- Joined
- Jul 30, 2020
- Messages
- 63
I've been going on outings most days, and smoking weed before. I'll spend lots of minutes simply people-watching in public places, and watching my interal reactions to presence of attractive women, and journaling about them and about the ideas I've encountered in PU community. This post has two interaction reports and a connected insight about PU.
Last Saturday I talked to a girl in a tiny bikini at an empty beach who turned out to be gay. About 100% of the time people will let me sit down if I just go up to them and say, "can I sit down?" I made a clumsy move and she told me she was "taken." Boyfriend or girlfriend? I asked. Girlfriend. I figured because of adidas soccer shorts.
Then Sunday I went up to a girl I saw walking on a beach path in a crowded area, and she allowed me to walk with her, and we spent 30 minutes together. I made a clumsy move that led her to letting me put my hand around her waste. We walked the rest of the way to her destination like that and she told me if I asked her out on a date she would say yes. She kept saying I could ask her out on a date, actually. I texted her twice but she never responded.
I think I had one other approach this week which went similarly. These seem lame, and they are, but I think I'm at a point where I am learning from my mistakes and actually learning from the presence of anxiety.
This insight illustrates that point. In almost every interaction I have, I make a person laugh, commit a fopa, and say or do something kind, thoughtful or generous-- all three in every interaction. I did not realize that. I also did not realize that immediatley after each interaction I have, whether I am still in the presence of others or not, I do an internal review of it like in that Black Mirror episode where everyone has implanted video recorders. First, I think about the nice thing and smile. Then I think about the funny thing and laugh out loud. Then I think about the fopa and frown. At about that moment I feel as if I should have stayed in bed that day. Anyone present can see exactly what I'm thinking, and that makes me to want to stop doing that, i.e., stop reviewing my social performance and judging it. It feels like taking off a clown mask at a party. I am wearing this mask-- the mask of the emotions I have while I am stuck in my head. It's a funny mask because it reveals instead of conceals. In social interactions including PU, it's important to conceal some things, and now I feel as if I can go ahead and do that.
Also, all these other positive experiences have been happening as well and more outings soon.
Last Saturday I talked to a girl in a tiny bikini at an empty beach who turned out to be gay. About 100% of the time people will let me sit down if I just go up to them and say, "can I sit down?" I made a clumsy move and she told me she was "taken." Boyfriend or girlfriend? I asked. Girlfriend. I figured because of adidas soccer shorts.
Then Sunday I went up to a girl I saw walking on a beach path in a crowded area, and she allowed me to walk with her, and we spent 30 minutes together. I made a clumsy move that led her to letting me put my hand around her waste. We walked the rest of the way to her destination like that and she told me if I asked her out on a date she would say yes. She kept saying I could ask her out on a date, actually. I texted her twice but she never responded.
I think I had one other approach this week which went similarly. These seem lame, and they are, but I think I'm at a point where I am learning from my mistakes and actually learning from the presence of anxiety.
This insight illustrates that point. In almost every interaction I have, I make a person laugh, commit a fopa, and say or do something kind, thoughtful or generous-- all three in every interaction. I did not realize that. I also did not realize that immediatley after each interaction I have, whether I am still in the presence of others or not, I do an internal review of it like in that Black Mirror episode where everyone has implanted video recorders. First, I think about the nice thing and smile. Then I think about the funny thing and laugh out loud. Then I think about the fopa and frown. At about that moment I feel as if I should have stayed in bed that day. Anyone present can see exactly what I'm thinking, and that makes me to want to stop doing that, i.e., stop reviewing my social performance and judging it. It feels like taking off a clown mask at a party. I am wearing this mask-- the mask of the emotions I have while I am stuck in my head. It's a funny mask because it reveals instead of conceals. In social interactions including PU, it's important to conceal some things, and now I feel as if I can go ahead and do that.
Also, all these other positive experiences have been happening as well and more outings soon.
