An Irrational Concern?

[Bboy100]

Hey guys,

So lately, its come to my attention that one of the main things holding me back from a lot of my IRL interactions with women is my fear that social ties with them will cause awkwardness if things don't pan out. This is obviously a very real risk if I start gaming a girl in my immediate social circle. My issue is that I span this out to way beyond just my social circle. It's like, if there's a good chance I'll see this girl again ever, I get guns shy and can't pull the trigger. This is a HUGE problem for me as a college student. Because there's a good chance I'll see most girls I meet in that environment again.
Ex. I last year, I met this girl at xfit. She was clearly into me, and I thought she was cute too. But unfortunately, I never made the conscious decision to pull the trigger and ask her out in fear that if it doesn't work out for a whatever reason, things will get awkward when I see her again in xfit.


This spans to everyone and anyone I might see again (ex. bartenders, waitresses, classmates etc). Are these concerns of things becoming awkward legit? Or is it not as bad as I blow it up to be in my head?

 

[ray_zorse]

The way you've described it, it sounds more like general social fear, than a genuine fear of repercussions. I say, just pull the trigger, and then live with any consequences.

I think there are a few key mindsets you should be adopting:
1. If I pull the trigger and she says no, that makes me a much more attractive guy than if I never pull the trigger.
2. (a) If awkwardness ensures, I'll deal with it by basically brazening it out, and acting as if no awkwardness exists.
(b) Awkwardness = tension = sexual tension. I'm good at handling sexual tension, it's kinda fun making people uncomfortable.
(c) I'll only make eye contact with her if I intend to talk to her, and if I'm talking to her I'll just treat her the same as any other time.
(d) I'm good at handling situations with social grace, so if challenged about it, I'll just laugh it off and proceed as I normally would.
3. (a) If she decides to talk about me behind my back then I don't give a fuck, I only care what people are willing to say to my face.
(b) I don't care what others think about me, I only care about the results I achieve for myself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Honestly, the only way you could actually make trouble for yourself by making a move on a girl or asking her out... is if you did it in a very socially uncalibrated way, and having read your posts I know you'd be very unlikely to do that. Socially uncalibrated... like asking her out when her boss or friends are present (she'll have to throw you under a bus)... or making creepy eye contact / checking her out when you think she isn't looking... making nasty sexual "jokes" or wolf whistles etc that are disrespectful... trying to kiss her when she only views you as a friend and hasn't invested anything in the seduction... and, even if you did any of this, chances are you'd be 100% fine.

It's VERY UNLIKELY an awkward situation would present itself, but if it does, as a high value man you can handle it without losing your composure. Think of it as practice. Practice in managing tension (awkwardness) while remaining calm and suave. Social fears are a prison of our own making, there are in reality no consequences of any significance for breaking social rules, you might get told off by the manager of a bar or whatever, but, big deal... as a high value man your ego isn't damaged by that.

Ray

 

[Bboy100]

just pull the trigger, and then live with any consequences.

It's VERY UNLIKELY an awkward situation would present itself, but if it does, as a high value man you can handle it without losing your composure.

Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I just needed someone to confirm it (which is a problem in of its own right...lol).

it sounds more like general social fear, than a genuine fear of repercussions.

What's the difference?

 

[ray_zorse]

Well, you said it yourself, if it's someone who is genuinely a friend of a friend, or is known to be in one of your classes etc, then yes, there might be social repercussions, and it might pay to move a bit more slowly/discreetly, and to keep some of the IDGAF behaviour in check... but if it's someone who just happens to live in the same town or attend the same college, there is no genuine basis for worrying about social repercussions, yet we worry anyway -- this is what I call general social fear, and it's important to recognize it for what it is, and ask ourselves, are there truly any consequences for breaking the social rules we are concerned about... in most cases the answer is no, no consequences of any real concern. I guess if we lived in a different society that might not be the case, so I'm not advocating going completely nuts, especially whilst you are abroad, but nearly all social fears are groundless.

Anyway, if you ask me, the whole thing becomes a non-issue as you get better around girls, because you never really get any bad reactions anyway, so you can pretty much do the most outrageous shit whereever you want, in or out of social circle... stuff like approaching a girl or asking for a date is incredibly tame, even if she says no, wtf bad could happen? Even if it's officially frowned upon (like in the workplace), it hapens all the time, people turn a blind eye and secretly admire you for having the balls to do it. Even if you get a reputation for always chatting up the new girl at work, having these long in-depth chats with your hand on her arm, then getting the cold shoulder or moving on to another girl... so what, it all just helps you, people secretly just LOVE it, haha

Ray

 

[Bboy100]

Anyway, if you ask me, the whole thing becomes a non-issue as you get better around girls, because you never really get any bad reactions anyway

Yeah, I've kinda gotten to this point already from a value standpoint (although I do have attainability problems every once in a while), I'm just kinda paranoid that A. I just have a bad day (I do still have a bad date on occasion) or B. if I hook up with a girl from any type of social circle, she'll expect that I become her BF. Or that we at least head in that direction.

someone who is genuinely a friend of a friend, or is known to be in one of your classes etc, then yes, there might be social repercussions, and it might pay to move a bit more slowly/discreetly

I guess I described the issue wrong. This is actually what I meant from the start. Haha. Like, if I meet a girl at a college party, I'd have no problem closing her if I get the chance. It's only if she's in my fitness class, regular class, is a good friend of someone in my immediate social circle, is hired gun who I see all the time, is in one of the clubs/group gatherings I attend on a regular basis etc.

Regardless, I still think you're right. It's probably worth it to make moves anyway. I guess this fear might come from a sense of incompetence in social circle settings. I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing if I'm not one on one with a girl. lol. This is doubly true if I end up establishing myself as "lower status" within said social circle than she is.