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The important part of Drexel's exercise is to be sure that you don't let others affect your state. For example if someone you say hi to just looks at you like your a creeper don't let their reaction affect your state. Be sure you choose your reaction to be positive and good no matter what the other persons reaction is if that makes sense.
You go around smiling at people and someone frowns/doesn't smile back. You keep smiling afterwards. Their frown doesn't affect you.
-Rob
You go around smiling at people and someone frowns/doesn't smile back. You keep smiling afterwards. Their frown doesn't affect you.
-Rob
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Then, in addition to what Drexel said, as your anxiety goes down, you'll become state-independent.
So, no matter what kind of mood you're in, you'll be able to approach smoothly.
We've tackled approach anxiety numerous times on the site, so check these out:
Colt's Take on Approach Anxiety
Light's Take on Approach Anxiety
If fear is what holds you back, like fear of rejection, then it's best to just approach anyway, and if you get rejected (and even veterans do) then it starts to get neutralized. You face rejection then you walk away, the first time it feels weird, the second time it feels less weird, the tenth time you're just whatever about it.
Honestly when I had AA, I used Light's method of changing my physiology, along with changing my mindset to "FUCK IT! LET'S DO IT!" and do it anyway.
So, no matter what kind of mood you're in, you'll be able to approach smoothly.
We've tackled approach anxiety numerous times on the site, so check these out:
Colt's Take on Approach Anxiety
Light's Take on Approach Anxiety
If fear is what holds you back, like fear of rejection, then it's best to just approach anyway, and if you get rejected (and even veterans do) then it starts to get neutralized. You face rejection then you walk away, the first time it feels weird, the second time it feels less weird, the tenth time you're just whatever about it.
Honestly when I had AA, I used Light's method of changing my physiology, along with changing my mindset to "FUCK IT! LET'S DO IT!" and do it anyway.
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Thanks Z Vaunswa that all makes a lot of sense, especially the rejection getting neutralized, and even veterans get rejected. But i have question what is Light's method of changing my physiology, along with changing my mindset to "FUCK IT! LET'S DO IT!" and do it anyway.
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- Mar 1, 2013
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Okay, to properly understand, I'd best properly explain.
Physicalism is the proven idea that there is a direct relationship between the mind and the body; the two directly influence, and affect one another.
Think about what happens when approach anxiety hits, your mental state affects your body, which further produces anxiety.
You bow your head, walk faster, probably feel like you're sweating, may get red-faced, and you slouch a bit. <-- That's your body composition resulting from your mental state.
Now, as you read this follow these instructions:
-Sit in a chair, bow your head, breathe more shallow, and tell yourself that today sucks... how do you feel? Depressed/sad
-Sit in the same chair, tilt your head up parallel to the floor, pull your shoulders back, breathe deeply, and tell yourself you're fucking awesome! <-- how do you feel? Confident.
That's how your body composition affects your mind.
So, with Light's method: You're consciously changing your body composition (physiology) to affect your mind.
So instead of approaching with a physiology that creates anxiety in you, you're consciously over-riding that state; you're changing your physiology to create a state of confidence in your mind.
Then, with the whole "FUCK IT! LET'S DO IT ANYWAY!" <-- Shouting that in your head creates a surge of good feelings. The tone of voice you have in your head changes as your mood does as well, when you feel upset, your words might be softer, quieter, darker, and raspy. So, when you scream fuck it! in your head, you're changing your state of mind again, and at the same time, preparing for the worst of what may happen. Dual effect here
-Richard
Physicalism is the proven idea that there is a direct relationship between the mind and the body; the two directly influence, and affect one another.
Think about what happens when approach anxiety hits, your mental state affects your body, which further produces anxiety.
You bow your head, walk faster, probably feel like you're sweating, may get red-faced, and you slouch a bit. <-- That's your body composition resulting from your mental state.
Now, as you read this follow these instructions:
-Sit in a chair, bow your head, breathe more shallow, and tell yourself that today sucks... how do you feel? Depressed/sad
-Sit in the same chair, tilt your head up parallel to the floor, pull your shoulders back, breathe deeply, and tell yourself you're fucking awesome! <-- how do you feel? Confident.
That's how your body composition affects your mind.
So, with Light's method: You're consciously changing your body composition (physiology) to affect your mind.
So instead of approaching with a physiology that creates anxiety in you, you're consciously over-riding that state; you're changing your physiology to create a state of confidence in your mind.
Then, with the whole "FUCK IT! LET'S DO IT ANYWAY!" <-- Shouting that in your head creates a surge of good feelings. The tone of voice you have in your head changes as your mood does as well, when you feel upset, your words might be softer, quieter, darker, and raspy. So, when you scream fuck it! in your head, you're changing your state of mind again, and at the same time, preparing for the worst of what may happen. Dual effect here
-Richard
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2013
- Messages
- 68
I'm a noob, but I think I am pretty much over approach anxiety. The way I beat it was by figuring out what was causing the anxiety then solving it in steps. I realized that 95% of my anxiety came from the fear of awkward silences. I was worried about not knowing what to say and not knowing how to recover from an awkward silence if I end up in one. So in the beginning, I had about 5 "back up" questions memorized to ask the girl when we ran into a conversational dead end. I think the most I ended up using was like 3.
Here's a run-down of how I beat the root of my anxiety, in case anyone reading this is also afraid of awkward silences. How I beat APPROACH anxiety comes afterwards. You can scroll down if you're not afraid of awkward silences.
1. This was at a party/kickback/mixer with a sorority. I basically went around introducing myself to 10-15 girls. Literally, all I did was say "Hey I'm fsc, what's your name? [she responds] Nice to meet you", then I would immediately move onto an adjacent girl and do the same thing. Do something simple like that to get your social momentum rolling. Have an interaction that is destined to close. Ask a girl where the bathroom is, for example, if you're at a mall. Then once the girl replies, just thank her and bounce. I repeated the introductions until I reached a dead end--it was just a girl and me on the patio with no one else around us, so I had to move onto a conversation. This led directly to #2...
2. Have polite/non-sexual/standard/boring conversations--yes, have BORING, retarded conversations. It's sort of like the "you have to fail before you know how to succeed" kind of things. Go YOLO/IDGAF and purposely fail so that you realize it doesn't feel so bad after all. It won't matter one bit in the end. Most of the guys the girl talks to probably give her a boring conversation anyway (the guys probably talk a lot about themselves). I used to pressure myself into coming up with interesting shit to talk about, but for now just converse about stuff like "what do you study?", "where are you from?", "what do you do in your free time?", etc. However, remember to actively listen, deep dive, and keep the conversation about her. Of course I ran into awkward silences because those are boring topics with no sexual or creative or emotional stimulation. I WELCOMED IT because I knew there was no easy way to succeed, and I had an escape route. The escape route was basically "do you want to play pool?" If she joined then we played, and I had time to think of another conversation thread while playing; if she declined, then I exited myself by saying something like "nice meeting you, I'm gonna go find someone to shoot pool with". Playing pool (or doing any activity) gives the girls a chance to come up with stuff to say as well. I used to think girls were natural social creatures, but I've since learned that girls can be hella shy and hella socially awkward too.
3. I've had boring conversations with girls for a while. Then I started throwing in compliments, touching, sexual innuendos, and social pressure. When I reached an awkward silence, instead of getting all panicky to come up with shit to say, I would just be calm, smile, and look at the girl right in her eyes. I would sometimes recollect our conversation up to that point and try to recall a conversational thread that I can resume and deep dive, but other times I just stood there with a blank mind. After a few seconds the girl would either excuse herself and bounce, or she would restart the conversation by asking me a question. Sometimes you can actually see the panic in the girl as she tries to revive the conversation, which can be kinda amusing. Note that because I've kept the conversation mostly about her up to that moment, she is now able to ask me about myself. Then I would give a detailed response (without laying everything on the table, of course) and try to turn the conversation back to her like
Her: ...soo...where are you from?
Me: I'm from fsc.hometown.
At this point I could be like "have you ever been there?" or "my hometown is known for this and that. Have you tried this and that? What is your hometown known for?" and blah blah
4. This is where I am at right now. I usually start off with a standard conversational topic, then deep dive off from there. If I end up at an awkward silence, I either put the pressure on her to talk (because up to that moment I've been the one getting her to talk about herself) or ask her one of my back up questions/topics, from which I can also deep dive. I've had a few interactions in which the conversation was mostly straight up random/weird shit like talking about roofie-ing people and selling their organs, or just straight up flirting. I am currently trying to get my conversations more like this because it's much more fun and less interview-like.
Beating approach anxiety
1. Most of my approaches have been something like "Excuse me, I think you're really attractive. Are you single by any chance?" After you get your social momentum rolling (kinda talked about in #1 above), it's simple enough to do. Initially, don't even worry about pre-opening or sexy smile or sexy eye contact or whatever. Just go YOLO/IDGAF and spit that line. Get it done. Unless you look like Danny Trejo, you won't be creepy enough for the girls to alert mall security. Eventually start being conscious about your eye contact and smile. It'll be a hit or a miss. The 2 chicks it worked on for me were totally hooked onto me and DTF, but most of the girls responded by telling me that they were taken in one way or another--"I have a boyfriend" or "I'm seeing someone"--at which point you can just exit gracefully. You'll likely get a lot of those rejections early on because your fundamentals will probably be off, but eventually you'll grow a thicker skin and learn to laugh it off. If she does say she's single, then simply ask what she's up to and make a conversation. If the conversation feels like it's headed to a dead end, propose a date before an awkward silence happens, number close, then bounce. Furthermore, I personally don't like to do a shit ton of approaches because it doesn't feel genuine to me. I only approach girls I am legitimately attracted to because then I'd be automatically smiling and I'd actually want to date her and bone her. Otherwise, the non-genuine feeling would probably kill my vibe, be guaranteed rejections to every single approach, then just end up feeling like crap. When I approach girls I like and get rejected, on the other hand, I actually get pumped up.
2. I am now trying to do more situational, indirect direct, or just generally slow (starting off with a conversation) openers now because the direct opener I mentioned above can feel impersonal. I believe it makes some girls feel like they're just another number to a heartless womanizer robot. I'm trying to have the mindset that I'm giving the girls an experience they only thought existed in romance novels and films. I want to cater the approach to the girl and make her feel special. In addition, the next time a girl tells me she's taken and doesn't take off, I'm gonna try persisting with a conversation.
If tl;dr, take baby steps. No one jumps straight to the top of Everest. We all climb one step at a time.
Here's a run-down of how I beat the root of my anxiety, in case anyone reading this is also afraid of awkward silences. How I beat APPROACH anxiety comes afterwards. You can scroll down if you're not afraid of awkward silences.
1. This was at a party/kickback/mixer with a sorority. I basically went around introducing myself to 10-15 girls. Literally, all I did was say "Hey I'm fsc, what's your name? [she responds] Nice to meet you", then I would immediately move onto an adjacent girl and do the same thing. Do something simple like that to get your social momentum rolling. Have an interaction that is destined to close. Ask a girl where the bathroom is, for example, if you're at a mall. Then once the girl replies, just thank her and bounce. I repeated the introductions until I reached a dead end--it was just a girl and me on the patio with no one else around us, so I had to move onto a conversation. This led directly to #2...
2. Have polite/non-sexual/standard/boring conversations--yes, have BORING, retarded conversations. It's sort of like the "you have to fail before you know how to succeed" kind of things. Go YOLO/IDGAF and purposely fail so that you realize it doesn't feel so bad after all. It won't matter one bit in the end. Most of the guys the girl talks to probably give her a boring conversation anyway (the guys probably talk a lot about themselves). I used to pressure myself into coming up with interesting shit to talk about, but for now just converse about stuff like "what do you study?", "where are you from?", "what do you do in your free time?", etc. However, remember to actively listen, deep dive, and keep the conversation about her. Of course I ran into awkward silences because those are boring topics with no sexual or creative or emotional stimulation. I WELCOMED IT because I knew there was no easy way to succeed, and I had an escape route. The escape route was basically "do you want to play pool?" If she joined then we played, and I had time to think of another conversation thread while playing; if she declined, then I exited myself by saying something like "nice meeting you, I'm gonna go find someone to shoot pool with". Playing pool (or doing any activity) gives the girls a chance to come up with stuff to say as well. I used to think girls were natural social creatures, but I've since learned that girls can be hella shy and hella socially awkward too.
3. I've had boring conversations with girls for a while. Then I started throwing in compliments, touching, sexual innuendos, and social pressure. When I reached an awkward silence, instead of getting all panicky to come up with shit to say, I would just be calm, smile, and look at the girl right in her eyes. I would sometimes recollect our conversation up to that point and try to recall a conversational thread that I can resume and deep dive, but other times I just stood there with a blank mind. After a few seconds the girl would either excuse herself and bounce, or she would restart the conversation by asking me a question. Sometimes you can actually see the panic in the girl as she tries to revive the conversation, which can be kinda amusing. Note that because I've kept the conversation mostly about her up to that moment, she is now able to ask me about myself. Then I would give a detailed response (without laying everything on the table, of course) and try to turn the conversation back to her like
Her: ...soo...where are you from?
Me: I'm from fsc.hometown.
At this point I could be like "have you ever been there?" or "my hometown is known for this and that. Have you tried this and that? What is your hometown known for?" and blah blah
4. This is where I am at right now. I usually start off with a standard conversational topic, then deep dive off from there. If I end up at an awkward silence, I either put the pressure on her to talk (because up to that moment I've been the one getting her to talk about herself) or ask her one of my back up questions/topics, from which I can also deep dive. I've had a few interactions in which the conversation was mostly straight up random/weird shit like talking about roofie-ing people and selling their organs, or just straight up flirting. I am currently trying to get my conversations more like this because it's much more fun and less interview-like.
Beating approach anxiety
1. Most of my approaches have been something like "Excuse me, I think you're really attractive. Are you single by any chance?" After you get your social momentum rolling (kinda talked about in #1 above), it's simple enough to do. Initially, don't even worry about pre-opening or sexy smile or sexy eye contact or whatever. Just go YOLO/IDGAF and spit that line. Get it done. Unless you look like Danny Trejo, you won't be creepy enough for the girls to alert mall security. Eventually start being conscious about your eye contact and smile. It'll be a hit or a miss. The 2 chicks it worked on for me were totally hooked onto me and DTF, but most of the girls responded by telling me that they were taken in one way or another--"I have a boyfriend" or "I'm seeing someone"--at which point you can just exit gracefully. You'll likely get a lot of those rejections early on because your fundamentals will probably be off, but eventually you'll grow a thicker skin and learn to laugh it off. If she does say she's single, then simply ask what she's up to and make a conversation. If the conversation feels like it's headed to a dead end, propose a date before an awkward silence happens, number close, then bounce. Furthermore, I personally don't like to do a shit ton of approaches because it doesn't feel genuine to me. I only approach girls I am legitimately attracted to because then I'd be automatically smiling and I'd actually want to date her and bone her. Otherwise, the non-genuine feeling would probably kill my vibe, be guaranteed rejections to every single approach, then just end up feeling like crap. When I approach girls I like and get rejected, on the other hand, I actually get pumped up.
2. I am now trying to do more situational, indirect direct, or just generally slow (starting off with a conversation) openers now because the direct opener I mentioned above can feel impersonal. I believe it makes some girls feel like they're just another number to a heartless womanizer robot. I'm trying to have the mindset that I'm giving the girls an experience they only thought existed in romance novels and films. I want to cater the approach to the girl and make her feel special. In addition, the next time a girl tells me she's taken and doesn't take off, I'm gonna try persisting with a conversation.
If tl;dr, take baby steps. No one jumps straight to the top of Everest. We all climb one step at a time.
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2013
- Messages
- 33
Thanks a lot fsc. In looking at what I think is causing my approach anxiety, I think I have found I am worried what people think of me or will think of me if I mess up. How would I build better fundamentals? Are there any good articles or post on this? Sometimes I have a hard time trying to think of something to say any advice. And how do I use the My journal it would be really helpful to keep track of my overall progress.
And all so how do I move up the later on the site like from space monkey to Tool-Bearing Hominid?
And thanks a lot for all the replies
Wesley24
And all so how do I move up the later on the site like from space monkey to Tool-Bearing Hominid?
And thanks a lot for all the replies
Wesley24
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2013
- Messages
- 68
Adopt "the devil may care" attitude and learn to laugh at your screw ups. Yeah, you will feel like shit the moment you mess up, but soon it will be a memory to share with your friends and laugh about over a round of drinks. Think, "what's the worst that can happen?" People forget and forgive and don't care. Maybe the girl will go and tell all of her friends and family and sorority sisters about how you fucked up so badly, but soon you will fade in their memories, and you'll probably be replaced by someone far more awkward, creepy and embarrassing. You will likely never run into that girl or her friends and family again, and your chances with girls will not be ruined. There are plenty of girls out there, so who cares if you mess up with a couple of them?wesley24 said:
I'd still be cautious with the girls in your social circle though, until you have your fundamentals and socialization skills down. I had a pretty bad break up 5 months ago with a girl who was in my circle of friends (I wanted long-term, exclusive relationships then), and things JUST started getting back to normal. Initially when our friends hung out or had events like parties and dinners, it was either her or me who was invited. Since then we've met up and talked and stuff and now we're both invited, but she has yet to show up to an event I've attended. She's a pretty emotional person, and I think she's still affected by it. This is why I'm holding back on hooking up with one of my coworkers at my current job--if I screw up, then work will be awkward for both of us. I'm quitting in 2 weeks so it's game time baby =D
There are plenty of articles and forum posts on this. Just gotta do a little bit of digging. One thing I would like to point out is don't be like this guy. Apart from getting your fundamentals down, stay away from SimplePickup and other crap that rely on gamey/gimmicky shit, work on social calibration, and always be improving your self and game. I reflect on and analyze almost every interaction I have with girls--I think about what I did well, what I need to work on, what I did terribly, and what I should have done. I think that helps tremendously, and maintaining a journal helps with the reflection and analysis.wesley24 said:
Have 3-5 interesting back up questions to ask when you reach an awkward silence. One that I use is "what would you do with 100 million dollars?" Try to transition smoothly into the question. You can look at her with a thoughtful expression for a second or two and ask the question, or you can just be like "Alright, random question! I'm just curious what you'd do with 100..." To avoid running out of things to talk about, focus on her--make her talk about herself--and actively listen. For example, if she says she wants to start a bakery with the 100 million, you can deep dive off of that--"why bakery?" or "I'm guessing you must really love baking...what's your favorite thing to bake...why? Blah blah" or etc. Try to ask emotional questions rather than factual questions. Use factual questions as a doorway to deep diving, else she'll feel like she's at an interview. And don't always be asking questions. Relate with her if you can. Throw in a joke or a story. If you're going to tell a story, make sure it's good and interactive.wesley24 said:
Boring storytelling:
"I went to this bakery and ate this and had to take a shit and this and that and blah blah."
Interactive storytelling:
"I went to this ABC bakery...have you heard of the place? They have this amazing cake, it's just the perfect amount of sweet...maybe we'll try baking one together some time. Anyway, blah blah."
Journal rules. Other than that, it's your journal. Go wild.wesley24 said:
I'm wondering the same thing. Insight, anyone?wesley24 said:
"I'm giving the girls an experience they only thought existed in romance novels and films"
This is what I'm trying to do myself. I feel there are a lot of women out there looking for this but can't find it in or out of a relationship even the ones that are married. What I'm saying is I want to be that mysterious guy who appears when they need him the most. But as a beginner this can be hard as hell to pull off without coming off as someone needy.
I don't need women to make my life complete and I sure as hell don't need sex to feel like I'm a man because regardless of these things I'm my own man and there is nothing greater than that in this life. But I do need friends and someone to share experiences with regardless.
The other day I was in a bookstore and overheard two women asking a clerk where the romance novels were located? I thought to myself yes, those women are looking for something that most guys can't give them which is a mind-blowing experience with a man. How do I become such a man? Well, first I must act as if I'm such a man that can give a women the ride of her life. The problem is chasing around women whether in a store, mall or bar won't work. However, letting go and trying different openers and conversation will eventually pay off. Once you start down that path and get rejected time after time because your voice quivered a little while you spoke to her or you didn't use strong body language and eye contact you still learn from it and say next time I'll try something different. Even if you hit the mark using a opener doesn't mean it will always work though. What will work every time is your composure. If you have great composure and sexy vibes you can say the simplest line and it will create attraction in a women. It's a lot like acting. You must play your part and know how to portray your character or the character your trying to be and if that fails you need to tweak it until it works for you.
And if they say I have a boyfriend I SAY THIS "I'm not interested in your boyfriend" and this always gives them a smile that usually leads to further interaction and breaking down walls. If they say their engaged I usually smile and say "cool, but your still single aren't you" now this comes off as a kind of cocky arrogant humor however, this speaks volumes about your character as a man that will charge the gate to get what he wants. You can tweak these as well to word them different. If they say "I'm seeing someone" I say, "who are you seeing, I don't see anyone here but me and you?" This is great stuff if you say it right with a smirk on your face and sexing eye contact.
Some of my most successful pickups were when I didn't care what I said. For example at a local bar one night I noticed a women on her cell phone alone in the center of the room. I casually approached her from behind and with a deep voice I asked her to come play pool with me. I said it confidently and to the point which surprised her. I could see I made her feel attraction just by the way she acted nervous. The only thing she could say to me is "in one moment" and by then I had moved away into the darkness not expecting her to show up. But a few minutes later she was at the pool table. There she was along with all the attraction I made her feel just by using the right voice tone and body language. I didn't sleep with her however, as I was in a relationship and was way to drunk to really know what I was doing but it's a lesson none the less. Confidence pays dividends no matter how good looking you think you are or how well dressed for that matter.
This is what I'm trying to do myself. I feel there are a lot of women out there looking for this but can't find it in or out of a relationship even the ones that are married. What I'm saying is I want to be that mysterious guy who appears when they need him the most. But as a beginner this can be hard as hell to pull off without coming off as someone needy.
I don't need women to make my life complete and I sure as hell don't need sex to feel like I'm a man because regardless of these things I'm my own man and there is nothing greater than that in this life. But I do need friends and someone to share experiences with regardless.
The other day I was in a bookstore and overheard two women asking a clerk where the romance novels were located? I thought to myself yes, those women are looking for something that most guys can't give them which is a mind-blowing experience with a man. How do I become such a man? Well, first I must act as if I'm such a man that can give a women the ride of her life. The problem is chasing around women whether in a store, mall or bar won't work. However, letting go and trying different openers and conversation will eventually pay off. Once you start down that path and get rejected time after time because your voice quivered a little while you spoke to her or you didn't use strong body language and eye contact you still learn from it and say next time I'll try something different. Even if you hit the mark using a opener doesn't mean it will always work though. What will work every time is your composure. If you have great composure and sexy vibes you can say the simplest line and it will create attraction in a women. It's a lot like acting. You must play your part and know how to portray your character or the character your trying to be and if that fails you need to tweak it until it works for you.
And if they say I have a boyfriend I SAY THIS "I'm not interested in your boyfriend" and this always gives them a smile that usually leads to further interaction and breaking down walls. If they say their engaged I usually smile and say "cool, but your still single aren't you" now this comes off as a kind of cocky arrogant humor however, this speaks volumes about your character as a man that will charge the gate to get what he wants. You can tweak these as well to word them different. If they say "I'm seeing someone" I say, "who are you seeing, I don't see anyone here but me and you?" This is great stuff if you say it right with a smirk on your face and sexing eye contact.
Some of my most successful pickups were when I didn't care what I said. For example at a local bar one night I noticed a women on her cell phone alone in the center of the room. I casually approached her from behind and with a deep voice I asked her to come play pool with me. I said it confidently and to the point which surprised her. I could see I made her feel attraction just by the way she acted nervous. The only thing she could say to me is "in one moment" and by then I had moved away into the darkness not expecting her to show up. But a few minutes later she was at the pool table. There she was along with all the attraction I made her feel just by using the right voice tone and body language. I didn't sleep with her however, as I was in a relationship and was way to drunk to really know what I was doing but it's a lesson none the less. Confidence pays dividends no matter how good looking you think you are or how well dressed for that matter.
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2012
- Messages
- 1,124
I want to weigh in here, something that I have found to be a dramatic change for me.
I was a regular porn watcher since I was about 14 years old. I had no idea the effects porn has on the mind.
I stumbled across a tedtalk video called the Great Porn Experiment and yourbrainonporn.com and was informed about how many men who quit after heavy usage found they were more creative, productive, happier, confident, healthier sex drive and more attractive to women.
I'll take that over porn any day.
So I quit for a month a while ago and got laid a few times for the first time in about 9 months. Started again and the girl lost interest.
I've since quit again with the intent to kick it once and for all.
Only 3 weeks in now and I've found approach anxiety has turned into approach impulsively. I must go talk to that girl. Girls are more attractive in general where before slight flaws might have turned me off. Escalating and touching women seems almost natural now. (I still think I have much to experience, however)
The point is bad habits can effect you in ways you might not expect. Especially porn because it is has to do with women and sex, but also bad eating habits, too much computer, TV or video games or whatever else you can consider a bad habit can effect your game.
I have dealt with AA as well so I'm giving you my experience with overcoming it.
I was a regular porn watcher since I was about 14 years old. I had no idea the effects porn has on the mind.
I stumbled across a tedtalk video called the Great Porn Experiment and yourbrainonporn.com and was informed about how many men who quit after heavy usage found they were more creative, productive, happier, confident, healthier sex drive and more attractive to women.
I'll take that over porn any day.
So I quit for a month a while ago and got laid a few times for the first time in about 9 months. Started again and the girl lost interest.
I've since quit again with the intent to kick it once and for all.
Only 3 weeks in now and I've found approach anxiety has turned into approach impulsively. I must go talk to that girl. Girls are more attractive in general where before slight flaws might have turned me off. Escalating and touching women seems almost natural now. (I still think I have much to experience, however)
The point is bad habits can effect you in ways you might not expect. Especially porn because it is has to do with women and sex, but also bad eating habits, too much computer, TV or video games or whatever else you can consider a bad habit can effect your game.
I have dealt with AA as well so I'm giving you my experience with overcoming it.
I agree Wick. Porn is bad for a mans mental state. I to watched it from a young age which I believe lead to some negative feelings for women in general not to mention bad relationships. And one of my first serious relationships was with someone who was addicted to porn as well.. so I couldn't escape it. She would play me by giving me a booty call. When I arrived at her house she had porn on. This lead to basically a warped relationship that lasted far to long. She used sex to get what she wanted. In a way I felt I had hired a permanent prostitute rather than a girlfriend. So porn does lead down some dark paths. I know a lot of men watch it even some that are married. But to be confident and in control of your life one has to let go of these bad habits permanently.
I'm just starting out as well. I would love to here how did you overcame AA other than riding yourself of these bad habits?
I'm just starting out as well. I would love to here how did you overcame AA other than riding yourself of these bad habits?
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 461
I don't want to hijack this thread, its sort of on topic, so I'll post it here. How do you guys open girls in groups? I have had plenty of girls smile at me and be so direct with their approach invitations, but because they're in a group, I don't approach. Any advice/articles for this?
EDIT: I found a some good advice on this. One is: https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-ess ... rls-groups
And: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=678
I'm gonna try these out today
EDIT: I found a some good advice on this. One is: https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-ess ... rls-groups
And: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=678
I'm gonna try these out today
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2013
- Messages
- 68
xcrunner said:
I've once opened a group of 6 sorority girls at a party by simply breaking into their circle. 2 were sitting on a bench and 4 were standing in front of them. I walked in saying "I'm sorry, I'm gonna break this circle and join you" and sat down between the two and began talking. No one gave a crap. The girl I focused on--the one sitting to my left--was quite warm.
I'd say my advice to give would be "don't be timid". Either do what I did and establish yourself into the group in one way or another, or peel the girl off of the group. Do it with charm, conviction, and dominance.