Balancing masculine and feminine energy

[Jaimie Richards]

Hey friends,

I've just been rereading the newest gem by Drexel and I've found an interesting comment,so I'm posting it below - I hope it will start a wonderful discussion.

I'd like to dive deeper into what being masculine really means and balancing feminine and masculine qualities within yourself. I definitely have masculine qualities, yet I feel as I have a lot of feminine qualities that throw the balance off. Does that make sense?

It's inspired me to bring this topic to our boards as here we can shed some light on this matter. As far as I know, we don't have any piece about balancing these two sides of our nature (or do we? if so, please let me know - however, I remember we DO have articles about masculinity). To add my 2 cents to the question: even though we all have our goals aligned - to become the best seducers as possible, therefore: to become the most masculine guys we can - we all have both masculine and feminine traits.

In different life circumstances we show our different sides - during truly sad occasions (like burials of our loved ones) men cry, in danger situations women may exude dominance to preserve well-being of them and their loved ones etc. Hence, we display traits normally connected with opposite sex. I know I've given kinda extreme examples - where such behaviors are both justified and truly right.

To build up on the comment by Anon, I'd like to ask this: what is the maximum amount of masculinity we should aim for? Also, what is achievable?

To illustrate the questions above, I'll give you this example - when we talk about heat engines, we know that we cannot build anything better than the Carnot engine, because it is physically impossible. In given circumstances we get different (better/worse) engines of such kind, but they are abstract - in completely ideal conditions we can make 'em, but in reality all our constructions won't be as good as the ideal one. Having the knowledge of what's possible in the best abstract conditions, we can deduce what can be achieved in the reality. (If you want to know more, check here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnot_heat_engine.)

So, using this metaphor: what is our "Carnot masculinity"? What would be maximum masculinity in most ideal conditions - and how it relates to real life? Is 100% masculinity even possible... and if so, would it be good? Also, how much of the feminine side should we have to be the best of the best?

Thanks for reading, fellas - I know it's long, but I've done my best to trim it... And now you have the results.

- J.

 

[Zoro]

This was my comment

Awesome that you brought this up because I was thinking of doing the same!

In my experience masculinity is about understanding what you want and knowing how to get it. It comes with experience and why you'd never call a boy, a man. Also why even though I am an adult, I do not consider myself a full grown man, still dabbling and exploring unsure of what I want. If you look at the list below you can see why being unsure of what you want makes it difficult to be masculine!

I would say that more is not the ideal but a good balance and healthy dose of each side of masculine and feminine. Meditation is probably the best way to gain insight about yourself concerning these things, while also balancing those qualities. Note when I say balanced I do not necessarily mean 50/50 and can certainly fluctuate.

I can think of one example of a celebrity that oozes both masculine and feminine qualities. Russell Brand. Any more examples would be great so we all don't start idolizing him (like some do with James Bond) as the pinnacle of a balanced man.

Quick google search of masculine and feminine traits yielded this... (from http://www.rebellesociety.com/2012/10/1 ... n-balance/)

Masculine qualities are characterized by being:

action-oriented
focused
assertive
passionate
transforming
stability
protect
support

Feminine qualities are characterized by being :

receptive
creation
instinctual wisdom
relating
nurturing
compassion
intuition
empathy

Interesting list, but this topic can be imprecise. Would like to hear everyone's thoughts on this!

PS My most rewarding relationships had a clear masculine and feminine dynamic. My masculinity brought out the girl's femininity and her femininity complemented my masculinity. The description of a girl melting and becoming your little sex kitten is a good one for this dynamic. Good leadership skills, dominance and understanding and awareness of my girls' emotions and personality is vital for this dynamic.

I remember once I told my girl we were going somewhere. She didn't even ask me where and followed along like my little sidekick. That little moment was profound for me and was representative of our relationship as a whole. The reason why she would follow my lead was because she trusted me, trusted that I understood and was aware of her emotions and would lead her in the right direction both in emotions and literally the places we were headed. This allowed her to submit and experience her femininity and let me experience my masculinity, which feels amazing for both parties.

This is also why having a good balance of femininity in yourself is ideal because it gives you a greater understanding of feminine energy and allows you to lead and be dominant with finesse, even artfully. And I would say the moments where I have felt most masculine in a feminine woman's presence were moments of creativity.

 

[Drck]

Yes, great topic. So IMO:

There are two energies, masculine and feminine, and each person (male and female) has both. Naturally, males have more masculine energies and females have more feminine energies. So quickly:

Masculine energy is more roughness, dominance, independence, emotional dis-attachment or coldness. In simple words, classical Alpha male would have lots of masculine energy. Mature male. When you look at movies from 60's, there is lots of men with masculine energy. In the past, males had to fight for survival, they had to protect families, they had to hunt, they had to do hard manual jobs and so on. This all resulted in high level of masculine energy and low level of feminine energy.

Feminine energy is more softness, submission, great emotional bonding, feelings/love and so on. Good mom and good wife would have lots of feminine energy, her children and husband feel loved, they have home that is clean and taken care of, they feel nourished and supported, they feel that they are being understood and so on. You can still find good women like that in Europe, but I strongly doubt you will find many in US.


I believe that in recent decades females gained lots of masculine energy (especially in US) as they became more independent from males (better jobs, better financial situation, feminism,...), they are allowed to be leaders, CEO's, and so on. They don't have to rely on one particular male, they get support from groups and state which gives them more independence and "equality".

At the same time males lost lots of masculine energy and they gained lots of feminine energy. Many males are no longer doing hard manual jobs, we became lazier; we don't fight. We don't overcome obstacles, we have comfortable jobs. We have lots of food available, we don't starve, we don't have to hunt or risk our lives. We drive everywhere, there is no physical movement. We became fat and lazy, instead of spending ours in nature we watch porn, play Xbox, sip sweet sodas or drink alcohol... We are immature. On one side it is very comfortable and easy life style, but on the other - the true masculinity disappeared. Not only that, now we study psychology, we learn about feelings, we are more understanding and empathetic, we are raising children, we became more dependent on the whole system, and we are less dependent on ourselves.... Which all amounts into greater raise of feminine energy in males. We males are no longer males, we males became big and immature children... We are dependent on what females say, how they feel, what they say about us. We no longer trust our logics and instincts, we no longer trust ourselves...

Now we are all more "equal". Males have less masculine and more feminine energies, and females have more masculine and feminine energies. If we can grade it from 0 to 100, say that normal average male today has (IMO) 50 of masculine energy and 50 of feminine. Female has 60 feminine and 40 masculine. This is of course only a huge generalization.

However, this doesn't mean that if a man has masculine energy 50 he has 50 of feminine energy, meaning that it doesn't have to add up to 100. A person can have 50 masculine energy and 80 feminine, and another one 80 masculine and 75 feminine.

So because we are all more "equal" as far as masculine and feminine energies, there is much less attraction. In a simplified view, in normal individuals masculine repels masculine and feminine repels feminine. Male with 80 of masculine energy will probably make fun of male with 30 masculine energy, and he wouldn't be attracted to females with 70 masculine. At the same time, male with 80 masculine would be strongly attracted to women with 80 of feminine.

Now, society is very complex. Success is being still being admired in general population, and in order to be successful one has to develop great social and communication skills. Male no longer can present with 80-90 of masculine energy - he would fail in our society, he would be shifted into the periphery, he would have to become a loner - unless he knows how to develop feminine energy as well. Classical example would be Clint Eastwood, at least in movies he presents with say 80 of masculinity. He is a great prototype of 'Alpha' male, most people admire him - but not so many would be able to be his friends for long time. There are just no interpersonal vibes, if he doesn't like someone he takes a gun and 'removes' the person from his life. Which is great in movies, of course, but in reality any normal person wouldn't be able to live with guy like this, that's why he's always presented as a loner.

On the other hand, if such person would be able to remain 70-80 of masculine energy and at the same time raise his feminine energy say to 50-70, he would become a great leader. He would have amazing leadership abilities, he would have many friends and social support, and at the same time he would be able to connect to lots of other people on personal level.

So that leads us to optimal levels of masculinity and femininity in guys. I believe that in order to increase attraction in males, a guy has to increase his masculinity to say 70-75. He needs to be more independent, more leading, less emotionally attached, he has to have a spine and so on. He develops this by struggles (exercising, lifting, achieving goals, overcoming obstacles and difficulties...). All this generates huge attraction to females because this is what makes man man... On the other hand, he also has to keep his feminine energy, say around 40-50, or 60, which means that he's got to be able to connect to others, be empathetic, be social, know his emotions well, vibe with females, have enough friends and so on.

At the same time, personally I believe that females should decrease their masculine energy, say to 35-40 or even below. I believe that all this independence, equality and feminism is s big nonsense. We are not equal, when we look in the past, it were males who built all the great buildings, roads and other structures, it were males who came up with great scientific discoveries. It was always males who were the protectors. And it were females who took great care of families. I believe that females should also raise their feminine energies to 70-80 for simple reason: There are lot of children and grown up men that suffer because they are not getting enough feelings from women. All this emotional suffering then creates problems like addictions, hate, crimes and even wars...

So yes, in this sense I believe that family (mom + dad) is very good for every child. Such family where the man is more masculine and woman is feminine is great. If you can have or create family like that, it is a gold especially for your children. At the same time, current family structure where females are chasing careers and independence while males are washing their clothes and cleaning up houses is simply a disaster...

 

[Franco]

Jaimie,

There are already some good answers here, but if you want some further reading, here's a good explanation of feminine energy (in relation to masculine energy) by a woman:

• What is Femininity?

- Franco

 

[Motiv]

At the risk of sounding like a broken record (for those who have followed some of my other posts), I wholeheartedly recommend this read, as it pertains to the core meaning of this thread:
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine

"We hear it said of some man that “he just can’t get himself together.” What this means, on a deep level, is that so-and-so is not experiencing, and cannot experience, his deep cohesive structures. He is fragmented; various parts of his personality are split off from each other and leading fairly independent and often chaotic lives. A man who “cannot get it together” is a man who has probably not had the opportunity to undergo ritual initiation into the deep structures of manhood. He remains a boy— not because he wants to, but because no one has shown him the way to transform his boy energies into man energies. No one has led him into direct and healing experiences of the inner world of the masculine potentials."

Moore, Robert; Gillette, Doug (2013-10-01). King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine (Kindle Locations 129-134). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

I bet this sounds familiar to many of you. I think of GC as a temple of sorts—not like a church for the spewing of dogma, but a "sacred" space for the exchange of rare knowledge. At least for me, the practice of seduction has become a conduit to uncover many mysteries pertaining to my own male psyche.

I don't consider myself to be a mature man on many levels: much of my posting here has exhibited the mood swings through which I pass on a frequent basis, and I think this is boyish. Mastering seduction begins with developing our own masculine maturity, but since most of us have not had good role models to guide us (likely the reason we are all here on GC), we must delve into the world of psychology by seeking the right reading, find like-minded men with which to discuss these concepts, and embark on this journey of growth with seriousness of purpose and being.

I don't want this to sound like a self-aggrandizing monologue. I just want to do my best to contribute where I think I can.

-M

 

[Rage]

This is a great topic and one that I find really fascinating. Drck gave a great thorough reply, I could try to add a bit of my own to it.

Masculinity and feminity have waned in the west yes it’s true; in modern day we are much less in tune with that masculinity or feminity within us than we were historically.

I think much of it is the price of progress. In the book Antifragile http://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Thing ... 0812979680 by Nicholas nassim taleb (same author of the book on asymmetric returns which Chase talks about) Taleb talks about what has happened at the cost of progress. We are more advanced, technology has progressed rapidly, but we are not necessarily better off. We drive cars to go to the gym and run on a treadmill, we treat diseases and symptoms that we have that may even be only slight at the very first sight of them. What this signifies is that we have all these variables in our lives that we now control (have the ability to do so and control the variables to such an extreme degree that our lives begin to lack variability).

Our lives go to sameness and stagnation then; what happens when you get too good at playing a game? It gets easy then, boring then, and has no risk to it, no variability to it. As chase teaches and taleb discusses we need some uncertainty, some variability, some randomness in our lives. The people that get too same, too controlled, and too dependent on that, when random events happen to them they are usually worse off and want things to go back to normal and revert to stasis. The antifragile person is the person who embraces uncertainty, embraces variability, and when random events and circumstances happen (a sudden lost job, or a cousin shows up to live for a week, or a girl announces that she’s pregnant) they typically come off fine and stronger and more times probabilistically better off than they do worse off. It is as Charles Darwin says: that it’s not the strongest who survives or the smartest who survives but the one who adapts best to change who survives.

_____

Now this applies in terms of masculinity and femininity as well. As drck well described, we have lost our masculinity and feminity and sort of transitioned/adapted into sameness. It is stagnation: sort of a living death I think.

We have reverted further and further from our animal masculinity and feminity as we have grown increasingly reliant on our “new brain” and all the gifts it seems to grant us.

We no longer eat foods that are from the earth routinely and have processed foods instead and things to eat. Similarly, Taleb talks about how most of our lives in history we would walk where we needed to go and walk for miles (so he makes the habit of walking a lot to fit this original standard thing we did). This walking no longer happens.

In terms of things that make us masculine: men would have to hunt, would have to fight, and would have to really get strong and have aggressive energy and kill to survive. This is gone; I enjoy training powerlifting and continuing to get fiercer and stronger because I think that it’s something that we would have all had in the past that we no longer do. We no longer compete with other men to get the attractive females in the way that cavemen would.

And females roles have changed in this way quite a bit as well.

______

So in practical terms what does this signify? It signifies that to increase one’s own masculinity, one must get more in touch with that essence and inner nature. Seek to be more of a caveman and do the things that bring about masculinity.

Practicing principles of this site, sleeping with multiple women, training in some way to keep testosterone levels high, eating healthier clean foods, being more in touch with inner nature and doing things of this nature: these help one be more masculine. I think that further simplifying, relying less on technology or distractions or outside things further helps with this: going on being in nature, leaving your phone and stuff at home and going for walks, getting off social media, being more minimalistic and simplifying the trappings of life. All these help.

______

In terms of balancing masculinity and feminity, in the book the alabaster girl http://www.amazon.com/The-Alabaster-Gir ... 0992016606 , seducer Zan says something which I like which is that the balanced lover of women is a man who is one half child and one half grown man. A little boy and a man/conqueror at the same time. My theory on this is that the boy is the softness: the feminine side within us. The one that laughs and has empathy and is mischievous; it is the side that after you get done banging a girl, cuddles a bit, is softer and puppy-like and dunks his head on her lap.

That soft side comes hand in hand with the manliest and fiercest men I've seen. They are a little kid at heart. But they are also conquerors, they are real men, men of purpose and conviction. Men who have a mission in life, see what they want, and set out in the world to go and achieve that, reach and acquire those ends. They have dreams and ambitions and goals that are primary over all else and they time and again set out to achieve them.

Meditating helps to balance feminine energy within, sleeping a lot, eating healthy, stretching. This is the calm, yielding feminine side to match the aggressive, going-out-into-the world masculine side. I also think laughing genuinely: laughing and enjoying self in that way helps balance some feminine within you.

Also relating to and loving women, and having yourself kind of turn into a little boy a bit after you get done cavemanning a girl: all these help the feminine side and balance the vicious, relentless, achiever masculine side who sets out into the world to make his mark on it.

-Gem

 

[Zoro]

Although it's not directly related to balancing masculine and feminine energy within yourself, Joseph W. South's new podcast with Varoon has a great little piece concerning the way your masculinity interacts with a woman's femininity.

He says the masculine is penetrating and "hard" (yes like a penis) and the feminine is soft and receptive (yup vagina). It makes sense is every part of the courtship dance.

You must be the rock and she the waves.

Imagine just meeting a woman and you say hi. At first she splashes a little aloofness on you. But you are not phased, you ask her how she is doing? Still a little cold, she answers. You are the rock though and curious about this woman you say something playful. She now is curious about this man who seems like he might know where he stands, and what he wants. She's softens up a bit and plays back.

Its not always like this, in fact the girls I have bedded are receptive to me from the start, but I still kept a strong frame like this. Above is just speculation (still need to experience more of pushing through with girls on the fence)