- Joined
- Sep 21, 2016
- Messages
- 1,453
I've been seeing a girl for 6-7 weeks consistently.
Through all of our dates and time spent together, I try to only lightly about myself, and never shed light on things that put me in BF territory:
- My academic trajectory
- Internships
- Research labs
- Commitment to music
- My apartment is pretty nice
- I'm a decent cook (though for dinner at my house, this comes to surface)
As the casual relationship continues on, this girl finds out more and more about my life, sometimes things as simple as a slip of the tongue...
...where I could have been more vague / deflected faster.
I'm considering that this type of thing may alter what she wants out of the relationship. That as we keep dating and fucking she'll keep wanting to know more, eventually find out more, and then we'll need have that difficult, "You're free to keep seeing me, but if you want more I'm not the guy for you", conversation.
She's a sweet girl, she's cute, and sexual chemistry is solid. For some reason I just don't see her as a long term partner.
That said, she keeps initiating conversation, wanting to do dates and not just fuck, and has reframed my sexual frames to romantic frames before.
Right now I'm considering flaking on our next date, or just telling her I can't next time she tries to set things up. I'd rather not have that direct conversation of, "I'm definitely not boyfriend material", (something I should have said underhandedly a long time ago) at least not yet. Not proposing how being super indirect in creating distance is the best way to go about it, at the moment I'm just bringing to my awareness of how these things can perpetuate.
Being proactive, following the "rules" of a casual relationship helps keep a stable balance, but an eventual shift of expectations seems inevitable in casual relationships.
Hueman
Through all of our dates and time spent together, I try to only lightly about myself, and never shed light on things that put me in BF territory:
- My academic trajectory
- Internships
- Research labs
- Commitment to music
- My apartment is pretty nice
- I'm a decent cook (though for dinner at my house, this comes to surface)
As the casual relationship continues on, this girl finds out more and more about my life, sometimes things as simple as a slip of the tongue...
...where I could have been more vague / deflected faster.
I'm considering that this type of thing may alter what she wants out of the relationship. That as we keep dating and fucking she'll keep wanting to know more, eventually find out more, and then we'll need have that difficult, "You're free to keep seeing me, but if you want more I'm not the guy for you", conversation.
She's a sweet girl, she's cute, and sexual chemistry is solid. For some reason I just don't see her as a long term partner.
That said, she keeps initiating conversation, wanting to do dates and not just fuck, and has reframed my sexual frames to romantic frames before.
Right now I'm considering flaking on our next date, or just telling her I can't next time she tries to set things up. I'd rather not have that direct conversation of, "I'm definitely not boyfriend material", (something I should have said underhandedly a long time ago) at least not yet. Not proposing how being super indirect in creating distance is the best way to go about it, at the moment I'm just bringing to my awareness of how these things can perpetuate.
Being proactive, following the "rules" of a casual relationship helps keep a stable balance, but an eventual shift of expectations seems inevitable in casual relationships.
Hueman