Anxiety?

[IVGuy]

This is my first post here and I'm sure it won't be the last!

I'm in a tough transition at the moment. I'm in my early twenties and going to college. I've been looking to improve myself to great lengths. I am slowly getting fit, lost weight and been reading books. The only issue I'm stuck in is the social conditioning I've been taught. I'm terribly afraid of social backlash from my family and others. I know they don't care who I date but I feel this unhealthy shame in my own home and can't imagine bringing women to my home, even with times where they are not around. I'm trying to eliminate the anxiety flooding me and learn to just do whatever. I can hold eye contact, banter and chat with women when we are in class or know each other at some point. Smart, confident and got huge hints from women in the past but I didn't dabble in seduction at the time. I can catch them now.

Unfortunately, without this similarity, I can't conjure up a word. I can't even make eye contact with women on the street because I get this irrational fear I'm going to be told off for showing sexual intent. At the moment, the anxiety is better than before but still out of my control. I'm asking if there's a way to help lower and make the anxiety manageable? I'm even considering the newbie assignment and going past what my heart is telling me.

 

[LearningMan]

I'm a beginner as well.
I've done a few cold approaches....but only when I've been out with friends. As of right now, I can't get comfortable when out alone.
Try getting a group of friends to go out together. If your current group of friends won't go out, find some friends that will.

 

[Drck]

You could get your own place, maybe not now but once you finish college. It cost lots of money per month but you'll be more independent, you'll learn to live your life the way you want it... Maybe you won't see the benefits of it immediately, but in long term it's worth it....

The other thing is, you need to gain your confidence back. You can't have a weak eye contact, the second you move your eyes away from the girl, the same second you are gone. I'm serious, that's how eye contact is important...

But don't just focus on eye contact. You shouldn't pretend to have a good eye contact, rather eye contact should be a result of how you feel.

See, lots of guys are nervous and anxious, yet they pretend to have a great and confident eye contact. It doesn't work that way, couple of seconds and the confidence is all gone...

Instead, learn to feel good in your own skin. Relax, go among people, go amongst girls - don't do anything yet, don't talk to any girls, just try to feel good, relaxed and be sexy... Smile gently, practice couple of times until all the anxiety is gone. Also practice how you walk, walk erected yet relaxed, and confident. Don't forget to breathe, breathing is releasing tension... All you do is just feel good... Feel good before you start looking in girls eyes...

After couple of days, do the same and this time also focus on how you look in her eyes. LOOK, don't stare, try to express gently and without words: "I like you". Relax, smile gently, look in her eyes - and normal girl will look to the ground within three seconds. A girl who finds you quite attractive will look in your eyes longer. It is as if she wanted to move her eyes away, but then she stops and looks in your eyes much deeply as she realizes that you are looking at her. She will eventually look down too.

Some guys STARE at the girl they like, they look like hungry wolfs, all they have to do is wipe the saliva running down their mouth... Don't stare, if she is giving you negative responses and is rather cold, you are probably staring or she is not interested at all. If that's the case move away, leave her alone, she is not interested, it's a red light...

If you do it the right way, she will most likely smile as well, and within couple of seconds she will give you another look. That is it, good connection is done, all it takes is 3-5 seconds... Practice when you are walking with all girls you see...

Whatever you do, don't stare and don't look away, and don't look to the ground. She will lose her interest right there. Don't do the same look multiple times with one girl, if you chose to do it couple of times with one girl and she keeps looking back, then you should definitely approach. Also don't stand at one place while practicing looking at different girls, it is just weird, somebody can call cops. Keep moving, be casual...

If she gives you good reactions (as described) it's either time to move on (leave) or approach... A guy who practices the same look with the same girl but never do anything else can be easily perceived as creepy... So if she is looking back with interest you shall approach, you have a green light across the board...

How do you approach? You just do, all you have to do is say something simple. Forget any openers, all openers are just stupid and useless. Just smile gently and say: Hi, my name is ABC. She will most likely smile as she thinks that this guy not only has balls but also can speak. Girls usually like guys with balls and guys who can talk, so she will most likely say something back, such as her name. If not, simply ask her.

You can add a gentle yet firm hand shake (first step of getting physical is done). You are a man and not a pussy, so you give her a firm but gentle shake. Normal guys shake hands about 1-2 seconds. You don't want to be normal because normal guys don't get laid. You want to hold her hand at least 3-4 seconds to project confidence, dominance and warmth...

What have you just accomplished in these 5 seconds? You setup a strong frame. Very strong frame. She perceives you as dominant and confident guy who feels sexy, thus she can feel the same... You gave her dominant look, you approached her, you talk to her and you touch her. She is excited about meeting a great confident guy who knows what he wants (and she knows that you want her pussy, she's not stupid) and who goes for it without hesitation... You established yourself as an attractive male, thus she has no other option than to be attracted to you... She'll go home and she'll be thinking about you, hopefully dreaming... All that in 5 seconds? Or 10...?

Then perhaps short talk: I was wondering if you know where is blah, blah, blah... Don't ask or talk about weird stuff, just talk about casual stuff. Don't try to be overly sexual, just the fact that you gave her that look, approached her, touched her and talk to her is sexual enough. Finish with asking her for her phone number... Now she'll go home and will be expecting your call, hopefully all anxious and excited...


And get rid of the shame, you don't need it, it is useless. You don't need to be ashamed that you want to bang that girl...

 

[IVGuy]

I'm a beginner as well.
I've done a few cold approaches....but only when I've been out with friends. As of right now, I can't get comfortable when out alone.
Try getting a group of friends to go out together. If your current group of friends won't go out, find some friends that will.

I don't think my friends would be as forward in going after what they want. Or maybe they are and I never seen them in action. I'll try to go ahead forward and work to remove myself of pain. I shouldn't be like this anymore. I hope the best for you in achieving success.

 

[IVGuy]

You could get your own place, maybe not now but once you finish college. It cost lots of money per month but you'll be more independent, you'll learn to live your life the way you want it... Maybe you won't see the benefits of it immediately, but in long term it's worth it....

The other thing is, you need to gain your confidence back. You can't have a weak eye contact, the second you move your eyes away from the girl, the same second you are gone. I'm serious, that's how eye contact is important...

But don't just focus on eye contact. You shouldn't pretend to have a good eye contact, rather eye contact should be a result of how you feel.

See, lots of guys are nervous and anxious, yet they pretend to have a great and confident eye contact. It doesn't work that way, couple of seconds and the confidence is all gone...

Instead, learn to feel good in your own skin. Relax, go among people, go amongst girls - don't do anything yet, don't talk to any girls, just try to feel good, relaxed and be sexy... Smile gently, practice couple of times until all the anxiety is gone. Also practice how you walk, walk erected yet relaxed, and confident. Don't forget to breathe, breathing is releasing tension... All you do is just feel good... Feel good before you start looking in girls eyes...

After couple of days, do the same and this time also focus on how you look in her eyes. LOOK, don't stare, try to express gently and without words: "I like you". Relax, smile gently, look in her eyes - and normal girl will look to the ground within three seconds. A girl who finds you quite attractive will look in your eyes longer. It is as if she wanted to move her eyes away, but then she stops and looks in your eyes much deeply as she realizes that you are looking at her. She will eventually look down too.

Some guys STARE at the girl they like, they look like hungry wolfs, all they have to do is wipe the saliva running down their mouth... Don't stare, if she is giving you negative responses and is rather cold, you are probably staring or she is not interested at all. If that's the case move away, leave her alone, she is not interested, it's a red light...

If you do it the right way, she will most likely smile as well, and within couple of seconds she will give you another look. That is it, good connection is done, all it takes is 3-5 seconds... Practice when you are walking with all girls you see...

Whatever you do, don't stare and don't look away, and don't look to the ground. She will lose her interest right there. Don't do the same look multiple times with one girl, if you chose to do it couple of times with one girl and she keeps looking back, then you should definitely approach. Also don't stand at one place while practicing looking at different girls, it is just weird, somebody can call cops. Keep moving, be casual...

If she gives you good reactions (as described) it's either time to move on (leave) or approach... A guy who practices the same look with the same girl but never do anything else can be easily perceived as creepy... So if she is looking back with interest you shall approach, you have a green light across the board...

How do you approach? You just do, all you have to do is say something simple. Forget any openers, all openers are just stupid and useless. Just smile gently and say: Hi, my name is ABC. She will most likely smile as she thinks that this guy not only has balls but also can speak. Girls usually like guys with balls and guys who can talk, so she will most likely say something back, such as her name. If not, simply ask her.

You can add a gentle yet firm hand shake (first step of getting physical is done). You are a man and not a pussy, so you give her a firm but gentle shake. Normal guys shake hands about 1-2 seconds. You don't want to be normal because normal guys don't get laid. You want to hold her hand at least 3-4 seconds to project confidence, dominance and warmth...

What have you just accomplished in these 5 seconds? You setup a strong frame. Very strong frame. She perceives you as dominant and confident guy who feels sexy, thus she can feel the same... You gave her dominant look, you approached her, you talk to her and you touch her. She is excited about meeting a great confident guy who knows what he wants (and she knows that you want her pussy, she's not stupid) and who goes for it without hesitation... You established yourself as an attractive male, thus she has no other option than to be attracted to you... She'll go home and she'll be thinking about you, hopefully dreaming... All that in 5 seconds? Or 10...?

Then perhaps short talk: I was wondering if you know where is blah, blah, blah... Don't ask or talk about weird stuff, just talk about casual stuff. Don't try to be overly sexual, just the fact that you gave her that look, approached her, touched her and talk to her is sexual enough. Finish with asking her for her phone number... Now she'll go home and will be expecting your call, hopefully all anxious and excited...


And get rid of the shame, you don't need it, it is useless. You don't need to be ashamed that you want to bang that girl...

This was an essay but a well-written and necessary one to go along my day. I thank you for the input and after catching some signs from my environment and women as well, I find it necessary to change my mood.

A key example was today, I asked a girl if she needed a ride and she automatically assumed to her home but she has to stay for something else. I looked at her with an amused look and said that I meant down the campus. Or how she kept walking by my side, no matter which way I walked or how a few weeks ago she caught up to me when I passed her. I genuinely think she's interested but I prefer to wait for the end of semester simply for the benefit of each other and from the public eye.

Another note, the few times I got great feedback from making eye contact was when I personally felt in a great mood or feeling confident. All the other moments have been disappointing and I find it is better to go ahead and make eye contact be purposeful. I can hold it in normal conversation and chat but on the streets, piss poor. I want to make this complete reversal of personality and attitude from a year ago be finished. I'm almost there.

I recall a article from Chase or one of the head guys who write here that it is never good to be robotic and in one place asking for numbers because you become a dangerous fellow and a creep to the following area. As for the opener, I found the perfect one.

Hi.

Obviously, with intent and not another number chasing. I can't wait to make a difference and integrate your words and put them into practice. I'm in the process of eliminating my shame as well. Once again,t hank you for the in-depth writing and your time. Have a great one.

 

[Skid]

Hey dude ,

What drck talked about regarding eye contact is really important never underestimate eye contact - I also liked his advice on opening by just introducing yourself that seems really dominant I'm gonna give it a go. Best way to improve your eye contact with girls it to approach girls! Once you start getting girls blushing and looking down when you open that's she you've got it down pretty hard.

Seems like your a bit uncomfortable with you're sexuality - I think I comes from being brought up in a conservative background it can feel off to show so much intent but you get used it with repetition your asking if there is a way to make it easier - no there isn't. If it was easy this would be main stream and guys would be cold approaching left right and centre. You've just gotta bite the bullet. In reality the anxiety never goes away ever I've been cold approaching for 2.5 years and it's still there you only get better at dealing with it so that it doesn't hinder your approach. As far as how to get started goes you definitely can't just go out your first day and tell girls they are cute - start with baby steps ask for the directions or the time get comfortable talking to strangers then worry about showing intent towards girls. Going out with other guys can help but what you'll find is you'll never want to do it when the guys are not around.

 

[IVGuy]

Hey dude ,

What drck talked about regarding eye contact is really important never underestimate eye contact - I also liked his advice on opening by just introducing yourself that seems really dominant I'm gonna give it a go. Best way to improve your eye contact with girls it to approach girls! Once you start getting girls blushing and looking down when you open that's she you've got it down pretty hard.

Seems like your a bit uncomfortable with you're sexuality - I think I comes from being brought up in a conservative background it can feel off to show so much intent but you get used it with repetition your asking if there is a way to make it easier - no there isn't. If it was easy this would be main stream and guys would be cold approaching left right and centre. You've just gotta bite the bullet. In reality the anxiety never goes away ever I've been cold approaching for 2.5 years and it's still there you only get better at dealing with it so that it doesn't hinder your approach. As far as how to get started goes you definitely can't just go out your first day and tell girls they are cute - start with baby steps ask for the directions or the time get comfortable talking to strangers then worry about showing intent towards girls. Going out with other guys can help but what you'll find is you'll never want to do it when the guys are not around.

I grew up conservative. Not a very good thing but I'm breaking the habits in a timely manner.

On very few occasions have I gotten a woman to look down and smile or blush but again, only when my mood had been at a high point. I need to recreate and be authentic in having a great time so the people I do chat with, regardless of gender, knows this as well.

I'm eager to finish college, move away and head off somewhere else and try my luck away from my family. Though, I've been getting signs from women and figured it can't be hard to try out my luck and see how things go. I return to College tomorrow and hope for the best.