Asking a girl about other men

[mike]

Hi fellow women lovers. First post here, but I've been reading the website regularly so I figured it was time for me to up my interaction a bit.

Just recently I have started using the techniques I read here and it has been rewarding in terms of lays.

Specifically, I've had a fling with this cute girl that lasted about two months, where she ended up saying (well, implicitly) she wanted more than just sex and had met a guy she was trying to commit to, so she put an end to our relationship.

On the other hand she was about to leave for a student exchange program (which is also how we met in the first place - I work in the office in charge of exchange programs), and spend a semester abroad.

Regardless, when she ended our thing, I replied (maybe a bit coldly?) that I was obviously not joyful about it, but that she has to pursue her happiness and whatever works for her.

So that's how I left it, and after a while, a few days before leaving the country, she texts me asking me out with friends for a "see you soon" drink. I reply hinting that I could never say no to a group thing with her (hot) female friends, and she laughs about it but then nothing happened and she stayed home that night - said she was drunk and did not feel like going out.

Lately she has been in touch from abroad, texting me every now and again asking how things are going and the like and since I would not mind one bit to rekindle our relationship when she returns - oh I still remember her perfect ass - my question basically: how would you think my asking about her sex life come across to her? I am genuinely curious and I am not asking out of jealousy, if anything it is to be sexual with her, and show her that I hold no grudge and I am perfectly fine with her having whatever sex she feels like now that she's abroad.

 

[Thedoctor]

mike,

my question basically: how would you think my asking about her sex life come across to her? I am genuinely curious and I am not asking out of jealousy, if anything it is to be sexual with her, and show her that I hold no grudge and I am perfectly fine with her having whatever sex she feels like now that she's abroad.

From a long distance, there really is no way to ask her without sounding like you're jealous or insecure, especially since it sounds like you still have some feelings for her. I doubt it is purely out of curiosity, otherwise you wouldn't be asking about a tactful way to ask her on this forum. I'd suggest not really contacting this girl until while she is away. Tell her to enjoy the experience and she can tell you all about it when she gets back. Then, stop thinking about her and start meeting other girls.

-John

 

[Estate]

What comes across strongly is that you are waaaaaaaaay into this girl.
For whatever reasons, be it to convince yourself off your player-hood you're acting like she doesn't matter.

All in all... obviously you ARE asking her out of jealousy. There's no other reason you would want to know.
A man with options would already have deleted her contact and moved on.

 

[mike]

Thank you both for your replies.

However, you are both assuming, and you are both wrong. I have definitely moved on, and I have bedded various other girls in the meantime; I gave some context only for reference, but I am still curious what your answer would be, even out of context, to my question.

John, you wouldn't, in this case, am I right? Do you ever do that anyway?

 

[JimmyB]

The only reason you would "just be curious" is because you're interested in her, aka still have feelings for her. So you may say you've moved on, but it sounds more like she moved on. It sounds like if she asked you to come back to her, you'd do so without hesitation.
Not like you've lost this girl forever, but temporarily there's nothing to do. Investing into her when she's abroad May make you feel better temporarily but if you want to get back with this girl after, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot. Go around, look for new girls, see if she's interested in you when she gets back.

Just some perspective: I went abroad as well. My roommate and I had a lot of sex with girls in the program consistently, nothing serious relationship wise. My roommate literally was having sex with this girl when she stops and says she has to pick up a call. It was her boyfriend. She legitimately was still with the boyfriend. She wasn't the only one doing this.
If she is having sex (very possible) I wouldn't want to know really, because girls do have sex, they're not virginal princesses. She's having fun, and if you bring it up before she does it sounds like you're going to judge her based on the response (which you are, you're human). You can say you don't care, but be honest, if she said 15 dudes, you'd feel something. Not trying to imply anything about your girl specifically, just girls in general. Go out, throw in a line and reel In some new fish.

JB

 

[mike]

The only reason you would "just be curious" is because you're interested in her, aka still have feelings for her. So you may say you've moved on, but it sounds more like she moved on. It sounds like if she asked you to come back to her, you'd do so without hesitation.
Not like you've lost this girl forever, but temporarily there's nothing to do. Investing into her when she's abroad May make you feel better temporarily but if you want to get back with this girl after, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot. Go around, look for new girls, see if she's interested in you when she gets back.

Just some perspective: I went abroad as well. My roommate and I had a lot of sex with girls in the program consistently, nothing serious relationship wise. My roommate literally was having sex with this girl when she stops and says she has to pick up a call. It was her boyfriend. She legitimately was still with the boyfriend. She wasn't the only one doing this.
If she is having sex (very possible) I wouldn't want to know really, because girls do have sex, they're not virginal princesses. She's having fun, and if you bring it up before she does it sounds like you're going to judge her based on the response (which you are, you're human). You can say you don't care, but be honest, if she said 15 dudes, you'd feel something. Not trying to imply anything about your girl specifically, just girls in general. Go out, throw in a line and reel In some new fish.

JB

I see your point, perhaps similar to what the other commenters were implying, but you made it very clear.

To be fair, I am admittedly transitioning to thinking of women as replaceable, and maybe when I was with her I was (to some extent am) still idolizing girls like I used to before..

 

[JimmyB]

That may be a big part of it. As we make progress, we can look back at the girls we made mistakes with (or girls that we currently aren't with) and want that back. Usually this happens when you don't have other girls in your life (hence importance of abundance). I can think of a few that I wish I had navigated properly, because at the time I thought those girls were smoking. But now looking back, I'm not even sure I'd want to get with them because they aren't that hot...I just wasn't as good with women and didnt have as many options, so my view was skewed. Sounds like you haven't really screwed anything up, and after time away she may be interested again. If she comes back and wants more, go with it.

 

[Thedoctor]

Thank you both for your replies.

However, you are both assuming, and you are both wrong. I have definitely moved on, and I have bedded various other girls in the meantime; I gave some context only for reference, but I am still curious what your answer would be, even out of context, to my question.

John, you wouldn't, in this case, am I right? Do you ever do that anyway?

Mike,

Check out this article:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-m ... d-out-here

Her sexual past doesn't really matter to me, regardless. So to answer your question: No, I don't ask, but if you're seeing a girl for a while, it always seems to come up one way or another. You usually learn that most of her partners were terrible lays anyway.

-John

 

[mike]

Why wouldn't it?

I'm just hypothesizing..but my take on this would be that nonchalantly discussing the sex life of a girl you're banging (or have, or will) shows you are a non-clingy man, who acknowledges women are sexual beings, and ultimately turns them on.

 

[Franco]

mike,

I'm just hypothesizing..but my take on this would be that nonchalantly discussing the sex life of a girl you're banging (or have, or will) shows you are a non-clingy man, who acknowledges women are sexual beings, and ultimately turns them on.

While your hypothesis is not coming from a place of neediness, it's still not really the way most women will take it. You're assuming she'll see things this way, but in reality, she'll even wonder why a guy who isn't nearby (and having sex with her at the time) is asking about her current sexual relations. She's of course going to assume that you're worried, and no matter how "cool" you play it, the actual act of just asking about it conveys a sense of worry and/or neediness.

If you really weren't worried and genuinely sexually open, you wouldn't ask her in the first place (because you ARE sexually open, and you already KNOW she's fucking other guys, so if she wants to discuss it with you, she'll bring it up to you on her own accord). You have to think one step ahead with women because you can bet that they are already thinking one step ahead at every turn with you.

- Franco