Approach Invitations from "unavailable" girls?

[Marty]

Guys, this has me stumped.

I opened two girls yesterday, one in my lunch-break and one at about 4 PM when I stepped across the road from my office. Both situations were interestingly similar. I haven't bothered filing FRs as they were unsuccessful... I didn't get phone numbers. The transcripts are not verbatim, but they're accurate in conveying the gist.

The first was on a university campus. As in, not a mixed city/institute buildings area, but actually on campus proper where the streets are public but all the surrounding buildings are either residences for students or academic buildings. At my age that took a bit of letting go of inhibitions, I can tell you.

It is a crisp, sunny fall day and as the students pass I have a little smile with a "what a nice walk on a lovely day" expression. As a cute girl gets closer, I peripherally notice her catch sight of me, meet her eye, smile, and get a smile in return (yes, I have been practicing this routine!). I launch in right away: remember we already have eye contact, so there's no need for preamble.

• Marty: Do you have a second?
  
  Girl: Sure! (Her smile broadens. She stops instantly.)
  
  Marty: You have a cute smile! Just wanted to tell you that.
  
  Girl: Thank you!
  
  Marty: What's your name? (I indicate for her to start moving again in the direction she was going.)

Her smile actually gets warmer still as she realizes I'm going to continue the conversation. The smile doesn't leave her face for the entire interaction. I find out about her study—she's completing her MBA—then get details of her work experience, and chat a little about her career plans. We walk about half a block during this time. Then, at the street intersection:

• Marty: So where are you off to now?
  
  Girl: I'm just going to get some lunch.
  
  Marty: Why don't we have lunch together?
  
  Girl: Sorry, I can't, I have to study for XYZ test.
  
  Marty: That's okay, well let's grab lunch another time then!
  
  Girl: I really can't... I have a boyfriend. It was nice meeting you!

What I find interesting about this is that the girl was practically asking to be opened, although she seemingly has no plans to accept. Interesting behavior: validation-seeking perhaps?

Later that afternoon I step out of the office planning to head toward an area I have previously identified that can be fruitful at that time of day, but the moment I step outside my building, I catch sight of a girl on the other side of the street. She is coming toward my direction and has a good 200 feet to catch up. To ensure good timing, I cross the street with mock caution, as if to watch for traffic, though in reality it is very light. My intuition tells me she catches on to this pretense, because when I get across I am maybe 10 feet ahead of her and walking in the same direction and she keeps moving to one side or another to widen the angle so that it is effectively easier for me to notice her behind me.

After a minute or so of this (roughly a half-block), I have allowed her to catch up completely by walking extra slow, with a kind of cocky swagger. At this point the sidewalk narrows. I stand aside a little to allow her through and actually she looks toward me and smiles. I meet her gaze. I am even quicker off the mark this time:

• Marty: You have a cute smile.
  
  Girl: Thank you!
  
  Marty: What's your name?

We chat about what she does (she is returning on foot from a client visit), then:

• Marty: Well, shall we grab a coffee some time?
  
  Girl: No, I'm afraid not.
  
  Marty: How come?
  
  Girl: I have a boyfriend.
  
  Marty: I guessed as much. I'm actually kinda attached myself, but... (trails off with dismissive gesture)
  
  Girl: It's just coffee?
  
  Marty: Exactly. Why don't you give me your number just in case.
  
  Girl: No, I'm sorry. (still smiling and clearly enjoying herself)
  
  Marty: Well, it was nice talking to you anyway. You have a very nice perfume. (It was. It "wowed" me, which is rare.)
  
  Girl: Thank you! Enjoy the rest of your day.

Same pattern again! Girl seems eager to be opened, only to turn me down on grounds on unavailability. Does this ring bells with anyone?

Thanks!
-Marty

 

[trashKENNUT]

Marty,

Girl: No, I'm sorry. (still smiling and clearly enjoying herself)

I wish i can give you an answer, but some girls are happy in their relationships and will do this as somewhat an emotional validation thing. A "feel good" thing.

If there's no laws, i would have tear this women's skirts on the street itself. Cheat my feelings.

Zac

 

[Marty]

Zac: I don't recall going over that bit. Was it covered in the newbie assignment?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Marty,

Zac: I don't recall going over that bit. Was it covered in the newbie assignment?

Eh.... what are you hinting? Ring any bells?

Zac

 

[Chase]

Marty-

Yeah, that's annoying. I've turned around a rare few of these girls who were pulling away like this and using unavailability as a shield, always by completely changing my angle after I won a few more minutes to talk, and the rationale seems to usually be that when they first saw you they thought you were cute, but then once you started talking they just didn't really feel it... if you can hang onto them and course correct, sometimes you can show them they were right the first time, and then it's all okay.

So mostly, I'd just interpret this as "She thought I looked cute --> but then I didn't hit quite the right note on opening / initial conversation --> if I can get a few more minutes with her, I need to come at things from a completely different angle and see if I can make it hook that way."

Chase

 

[Supah]

This happened to me quite a lot lately especially since i'm using the 'are you single' opener a lot. Its rather frustrating, i just try to continue the conversation a bit to see if it still might go somewhere and then politely say goodbye if it doesn't.

cheers, Supah

 

[Marty]

Thanks, Chase! Before posting in this thread again, I decided to see if I could get a few more similar data points...

The most recent one (today) was a stunning girl with mesmerizing green eyes, standing in line at Starbucks. The coffee shop is on the periphery of a university campus and I have opened girls there and in the vicinity frequently (though never gotten as far as a date). The line was exceptionally long at lunchtime and she caught my eye as I politely moved people aside to step through from the adjoining bookstore (I didn't intend to buy anything).

She "flickered" those green eyes at me at least three times, solid eye contact, no mistake, with a sort of shy smile and coy looking away. If that's not an AI, what is? I went direct as regards the "magnetism" of her eyes (thanks Zphix), and she told me a little about herself as she waited in line. She's an undergrad business student, can't be much over 20 (if that). I proposed a date; she declined unambiguously ("I don't think so") and I ejected.

I think the issue here was exactly as you wrote:

the rationale seems to usually be that when they first saw you they thought you were cute, but then once you started talking they just didn't really feel it...

Obviously I haven't yet developed that ability to course-correct. I was self-assured on the opening, but underperformed thereafter in the conversation and sort of lost my way. Embarrassingly, she even called me "sir" once; I may be almost twice her age but I didn't realize I was coming across as such an old fogey... I think that sealed my fate! The point is that I had zero room for maneuver. She was clearly exceptionally high value: other than that she was of only average height, everything else about her was "practically perfect in every way", à la Mary Poppins, so one slip and I was doomed!

Oh, the poor fellow-students who sit in class fawning over her week after week... that must be painful