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Another bad activity date

raiden

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
95
I had another date from a dating system. Here's an overview.

Background :

We tried to plan a date like 3 weeks in a row. Before this weekend she asked me if I was free. I actually wasn't until one of my weekend dates canceled. The day before, after I had been cancelled, I told her and set the date. I figured that if she is actively asking me if I'm free and I say no enough, I'll kill my attainability. So I decided to set the date. Maybe she had a bad vibe coming into the date knowing that I was only available for the date because my old plans fell through. Who knows? Anyway, we live quite far from each other or at least the journey is inconvenient. So we met at a golf place (not the usual golf place that I go to) kind of in the middle of the two of us. This means that logistics were poor for both of us.

The date :

We met just outside the golf place. The greeting seemed to happen really fast and I don't even remember if I touched her arm. I definitely didn't do the hand clasp. We walked into the venue and started with general chitchat. I had the feeling that she was walking ahead of me a lot and not giving me much eye contact. I certainly didn't touch much or at all. We went to the cashier to pay for our golf game. She did the talking and told the cashier that we'd be splitting.

Before the golf tee off time, we sat for around 20 minutes just talking. It was formal chitchat about how she came to be in this town, what she spends most of her time on, family background etc. It felt to me like we were talking approximately the same amount or even I was talking more. I know that this is bad. I don't know if I was leading the conversation poorly or she was not giving enough depth but it's likely my fault.

Then we went to play the golf. She seemed to both enjoy it and want to get through it quickly. I won and she made a joke or two when she had a poor performance. Afterwards, I tried to touch her elbow while mock consoling her for her loss but she still didn't feel comfortable with the touch. I really must have been doing very badly.

Then we sat down with a beverage. Conversation was very much like it was before the golf though I think that I did get her to laugh a few times. Interestingly, the job that I do is one that she's aspiring towards in this town. Dating wise she's in "go with the flow" mode, not really considering seeking a serious relationship for now.

We left the venue and headed to the metro station. On the way back it felt like she was in a hurry and always going ahead. This could be because she wasn't happy with me but also could be because she was in a hurry and didn't like the crowds. Anyway we went our separate ways after saying goodbye.

Questions :

1. From the outset, I felt like she was much less warm than the women from the previous dates. E.g. She was less touchy and seemed like she wanted to keep moving around rather than sit down and talk intimately or stare into each other's eyes. Could it be that my fundamentals messed me up here and attraction, which is either there or it isn't, wasn't there?

2. From the information I put in the background section, I think that I should have gauged myself as having low attainability on the way into the date. So, I think that I should have spent much more time on the date finding out what I liked about her and delivering sincere compliments, to help my attainability. Is this correct?
 

topcat

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
682
question:

why did you take her to golf, and not a more intimate low key place like a cafe or bar?

i say this because an activity date can make it a lot harder to build a seductive vibe…
 

TomInHo

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 13, 2021
Messages
527
questions:

why did you take her to golf, and not a more intimate low key place like a cafe or bar?

i say this because an activity date can make it a lot harder to build a seductive vibe…

Don’t waste your time with this guy

He’s made so many reports acting like a giant pussy that’s too scared to escalate and risk rejection

He never escalates conversation, physicality or logistics and magically thinks sex will fall in his lap somehow

When he really wants to get laid for real he’ll start taking more risks and stop boring the hell out of these girls
 

raiden

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
95
question:

why did you take her to golf, and not a more intimate low key place like a cafe or bar?

i say this because an activity date can make it a lot harder to build a seductive vibe…
Months ago when I made a post about how despondent I was, somebody, I think @StrayDog, suggested that I go for activity dates so that at least I don't get bored witless and feel like the same stuff is happening again and again with my beverage dates. I've had like 12 dates since that advice and never thought to change it.
 

TomInHo

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 13, 2021
Messages
527
I've had like 12 dates since that advice and never thought to change it.

Look at your last thread

Tbh if I were you I would ditch the activity dates all together. I feel like they are a crutch for you to avoid building real sexual tension and chemistry with these girls. Make the vibe between y’all that activity and pick simpler dates that will force you outside your comfort zone

And read the last post
 

StrayDog

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 23, 2022
Messages
652
I recall somebody mentioning you go on activity dates so you could lean into having more fun. O can't remember who. I personally wouldn't suggest it, but it it seemed like it was at least loosening you up a bit so I wasn't going to step on that. But yeah, in General I don't think they are the most logistically sound sort of date. If they help you have more fun that is good. But they could also be a crutch that helps you to not move things when it's time to.
 

gameboy

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 7, 2023
Messages
299
Anyway, we live quite far from each other or at least the journey is inconvenient. So we met at a golf place (not the usual golf place that I go to) kind of in the middle of the two of us. This means that logistics were poor for both of us.

Groundhog day again :)

But seriously, I get the feeling that you do this on purpose. So you have an excuse for not take the girl home. (Not this particular one, but for example the one you described recently who seemed to be into you.)

The date :

I had the feeling that she was walking ahead of me a lot and not giving me much eye contact.

Bad sign. You didn't miss anything with this one.
Questions :

1. From the outset, I felt like she was much less warm than the women from the previous dates. E.g. She was less touchy and seemed like she wanted to keep moving around rather than sit down and talk intimately or stare into each other's eyes. Could it be that my fundamentals messed me up here and attraction, which is either there or it isn't, wasn't there?

Yes.
2. From the information I put in the background section, I think that I should have gauged myself as having low attainability on the way into the date. So, I think that I should have spent much more time on the date finding out what I liked about her and delivering sincere compliments, to help my attainability. Is this correct?
Who knows. Probably not. If she didn't like you in the first place, and was walking ahead of you as you described, giving compliments probably isn't going to help much either.
 

Adventurer

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 28, 2022
Messages
65
You organised the date super far away again, and you also still didn't attempt to pull ?

Literally every report you do, the girl shows up and is at least a little bit interested in you. WHY ARE YOU NOT PULLING ? "Let's go for a walk" said in a neutral, commanding tone and walk home with her, it's that simple.

I'm starting to think you're writing those reports not to get feedback and improve, but to reinforce your failures in front of an audience for ego reasons. "I did all this and still didn't get laid, give me attention and victimhood status." You're really going to the best seduction forum on the planet to throw a pity party ? Fuck that.
 

fog

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,531
Location
peru
Hey there raiden,

I have some feedback for you.

When it comes to online seductions, there are 5 phases:

1. Open
2. Hook
3. Date
4. Pull
5. Sex

On top of that, there are transitions. A transition is when you
end one phase and start another. The 4 transitions are:

1. Open to hook
2. Hook to date
3. Date to pull
4. Pull to sex

Based on your reports... you are successful in reaching
the date. But are unable to transition beyond it.

After reading your reports, I have observed the main reason why...
you are not making a pull attempt.

Of course, making a pull attempt requires that you know
when to do it. Generally, the 45 minute mark is a good time.

Now, I understand that you are going on activity dates.
And that you may not be able to pull at the 45 minute mark,
due to being in the middle of some golf, frisbee or whatever.

So, I recommend that you do park bench dates, which will
allow you to practise inviting her home at this time.

With all this being said...the next time you have a date
and move forward in your seduction
by inviting the girl home...
l'll be happy to provide further guidance
on getting through the final phases
 
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