I had another date from a dating system. Here's an overview.
Background :
We tried to plan a date like 3 weeks in a row. Before this weekend she asked me if I was free. I actually wasn't until one of my weekend dates canceled. The day before, after I had been cancelled, I told her and set the date. I figured that if she is actively asking me if I'm free and I say no enough, I'll kill my attainability. So I decided to set the date. Maybe she had a bad vibe coming into the date knowing that I was only available for the date because my old plans fell through. Who knows? Anyway, we live quite far from each other or at least the journey is inconvenient. So we met at a golf place (not the usual golf place that I go to) kind of in the middle of the two of us. This means that logistics were poor for both of us.
The date :
We met just outside the golf place. The greeting seemed to happen really fast and I don't even remember if I touched her arm. I definitely didn't do the hand clasp. We walked into the venue and started with general chitchat. I had the feeling that she was walking ahead of me a lot and not giving me much eye contact. I certainly didn't touch much or at all. We went to the cashier to pay for our golf game. She did the talking and told the cashier that we'd be splitting.
Before the golf tee off time, we sat for around 20 minutes just talking. It was formal chitchat about how she came to be in this town, what she spends most of her time on, family background etc. It felt to me like we were talking approximately the same amount or even I was talking more. I know that this is bad. I don't know if I was leading the conversation poorly or she was not giving enough depth but it's likely my fault.
Then we went to play the golf. She seemed to both enjoy it and want to get through it quickly. I won and she made a joke or two when she had a poor performance. Afterwards, I tried to touch her elbow while mock consoling her for her loss but she still didn't feel comfortable with the touch. I really must have been doing very badly.
Then we sat down with a beverage. Conversation was very much like it was before the golf though I think that I did get her to laugh a few times. Interestingly, the job that I do is one that she's aspiring towards in this town. Dating wise she's in "go with the flow" mode, not really considering seeking a serious relationship for now.
We left the venue and headed to the metro station. On the way back it felt like she was in a hurry and always going ahead. This could be because she wasn't happy with me but also could be because she was in a hurry and didn't like the crowds. Anyway we went our separate ways after saying goodbye.
Questions :
1. From the outset, I felt like she was much less warm than the women from the previous dates. E.g. She was less touchy and seemed like she wanted to keep moving around rather than sit down and talk intimately or stare into each other's eyes. Could it be that my fundamentals messed me up here and attraction, which is either there or it isn't, wasn't there?
2. From the information I put in the background section, I think that I should have gauged myself as having low attainability on the way into the date. So, I think that I should have spent much more time on the date finding out what I liked about her and delivering sincere compliments, to help my attainability. Is this correct?
Background :
We tried to plan a date like 3 weeks in a row. Before this weekend she asked me if I was free. I actually wasn't until one of my weekend dates canceled. The day before, after I had been cancelled, I told her and set the date. I figured that if she is actively asking me if I'm free and I say no enough, I'll kill my attainability. So I decided to set the date. Maybe she had a bad vibe coming into the date knowing that I was only available for the date because my old plans fell through. Who knows? Anyway, we live quite far from each other or at least the journey is inconvenient. So we met at a golf place (not the usual golf place that I go to) kind of in the middle of the two of us. This means that logistics were poor for both of us.
The date :
We met just outside the golf place. The greeting seemed to happen really fast and I don't even remember if I touched her arm. I definitely didn't do the hand clasp. We walked into the venue and started with general chitchat. I had the feeling that she was walking ahead of me a lot and not giving me much eye contact. I certainly didn't touch much or at all. We went to the cashier to pay for our golf game. She did the talking and told the cashier that we'd be splitting.
Before the golf tee off time, we sat for around 20 minutes just talking. It was formal chitchat about how she came to be in this town, what she spends most of her time on, family background etc. It felt to me like we were talking approximately the same amount or even I was talking more. I know that this is bad. I don't know if I was leading the conversation poorly or she was not giving enough depth but it's likely my fault.
Then we went to play the golf. She seemed to both enjoy it and want to get through it quickly. I won and she made a joke or two when she had a poor performance. Afterwards, I tried to touch her elbow while mock consoling her for her loss but she still didn't feel comfortable with the touch. I really must have been doing very badly.
Then we sat down with a beverage. Conversation was very much like it was before the golf though I think that I did get her to laugh a few times. Interestingly, the job that I do is one that she's aspiring towards in this town. Dating wise she's in "go with the flow" mode, not really considering seeking a serious relationship for now.
We left the venue and headed to the metro station. On the way back it felt like she was in a hurry and always going ahead. This could be because she wasn't happy with me but also could be because she was in a hurry and didn't like the crowds. Anyway we went our separate ways after saying goodbye.
Questions :
1. From the outset, I felt like she was much less warm than the women from the previous dates. E.g. She was less touchy and seemed like she wanted to keep moving around rather than sit down and talk intimately or stare into each other's eyes. Could it be that my fundamentals messed me up here and attraction, which is either there or it isn't, wasn't there?
2. From the information I put in the background section, I think that I should have gauged myself as having low attainability on the way into the date. So, I think that I should have spent much more time on the date finding out what I liked about her and delivering sincere compliments, to help my attainability. Is this correct?
