Article on friendships

[Searcher]

I think for friendships between men the activity based ones take a major role.

However as for communicating and forming bonds with people who you don't share hobbies/class/work with, conversation and personality take a major role.

How does one look like a high value person then? (Imagine talking with some millionaire or a local celebrity)
How does one find out what value to provide them?

 

[HoofHearted]

Huh?

Even though I don't get this, I have a few tips on making friends with other men.

Presumably because the world is so trying, men value easy company and laidbackness. I wouldn't try to 'tool' or 'dominate' a man whose friendship or respect I wanted.

However, some middle-of-the-pack men who think in terms of hierarchies sometimes need an emotional boop on the nose before they act right.

Men value sameness and cooperation.

Men value respect-- give them respect as other men and it'll go a long way. Pull the card if they act otherwise or can't get right, but baseline respect goes a long ways with the right kind of people.

Oddly enough, men value emotional expression in a way. You see, try to express a spectrum of emotions with a woman and watch her love for you dim. But if you share that same expression correctly with other men who can relate, who are on the same journey, a sameness or a bond may form because the avenues for this expression are so limited and rare.

Many men are beat the fuck down and seem to refuse to evolve. In a way, they're begging to be led or can't embrace individualism. If they're obsessed with sports, oddly narrow hobbies like golf, daytrading etc. that's usually a telltale sign. It's rare for a man to talk of dreams or purpose, and still rarer to find one living it-- which to me is sad because this is what men were born to do.

And lastly, I say enough with this 'status' shit. Okay, I'll admit I know it exists... i know when I meet my greater but it isn't all that common and i'm not sad or threatened about it, but inspired. The way a person handles a situation, or performs an action, has on occasion shaken me to my core and made me want to emulate.

But not often, again most men are beat the fuck down by life or society etc.

Male friendship is actually kind of glorious and underappreciated these days. Build others up, offer baseline respect and draw reasonable lines... this i think would get you pretty far. Be a good friend, and you might find one.

Just a general thought on friendship.

 

[Searcher]

Huh?

Even though I don't get this, I have a few tips on making friends with other men.

Presumably because the world is so trying, men value easy company and laidbackness. I wouldn't try to 'tool' or 'dominate' a man whose friendship or respect I wanted.

However, some middle-of-the-pack men who think in terms of hierarchies sometimes need an emotional boop on the nose before they act right.

Men value sameness and cooperation.

Men value respect-- give them respect as other men and it'll go a long way. Pull the card if they act otherwise or can't get right, but baseline respect goes a long ways with the right kind of people.

Oddly enough, men value emotional expression in a way. You see, try to express a spectrum of emotions with a woman and watch her love for you dim. But if you share that same expression correctly with other men who can relate, who are on the same journey, a sameness or a bond may form because the avenues for this expression are so limited and rare.

Many men are beat the fuck down and seem to refuse to evolve. In a way, they're begging to be led or can't embrace individualism. If they're obsessed with sports, oddly narrow hobbies like golf, daytrading etc. that's usually a telltale sign. It's rare for a man to talk of dreams or purpose, and still rarer to find one living it-- which to me is sad because this is what men were born to do.

And lastly, I say enough with this 'status' shit. Okay, I'll admit I know it exists... i know when I meet my greater but it isn't all that common and i'm not sad or threatened about it, but inspired. The way a person handles a situation, or performs an action, has on occasion shaken me to my core and made me want to emulate.

But not often, again most men are beat the fuck down by life or society etc.

Male friendship is actually kind of glorious and underappreciated these days. Build others up, offer baseline respect and draw reasonable lines... this i think would get you pretty far. Be a good friend, and you might find one.

Just a general thought on friendship.

Those are great ideas.
And the sad part is I see one upping mostly from guys who are getting into seduction and they form this toxic circle of who is the best. (I meet such people on night-outs)

I have been in a couple of pickup forums and I got absolutely disgusted with the UMP mastermind group. (Their whole approach to socialization is how to Dominate/AMOG other men all the time and maintaining a position of being the chased).

They say that if you do complement other men you should do it from the position of a CEO complimenting a employee and always look at them as the one belo and not even equal.
(Example :- Patting his back whenever he says something good, Always try to frame other guys as friends and AMOG them whenever girls are around)

 

[HoofHearted]

???

Nobody enjoys being patronized or talked down to.

And places like this are kinda a boys' club, which is okay, they kinda have to be.

The world is a bit what we make it.

Sometimes we need to re-evaluate what 'value' means, or what we value. We might find what we think is cool, really isn't, and by valuing it we make ourselves uncool.

The world is also full of appearances. Walk into salsa night and it probably isn't going to be the magnanimous man full of good intentions who succeeds the most socially-- it might be the douchebag who can dance the best. Value can be arbitrary and fleeting, I think, and is somewhat unreal.

But repeated exposure to a person across many contexts might bear out what real value may be.

 

[Winston]

conversation and personality take a major role.

Yes.

How does one look like a high value person then? (Imagine talking with some millionaire or a local celebrity)
How does one find out what value to provide them?

I think trying to find out what value to provide them, or how to look "high value", is not a good mindset for the purpose of developing lasting friendships.

There is an element of value/utility in a friendships, but if it is the only element on which lies the relationship, it will be a really superficial one and it won't last. The most important factor imho is pleasure, as in "do I enjoy talking/hanging out with this guy?".

And enjoying talking with someone means he:
- is at ease with himself
- won't get easily offended
- is respecting you for who you are
- is not jealous or envious
- is open minded on what you say/is ready to learn from you.

If you want to become friend with a guy because he is millionaire or because he is a celebrity then you are not wanting to be friend with him because of his personality, this will come across as insincere and this won't work.

This last year, I have become close friend with 2 new persons and the relationships kind of grew up organically without anyone trying to become friend with one another, it just happened. I felt sincerity in them and they probably felt the same in me.

Chase talk about trust in his article, it's kind of the same concept. If you are not sincere with enjoying being around the guy, if you have some kind of ulterior motive, then it will show.

Male friendship is really a kind of companionship. You talk about your respective life, goals, struggles, and sometimes the other can help you or you can help him, but the helping or utility part come as a bonus, and it is not the main part.

So to sum up, conversation and personality are indeed what play a major role. Utility/value is something that comes organically after. Once affinities regarding conversation and personality already exist.

PS: I am talking about close/deep friendships here. With more superficial ones, utility/value comes before.