Asking her home: what are some common pretexts you use?

[johndoe]

Chase mentions in this article about simplifying dates that you should always ask a girl home on the first date. Seeing as you need some form of plausible deniable proposal for escalating, what are some of the contexts you guys have used to ask a girl home? The one Chase proposes is "let's grab a nightcap / watch a movie at my place".

But is grabbing a nightcap too direct? What if a girl sincerely doesn't drink? Tell her "I'll get you juice then, you can watch me drink" or something?

Plus, what are some common objections you've gotten to your pretexts?

 

[ray_zorse]

Could you elaborate a little on your date plan, logistics etc and I will propose some suitable dialogue?

My current date plan is as follows, I hit on this on the spur of the moment during a date last week so I have only run it once, but it has elements from previous successful structured dates.

1. Meet at Starbucks in the centre of the city. (I live in northwest pocket of city centre 3 city blocks away).
2. Give her my Starbucks card and have her order for us.
3. Sit ideally at a corner table and get to know her, escalating touch so ideally I have my hand in her lap after 40min or so.
4. Say "it's very loud in here, let's go for a walk".
5. Outside Starbucks steer her in my general direction.
6. Say "let's sit in the park and talk a bit".
7. Walk the 3 blocks or so to city park in northwest pocket. This goes basically past my place. Seed that I live in the area id she doesn't already know.
8. Sit on the grass for 40min or so. Get her sharing emotionally. If she is Asian she is a long way from home and has also had an emotionally repressive upbringing so ask her stuff like her experiences getting settled in Australia, the social circle she's built, her upbringing, school and family life, dating in her culture etc, just be careful of negative threads. (You already know about her study, career, goals etc from earlier).
9. Say "I'm getting hungry, let's go cook some food". Take her by the hand, walk her the half block.back to my place. If she asks where, say mysteriously "somewhere we can cook food". Or just squeeze her hand if still holding it.
10. Try to escalate in the lift or within 10min of getting home.

Ray

 

[johndoe]

Hey Ray,

Could you elaborate a little on your date plan, logistics etc and I will propose some suitable dialogue?

I've got a date with a girl who I find drop dead gorgeous (from the usual opener, sincere compliment and asking for her number). So I propose to meet her at a mall with a beautiful rooftop area overlooking the sea. I told her we'll order some takeaways and find a spot on the roof to hang out. I want to escalate quick, but she ends work pretty late so I don't have a lot of time to work with (and she has work the following day too). I want to:

1. Build a connection fast.
2. Escalate physically.
3. Kiss her and set up a following date a few days later for her to come to my place.
4. Grab a drink at a nearby bar before we call it a day? (Don't know if I should, seems extraneous after setting up date #2)

Initially, I wanted to suggest to her that we'd grab a drink at my place before we end the night, but I really don't think the logistics works out (the mall is too far from my place, and it'd be really late by the time we're done with this). That's why I'm thinking of proposing that she come to my place to hang out and watch a movie (or something) following the first date.

My problem is that I have practically no experience escalating. I've had intimate experiences before (no sex though. I'm quite a prude that way), but in those situations the escalations were really initiated by girls who were really into me (they'd drop hints that "I was really sexy" or just held eye contact with me till I "got it"). In situations where I'm with girls who don't initiate anything until I make the first move, I usually blow it because I freak out (the last time this happened was when I made a sudden move to kiss a girl after being "platonic" for a whole night and freaked her out. She reciprocated eventually, but I still think it was pretty sloppy escalation). I don't want to leave this date up to chance, so I want to figure out a watertight "escalation plan" when a connection is built.

So I'm thinking about:
- How to prime a girl for kissing before actually kissing her.
- How to kiss a girl (I guess you have to coax that "look" out of her first?).
- A pretext with plausible deniability for a girl to come to my place.

I could use some ideas about sub-communicating the idea of intimacy to a girl before I actually try and escalate. Willie Beck has a really good in-field video, but I'm hoping to get more perspectives of how it can be done so I can find one that better meshes with who I am.

 

[ray_zorse]

That's tricky.

You could go for informational date (30~45 min, get to know her a little, be sexy, end it on a high point leaving her wanting more)... in a way this is the right thing to do, cos she hasn't allocated u much quality time and u might not want to reward that. However I don't have much success with this method.

So yeah I would prob try to pull her home, if she's really into you she can always make bad decisions like blowing off work or going in tired, I mean that's what u'd do if offered sex w someone hot right? Also, if you try to pull and it doesn't work, at least now she knows u have a pair for next time.

Do u have netflix? Suggesting a drink and a video might work, if she declines the video on time grounds then say well how about just the drink and talk a little, I'm enjoying your company and it seems early to end the night... or, if u want to go the plausible deniability route try Chase's way... I know somewhere with great music and really cheap drinks... with this I'd caution you to seed it earlier that u live in the area, as described above, so she knows in reality you mean your place... bit of emphasis on "really" cheap drinks so she knows u mean free... etc, as u don't want to shock her too much.

Ray

 

[DLegend]

Hey Ray,

I feel like your seductions take way too long, and that's probably hurting your success.

Yes escalate physically, and deep dive her a bit. But you're not her therapist, you are a Sexy guy who's gonna give her a good time. Pretty sure you know to move fast with women, if you read LRs here, they don't take very long. The faster the better chances you will have, of course there are limits... You have to be reasonable.

If you're taking that long to take them home, then in my opinion there are 3 it might be hurting your success:

1. You're a tease(if youre setting the playful vibe) and they'll like it... For a little while, then they auto reject.
2. Or she could be thinking to herself, that she misinterpreted who she thought you were.
3. Lastly, they could get frustrated that you haven't taken them home yet, and go cold and aloof.

I know this isn't your thread, but I wanted to point that out

Best of luck, DL

 

[ray_zorse]

Haha very timely, since I posted a fast seduction just now, hadn't read your msg at that point but you are right, I think what makes the difference is dialing up the sexy vibe, which I remembered to do in today's case. OTOH young Asian girls need a fair bit of warming up. Anyway, today the pull was like 3 blocks but I sometimes feel this is too long and it's better to pull to an intermediate location (like the park as I suggested). Since the pull to home could result in second thoughts if too long.
Ray