Are There Women Who View Dating As "Just Friends First"?

[PeacockMan]

Hi

So I'm going to make a field report shortly about the 2nd date with Diana Bell that took place yesterday evening. We met for Starbucks yesterday and I deep dived here to learn a couple of things about her relationship history which in her words are:

1. All my previous boyfriends were just friends before we got serious
2. My last boyfriend we were friends for about 6 months and then we started dating but we were going out in the meantime as friends

I Attempted To Setup The 3rd Date On This Date Yesterday

I had other things to do after this Starbucks meet so I had no intentions of asking her home today. But I wanted to start getting a feel of how we go from this date to the next so I casually asked her


PeacockMan: So what would you like to do next? I propose we go to the beach"
Diana: I figured you would ask me something like that lol
PeacockMan: Yeah?
Diana: Well for most of June I'll be busy working but when Bad Boys 4 comes out we can go see that
PeacockMan: Ok well since you would be busy for the most of June, how about we do something simple like grab food in the city or just chill at my place and watch a movie till Bad Boys is in theaters?
Diana: Lol no I don't go to men's places like that. We are friends and it's only 2 things that can happen when I go to a man's place. Either "stuff" happens or he touches me and I make it clear nothing will happen.

Long and short of it is throughout the date she also mentioned that:

1. She is currently career focused, working 6 and sometimes 7 days per week to make ends meet so does not have dating as a priority
2. She made mention that even thought she has a college degree I probably make way more than her
3. She dates men as friends FIRST. She never even kisses or sleeps with men like that because in her own words " Ï'm not a brothel"

I think I already know the answer to this thread I'm going to get:

1. Don't go into Oneitis over this girl
2. Go meet new girls and next her
3. Don't listen to women's words, but their actions

My question is more specific and I can tell she seems to be the one off case gal who maybe has a warped view of relationships. It appears she goes out with men to friend zone them first to qualify who sticks around with no sex or kissing for weeks or months on end and then at the end of that she accepts that guy as her boyfriend. My question is are there girls who are really like this? Or is this just a front some women play to get men to do stuff?

I can genuinely tell this girl rarely goes anywhere besides work and home and the fact she met up with me on these past 2 dates means she probably likes me except she's going by some odd mental model of making guys wait.

I'm thinking to for the fun of it to just casually go out with the aim to do a little empirist testing because there's a high chance nothing romantic will come from this girl. So I'll just ensure going forward we split the bill evenly and I just friend zone her ass and move onto finding a girl who is ready to fuck within 30 days tops.

Edit: I know her best male friend very well (who is close friends with my best female friend) whom she has known for almost a decade and even he has told me he has a hard time getting her to go out and do anything social hence how I able to share in such detail what I think is going on.

 

[Rashadtate44]

Broski hate to tell you this my guy this is a trap. I am an avid believer in when a woman is into you they can’t get enough of you and they constantly want to be near you because that’s how it works especially in the beginning. The notion that she’s too busy means unfortunately your not interesting enough and she’s not feeling the adrenaline or the excitement. Human beings will always find time for the things that excite them or bring them pleasure.

Sounds like to me you are a validation person for her an ego booster and she’s just fooling with you. I know it sucks but you gotta move on save yourself a lot of money and heartache in the meantime because you have been friend zoned and it’s going to hurt like hell when you see the next dude grab her attention and she be all over him while you sit there befuddled at what’d I do wrong and the answer is nothing she’s just not into you.

Sorry to break it to you my guy but keep your head up and keep it pushing. So to answer your question no there are not any girls like that if a woman is interested she’ll want to get to know you better not put you on the back burner it’s not a shit test she’s just not feeling you homie.

 

[Will_V]

My question is are there girls who are really like this? Or is this just a front some women play to get men to do stuff?

I think this is asking the wrong question. There are definitely all kinds of girls out there with different ways of looking at men and dating. But girls in general will adapt their behavior to what you want, if she's keen on you.

By far the biggest factor in how a girl behaves is you. How you come across, how strong your frame is, what she picks up from you in terms of what your expectations of her are.

So it's quite likely that you either consciously or unconsciously are communicating to her that you value a girl who holds back sexually. This can be as simple as behaving in a needy way around her, since she knows that guys who quickly get emotionally attached are typically not used to having casual sex. Women are experts at picking up the real signals a guy is putting out (not what a guy thinks he's putting out, but what he actually is putting out), and adapting accordingly. Her intuition and character radar are finely tuned by necessity.

Besides that, seduction is all about frame control. She clearly believes she's 110% in the drivers seat here with her dismissive tone. What did you say to any of her frames about being friends before dating? Did you tease her about it, did you disqualify yourself as a boyfriend, did you talk about your view of women and sex to set the frame that you want? Because if you don't, she's going to think you're just following along with her program and that's it.

And finally, if you really are a guy who wants/expects things to get intimate quickly, and she really is not that way, is she compatible with you? This goes back to whether you are asking the right question. Do you want to lead here, or follow? If you want to lead, you'll have to change the way you respond when she tries to set a frame you don't want. And you'll have to be prepared to disqualify her if she simply will not conform to how you want things to be.