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Attainability or value problem?

John1987

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
6
Hi guys, hope you're doing fine.
So I just met this really cute girl yesterday afternoon, and today I managed to get her to go on date with me (proposed it in person and grabbed her contact to set it up).
The thing is, she seemed pretty into me UNTIL she asked me if I had a girlfriend, to which I responded with "actually my life is kinda busy right know... I just think it wouldn't be fair to the girl".
Then, to my surprise, she said she understood me because she had a boyfriend.
She said "I asked if you were single to see if you had any hidden intentions with me".
She still wanted to go out as "just friends", though.
I just ignored all of that and focused on setting the date up.
My questions are:
*Did I come of as too high value/low attainability, or the opposite?
*In cases where you seem too high value, is it better to answer "do you have a boyfriend?" with a simple "no"?
*Should I still go out with her (not taking the "boyfriend" and the "just friends" parts seriously)?

Thank you in advance,
John.

P.S.: this part happened via text, so she had enough time to figure out how to respond.
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
278
Hi,
I am a bit confused, she asked you about GF on the date or via text after the date? At which point the rest are texts too I assume?
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

John1987

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Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
6
Sorry about that, I just realized it might be confusing after I posted it. I grabbed her number and proposed the date in person (the live part went pretty well).
The part that happened over text was from she asking about my GF to the ending of my post.
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
278
Ok, thanks for clarification.

I think your question is about the article when a girl says she has a boyfriend, right?
Maybe read it again, I dont remember it that well, but to my understanding if girls say that ubruptly like out of nowhere kind of like "to show off", it is usually to say face, therefore attainability. While if said within right context, it is an issue of value.

Furthermore, the following paragraphs take just for consideration, I am definitely not saying that my take on this is correct, it is just how I view it.

To diagnose this precisely, you would have to say how you approched her, how she reacted to you, resistance, complience, investment on your and her side, what was the vibe during the approach, what you talked about etc. If you could post the entire text exchange, someone else might find the root issue that you ran into such an obstacle.

I am not in a position to answer that, I am still kind of stuck with my sticking points. Now, I dont know your skill level at all but keep in mind that if you are starting out, there are a lot of things you dont notice because you are still unaware of their importance. Like for me, 2 years ago it was tonality and intonation of anything the girl said. And we all know it can completely change the meaning.

Anyways, "I asked if you were single to see if you had any hidden intentions with me" could mean multiple things I guess:
like, she already sees you as a friend, also thinks that you accepted that role for whatever reason (like you being just friendly), therefore by "hidden intentions" she might mean like "act as a friend and then just want sex at some point". Because if you had a GF, it would be clear to her.
That going out but "just as friends" part is there because she has a boyfriend. And if she does not, she told you that, she has to go with it.
 
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