FR Back at the Jazz Club

[Dario]

Alright need some feedback. I had a date last night and it ended in a failed escalation. So let’s get to it

The girl will be referred to as “T”. A 21 year old caramel skinned honduran girl. Local College student. Average body with big lips. Solid 7. Critical detail: She had work at 6am the following morning so I DID NOT expect to pull based on logistics.

So initially there was a lot of back and forth texting and rescheduling initially. We set up a date and she never responds to my confirmation text. So I call her two hours before the date and confirm it. We arrive at the lounge at 9pm.


Conversation was good. I touch her at the highpoints in the conversation. On the thigh and on the shoulder. We continue to talk about random boring things. She tells me about some of the guys she met on tindr (how we met) and I just kind of nod and smile to what shes saying. We talk a bit more and I decide it’s time to move her.

I tell her to follow me into the courtyard and were the only two sitting out there. Some more back and forth. So I decide to do the cute/sexy routine.



I place my hand on the table. She takes it. I ask her “ Cute or sexy?” She asks if I mean her or me and I just shrug. She said I’m definitely cute but my tattoos are sexy. I give her a half smile and say okay. I put my hand on her neck and pull her in for a kiss. Its a super weak kiss. A quick peck. So I hold her there and say “no” . I kiss her again but this time I make sure its slow. She gets up and goes to the bathroom.



At this point I felt like it was best chance to pull or leave. So I order an uber and pay the tab. She comes out and I tell her we're leaving. She goes along with it. We chat on the way back. We pull up and my roommate is having a beer pong session. A small one maybe 10 people and I know most of them. We both mingle smoke and hang out she starts talking to some guy she knows and some other girl. After shes done being social I tell her that I have to show her that playlist we talked about (we texted and talked about this bossa nova playlist). So we go and were hanging out in the room blasting music and we start making out eventually.


So here’s where things went WRONG.


Were making out and theres some over the clothes action and shes on top of me. She was wearing a dress so I could really only touch her ass which made the motions kind of awkward. So she's grinding on me and I’m sort of fingering her from the back (long arms bless).


HERES WHERE THINGS GO HORRIBLY WRONG


Okay so disclaimer. I had a few cocktails and a glass of wine so judgement was obviously skewed.


So I have my dick out at this point and shes sitting on top of me and im sort of teasing her with it. We're making out heavy and I go to slip it on in. SHE STOPS DEAD.


“What are you doing? Jesus you can NOT do this without a condom.”


I shrug and say “okay” and reach over to my night stand to grab one.


She stands up and says “no”



She sais something to effect of “I cant. I promised myself I wouldn’t sleep with guys on the first date anymore”



DUDE WHAT! I’m kinda stoned and tipsy and my first thought is. “Be cool” “You dont give a shit so its all good”. I tell her “ yeah its all good”


She starts apologizing blah blah . “Im sorry I just ruined it bla bla are you mad? Bla”



I laugh and tell her its all good and ask her to flash her ass to me and she does.


Eventually she lays back down with me and we start making out again it escalates and she gets up again. “ I cant Dario what time is it?” It’s 1 am. “OMG I gotta go I’m calling an uber” Shes standing by my desk now. I ask her to flash me again and she does not comply . I walk her out and like everyone from the get together is still there haha. I walk her to the car and said nice meeting you.



Shot her the follow up text and no response. I want to finish what I started but I don’t know if I’ll get the chance to. Failed escalations suck we all know this. They are also really hard to come back from in my experience. So fellas, what's the move? Useful comments and questions welcome... Hopefully my buddy @hue can help me here.

 

[Hue]

Hopefully my buddy @hue can help me here.

*see's beacon in the night sky, darts to the Huemobile*


I think that you did a good job with a lot of technical aspects of pulling her and getting her to your place, so good job with all that. The "cute and sexy" thing is definitely something you're good at by now.

Also, great job at being cool and not caring with your reaction to her saying no to sex - that's huge and usually makes girls respect you, which makes them want to fuck you.


This chick had high ASD.

Its a super weak kiss. A quick peck. So I hold her there and say “no” . I kiss her again but this time I make sure its slow. She gets up and goes to the bathroom.

“What are you doing? Jesus you can NOT do this without a condom.”

She stands up and says “no”

She sais something to effect of “I cant. I promised myself I wouldn’t sleep with guys on the first date anymore”

“ I cant Dario what time is it?” It’s 1 am. “OMG I gotta go I’m calling an uber”

Each time the failed escalation happened she rationalized a different reason to not let things continue.

Kiss --> "I have to use the bathroom*
1st sex attempt --> "He doesn't have a condom"
2nd sex attempt --> "I can't on the first date"
3rd sex attempt --> "It's too late for this"

I can't totally tell from your report but if I had to guess I'd say you didn't build enough connection, but you definitely had her aroused. The latter without the former will crumble with girls that have high ASD, and judging from the fact that she was seemingly scrambling for a reason that she shouldn't listen to her emotions and hunger for cock, I think she definitely did.

Next time you find yourself getting similar vibes to this one with a girl be sure to deep dive and get some type of connection, and then qualify her so she knows that you enjoy her as a person.

You could try a slower escalation, so that she'll slowly convince herself that what she's doing is okay. I also think that because you immediately were like "okay I'll just put a condom on" you got turned down. You should have built her arousal and emotions back up, THEN naturally slipped on a condom and went for it, since she said initially that was her reason to not having sex. You were thinking with logic, she was thinking with the emotion of ASD.


As far as going forward with her, don't text her for 3-5 days. Then when you do, said her a low effort text and try to build a little report before getting into asking her out. You probably need to both build rapport AND test the waters by sending her low effort stuff, then gauging her response to what way you want to ask her out.

Hope this helps (;


Hue

 

[Dario]

I have to start off by saying this why I like this forum. I posted also posted this report on seddit. However, the responses I get here have been very detailed, cerebral, and technical. Not mention one redditor told me I should have specifically asked for consent and I was a bad person. HA. So thanks hue.


You're right about deep diving. Our conversation was always very surface level stuff. I realize now that I'm either a total lush who's full of affection and empathy or a fuckin reptile who just wants sex. I place a lot of emphasis on eye contact so my reptilian side was probably showing a bit that night. I remember silently listening and judging her in my mind. I was probably giving her a cold look at the time. So that's pretty accurate. The "cute sexy" move has had a 100% success rate so far (fingers crossed).


I did not consider the ASD angle. It does make sense though. I believe that the social group atmosphere at my apartment contributed to this. Her guard probably went up a bit more considering everyone knew that I took her to my room (with music blasting). I should follow up as you suggested. I also accidentally talked game to her by briefly telling her the less she knows about a man (me), the more interesting he is. Unfortunately, I deleted all of her contact info in an attempt to move on quickly. I think I may have deprived myself of a learning experience in the process. Great feedback though.


Out of curiosity, what do you mean by low effort text? Here's what I think that would look like. Maybe you can tell me if this misses the mark.

" So the Bar just contacted and told me they're charging my card for ruining their strawberries and scaring their clientele with my buzzcut"

The bars the main clientele is mainly the upper-middle-class conservative type and I grabbed strawberries from the bar to illustrate a point I was making to her.

 

[Hue]

Not mention one redditor told me I should have specifically asked for consent and I was a bad person. HA.

It was completely rational for you to assume that a Tinder date, back at your place, who was allowing you to tease her pussy with your dick was down for sex. However it's a safer bet for you as a man to suggest sex (implicitly or explicitly), or tell her to beg for your cock before actually entering. Blurred lines.

Out of curiosity, what do you mean by low effort text? Here's what I think that would look like. Maybe you can tell me if this misses the mark.

My bad, I should have better explained what I meant, I kind of shot that last paragraph out quickly.

What I meant to suggest was that you "ping" her with a low effort text like...

"hey had a question for ya"
"hey T guess what"

... to get her attention. Once (if) she responds you can thereafter send a rapport building text.

So the Bar just contacted and told me they're charging my card for ruining their strawberries and scaring their clientele with my buzzcut

This could work as rapport as it gets the conversation going and comes off as comfortable from your end. However this is not low effort, and is closer to a medium amount of effort. You do want to put in more effort in building rapport over text, that's kind of the point. If it were me I would try to get my foot in the door with the low effort, then invest more into the texting conversation once you've gotten something from her end.

By using this combination you allow yourself to tests the waters, chit chat for 5-10 texts, then ask her out now that she's calmed herself in regards to seeing you. However, if she already unmatched you, chances are she's gone. Next.


Hue