Asked Shanara on Date and No Response

[Troy]

Merry Christmas Everyone,

I met a girl last year when I went out Christmas Eve. We met accidentally on a bus when I was coming back from my night out. It was 5:11am on Christmas day. We had a short spicy conversation and she told me that she wasn't from this part of the country and was only visiting for Christmas. The conversation drifted into silence once more 5 minutes into the bus journey. Then 2 minutes after that she asked me if I would lend her my shoulder to lean on and I said yes. We fell asleep cuddling together until I woke up at the destination and woke her too.

When we got off the bus, her friends saw that we had rapport so left us to walk together. I don't remember the what we talked about but I remember we had a interesting conversation. I flirted, teased, and held her hand while we walked and she was totally comfortable with it. I asked her if she wanted to go out and chill before she would leave the following week and she said yes. I grabbed her number and texted her the initial text!

" Hey Shanara! This is Troy. Save my number and get some rest you sleepy head lol"

She replied to me but I don't remember what was said. Unfortunately because she had limited time to do anything other than stay with her family I didn't meet up with her again.

During the Year

I cut contact with Shanara since there was no chance of us meeting up soon. Chase said that it would make the girl think I had no options with girl's near me which would be like negative preselection on her first impression of me.

I told Shanara in January that if she ever come in my city that she should let me know. In September I made my move again by remindering her who I was. I spoke to her on the phone and got her laughing and telling me about herself. And I reminded her again to let me know when she was coming in my city.

Now it's December and I've gotten back in contact with her last night over text. Here is the text conversation:

Troy: Hey Shanara! Coming my side for Christmas? You can text me sometimes you know. Id feel like I'm not stalking you if you texted me sometimes too lol. Lin Grand Market is going to shell ( be amazing ) this year.
Troy ( signed my name so she couldn't ask who I was )

Shanara: lol who is this?

Troy: Troy

Shanara: Okay I'm coming

Troy: ( emotion) awesome

Shanara: Ok

Troy: Are you in Spa Villa yet ( my city where I live and also where we got off the bus )

Shanara: No a lie. I'm not coming to Lin Grand Market. I'll be coming on Sunday

Troy: I'd like to meet up with you for ice cream. I know the best shop in Spa Villa

Shanara: I don't like ice cream ( I think this is weird. Who doesn't like ice cream?)

Troy: What do you like then? I like Chinese, KFC, Jam foods, Movies. Which sound good to you?

Troy: KFC is nice. Do you like KFC food?

She hasen't replied and I'm wondering what I said that made her not reply. I know she goes to bed early so I'll assume she fell asleep. She goes to sleep by 9:30pm and we texted past her bed time. That last text I sent at 9:51pm. I'm thinking that whether she did or didn't see my text before going to bed if I should text her tomorrow morning or afternoon with something flirty to make her smile. That flirty text would just be used to get her to think of me as a non-needy cool guy and help her say yes to going out with me. She is coming in my city on Sunday and will be staying for a few days before heading back across the country. About 6 hours away from me she lives and I won't have another chance till next year again.

Should I send her a flirty text tomorrow? What should I do? Wait till she contacts me again? Where did I go wrong in the text conversation above?

A flirty text I can think of to send her tomorrow ( today actually since it's 2:30am now, but I would wait till around 10:00am when it would be long daylight ) is:

Hey Shanara! Wake up sleepy head lol. You totally fell asleep last night I guess. That brings back memories of last year when you feel asleep on my shoulder. I'm a sleepy head too.Want to see who can fall asleep first over text tonight? lol

OR..........

Good Morning! I hope you didn't set your alarm clock to a "chicken" sound all because I asked you if you want to go out to KFC. I'm sure you eat chicken. I've got a neighbour that raises chickens so I don't use alarm clocks. I've got my alarm clock right in my neighbours back yard. Hint: It's a chicken lol. So what do you say about us chilling for chicken?

What do you think of those examples guys? Are they ok or would they come off the wrong way?

Troy

 

[someone]

A few things jump out at me:

1.) Check out your sent / received message ratio as well as the fact that you dominated the 'conversation', a word which I am using liberally.
2.) She asked who you are despite signing your name? Either she's clueless (doubtful) or she was giving a strong hint (I don't know her character, so I can't comment on that except to say that a young female in the 21st century is usually savvy enough to figure out who texted them when they include their name).
3.) You were WAY too eager on the first message. You were practically wagging your tail and immediately established that you were chasing her by a.) contacting her instead of following through on waiting for her to contact you and b.) further insisting that she should contact you.
4.) "Hey Shanara! Coming my side for Christmas? You can text me sometimes you know. Id feel like I'm not stalking you if you texted me sometimes too lol." <---That line, just, no.
5.) She doesn't like ice cream. I think your instincts are correct on this one. Who doesn't like ice cream? More importantly, what girl who was interested in getting to know you would say that she doesn't like ice cream so bluntly and without a counter-offer? She's so clearly not interested and you are chasing so hard I really hope I don't need to point it out any further.

I think you would have been better off just leaving the conversation when she said "I don't like ice cream." She is probably not going to contact you, though I've been surprised before. As Chase would say, 'don't chase her, replace her.' Plenty of fish Troy, and you've sort of established a mild desperation by contacting this girl throughout the year despite telling her to contact you if she's ever in town. If she was interested, she would have contacted you. Maybe she fell in love. Maybe she is no longer attracted to you. Maybe she went through a bad relationship recently. Whatever it is, don't take it personally.

Please, for the love of God, do not send the messages you are planning to send.

1.) In all likelihood she isn't interested.
2.) You have chased her enough.
3.) She got your last two messages.
4.) Don't make up elaborate G-rated jokes to tease her, it comes across as contrived and a bit odd.

Find another girl, she isn't worth troubling yourself over, no girl is. They go willingly, or they're a waste of time.

As far as Chase's advice:

I cut contact with Shanara since there was no chance of us meeting up soon. Chase said that it would make the girl think I had no options with girl's near me which would be like negative preselection on her first impression of me.

I think it's sound advice, but for me personally, I don't mind dangling girls if there's a chance we might hook up when/if they come around again. That said, I don't really make an effort to track their whereabouts and await their arrival. I don't see any harm in keeping just enough communication with a person that they'll consider contacting you when they're in town. Actually, with girls like this, I often share just enough about my dating situation to gauge their interest and see if they might be a tad jealous. If they're not, that's a good sign they're not interested. The key here though is sprezzatura and the ability to remain aloof, refusing to chase or give away any interest / feelings you may have that you can't act upon.

 

[Troy]

Merry Christmas Someone,

Shanara still didn't reply to my text. I like the advice you gave me, my gut tells me it's correct. I'll keep your advice in mind and ensure I don't make the same mistake again. Thanks for the detailed reply. Enjoy your Christmas bro!

Troy