Asian woman 2nd date didn't seal the deal..next move?

[surfer11]

Background: I met this chick, she is Korean, at a Halloween party and we texted for a while then it went silent for about a month. Out of the blue she sends me a message saying that she will be in my area and if I wanted to join her for coffee. As Chase always recommends moving fast with women. I set up a date that night, had a drink and got intimate with her. At the end of the date went in for a kiss and was successful I figured that she wasn't going to go home with me that night and later she even told me she appreciated me not taking her home.

Next Day: I got her out for a second date the next day, took her out for drinks and moved really quickly with her made out with her all night kissing her all over and getting sexual. We got a taxi together since we live in the same neighborhood. I offered her to come over and she said no gave her a deep kiss and said goodbye. I was a little drunk and ended up texting her why she didn't come back to my place. She said that she never sleeps with guys so quickly, which I think is bullshit.

Current Situation: I decided to continue to move quickly with her and asked her out for a third date that night, but she responded that she couldn't.

I know she is going out to a party tonight and I will be in the same area.

My questions are the following:

1. What did I do wrong to not seal the deal?
2. Should I attempt to meet up with her tonight? or back off for a couple of days?
3. Do I need to slow down I don't want to come off as desperate or needy?
4. How should I proceed?

I appreciate the advice fellas.

Cheers!

 

[mindful]

Just some observations.

Don't get drunk on your dates with girls. I think this can be counter-productive. If you are getting drunk you are probably staying out with her too long, you need to pull or end the date after 1.5 - 2 hrs.

Why did you think she wouldn't go home with you the first night?

Not sure why you asked her out for a second date the next day... that can come off a little needy / you don't have much going on. Luckily this didn't seem to affect anything and you got her out again. Not sure if this was because she had nothing going on or she actually did want to see you again. But, this goes back to the first point I made... you shouldn't have gotten drunk and ideally should have pulled her within an hour. You already hung out with her the previous night, you need to focus on getting her back to your place.

Also, did you give her a hard-push or anything after she denied you with the "she never sleeps with guys so quickly"? You should have persisted more here if you didn't and just gave up and kissed her. You might have lost her after this second-night and moved out of the lover role.

Then... you try to get her out again.. for the third straight night. Yeah man, you need to cool the jets and find other girls. I wouldn't text this girl again for a while.

That's just my observation, comments and thoughts welcomed

Good luck man! These things happen, continue to meet more girls

 

[surfer11]

Mindful,

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post I appreciate it a lot.

Your correct I should have tried to pull her the first night we had a great time together and it ended in just a kiss and that is what probably killed it.

Why didn't she come home with me the first night? I didn't try that is what probably fucked it up.

I tried to get her out the next night because I wanted to move fast with her, I thought it would be the best thing to do to keep the escalation period open but I guess it came off as needy instead of moving fast. However, she did go out with me and we had a great night but it ended in her going home which was another failed escalation attempt.

However, I learned from the experience. Kissing her killed it as oppose to staying a mystery and having her wonder I won't do this next time.

I will take your advice and pull within 1.5-2hours and won't get drunk.

At this point I have cooled the jets and went radio silence for 2 days.

I texted her today just to see where I was at and the vibe was not as good.

What do you think? Let this one go? Text her in 1 week? 1 month?

Your right it is a learning process and I have met other girls.

I took another one out tonight, I tried to learn from my mistake from the last one.
I tried to stay mysterious and cool. I got lightly physical with her and tried to keep it a mystery.
But when I tried to pull her back I got the. - "Next time response"

I have two questions about Girl #1 and Girl # 2.
Girl #1: You mentioned "I would have pushed back when she said I don't sleep with guys easily"- she mentioned this during drunk texting at the end of the night-
How would I push her back when she said something like that/
" What would you say?
Girl #2: How do you respond to the "next time response" rejection?
What do you say when you try to pull and they resist?


Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

You live and learn

Surfer

 

[mindful]

What do you think? Let this one go? Text her in 1 week? 1 month?

Give it a month and focus on other girls. If she texts you in the mean time, don't reply with too much excitement

Example:

her: Hey, how are you?
you: Hey xxx, just been busy with (whatever you want to put here). You?
her: yeah blah blah blah

I wouldn't say anything after that unless she asks a specific question, and then a few days later ask her to meet up. This is just a hypothetical example as you don't wanna immediately reward her and don't wanna appear too eager to try and meet up since she might just be putting out a "feeler" text to see how you respond.

I took another one out tonight, I tried to learn from my mistake from the last one.
I tried to stay mysterious and cool. I got lightly physical with her and tried to keep it a mystery.
But when I tried to pull her back I got the. - "Next time response"

I've never gotten this type of response before. Usually a girl will say that she has to get home since she has to work early (if weekday date). I'm not sure honestly, my guess is she doesn't see you as a lover or has some "rules" for first dates. In any sense, what was her excuse for not going to your place?

And also, her end response is also a relation to how the date went. Your vibe, your fundamentals, your emotional connection building, etc. So that is not as easy to answer. Read those articles if you haven't yet.

Girl #1: You mentioned "I would have pushed back when she said I don't sleep with guys easily"- she mentioned this during drunk texting at the end of the night-
How would I push her back when she said something like that/
" What would you say?

So, I've only had this happen to me a few times. Once was with a college chick, and I knew she was feeling me and she invited me back to her place when the bar closed down. However, on the walk home she was like "we aren't having sex tonight" . I responded by saying "that's cool, I'm just looking for a make out session" (in a playful non-needy way). I knew we were gonna have sex but i brushed it off in a playful way. I don't think this would work for a regular date though. I would probably say something like, "who says im that easy? I'm enjoying your company and want to continue to hang out. We can chill at my place and you can leave after an hour".

Girl #2: How do you respond to the "next time response" rejection?
What do you say when you try to pull and they resist?

I would say something similar to the first, "listen, I'm enjoying hanging out with you and would like to continue the evening. We can listen to music and continue having a good time and you can leave whenever you want."

This is also a reason I like to see what type of music a girl listens to or shows she currently watches / likes. You can use this as a seed as well. "hey lets go back to my place and listen to some XXX since we are both fans. Or lets watch an episode of XXX".


And also, if you are meeting these girls off dating apps (tinder, bumble). You want to make a hard-push. Girls are less-forgiven when you meet via cold-approach. So if you don't push things forward and get laid on the first date, your chances of seeing them again are not good. This is not always the case, but it has been in my experience. I would just start assuming you will get a little bit of resistance and have some sort of response ready for it.

You can also use a yes ladder when you first try and pull:

you: Hey so, I'm enjoying hanging out with you
her: yeah, me too.
you: and the night is still young
her: yeah it is.
you: lets go back to my place and hang out. We can listen to XXX or watch XXX.
her: i dont know. -- now you do a hard-push
you: The evening is going great! Who knows when we will see each other again with our busy schedules. You know how that goes. Just come over and you can leave whenever you want.
her: that is true, ok.

How you come across when you say this is also equally important. Don't say it in a pouty or needy way. Be cool about it, give a warm smile.

 

[surfer11]

Mindful-

Thanks again for taking the time to respond to my post.

I really do appreciate it and it helps a lot.

I actually put into practice your pulling technique and was successful with Girl #2.

In detail the date went like this:

From the last date she mentioned that she would come to my place the next time, so I decided to move fast. I texted her if she wanted to meet up the next day. She was hesitant and first and said maybe. I then just used the law of least attraction and went silent for the day. Later she texted me and said are we still on for dinner tonight. I knew I had the green light and set up the date but this time I was going to learn from my mistakes

I took her out to dinner and a nice Vietnamese restaurant and deep dived in the conversation. Towards the end of the meal, she suggested that we go and watch a movie together. I quickly took the lead and said that I have a better idea. Why don't we go back to my place and watch the movie there and have a drink? Then she started to resist and said no. I don't want to go...etc etc. I pushed back and said why not? The night is still young and I rather be in a more comfortable place than some strange movie theater. She still resisted but eventually I explained to her let's drink one beer and if you are uncomfortable you can leave. I finally got her into a taxi and headed back to my place,
I knew that it would be all good from there. We started to watch a movie and got her comfortable we shared a beer and I started to escalate into sex. Within 20 minutes I bedded her and made sure that she would be totally satisfied by the end of the night. She went home and it was a successful night. I just have to say it felt damn good after endless times of being disappointed. Thank You.

However, today I followed up and sent her a text saying the following:

Me:Hey I had a great time with you last night What's your schedule like this week. Let's grab dinner
Her response: Oh really ^^thank you but I am not sure about my schedule.

I am not sure how to respond to that I basically was saying let's meet up again but she shot me down.

What do you think? Give it a couple of days? 1 week?

Should I have sent a different text the next day, I guess not setting up the next date and just leaving it as a mystery instead and then shoot her a text a couple of days later?

Thanks again for your time and help!

Cheers!

Surfer

 

[mindful]

I took her out to dinner and a nice Vietnamese restaurant and deep dived in the conversation. Towards the end of the meal, she suggested that we go and watch a movie together. I quickly took the lead and said that I have a better idea. Why don't we go back to my place and watch the movie there and have a drink? Then she started to resist and said no. I don't want to go...etc etc. I pushed back and said why not? The night is still young and I rather be in a more comfortable place than some strange movie theater. She still resisted but eventually I explained to her let's drink one beer and if you are uncomfortable you can leave. I finally got her into a taxi and headed back to my place,
I knew that it would be all good from there. We started to watch a movie and got her comfortable we shared a beer and I started to escalate into sex. Within 20 minutes I bedded her and made sure that she would be totally satisfied by the end of the night. She went home and it was a successful night. I just have to say it felt damn good after endless times of being disappointed. Thank You.

Great job man, you handled this perfectly.

However, today I followed up and sent her a text saying the following:

Me:Hey I had a great time with you last night What's your schedule like this week. Let's grab dinner
Her response: Oh really ^^thank you but I am not sure about my schedule.

You are coming across as uncalibrated in your follow up text. I actually see this as a pattern from your post-date texting. The first part was good, you definitely want to do that, especially after you bed a girl for the first time. This will alleviate her feeling that you just wanted sex (if she wanted more than that).

However... then you ask her for her schedule and immediately try to setup the next date all in the same text. You are hitting her with a lot in that text. Just leave it at the first part and then text her a couple days later asking her when she is free.

you: Hey XXX, I had a great time with you last night, hope you did too
her: Thanks I had a good time as well
2 days later
you: hey How is your week going? I was thinking we could cook dinner sometime this week at my place, when are you free?

Also, she seems kinds of surprised that you are texting her after the date with her "oh really" response. This tells me that she may have thought that you were only after sex, and because of this, she is confused that you are texting her the next day and immediately trying to setup another date. And also, you are trying to have dinner with her... again. You have already been intimate with her once, having dinner with her after you bed her is sort of a step backwards. You should invite her to your place, cook dinner there. A big thing to remember is, just because she has sex with you the first/second night doesn't mean she is automatically yours.

She might be shooting you down, yes. In either case, just text her next week and ask if she wants to come over and cook at your place/have dinner. Don't text again this week... she already knows you want to see her again, let her respond.

On the positive side, you did a good job of getting her back and getting the lay. Be proud of that!

Also, I think this article could help you: https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-sec ... -and-swoon

 

[surfer11]

Mindful-

I appreciate your time and insight it has helped a lot.

I just wanted to see how you would handle this...Girl #1: The one I took out got drunk and made out with her then ended up not taking her home.

I have still been in contact with her but applying the law of least effort it has resulted in me getting a third date with her.

Current situation:

We have still been contacting each other and she drunk called me last night so I sent this text:

Me: Where did you go last night?
Her: XXX Just drank beer. How many hours did you sleep?
Me: 10 I have been busy with work. What's your schedule like today?
Her: Yeah, finish 6, and start from 8-9:30.
Me: There is a cool new French restaurant I want to try. Why don't we grab dinner tonight at 10:00? We can meet at XXX exit 2 and go from there. Cool?
Her: How about we meet on Thursday. I don't work till 8 pm. I have a holiday.
Me: Awesome. See you Thursday - Is this the correct response or should I tried to have got her out sooner?
Her: K


How would you handle this next date?
However, I feel that I have moved into the Provider/Boyfriend role instead of the Lover role.

My game plan:
1. Take her out for lunch or dinner.
2. Deep dive in conversation.
3. Bring her back to my place and escalate into sex.

Logistically though she has to work at 8 p.m. that night.

Maybe I should see her after she works for dinner or would during the day be better?

Any thoughts?

I appreciate your time. Thank You.

Surfer