot that happened on this date but I just want to point out a few things where I think I screwed up. Overall, I thought the date was fun for both me and the girl, but because of that I lost the sexy vibe in the end as well.

Met up with this girl at a bar. she arrived early, I arrived late. When I got there, I moved her to a more quiet corner of the bar and ordered drinks for both of us. We had great connection. She mentioned she was doing sociology, and she told me very a lot about it very passionately. We talked about this and that. I asked what kind of crazy stuff has she done before? she said she had a bad girl phase once, but now she's a good girl. I joked about that. After we had a great conversation, I decided to pull her home, so
I said "hey have you watched XX before?"
Her: "oh no I haven't."
Me: " wanna go watch it?"
Her: "at the movie theatre?"
Me: "well I got it on my laptop."
I think she didn't catch what I was saying
Her: "Ok yea lets go"
We left the bar and started walking towards my house, then suddenly she said "I thought the movie theater is that way"
I thought she was playing with me at this point.
Me: "Oh yea! we're going to a movie theatre. It's a surprise "
Her:" If we're not at the movie theater, I'm going home"
I knew I should have choose a bar closer to home...logistics fcked up.
Me: "I said I got the movie on my laptop. Come on it's a good movie"
At this point, I'm being playful and not getting serious or upset, and so is she
Then we're at the cross roads. we can go straight to my place not that far away, or she can turn right and go home.
I tried to use the hard push
Her: "But it's getting late, I'm feeling sleeping, if we watch the movie...."
Me: "oh come on it's 9pm on a friday night. We're having a good time right? it's too early to end this. If you go home now, you'll regret this because we might not see each other again. Just come, we can chill for 30 minutes and if you want to go you can go."
Her: "haha nooo lets go"
Then she pulled my hand and cross the road because the light just turn green....fuck you green light lol
Me: "You're making a mistake"
We continued to hold hands.
Her: "haha come on walk me home"
Me: "you're ruining the fun...it's still early you know"
I know I lost the frame battle here.
Her: "yea I know"
Me: "so come on, I like you, you like me. lets keep hanging out"
Her: "haha"

we have a bit of banter but still walking towards her place.
Then I realize there's a beautiful train station nearby, so I suggested we hang out there and she complied. we continued to hold hands.
At the train station, we sit on a bench and chilled for a bit
During the conversation, I asked her how to say "i've always wanted to do that" in japanese
then after she told me, I went in for a kiss but got denied.
I smiled and she laughed.
Her: "we're not even bf and gf!"
Then I started to talk about something else. Somehow we got back to the topic of japanese and she said if I can remember what she taught me then i can kiss her. If not, then I have to buy her chocolate.
Then after many attempts of getting it wrong. I realized I'm chasing her for a kiss. so I said "hey, don't be disappointed"
Her: "haha I'm not"
Anyway, we talked for about an hour and a half. then I walked her home.
Her: "thanks for walking me home"
We hugged. I tightened the hug and she hugged me tight back. I whisper to her ear.
Me: "I like you"
Her:"Thank you"
I don't know why I said that. Wish I could take it back.
I pulled my head back a bit with my hands still holding her hips. Our forehead touches
Her: "no..."
I didn't know what the hell she was talking about until I realized she thought I was trying to kiss her. I didn't say anything
We stayed like that for a few seconds, then let go. Now I think about this. I probably should've tried to man-handle kiss her anyway, since clearly that was what's on her mind.
Me: "text me later"
Her: "see you later"
30 minutes later
Her 11.25pm : "you ok? text me when u get home "
Me 11.55pm: "yes ie ni imasu just had hot shower"
Her 12am: "excellent japanese! good. I had hot shower as well "
Me 12.13 am: "good... it was fun getting to know u go to bed babe. U have 11 hours of sleep" I remembered when I tried to pull her home, she said she had to got up at 12 the next day, which was kinda hilarious.
Her 12.16am: " yeah it was very fun good night!"
Me 12.18am : "sweet dreams"

Two days later
Me: 2.05pm: "hey XX, hope you had a great weekend enjoyed hanging out with u on friday although can't get this XX song out of my head now! Lets figure out a time for pizza and movie. What's your schedule look like?
Her 8.19pm: "I had a great weekend I'm gonna be a bit busy this week "
Me: 8.35pm : "sure I understand"

Thought I really had that one there, but I guess I lost it somewhere in the end. This taught me one thing. When the girl is a lot of fun, it's easy to lose your sexy vibe. And I haven't had such a fun date in a while even though I didn't close properly.

Any feedback is welcomed! Especially where things might have gone wrong and what u think I should've done better.
Cheers
Smith

 

[Teparus]

oh come on it's 9pm on a friday night

Comes across as much more emotional/needier than just:

It's 9pm on a friday night

Spoken in a calm, level tone.

My suspicion is that you could use a better persuasion voice/tone and that you came across maybe as playful, but also as pleading, which is probably a contributing factor to how you lost the frame battle.

The reality is, though, once you lose that frame battle, you essentially lose your chances at a fast seduction.

You also know you made a mistake with the "I like you" line. Her saying, "Thank you" tells you that you are straight up chasing.

Chalk this one up to a learning experience. You need to learn how to lead and persuade rather than chase and supplicate.

 

[Smith]

My suspicion is that you could use a better persuasion voice/tone and that you came across maybe as playful, but also as pleading, which is probably a contributing factor to how you lost the frame battle.

The reality is, though, once you lose that frame battle, you essentially lose your chances at a fast seduction.

You also know you made a mistake with the "I like you" line. Her saying, "Thank you" tells you that you are straight up chasing.

Chalk this one up to a learning experience. You need to learn how to lead and persuade rather than chase and supplicate.

Yes Thanks for pointing that out. I still need to work on the pull although I can catch myself chasing now, it still takes time to remove that old bad behaviour.
Once we were walking towards her house, I knew it was over for the night.
anyway, every time is a good learning experience.

Smith

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Me: "I said I got the movie on my laptop. Come on it's a good movie"
At this point, I'm being playful and not getting serious or upset, and so is she
Then we're at the cross roads. we can go straight to my place not that far away, or she can turn right and go home.
I tried to use the hard push
Her: "But it's getting late, I'm feeling sleeping, if we watch the movie...."
Me: "oh come on it's 9pm on a friday night. We're having a good time right? it's too early to end this. If you go home now, you'll regret this because we might not see each other again. Just come, we can chill for 30 minutes and if you want to go you can go."
Her: "haha nooo lets go"
Then she pulled my hand and cross the road because the light just turn green....fuck you green light lol

Lost it here. When she played the "it's getting late, I'm feeling sleepy" card, I would have

1. Given her a piggyback ride, if you want to continue the playful vibe and kinda "steal" her; it subconsciously conveys an "out of her hands" ASD frame. It's cute and fun, but it wouldn't totally disarm her objections; you'd certainly have more up the road, but it would allow you to isolate before having to deal with the objections.

2. Stopped her and calmly given your real hard push. Your tone needs to be very slow and non-needy. The hard push is 90% non-verbals (deals with her emotions) and 10% verbal (dealing with the logistical and logical resistance). While you're doing a hard-push, you need to be thinking "I want to fuck her, but if I lose her right now, I'll be fine; chances of seeing her again are low anyways. Let's go for the win!" I've failed a hard push many times because I could sense my own neediness. If you have to ASK yourself if you're being needy, you are.

She was playing stupid with you when she gave the movie theatre objection. Maybe you should have cut the objection early and said something "you're silly!" If she pushed further, then you half-ass a "it's on my laptop, silly." If she pushes more, then you must use the hardpush. Handle her objection then and you'll have an easier time in the future. You just have ask yourself the questions

1. If I lose the interaction right now, can I carry on with an optimistic mind and not let the failure bother me? (most important)

2. Is this the right time to address her inevitable objections? If so, how do I address her, in order of importance, 1. logistical 2. emotional 3. logical concerns.


- Anatman

 

[Smith]

Thanks Anatman! that was really helpful certainly clarify some of the ideas I have about hard push. Didn't realize that it's mainly non-verbals rather than verbals.

While you're doing a hard-push, you need to be thinking "I want to fuck her, but if I lose her right now, I'll be fine; chances of seeing her again are low anyways. Let's go for the win!" I've failed a hard push many times because I could sense my own neediness. If you have to ASK yourself if you're being needy, you are.

Will definitely keep this in mind now!

she was playing stupid with you when she gave the movie theatre objection. Maybe you should have cut the objection early and said something "you're silly!" If she pushed further, then you half-ass a "it's on my laptop, silly." If she pushes more, then you must use the hardpush. Handle her objection then and you'll have an easier time in the future. You just have ask yourself the questions

lol didn't realize she was playing stupid until you pointed it out. No wonder I thought her objection was weird cuz the movie came out quite a while ago and most people shld know it's not in cinema anymore. She also gave me a second objection that I forgot to write in here. She said she made up this rule 10 months ago that she won't go home with any men on their first date, and to that I replied it's silly. This was just before we get to the intersection before I gave her the hard push. I tried to probe about her rule later on, but she only told me it was partly her fault as well. Guessing she had regrets sleeping with someone.

1. If I lose the interaction right now, can I carry on with an optimistic mind and not let the failure bother me? (most important)

Important indeed. also the hardest to answer.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Me: "oh come on it's 9pm on a friday night. We're having a good time right? it's too early to end this. If you go home now, you'll regret this because we might not see each other again. Just come, we can chill for 30 minutes and if you want to go you can go."

I think you should of let her reply and implemented the yes ladder

e.g.
You: We're having a good time right?
Her: yes
You: and you have not watch this movie yet
Her: yer/i guess (something close to that)
You: So we should go watch it then
her: fine, ok yeh

(horrible use of words in my example but you get the gist of it) Me:

If she declined after that then you could give the statement ""How about this we can chill for 30 minutes and if your still feeling tired you can go."

Her: "we're not even bf and gf!"
Then I started to talk about something else. Somehow we got back to the topic of japanese and she said if I can remember what she taught me then i can kiss her. If not, then I have to buy her chocolate.

Not sure if im right but looks like she is trying to put you in the boyfriend category thats why she is not going home with you and will only kiss you if you can meet her requirements

Her 11.25pm : "you ok? text me when u get home "
Me 11.55pm: "yes ie ni imasu just had hot shower"
Her 12am: "excellent japanese! good. I had hot shower as well "

Im a poor texter but i think that would of been a good opportunity to set up a sexual frame

e.g. (not sure if this is a good example im still learning as well)

Her 11.25pm : "you ok? text me when u get home "
Me 11.55pm: "yes ie ni imasu just had hot shower"
Her 12am: "excellent japanese! good. I had hot shower as well
Me : Insert sexual frame here

Was going to write an example could think of one (someone fill this in for him and me )

Me 12.18am : "sweet dreams"

I don't think you should of bothered with that message (i might be wrong but i generally try avoid sending messages which have no goal )


Good FR i need to start getting some posts up soon :O

 

[Smith]

Her 11.25pm : "you ok? text me when u get home "
Me 11.55pm: "yes ie ni imasu just had hot shower"
Her 12am: "excellent japanese! good. I had hot shower as well
Me : Insert sexual frame here

Was going to write an example could think of one (someone fill this in for him and me )

Me 12.18am : "sweet dreams"

I don't think you should of bothered with that message (i might be wrong but i generally try avoid sending messages which have no goal )

Yea right after I sent my message, I was like shit...I could have used a sexual frame lol
that last text was to just end the date on a good note, but it might've been unnecessary.

Good FR i need to start getting some posts up soon :O

Look forward to that