Avoiding a roommate killing the mood on the 1st or 2nd date?

[raysidney]

Apart from the obvious, trying to bring a girl back to your place when your roommate is away, of your roommate is present how do you avoid the roommate breaking rapport between you and your gir on a second or third date? I recently had a girl over for dinner while my roommate said she was away. When we were coming inside from eating dinner dinner on my balcony, my roommate had just arrived. Both girls introduced each other. It turns out they both were in sororities and we're talking about that for a good 5 or 10 minutes. Eventually I said we should go check out a painting in my bedroom. A few minutes after being in my room, we kissed but it felt all off. We only kissed for a few minutes until my girl said she had to leave to "get up early for work the next day". I'm pretty sure that my roommate broke the sexual vibes from before.

Any advice?

 

[Franco]

raysidney,

Ouch. It sounds like you have a female roommate. That is not good for your game.

My first suggestion would be to get a new roommate or move in with another guy. Having a girl as your roommate is going to put a ton of pressure on any girl you bring home, and you'll probably be facing the same scenario that just happened to you over and over again. Girls take slut-shaming very seriously, and if a girl feels like your female roommate is going to view her as slutty, her legs will be completely closed for the rest of the night.

If you can't avoid it at the moment, I would just have a very friendly talk with your roommate and let her know that you don't mind her meeting girls you are dating but that it's probably best that she wait until you let her know it's okay. Just tell her that she probably knows how it is when you're barely getting to know someone and you feel like someone else in the room might be judging you at the same time. It just takes the pressure off of both parties if they can get to know each other and get comfortable with each other one on one. Hopefully she's cool enough to understand.

If you have a guy roommate, then it's not nearly as big of a deal as long as you explain to your guy roommate not to intervene. One little trick that I have found that's can be convenient is to have your guy roommate chill in the living room when you bring a girl home. You can introduce them quickly (but explain to your guy roommate not to commit to any conversation with her) and then explain to the girl that you should head to your room so that your roommate isn't bothered. It's a quick way to move things right to the bedroom.

- Franco

 

[raysidney]

Thanks man. That's good advice. I just lived with a girl for a short 2 month lease. I'm actually moving again, for a year lease, and the place I found is with two girls. You bring up a good point with the girl not wanting to be perceived as slutty, but the place I just found is centrally located in DC, and lots of cute girls in the neighborhood. How much of a hindrance is it in your experience?

 

[Franco]

ray,

How much of a hindrance is it in your experience?

No personal experience, really. But you get to a point where you understand enough about women to know that their reputation is more important than anything else, and doing anything to jeopardize their reputation is immediately going to close them off to you.

Your last situation was pretty much a deal-breaker because the two girls knew each other from sororities -- that was a pretty much a death sentence to your seduction. As a matter of fact, she was probably already worried about the fact that she came home with you and that your roommate saw you two; that's enough for rumors to start spreading about why she was there and what her intentions were.

If the assumption is that the two girls don't know each other, it's probably a lot less likely to be a death knell, but it still isn't going to bode well for her. Imagine if she does sleep with you and then wants to see you again; she has to come over to your apartment and see your roommate who is now definitely going to be judging her to a certain degree. She won't really know your roommate, so she'll assume the worst before she assumes the best (the best case scenario being that your roommate doesn't care at all, but she won't necessarily know that for sure).

If you're already planning to move in with two other girls, then you can feel free to experiment with what can work for you. Sometimes you end up with roommates who have completely different schedules from you, and that allows you to bring girls home when they aren't there.

Once you sleep with a new girl, it probably won't become a huge issue for her to come back over. If she likes you and the sex was good, I don't think having female roommates will stop her from coming back unless she somehow knows them directly or indirectly. But getting the girl into bed the first time could prove difficult if she meets your roommates before that happens.

- Franco

 

[raysidney]

I'm already planning to move in with these two girls (both random girls, and in their mid 20s) so I'm going to have to get creative. Will be more difficult to use the dinner date, without them being around. Any ideas what to ask my next two roommates to get them away if I want to have a dinner date? I've met them both and they both seem like caring, non-bitchy women, who will be understanding.

The girls actually wouldn't have known each other from my initial post. I'm 26, my date was 28, and my roommate was 28 as well. Long out of college. But I still think you're right in that it had a negative effect. If that happens again, before both girls start talking a lot together, I'm going to try to get my girl out of the apartment and maybe grab desert or go for a walk so we can just engage each other and she can forget about my roommate.

 

[Franco]

raysidney,

Well, one thing that might work is just laying the blame on yourself. Maybe have a talk with your two new roommates (once you've gotten comfortable with them) and let them know that you get really nervous when you have to introduce a new girl to them. You like to feel comfortable when you're bringing a girl home for the first time, and you don't want that nervousness to make the girl you're bringing over nervous as well.

Your two roommates won't necessarily agree with or understand the mindset of, "I don't want you to meet them because then we're less likely to fuck on the first date," but they might understand the concept of, "oh, how cute, he gets nervous when we're around. I don't want to mess up his date; I would feel so bad! Ok, I'll try to stay out of the way!" Essentially, you say that it just helps you feel more comfortable when they're not around and you're bringing a new girl over. It's pretty innocent.

If you find out the girls seem really cool, you can always just go with the direct approach. Let them know that you're kind of this sexy guy who has women over all the time, and you find it difficult to get intimate with them when the roommates are around. If they like you and think you're a really cool dude (and are possibly even attracted to you), they might understand this and let it slide.

I would experiment with what feels comfortable to you. You'll probably learn a thing or two about female roommates in the process. =)

- Franco

 

[Stewart Rod]

raysidney,
One little trick that I have found that's can be convenient is to have your guy roommate chill in the living room when you bring a girl home. You can introduce them quickly (but explain to your guy roommate not to commit to any conversation with her) and then explain to the girl that you should head to your room so that your roommate isn't bothered. It's a quick way to move things right to the bedroom.

These little nuggets of wisdom get harder to find as you get older. Instead you get used to hearing people 'mansplain'

And speaking of which, if anyone can find me a better word for mansplain so that I won't sound like a feminist.

 

[Orelfius]

These little nuggets of wisdom get harder to find as you get older. Instead you get used to hearing people 'mansplain'

And speaking of which, if anyone can find me a better word for mansplain so that I won't sound like a feminist.

Using the proper English expression:
"Hearing men complaining"
instead of
"hearing people mansplain"

There's absolutely no obligation whatsoever to use the hype words du jour mon ami.

 

[Stewart Rod]

These little nuggets of wisdom get harder to find as you get older. Instead you get used to hearing people 'mansplain'

And speaking of which, if anyone can find me a better word for mansplain so that I won't sound like a feminist.

Using the proper English expression:
"Hearing men complaining"
instead of
"hearing people mansplain"

There's absolutely no obligation whatsoever to use the hype words du jour mon ami.

?