AuthenticSelf's Journal

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
I am a 38 year old man living in a small town USA.

Short-term Goals:
* Breakup with my 3 year girlfriend
* Get in-touch with my self as a man who pursues women

Long-term Goals:
* Find me a wifey and start a family
* Work at being a great father and husband (this is easier for me)
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
I have not broken up with my girlfriend yet. I think about it everyday. I am waiting for an opportune time. I know there is no "good" time to breakup. I am planning to do it at the beginning of December.
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
I went out to two events today- a party at an acquaintance and the local bar. I did talk to a pretty girl at the party. Also introduced myself to a few guys. At the bar though, music was loud and I mostly hung back- talking to no one. I haven't gone out to a bar in atleast 5 years. So this was a huge step for me. I felt less intimidated then I used to. I observed a few guys talking to girls. Nothing too great. Im just glad I went out.
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
I have made many changes to my life in the last two months!

Most importantly:
[*]Got out of the relationship
[*]Still have a great job!

My plan is to go out almost everyday and invite women to (a) an instadate, or (b) take digits after asking "are you single?". I have asked two women's contacts- one phone and one email so far but both flaked. One was married- therefore the importance of asking if she is single! The second one was wayy too young, so I may have dodged a bullet there.

I am picking on girls checking me out. I want to start a conversation everytime that happens.
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
Summary: Today I went out and spent about 3-4 hours at a bar. I opened and was opened by a few friendly men and women. I felt calmer than usual and not as stressed in a bar environment.

Living in a small town, I knew many people who said 'Hi' and small talked to me in a bar. It was great. I talked to everyone- an older couple, two couples younger than me. I talked to two women kinda my age who were alone. One of them just buried her head in her phone so I ejected just after I finished my food.

What I want to work on:

* Be social in general.
* Open women I find attractive. See how long I can hold a conversation.
* Ask women I find attractive if she is single.
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
Hello!

As a single dude, I do go out to the bar. I have been talking to women and being friendly overall.

I am good at:
* Starting a conversation, being non-threatening (i.e., opening with a smile) and being friendly

I am not good at:
* Making the conversation man-to-woman
* Playful flirting and teasing

I often feel frustrated and want to go back to my ex, who I see around often and have a volunteer gig with once a week. I also feel jealous of other guys with women on their arm leaving the bar etc.

I am keenly aware of my age. The girls at the local bar are less than 25 years of age and I feel awkward hitting on them and even practicing flirting with them. Sometimes I feel icky about myself, but I think thats my own perception. I have to accept where I am in life and position. Its easy for me to become self-loathing and self-hating.
 

authenticSelf

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
12
I did not go out. I do not remember when I approached a girl last. Certainly not since last week. I jerked off after eating dinner at my apartment. All motivation is out the window. I need to fix this shit.

Changes I want to make:
  • Do not go to my apartment and start 'browsing' the internet.
  • Dress to go out and eat at a restaurant on Saturday nights. Build in time for warm up
  • Write my reasoning about why pick up is 'okay' and not shameful
 
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