Asian woman 2nd date didn't seal the deal..next move?

[surfer11]

Background: I met this chick, she is Korean, at a Halloween party and we texted for a while then it went silent for about a month. Out of the blue she sends me a message saying that she will be in my area and if I wanted to join her for coffee. As Chase always recommends moving fast with women. I set up a date that night, had a drink and got intimate with her. At the end of the date went in for a kiss and was successful I figured that she wasn't going to go home with me that night and later she even told me she appreciated me not taking her home.

Next Day: I got her out for a second date the next day, took her out for drinks and moved really quickly with her made out with her all night kissing her all over and getting sexual. We got a taxi together since we live in the same neighborhood. I offered her to come over and she said no gave her a deep kiss and said goodbye. I was a little drunk and ended up texting her why she didn't come back to my place. She said that she never sleeps with guys so quickly, which I think is bullshit.

Current Situation: I decided to continue to move quickly with her and asked her out for a third date that night, but she responded that she couldn't.

I know she is going out to a party tonight and I will be in the same area.

My questions are the following:

1. What did I do wrong to not seal the deal?
2. Should I attempt to meet up with her tonight? or back off for a couple of days?
3. Do I need to slow down I don't want to come off as desperate or needy?
4. How should I proceed?

I appreciate the advice fellas.

Cheers!

 

[Poli]

"I dont chase em, I replace em"

LIve and breathe this

 

[surfer11]

So I guess let it go that would be the best thing to do.

 

[jdoc]

Hi Surfer,

Here are some of my thoughts.

1. It is good to move fast with women. Get to know them, build up their comfort and attraction for you. When the time is right, pull her. Your problem is that you didn't pull her on the first date. Kissing on the date can be useful in some cases, but it acts as a double edged sword. It removes the mystery and can result in emotional cresting. In some cases, it functions as failed escalation. When you kiss her, she knows that you want her, and that she has you around her little finger. And when you try to pull her, she knows you're trying to sleep with her. You reliquish your mysterious edge. Your problem was that you didn't try to pull in the first date and probably because you kissed her.

On your second date, it sounds like your problem was in how you phrased your pull. Could you go into more detail? When you pull, you shouldn't really ask her if she wants to go home with you. Your role as the leader is to lead her. She doesn't want to be in charge of making that decision. You should read all the articles you can on pulling girls home.

2 I'd cool it for at least a few days.

3. Hit her up in a couple of days or more. If you meet again, you should aim to nail the date process. Meet her, talk and connect, maintain the the sexual tension, and don't kiss her, pull her (as per instruction on the hehe articles), escalate into sex.

4. As above.

Nice work meeting and dating girls.

Jeffrey

 

[Poli]

So I guess let it go that would be the best thing to do.

Whether you choose to let it go or continue the interaction is up to you. What jdoc is saying is right, however if you continue thinking over this and possibilities and invest more mental energy only do this for learning purposes otherwise you will slowly crawl in a land of wasting time and slower progression. Write it down if it helps you, sometimes I do this.

"I dont chase em, I replace em"
This is the name of a solid article by chase, read it if you havent. What I mean by this mindset is be willing to lose the girl otherwise you will have very low chance of getting her back. I personally live in breathe this simply because it helps you build on your fundamentals.

 

[surfer11]

Jeffery and Poli

First off I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post it really does help.
Thank you.

How did I pull her for the Second Date in detail: I tried pulling her by becoming intimate with her we had great conversation and building intimacy between each other. As we were leaving the restaurant I grabbed her hand, and once in the stairwell I pulled her to the side and started to kiss her passionately, we then moved on to the next place which was another bar. At the other venue, we continued the good conversation and I kissed her passionately throughout the entire night. We got in the taxi and told the taxi driver to head to my home, she quickly told the taxi driver to go to her home instead. At that point is when I asked her if she wanted to come over or not. I tried to lead her back to my place but I guess her internal defense mechanism popped up.

My questions are:
1. Do I cut off all texting for a couple of days and go silent or just keep the conversation going but then don't ask her out until I want to see her? According to Chase, there is no point in texting until I actually want to set up a meeting. Also, I think the silence would make her start thinking about me wondering why I haven't talked to her? Or it doesn't really matter because she probably has some other dude who she is talking to. What do you recommend?

2. On the third date do I become intimate with her or just do nothing? I.e. grab her hand, touch her, flirt etc. I definitely won't kiss her and try to pull her back to my place instead.

I will read the article's you suggested.

Thanks again for your time.

Surfer

 

[jdoc]

Surfer,

You're welcome! Some additional thoughts of mine:

By the sounds of it, all that kissing you were doing was doing you a disservice and killed your mystery and intrigue. You are here to have sex with her, not kiss her; so going overboard with kissing is not good. I think you should have tried to pull her before you got in the cab. Something like, "This place is getting kinda boring and is a bit too loud for my liking. Let's go grab a nightcap somewhere quieter and less chaotic. Let's go." You can choose to be evasive and not actually tell her where you're going... or you can say something explicit like, "Let's grab a nightcap at my place." I think both options have their pros and cons. Or if you've got rock solid frame control, you can simple tell her, when you're both in the cab, that you're going to your house. This is much tougher to pull off, though.

1. I'd definitely cool it off for at least a few days of radio silence. Your last texting encounter came off as a bit chasey and long-winded. Better to cool it off before hitting her back up again. When you hit her up again, definitely keep the texting short and simple and keep a clear vision of what you are trying to achieve. You are trying to get her out on a date... not to banter, engage in sex talk, etc.

2. Focus on following a good date process. Meet her, build attraction and comfort, sprinkle in physical touch without kissing, chase frames and keep her intrigued, pull her home when she's ready, escalate into sex.

Hope this helps.

Jeffrey

 

[Grand Pooba]

Out of the blue she sends me a message saying that she will be in my area and if I wanted to join her for coffee. As Chase always recommends moving fast with women. I set up a date that night, had a drink and got intimate with her. At the end of the date went in for a kiss and was successful I figured that she wasn't going to go home with me that night and later she even told me she appreciated me not taking her home.

You should have gone home with her. Her invitation was a clear signal if you could be a sexy man and lead her to your home smoothly. She thought of you as a potential Lover. Plus, she kissed you and complied, so there's really no reason why you shouldn't have at least tried to take her home. The way you'd do it here is to be really chill about it, invite her over for something innocent - and wait for her to escalate on you a little.

Don't kiss her during the date, kiss her right before you're going to fuck her - meaning bring her home first and THEN kiss her. I think as an advanced guy you can kiss girls during the date and still succeed in bringing a girl home on the first date, but for learning and until you learn how to manage sexual tension well, just don't do it. Kissing usually kills tension - but there are a few situations where you can use kissing during a date to raise sexual tension. That last bit is an art.

The "appreciate not taking me home" thing is backwards rationalization, and she is also protecting your ego/making you feel better for not going after it. That way, you think highly of her at the end of the date. But, what she really wanted was for you to go for it and bring her home.

Next Day: I got her out for a second date the next day, took her out for drinks and moved really quickly with her made out with her all night kissing her all over and getting sexual. We got a taxi together since we live in the same neighborhood. I offered her to come over and she said no gave her a deep kiss and said goodbye. I was a little drunk and ended up texting her why she didn't come back to my place. She said that she never sleeps with guys so quickly, which I think is bullshit.

Current Situation: I decided to continue to move quickly with her and asked her out for a third date that night, but she responded that she couldn't.

I know she is going out to a party tonight and I will be in the same area.

The issue here is that because you didn't fuck her on the first date when she clearly wanted it, in her mind you've moved from a Lover to a Provider, so now she's going to sloooowww things down and approach it from a relationship & romantic angle. You've got work cut out for you, and she's probably going to find a different guy first.

This happened to me once last year, by the way. Same exact situation for the most part - girl wanted to go home with me after an hour long first date, I misread it and ended the date, we had a date #2 and it was slow and casual, and she didn't want to go home with me after that one even though we were both having a great time and were frisky. Never had a date #3.

I'd say move on, man. Live and learn, next opportunity.

 

[surfer11]

Grand Pooba,

First off, Thank You for taking the time to respond to my post.

I appreciate your insight and time it really does help.

Current situation: I definitely moved into the Provider category. We still are in contact but I think I made some mistakes,
I sent her the following texts: Two days after are second date:

Me: Hey,XXX I was thinking about how we had a great time last week, but there was one thing on my mind. I know you beat me in darts but I think you cheated
Her: Haha no just beginners luck
Me: According to American Law I am entitled to a rematch

Then radio silence: next day:
Her: I went out last night. -feeler or I am telling you I am not interested?.
Me: Hey, how are you? - trying not to show too much interest.

Then blah blah blah
Next Day:
Me: Hey XXX I was up to my eyeballs in work last night. What's your schedule like this week? Let's grab a beer.
Her: I am super tired - Clearly she is sending me a signal- I am not interested anymore.- I was thinking just to say, okay get some rest goodbye I should I have cut things off right then? instead,I sent this....
Me: Your super tired? Is that women's code for "Make me breakfast in bed"? Cause you haven't sweetened me up enough for that yet...you know?! The whole candle light dinner- maybe some flowers-a box of chocolates. - I know the response is a little cheesy but I figured to get an emotional reaction.
Her: Haha are you a writer?
Me: Of course I am a professional

Then four hours later:
Her: What a long day...

At this point, I am just getting a response like four hours later, which clearly indicates I have moved into the Provider role.
She will keep me around just to get an emotional response or a boyfriend role and if she is lonely she will text me. - Which I don't have time for and fuck it I don't want to feel like shit wondering if she is going to text me or not. Clearly, she thinks she has all the power and I don't- It doesn't feel good at all.

As a caveat, I do live in a different culture where things are super conservative so it may be a little different in the way things work but still I don't want to put myself into the black hole of waiting around thinking about her while she goes off and meets and fucks other guys- My time is too important to.

If she does send a text: I will try to get her out on one more date if so I will build sexual tension and do it the right way.

I think it is best to let this one go and stop chasing, but damn she was a cutie.


If you don't mind...maybe you can help me with Girl #2:

I actually was successful with her and we became lovers on the second date.

But now...I am getting no response.

The texting is the following:

Next day:
Me: Hey XXX- I had a great time with you last night . What's your schedule like this week. Let's grab dinner. - When I was writing this my thought was maybe this is too much to soon, I am possibly killing the vibe. but I sent it anyways.
Her: Oh really ^^ thank you but I am not sure about my schedule.

Then I went radio silent for 1 day.

Blah blah texting:
Me: Getting some cravings, sugar, and they have to do with you. I'm in the mood for ice cream-thinking we should get some, pronto, How's your schedule for tomorrow?
Her: Busy maybe
Me: Does busy maybe mean? Yes or no?- I wasn't sure if I should send this or not I felt it would look needy which I didn't want to do. I think the best thing would have been not to respond.
Her:
Me: So busy then...okay. - Again, I think I fucked up and this comes off as too needy.

At this point, my thought process is to let it go and ping her in a couple of days.

Any thoughts?

Talk about live and learn- I must say though I feel so much better about dating in general and learning.
It definitely is better then chasing and feeling like shit all the time.

Thanks again for your help.

Surfer

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Surfer,

What I was about to say on Girl #1, Grand Pooba said it all, first. This one was a big hint, especially if she raised the point on her own:

later she even told me she appreciated me not taking her home

When I read it, my reaction was you missed the window. Also agreed with what jdoc said, you should avoid the hot kiss during the date. Do it when she's at your place and you're about to fuck her.

Girl #2. I don't do a four messages at once text:

Me: Hey XXX- I had a great time with you last night . What's your schedule like this week. Let's grab dinner.

What you're doing in one text is
1. Reconnect
2. Giving away that you liked her (instead of keeping mystery)
3. Asking for another date
4. Asking her schedule

Too much at once. I would never say something like "I had a great time with you last night" unless she does first. It's coming from insecurity and a little needy. Plus, you're giving her your balls and hoping she'll take a good care of them.

My basic principle is that, if she liked me, she will come back, especially if I've already fucked her. So I'm in no hurry to reinitiate texting the next day. IF she doesn't come back at all the next day, I would just test the mood: "hey how are you?" (1. Reconnect) IF she answers, then chat a little with her, and if the mood is right suggest a date: "alright, let's grab a dinner soon." (3. Suggest another date). IF reaction is positive, then see schedule :"How about tomorrow evening?" - you want to set the date not too far ahead if possible.

And if any of the above feels resistance or meets silence, you go on silence a few days and try again. Still no luck? She must be rationalizing that this was "only a one night stand" and autorejected. You got her in bed once, be appreciative of this, and move on.

Cheers
Seppuku