Anxious about NYC summer internship

[uForia]

Excelling in my work and getting a return offer is one thing, but what I do outside of work is another. I'll be staying in NYU dorms and I know the Lower East Side and East Village are nearby, prime hookup spots. As such, I have a goal to get laid this summer and finally lose my virginity. The past few years have been hostile environments for meeting women, as I'm a STEM student in a STEM university with a very unfavorable male/female ratio, so I have a lack of experience other than serially approaching women (Both day and night) and failing to get dates every single time, though I did get phone numbers. In terms of social skills, I was only one step above Ted Cruz when he was 18 and when I was a freshman, so that would explain the rejections:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt-vG_TdOT4
It's much improved since. But, I'm very anxious I'll fail here and it'll be evident that if I fail here, I'll be failing even more everywhere else and nothing will probably happen unless I get an escort or until when I turn 25 when my skills have improved more. I'll probably get an escort if I fail this summer.

How do 21-year old intern guys prepare for meeting (likely other young college aged) women in those bars in southeast Manhattan? Should I buy a blazer or will that be too formal for a young guy? What kind of attire is attractive for a young, tall, skinny Asian guy? Never had time to go to bars before so I'm not sure what the protocols are for buying drinks and doing that effectively (Of course, people in this forum know not to ask "Can I buy you a drink?"). I'm mainly looking for material fundamentals to prepare before heading to NYC and perhaps i'll make another thread on game later when it's closer.

 

[Chase]

uForia-

One question: will you be doing day game as well?

It can feel more intimidating to start, but it's ultimately a surer bet, particularly when you're inexperienced.

Bars and clubs tend to be better suited to SNLs than phone number grabs and then dates another time. You're much more likely to hear back from girls over the phone if you take numbers you meet in places other than nighttime venues.

I devoted the majority of my early efforts in seduction almost exclusively to getting to the point where I could pull off SNLs from bars and nightclubs. I got there eventually, but it took me probably 8 months of banging my head against the wall feeling like a failure before I was pulling it off. Had I focused my energies on taking numbers during the daytime and setting up dates, I suspect I would've done better, sooner. Possibly a lot sooner.

Fashion-wise, you'll be fine with a blazer, provided it isn't too hot. Get a couple of nice button-down shirts with interesting patterns on them. Preferably something red. That way even if it's too warm for the blazer, you can just throw on a cool shirt, roll your sleeves up, unbutton the top few buttons, and you look good.

And, so long as you are focused on excelling in your work at your internship, you'll do fine. The guys who end up sucking at work are the ones who aren't worried about it and just assume they'll be great - they never put the effort in to properly learn the job, adapt to it, and identify all the little opportunities for excellence the guy who's really focused on it does.

Congrats on the internship

Chase

 

[uForia]

uForia-

One question: will you be doing day game as well?

It can feel more intimidating to start, but it's ultimately a surer bet, particularly when you're inexperienced.

Bars and clubs tend to be better suited to SNLs than phone number grabs and then dates another time. You're much more likely to hear back from girls over the phone if you take numbers you meet in places other than nighttime venues.

I devoted the majority of my early efforts in seduction almost exclusively to getting to the point where I could pull off SNLs from bars and nightclubs. I got there eventually, but it took me probably 8 months of banging my head against the wall feeling like a failure before I was pulling it off. Had I focused my energies on taking numbers during the daytime and setting up dates, I suspect I would've done better, sooner. Possibly a lot sooner.

Fashion-wise, you'll be fine with a blazer, provided it isn't too hot. Get a couple of nice button-down shirts with interesting patterns on them. Preferably something red. That way even if it's too warm for the blazer, you can just throw on a cool shirt, roll your sleeves up, unbutton the top few buttons, and you look good.

And, so long as you are focused on excelling in your work at your internship, you'll do fine. The guys who end up sucking at work are the ones who aren't worried about it and just assume they'll be great - they never put the effort in to properly learn the job, adapt to it, and identify all the little opportunities for excellence the guy who's really focused on it does.

Congrats on the internship

Chase

Thanks for the good internship wishes, I've actually been reading your website since the summer before my freshman year, so that's like 3 years ago. Beyond that, I just come to the forums or search in Google, but your website is my favorite, it focuses more on love rather than condemning women for being shitty, which isn't a very positive attitude to have.

Anyways, I will absolutely be practicing day game on my way to work or really between anything I was going to do anyways (i.e. I won't be standing around in the park approaching women unless I just wanted to relax and the beautiful women just happen to be there, as that seems pretty awkward and creepy just from social intuition). Though I'm probably going to wear business casual for going to work for my internship, maybe with a blazer on if it's not too hot. As for night time game, I do know that you gotta move fast but now you scare me that you banged your head for 8 months before succeeding at this. I'll try for sure, but I guess I better lower my expectations/goals on getting laid this summer? I mean that's pretty much my main goal in terms of women this summer, getting laid.

 

[Chase]

uForia-

I mean, my early difficulties were mostly of my own doing. I had plenty of opportunities to sleep with girls early on – I had girls throwing themselves at me very soon into my seduction career. However, I consistently second-guessed myself or was too afraid to act, which made everything take a lot longer than it should have.

You might be different – maybe you’ll get out there and buoyed by the work you’ve already done and all the study you’ve put in over the years and just kill it immediately. I’ve seen it happen plenty.

Although keep in mind that bars, clubs, etc., are loud, intimidating, super social environments filled with drunk strangers, which if you’re not used to that is going to take some getting used to. Your mission right now sounds like:

• 1. Go to strange city
  2. Start going to bars for the first time
  3. ???
  4. Profit (get laid)

Which was precisely my mission as an 18-year-old when I went down to the Maryland shore. I figured I’d hit the clubs, be determined, do it until I got laid, and get that monkey off my back. Well, my first night out I totally sucked, realized how far I was, and just ditched the whole plan in defeat.

When I finally got results from bars/clubs it was after I’d been going to them often enough that I’d grown comfortable in the environment, could move through them like I belonged there, and was used to talking to girls in them, moving girls around, kissing them, etc. That was when the breakthrough happened and suddenly I was pulling off same-night lays from nighttime venues.

That’s why I’m suggesting day game / taking numbers / going on dates. There’s less of an environmental learning curve, and you’re not having to do everything in one sitting, which is more advanced game. No loud music in the daytime, her guard is lower, she isn’t drunk, no guys are competing with you for her or making her get defensive, she’s by herself / no dealing with cockblocks, and you can take her number then plan out your date logistics for something convenient.

Still do bars/clubs – they’re an awesome learning experience, and they teach you to navigate social situations in ways day game never can. However, if the mission is, “I’ve got 3 months, and I WILL get laid,” your best bet is going to be to burn the house down on day game, collect lots of numbers, and go on lots of dates (with any luck, it may only take you a few dates with a few girls to get laid, but if the goal is one that must be met, you have to plan for worst case scenarios, where you make lots of mistakes, miss lots of signs, etc., not best case, where you just come out of the gates swinging and hit the homer early).

Chase

 

[Rusty]

Make time for the gym. Don't worry about a specific lifting program, just find a routine online, learn how to lift properly, and go hard every workout. Lifting will not only improve your physique, it will boost your testosterone and sex drive, and it will give you overall more desire to meet women. Even if you only lift for 30 minutes-1 hour for 3-4 times a week, if you're going hard and you're putting in 100% effort, that's more than enough to start seeing gains in the beginning.

If you're worried about fashion, take some time to browse style blogs, men's sartorial sites, even GQ magazines. Learn what is trendy and note the details of the men's outfit. You don't need to follow trends, but behind every good outfit there are generally a lot of universal principles being applied.

Your style can definitely be augmented by your physique, which is why it's imperative to get into the gym and start lifting and eating better. The more muscle mass you have, the better your clothes can fit. Clothes are meant to frame your face and your physique; at the very least, they mask your less attractive features (ie. slimming effect for larger gentlemen, broadening of the shoulders for narrow framed men, etc.). So it's in your best interest to improve your physique.

 

[uForia]

With your responses Chase, it appears you see your young self in me which I fully appreciate. I'll do the honors of actually following your advice and see where it leads me. More focus on daygame seems fair enough. Rusty, I was already planning to do what you said as well so it should be a good summer of progress to look forward to. Not only in my career, but also my dating life. I do have a question about day game though. I've heard many women in NYC get approached regularly during the day and thus have many messages and phone numbers in their phones. Isn't it harder to compete that way when you only have texting in your arsenal? The men that approach those women, they're likely to have good text game as well. And setting up dates, if it is about "grabbing drinks" anyways, isn't that similar to simply going to the bar? The difference seems to appear in how you first meet the woman, not much differences seem to appear afterwards.

 

[Rusty]

I know you've probably directed your question to Chase, but I'll chime in:

Every woman that has a pulse and is even moderately attractive has men in her life in some capacity. Whether it's a "friend" who harbors a secret crush on her, or guys in her social circle who have yet to make a real move, but are flirtatious over text or in person during group meets, the men at her work who flirt with her... she's never really "alone".

The difference is you are an intriguing, new, mysterious figure that pops up into her life. Attraction has an expiration date. Those men who already know her, who spend time with her, eat with her... if they haven't already made moves or are in the midst of a seduction with her, their positions in her life, the roles they occupy will more or less be static and fixed.

Unless she is absolutely against meeting random strangers, most women are open to meeting new men -- provided they are attractive, sexy men. So I wouldn't worry about competing with the other men. If you do a good job on the approach and the initial conversation, you're already at an advantage.

The difference between approaching her at the bar and you meeting her at the bar seems small, but it's very different. A woman who is at a bar of her own volition is there with a certain agenda. Either to meet friends, to meet new people, to decompress after work... but if you're meeting up with a woman at a bar, that's a date. She's going to the bar because of you. She's there to connect and learn about you. She has a different agenda in each scenario.

 

[Chase]

New York's a terrific place to meet women. The ratios are deeply in your favor. It's the polar opposite of a place like San Francisco, where the pickings are slimmer and your game must be tighter. A guy with okay game in NYC can still get results. A guy with great game in NYC will clean up.

Don't worry too much about whether she's been approached. Worry about whether she's single and would like to meet a man. Like Rusty says, those guys in her phone are boring... they're not competition. You, in the first week or two after you meet her, get to be the new, exciting guy she's just met. Even if she gives out her number a couple times a week in NYC, she only meets a guy every now and then she actually clicks with.

And women in NYC have the eternal problem of women in low male-female ratio locations: men have enough abundance with women there that girls can never get the guys they want, or can never lock them down into relationships, so everyone is perpetually single, perpetually playing the field.

Chase

 

[uForia]

Okay guys here's my update. It's been one week into the internship and I've been surprised as to the serious lack of women that are alone that don't have headphones on (including girls that may have bfs). As such, I could only approach one girl a day, maybe two if I'm lucky. And just like I did in college when it came to girls, I failed with all of them, all didn't lead to dates so I gotta take a step back and see what's wrong.

One of them, I'd been talking to a guy in the subway but I was also meaning to talk to a girl right next to me, so I started approaching her as we left the stop and the guy was like "You two with each other?" And she was (this is the key) putting on a disgusted face and saying "No..." And that's the point I found out my fundamentals are seriously lacking and that it's gonna be a long dark tunnel. I am so skinny (like 140 lbs with 6" height) and
I don't like my hair style right now as it just screams lame. I definitely tried experimenting with hard gel as my hair is thin and wavy, but I could never get it right so I'm just about to say fuck it I'm gonna hire a hairstylist after I graduate. I can't really go for all these hair products right now as I would need to limit material acquisitions for packing bags, everything is just logistically better if I start putting real effort in that realm after graduation.

Haven't been to night venues yet but I imagine it's gonna be a lot tougher since on top of everything the girls are gonna have their guards up and competition will be stiff and I won't have a chance especially in the physical realm. Still, I do intend to find out soon, have been tired trying to get used to everything.

 

[Marcellus]

uForia,

Did you just say there was a lack of women to approach? With or without headphones, so you can only approach 1 a day? Hahaha!
New York has a population of around 8 million people. I doubt that there would be a lack of women to approach, and if they have headphones on, so what. I'm sure that she wouldn't mind taking her headphones off to talk to this sexy mysterious stranger approaching her.

Marcellus

 

[uForia]

uForia,

Did you just say there was a lack of women to approach? With or without headphones, so you can only approach 1 a day? Hahaha!
New York has a population of around 8 million people. I doubt that there would be a lack of women to approach, and if they have headphones on, so what. I'm sure that she wouldn't mind taking her headphones off to talk to this sexy mysterious stranger approaching her.

Marcellus

It was surprising to me too. I commute from lower Manhattan (NYU to a few blocks north) to Midtown (Grand Central to the financial industry building) so all I usually see are older women who are working, and of the younger ones 90% of them have their headphones on. What happened to me in the past was serial rejection over and over again at parties and it left quite a trauma in me that I found it hard to continue. I want to avoid that trauma and though it's slightly coming back, I thought chances would go down if I don't approach the girls that have their headphones on, since it is usually a signal that they don't want to be approached. at least by a guy that hasn't developed his seduction skills and fundamentals fully yet.

Looks like I'm gonna have to yolo and approach girls with headphones on and risk getting trauma again.

 

[Fuck This]

Now I've never been out actively gaming in a city as big as NYC, but I think the habitat has to be right for daygame approaches.
Somewhere where people are not actively going from point a to point b.

• Waiting for a Starbucks (coffee house) order
  Browsing in a Bookstore or Library
  Standing in line at a store checkout (grocery, hardware, home items)
  Waiting to order lunch at a deli
  Dining at a cafe next to you. (I've been approached by/have approached people asking me what I'm eating. "That looks good. What is it?")

My 9 year old once told me "Dad you talk to strangers like they are your friends." I replied "Exactly!"

 

[uForia]

Now I've never been out actively gaming in a city as big as NYC, but I think the habitat has to be right for daygame approaches.
Somewhere where people are not actively going from point a to point b.

• Waiting for a Starbucks (coffee house) order
  Browsing in a Bookstore or Library
  Standing in line at a store checkout (grocery, hardware, home items)
  Waiting to order lunch at a deli
  Dining at a cafe next to you. (I've been approached by/have approached people asking me what I'm eating. "That looks good. What is it?")

My 9 year old once told me "Dad you talk to strangers like they are your friends." I replied "Exactly!"

I've seen some good signs lately while strolling along the Highline path. It's less touristy and more relaxed, spots here and there where people just sit down. It seemed more conducive than the busy streets so I think I may have been looking in the wrong places. I was there with coworkers so I didn't cold approach that time, but I think I will definitely target those areas when I'm not busy and by myself.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Hey man, I live in NYC. Send me a message, maybe we can meet for coffee and approach together.