Approach Anxiety

[Bboy100]

Hi guys. So, I've been on a lot of dates as of late via Tinder. But I still have approach anxiety to a point where I'm not approaching girls at all, unless they happen to be sitting right next to me. So far, I've actually never gotten a girl's number via cold approach. I'm hoping to change that, as I don't want online to be my only venue for meeting women. Hence this discussion.

Also, I'd like to note that I've read every bit of information on approach anxiety this site has to offer, and unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be helping me.

The reason for this is because I feel like my case might be a little different. I don't believe I'm afraid of rejection. If I am, its certainly not enough to stop me from approaching in of itself. I know this because even as I go on all these first dates, I have almost no nerves at all at this point. And even when they say no to me, its not too much of a big deal anymore (with a few exceptions).

After thinking about it for a while, I've determined that my anxiety is caused by two things:

1. I feel like I'm breaking social norms- For example, when I'm at the library, I always feel like it would be really weird for me to walk up to and have a conversation with a girl I don't know for what seems to be no reason. Even if I have no intention of getting a number, and the girl is actually really ugly, and she's kind of a bitch and she brings no value to me whatsoever. The concept of coming up to a complete stranger and having a conversation with him/her seems weird and thereby creates anxiety.

2. I feel like I necessarily need to bring more value to their lives through conversation, than they would be getting if they kept doing what they're doing -

For example, if I'm going to interrupt a group of girls at party in the middle of their socializing, or interrupt a girl at said library from doing whatever she's doing so she can have a random convo with me, I'd better have something damn good to say. Like, if some random stranger came up to me and started talking to me, even if I wasn't particularly busy, I would find him/her pretty annoying. Unless her convo was pretty engaging. Obviously, being that I'm inexperienced in RL approaches, I won't always be able to do this.


Anyone been through this before? Any thoughts on how to reframe these negative mindsets?

 

[ray_zorse]

Try a bit of sincere-compliment-eject. I can't believe you wouldn't go through a whole day without seeing a woman who looks amazing -- be it her makeup, her accessories, her dress, her coordination, her style, whatever... if it looks like she spent an hour getting ready to leave the house that morning, tell her so! Quite a few of my approaches are simply compliment-eject, and let me tell you it really brightens girls' and women's days! I mean put it this way... you're a high value man right... you've paid your dues in the gym... you've bought jewellery and fashionable clothes, shirts in a size S or M... you're wearing a nice cologne and a stylish jacket, boots etc... a hot looking woman walks up to you and says "you look totally cute, I love your coordinated outfit"... how u gonna feel? Over the moon is how u gonna feel. Unfortunately, this never happens because it's the man's job to take action... so own it. Make it happen to someone else who deserves it Also read this:
http://www.sashapua.com/how-to-defeat-approach-anxiety-forever/
-Ray

 

[ocantu1987]

I did what ray suggested above. I went to the mall and told women (about 15 of them) they are are pretty then ejected and got nothing but smiles+thank yous. It did wonders for my AA for me at the time.

 

[Bboy100]

That actually makes sense. Gets me used to being direct, and I have no pressure to continue a convo if I have nothing else to say.
I'll definitely try this out. See how it goes. Thanks Ray!