- Joined
- Aug 30, 2015
- Messages
- 714
Me and my ex have a rabbit farm business(i know,weird,but anyway),so I was making a routine call to ask her about business and she seemed to be very low,after inquiring what was going on ,she told me that her boyfriend(or fwb or whatever) who lives next door to her,beat the shit out of her and stole her stuff.
My brain froze,I could not for the life of me decide on how to act,if you have been a gamer for as long as me,you know better than to jump onto your trusty steed to respond to every damsel in distress,and man I know better than anyone just how unstable this girl is.
I was torn,If i think about all the stupid decisions she makes I think she deserves to have her mouth full of mud,but if I think of all the help she has given me on my rabbit farm ,I cannot in good conscience not attempt to pull her out of the quicksand.
I asked for opinions in an African seduction group,I called up some lawyers and social workers,and after thinking of how much help my ex had given me with my rabbit project,I decided to help,I had no idea just how bad I was setting myself up.
So I drove to my exs place,picked her up,took her to the police station,Now for those of you in the first world you have no idea how a Kenyan police station operates.
The cops act like they are doing you a favor,to file a simple assault charge you need a bunch of forms and all the forms are gotten in different places,
to just summarize the process,we got an ob report from the cops,a p3 form from the cyber,a medical form from a level 4 hospital(this hospital is on another county),the report had to be taken to the cops for a signature and then back to the hospital for a stamp,then back to the cops for a stamp,.......if this whole process seems long and confusing and inefficient,it might be because it is long and confusing an inefficient.
this whole process took us two days.
I should remind you that this back and forth process is not just long and tedious,all these government agencies are hopelessly corrupt,and by the time we were ready to go arrest the dude,we had spent maybe 70 dollars in bribes and fuel.
still this was not as big a frustration as what was about to come.
All this time we had been dealing with cops and bureaucracy,my ex had been fuming,I have experience with dealing with cops in Kenya,so I had been coaching her on what to say.
basically the demands were simple.
She should concentrate on the burglary charge as opposed to the assault charge,mainly because the burglary seemed open and shut.
there was cctv footage of the dude taking her stuff,and I felt if we just manage to get all her stuff back,that would be a win.
up until then the dude had adamantly refused to give back any of her stuff,the worth of her things was 600 dollars,most of this was alcohol that was stock for a bar they had been planning on opening.
I had also told her not to mention that they were lovers,The story she should try to sell was that this whole thing was a business deal gone wrong,and she just wanted her stock back and the dude was nothing more than a neighbor.
I should mention that while in America gender violence is detestable,In Kenya its really normalized, people dont think of it as a crime,politicians and even celebrities beat (and even kill) their wives all the time ,infact if you go to the station to report that sort of gender based violence you might be given a social worker rather than a real cop,this is why I was really coaching her to present herself as a victim of a burglary and not as a vcitim of assault.
The cop car went to collect the dude while we waited in the station.i had wasted two whole days but at last t would be worth it.the dude entered into the station,saw my ex and smiled,I looked at my ex,and what i saw made my heart fell,my worst fears were confirmed.it seemed like all my work would be for naught after all .
My ex was smiling,I had presented a narrative to the police that these two were bitter enemies,and only police intervention could make us reach any sort of conclusion,but here was the dude smiling broadly,and my ex smiling broadly,the dude walked over and hugged her,and my ex hugs her back,all this was not lost on the police,they immediately asked,have you guys ever fucked?
they said yes while blushing like school girls,the male cop kicked me out,the female cop followed me out.
Now to an American audience you guys would probably be baffled,but the explanation is simple,no kenyan cop likes the paperwork that would be needed to take a case to court,because they are paid per month,and the salary is not dependent on the amount of work they do,they like doing the least amount of work,if a case doesnt seem serious,they tell you guys to "talk it out",they then extort a bribe from you as a mediation fee,and they call it a day.
I hope no one reading this ever has to find themselves having to deal with the kenyan police,but if you do,your whole demeanor should communicate that you are so furious with your accuser ,that any sort of back alley mediation would be impossible.
these guys however did not seem to have any irreconcilable difference,their whole body language seemed to speak of lovers enjoying a peaceful walk in a park,sure there was some talk of a burglary and an assault earlier,but which lovers dont occasionally have a lovers spat.
I hope you can picture how foolish I look,im standing over fidgeting with my phone looking like a third wheel,these two supposed to be adversaries talking amicably with the dude stealing side hugs every now and then,both of them laughing,chuckling,hands intertwining ,untwining and intertwining again,remove the police station from the background are replace it with a scenic park and you could use their picture on your wedding card.
I took a picture and a couple of videos just to remind my future self of the day I turned into a jackass like pinochio.
I thought about the upwork jobs I had lost to be here,i thought about the tinder dates i had cancelled to be here,
with a herculean effort of will I tried to steer this boat away from shits creek,I approached the female cop and asked her,so when is the court date?she looked at me sadly.she gave me a shoulder rub and gave me a speech.
"you seem like a nice man, dont waste your time with this woman,there is no easy way to say this but these two are lovers,I would suggest you just go home" she gave me the look I give a kitten that is entangled in a ball of yarn,like "poor thing",She had assumed I was a whte knight gaming this chic,and she no doubt thought that she was breaking my heart by exposing that these two had an affair.
I didnt lose sight of the ball though,I insisted,when is the court date?she told me that the two lovebirds had decided to "talk things out",
because I was the only one with a car,I said that the cops should provide one officer for us to take the stolen things back from dudes place to her place.
but I had bled a lot of value,when I was talking there was a vibe of "who the hell is this guy?","ummm,im sorry who did you say you are again?""omg,u still here?"
as far as the cops were concerned this whole issue was resolved and the could go back to doing nothing.
they took their mediation fee (15 dollars)
My ex and the dude entered into my car ,(so that we could take her things from his house to hers),immediately they alighted the dude said that he is not giving back anything,he waved at me with a shit eating grin,i said bye to my ex and rove home,
poorer in money,poorer in time,but a lot richer in experience
My brain froze,I could not for the life of me decide on how to act,if you have been a gamer for as long as me,you know better than to jump onto your trusty steed to respond to every damsel in distress,and man I know better than anyone just how unstable this girl is.
I was torn,If i think about all the stupid decisions she makes I think she deserves to have her mouth full of mud,but if I think of all the help she has given me on my rabbit farm ,I cannot in good conscience not attempt to pull her out of the quicksand.
I asked for opinions in an African seduction group,I called up some lawyers and social workers,and after thinking of how much help my ex had given me with my rabbit project,I decided to help,I had no idea just how bad I was setting myself up.
So I drove to my exs place,picked her up,took her to the police station,Now for those of you in the first world you have no idea how a Kenyan police station operates.
The cops act like they are doing you a favor,to file a simple assault charge you need a bunch of forms and all the forms are gotten in different places,
to just summarize the process,we got an ob report from the cops,a p3 form from the cyber,a medical form from a level 4 hospital(this hospital is on another county),the report had to be taken to the cops for a signature and then back to the hospital for a stamp,then back to the cops for a stamp,.......if this whole process seems long and confusing and inefficient,it might be because it is long and confusing an inefficient.
this whole process took us two days.
I should remind you that this back and forth process is not just long and tedious,all these government agencies are hopelessly corrupt,and by the time we were ready to go arrest the dude,we had spent maybe 70 dollars in bribes and fuel.
still this was not as big a frustration as what was about to come.
All this time we had been dealing with cops and bureaucracy,my ex had been fuming,I have experience with dealing with cops in Kenya,so I had been coaching her on what to say.
basically the demands were simple.
She should concentrate on the burglary charge as opposed to the assault charge,mainly because the burglary seemed open and shut.
there was cctv footage of the dude taking her stuff,and I felt if we just manage to get all her stuff back,that would be a win.
up until then the dude had adamantly refused to give back any of her stuff,the worth of her things was 600 dollars,most of this was alcohol that was stock for a bar they had been planning on opening.
I had also told her not to mention that they were lovers,The story she should try to sell was that this whole thing was a business deal gone wrong,and she just wanted her stock back and the dude was nothing more than a neighbor.
I should mention that while in America gender violence is detestable,In Kenya its really normalized, people dont think of it as a crime,politicians and even celebrities beat (and even kill) their wives all the time ,infact if you go to the station to report that sort of gender based violence you might be given a social worker rather than a real cop,this is why I was really coaching her to present herself as a victim of a burglary and not as a vcitim of assault.
The cop car went to collect the dude while we waited in the station.i had wasted two whole days but at last t would be worth it.the dude entered into the station,saw my ex and smiled,I looked at my ex,and what i saw made my heart fell,my worst fears were confirmed.it seemed like all my work would be for naught after all .
My ex was smiling,I had presented a narrative to the police that these two were bitter enemies,and only police intervention could make us reach any sort of conclusion,but here was the dude smiling broadly,and my ex smiling broadly,the dude walked over and hugged her,and my ex hugs her back,all this was not lost on the police,they immediately asked,have you guys ever fucked?
they said yes while blushing like school girls,the male cop kicked me out,the female cop followed me out.
Now to an American audience you guys would probably be baffled,but the explanation is simple,no kenyan cop likes the paperwork that would be needed to take a case to court,because they are paid per month,and the salary is not dependent on the amount of work they do,they like doing the least amount of work,if a case doesnt seem serious,they tell you guys to "talk it out",they then extort a bribe from you as a mediation fee,and they call it a day.
I hope no one reading this ever has to find themselves having to deal with the kenyan police,but if you do,your whole demeanor should communicate that you are so furious with your accuser ,that any sort of back alley mediation would be impossible.
these guys however did not seem to have any irreconcilable difference,their whole body language seemed to speak of lovers enjoying a peaceful walk in a park,sure there was some talk of a burglary and an assault earlier,but which lovers dont occasionally have a lovers spat.
I hope you can picture how foolish I look,im standing over fidgeting with my phone looking like a third wheel,these two supposed to be adversaries talking amicably with the dude stealing side hugs every now and then,both of them laughing,chuckling,hands intertwining ,untwining and intertwining again,remove the police station from the background are replace it with a scenic park and you could use their picture on your wedding card.
I took a picture and a couple of videos just to remind my future self of the day I turned into a jackass like pinochio.
I thought about the upwork jobs I had lost to be here,i thought about the tinder dates i had cancelled to be here,
with a herculean effort of will I tried to steer this boat away from shits creek,I approached the female cop and asked her,so when is the court date?she looked at me sadly.she gave me a shoulder rub and gave me a speech.
"you seem like a nice man, dont waste your time with this woman,there is no easy way to say this but these two are lovers,I would suggest you just go home" she gave me the look I give a kitten that is entangled in a ball of yarn,like "poor thing",She had assumed I was a whte knight gaming this chic,and she no doubt thought that she was breaking my heart by exposing that these two had an affair.
I didnt lose sight of the ball though,I insisted,when is the court date?she told me that the two lovebirds had decided to "talk things out",
because I was the only one with a car,I said that the cops should provide one officer for us to take the stolen things back from dudes place to her place.
but I had bled a lot of value,when I was talking there was a vibe of "who the hell is this guy?","ummm,im sorry who did you say you are again?""omg,u still here?"
as far as the cops were concerned this whole issue was resolved and the could go back to doing nothing.
they took their mediation fee (15 dollars)
My ex and the dude entered into my car ,(so that we could take her things from his house to hers),immediately they alighted the dude said that he is not giving back anything,he waved at me with a shit eating grin,i said bye to my ex and rove home,
poorer in money,poorer in time,but a lot richer in experience
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