Autistic girls?

Dough

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 30, 2021
Messages
48
I've learned how to understand womens' motivations but it's a cold comfort for actually bonding with them because the way they behave is alien to me. While I'm able to predict their behavior, I would never make the same decisions in their place and so my ability to relate to them is sharply limited to "Lmao that's silly. So anyway...". I have to put in a lot of effort to empathize with them, it doesn't feel comfortable or organic. Subconsciously I'd accepted that I would never be able to relate to women and would have to settle with a "she satisfies my needs and I satisfy her needs" type of relationship.

I'll spare you the details, but In a nutshell I met a girl with high functioning autism. She was taken, which sucks because she was the most relatable girl I have ever met in my entire life by a significant margin. I nearly had some tears for the first time while talking to another person. I had to purposefully cut contact with her because I know I'd develop oneitis if I didn't. I've never met any girl like her before.

I don't have a diagnosis for any psychological disorder, but considering the first girl I felt like I could genuinely connect with does, well... How do I meet autistic girls?

Shoutout to that one guy who said to me 6 months ago, "the kind of women you're looking for are either ugly, religious, or socially stunted."
 
Last edited:

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Messages
941
Location
Los Angeles
I'm going to ignore actual diagnostic criteria (because you usually can't be sure). There's also a much larger number of girls (especially in my generation) who have certain traits that might suggest autism from a distance, e.g. high sensitivity to certain things. I'm going to lump the two together for our purposes.

I've met a few girls like that at college. One of them is into me, although I only realized that belatedly after a number of conversations, when she started to open up to me and asked me about another girl in the class.

The main way to meet girls like this is to increase day game volume. College campuses are a good place. Also things like art classes, bookstores, etc.

Discord is also an EXCELLENT place, although geography can be problematic 😏


Be aware that such girls will often challenge aspects of your game that many guys on this forum don't give much attention to. Authenticity is a must, as is calibration.
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1,651
Well @Dough, I actually suggest that you work on understanding the way women see the world and why they do what they do.
It seems like you are so detached to their needs and how their lives work that you have trouble relating and that clises the door for the majority of women.
Of course, that would be the good thing to do on the long term.

On the short term, if you want to find more “autistic” girls (which is kind of a crutch), I suggest you look for them in the places they gather.
People on the spectrum are very predictable.
They tend to work in science or engineering… avoid crowds… are interested in technology and modern fantasy…. etc…

- The fantasy section of bookstores
- Programmers hangouts

That’s where I would start looking
 

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Messages
941
Location
Los Angeles
People on the spectrum are very predictable.
They tend to work in science or engineering… avoid crowds… are interested in technology and modern fantasy…. etc…
This stereotype may have some basis if you're talking about men (although you'd be surprised...guys like that are just the ones who stick out), but it's really not that accurate (or helpful) with regard to women on the spectrum.
Most of the ones I've met fall into the larger category of "quiet thoughtful intellectual" women as far as habits are concerned.

I don't think OP is looking for "coder/gamer girls" either.
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1,651
I don't think OP is looking for "coder/gamer girls" either.

Still, don’t you think there’s a more predictable chance to find them in the stereotypical circles even if they are not the majority of them?
 

Dough

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 30, 2021
Messages
48
On the short term, if you want to find more “autistic” girls (which is kind of a crutch), I suggest you look for them in the places they gather.
Hypothetically if I do have autism, which isn't out of the question considering I'm on this forum forcing myself to learn these arcane mating rituals, then my neurochemistry would literally just be different. Why is it a crutch to want someone that thinks the way you do and that you feel understood and comfortable around?

As far as autism in women goes, my understanding is that it's poorly diagnosed because doctors typically look for the male symptoms, just in women. But that isn't the case because women will often have other fixations, such as art or hyper-empathy and other stuff that men usually won't. Ofc I'm not an expert and just looked into this now, but it seems to match up with my own experiences. As Surveyor alluded to, the easily noticed stereotypical autistic men are the ones that are lower functioning and can't pretend to be neurotypical as effectively as others.

I'm a bit lost on pursuing this because as far as I know they don't gather anywhere? They're sitting at home. Like I do, except for when I force myself to go shopping and talk to women.
 
Last edited:

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
The one autistic woman I tried to get romantic with some years back, was on the high end. It was clear as day that her thought process was very rigid and logical. She visited me once, and at some point after discussing her diagnosis (she brought it up herself) and knowing I wouldn't get together with her, I asked her what she thought my intentions was with having her over. She couldn't make any guesses. Her emotional and social intelligence seemed below average to me. This was the deal-breaker for me.

She became a medical doctor, and I met her in an internship. She liked reading books and playing piano. Close with her family. No makeup. Average looking, and average dressing. Had a relatively fixed structure for her days to not get burned out.

If they are as much on the spectrum as this one, you probably won't meet them outside of their daily routines or interests
 

Derek da man

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 24, 2020
Messages
285
Going back to the original post, and I appreciate I am being a bit "stereotypical", Girls make decisions based mainly around their emotional position at the time and can often change that decision later. Men tend to make decisions based on "logic" and stick with it. That's not to say that either sex is totally based on one or other (logic or emotion) but decisions need to be seen as though they are sat on a set of balancing scales with logic on one side and emotional value on the other.

I suspect I am on the spectrum, on the more mild end, although I would probably sit in the high function area. Like the OP I tend to be attracted to girls that sit on the spectrum, not deliberately, just because I get them and connect with then.

Not all women have been diagnosed either as they are often missed at school age. Boys tend to result in poor grades and/or bad behavior, girls modify their behavior and become very outcome focused and because they are logical they can perform exceedingly well academically hence why the above suggestions that you'll find girls in fantasy type books, programmers, doctors, engineers and other typically "geek" type environments.

A female friend of mine was recently diagnosed with ADHT at the age of 40 although I'd suspected she was on the spectrum for years. With another girl I was chatting to I started to recognize signs from what she described about herself and I asked if she'd ever been assessed - turns out she was diagnosed 6 years ago at the age of 28. These are both girls I have a really good connection with.

So although you may want to go to places these types of women hang out, it's more important to recognise the personality traits that they show so you can recognise them wherever you see them:

-They tent to talk quite quickly as they think quickly. They will often be trying to answer a question before the "average" person has finished asking it. Because they have a quick brain the will hear the first part of the question, work out the rest of the question and be wanting to get their answer out before you have finished asking. This makes for a very fast "back and forward" in a conversation. People not on the spectrum will often end up just being observers of their conversation as it's quite fast.

-The responses they give are usually based on logic and a deeper thought than most, if they don't know they won't "blagg" their way through they will admit they don't know, or more likely ask an insightful question back.

-They will take longer doing tasks, they get side tracked onto other activities easily as they can't balance what is important now and what can wait until later. Similarly decisions can be difficult and need careful consideration and they can't be rushed. Rushing them will put excess pressure on them which results in procrastination and it takes them even longer to decide.

-Activities they enjoy will need knowledge and skill based on learning and practice and they will often appear to excel but this is primaily due to the amount of time spent practicing and developing the skill.

-They enjoy a deep connection with other people - this may be family, friends or a boyfriend. This can be really helpful if you want to pull her but usually takes longer to build the connection and results in you being "boyfriend" material. If you want a fast lay then these girls are probably not for you unless you can plan to bounce from location to location multiple times in a date and are good at setting a logical frame that says if there is a good connection a casual lay is fine.

-They typically don't over dress or wear lots of make up or have fancy hair styles. They usually make themselves look "nice" but they don't try to compete with others, they do just enough to fit in. They think everyone else see them as they see others which is usually based on the depth of conversation and not on how good the visible presentation is. Their idea of a "good vibe" is about depth/detail and less about humor, that's not to say they don't have or like humor, but their real connection is depth.

-They suffer sensory overload which can result in depression, breakdown, etc. Most have leaned the warning signs and know they need to take action to prevent this. Typically they will go out and at a given point decide they are leaving even if the party is still in full swing. Similarly they withdraw from parts of life so they will go to work but won't go out in the evening, or they end up off work with "stress" but it's actually linked to their sensory overload in the work - too much expected by their employer. This is worth remembering when planning dates, look for 1-2-1 type conversational points and meeting, shows or cinema as they can cope with this. Festivals, clubbing and similar places with masses for long periods can be difficult. However, using the "I've had enough, time to leave" reflex from her can be helpful when it's time to pull by taking her somewhere quieter with just the 2 of you.

A lot of these tie up with @Lover description of them. Out of the girls I know have this I've met them at partner dancing nights, singles holidays and speed dating. They are out in bars and clubs but they won't recognise social signals of eye contact or a smile and won't respond similarly which is usually your invitation as a man to go say hello. They will be too busy in their social group to notice.

People on the spectrum are very predictable.
They tend to work in science or engineering… avoid crowds… are interested in technology and modern fantasy…. etc…
Whilst I would agree these types of people are "predictable" because their decisions are based more on the logical than the emotional, and they tend to be drawn to particular jobs that their personality trait works well with, they are out at the same places we all go but unfortunately they don't wear signs.
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1,651
Why is it a crutch to want someone that thinks the way you do and that you feel understood and comfortable around?

Because you’re intentionally greatly reducing your range with the intention of making seductions easier and more convenient for you.

No intention to offend.

I’m just wondering why not go for “very intelligent” and “very attractive” women which you can find in spades if you invest your time and your mind to understand them?
Instead, you’d rather go for a small subset of girls who while being intelligent are also likely to be somewhat socially stunted.

I just don’t get the big appeal if it’s not convenience.
 

Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,083
I agree with @ulrich here.

Yes OP found someone he could relate to on a deep level and he wants to find more girls like that. She happened to be autistic so logically it seems like a good start to find other autistic girls to see if he relates to them on that level.

Here's the thing. I think most people feel this way, that the people they relate to on a deep level are rarities. I know I feel this way. I have some unique world views that make it hard for me to relate to most people. Despite this I have a whole social circle of people that I can relate to on these things and have dated several girls that I could relate to on a deep level.

Why? because I kept meeting people. I became actively social.

I've mentioned this a few times on the forum, but I think the #1 best way to meet people is to be actively engaged in your passions, and somehow incorporate social activities that relate to them. The closet people to me, are the people I met when I was in my element. I love travel, music and natural living, and I've met the best friends and girls of my life while engaged in those.

Another way to say this, if you want to meet people you can relate to, then you need to be engaged in those pursuits that you are passionate about, and NOT do them alone. Tie your pursuits with socializing and you will find a big pool of potentially high quality connections.

My advice for OP is to become more engaged in his passions, and find ways to become involved with groups or events that are related to these things.

There are caveats. If your passion is something that only men like, then obviously there won't be many girls at events for that type of thing. Still might be worth going to since you can build your social circle of men (and cool men will know hot girls), but if your goal is to meet more women, then pick the things that you care about that women can relate to as well, and go to those type of events or become more involved in them.

Sometimes it's as simple as going to a place that you love, that happens to be a good daygame place. I've met a lot of girls at my favorite beach, at concerts, my favorite book stores, my favorite cafe, places I'd be at anyway. The point is, the girls who are at these places will typically be somewhat relate-able because they probably like these places too.
 
Last edited:

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Messages
941
Location
Los Angeles
Why is it a crutch to want someone that thinks the way you do and that you feel understood and comfortable around?
It's not, if your goal is an LTR. Also, read this Wikipedia article.
such as art or hyper-empathy and other stuff that men usually won't.
For sure
I'm a bit lost on pursuing this because as far as I know they don't gather anywhere? They're sitting at home. Like I do, except for when I force myself to go shopping and talk to women.
Well, they all have lives. Most of them probably still shop for groceries the old-fashioned way etc.
 

Surveyor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Messages
941
Location
Los Angeles
-They suffer sensory overload which can result in depression, breakdown, etc. Most have leaned the warning signs and know they need to take action to prevent this. Typically they will go out and at a given point decide they are leaving even if the party is still in full swing. Similarly they withdraw from parts of life so they will go to work but won't go out in the evening, or they end up off work with "stress" but it's actually linked to their sensory overload in the work - too much expected by their employer. This is worth remembering when planning dates, look for 1-2-1 type conversational points and meeting, shows or cinema as they can cope with this. Festivals, clubbing and similar places with masses for long periods can be difficult.
+1
Worth noting, this phenomenon isn't limited to women who are actually on the spectrum. (I should mention I have a sister with ADHD.)

Nightlife and crowds are usually a bad date idea for highly introverted girls of any stripe.

In my experience, high-energy emotional stimulation will almost always backfire. Same with sexualizing if you aren't authentic.
However, using the "I've had enough, time to leave" reflex from her can be helpful when it's time to pull by taking her somewhere quieter with just the 2 of you.
Excellent tip...I'll remember that ;)
 

Derek da man

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 24, 2020
Messages
285
I've mentioned this a few times on the forum, but I think the #1 best way to meet people is to be actively engaged in your passions, and somehow incorporate social activities that relate to them. The closet people to me, are the people I met when I was in my element. I love travel, music and natural living, and I've met the best friends and girls of my life while engaged in those.

Another way to say this, if you want to meet people you can relate to, then you need to be engaged in those pursuits that you are passionate about, and NOT do them alone. Tie your pursuits with socializing and you will find a big pool of potentially high quality connections.
This is probably the best advice you can give to almost anyone, mainly because in terms of value it gives returns in many ways:
-you get to do and enjoy something you love,
-you get to build a social circle of friends who are also passionate about similar things,
-you get to meet women who not only share an interest with you but they will find your passion highly attractive, and because of this they will be very forgiving on many other aspects that the will often reject people for, but because they can see a real person with real passion that increases their attraction immensely.

My passion happens to be partner dancing (ballroom, salsa, etc) and has the added advantage that there are usually many more women than men. I'm not suggesting that this is for everyone as you must be genuinely passionate about what you do, but find something you are passionate about and get involved and you will start to meet lots people where you can develope all your social skills.
 

SteelbookCollector

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 15, 2023
Messages
55
i'm thinking, guessing, just a guess, if guys, men with autism, if they went after autistic women, it would be easier for them to court them or attract them, seduce them, than regular NT women?
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
1,651
i'm thinking, guessing, just a guess, if guys, men with autism, if they went after autistic women, it would be easier for them to court them or attract them, seduce them, than regular NT women?
And what are the ratios there?

1 autistic woman for every 20 autistic guys??
 
Top
>