FR Bar blonde or what to do when timing works against you?

[R.A.D.]

OK first no date or number out of this but it was a really fun situation and found some things to work on that would like if someone can drop an opinion.

As i have several years of experience now in my profesión, from time to time college students contact me to make interviews and such. I was waiting for a girl who was going to interview me in a bar, no the approach is not about her because unless it’s the hottest girl in the world it would be too much risk involved.

So while I was waiting I was sitting having a coffee and two girls enter the bar, one brunette and one blonde with beautiful blue eyes, white face, thin and stylized body, really pretty. As i saw her I felt the need to approach her. They were quite young, in fact I don’t want to know how much….. So they enter and stand in the middle of the bar looking for a table, I was laying back in my chair with my cellphone and looked at them directly but not staring at one in particular. I noticed they both see me and the blonde looks twice very briefly and touches the tips of her hair gently. The brunette goes to the bathroom and the blonde sits on a table browsing her phone. The girl who was coming to interview me just sent a message that she was close. So there I had the blonde alone and very little time and didn’t want to risk it, I noticed she looks at me again, I doubted if it was the moment to go or not and the friend arrived back from the bathroom…f*ck!

Some 5 minutes pass and the interview girl didn’t arrive yet and the blonde stands and goes to the bathroom. The bathroom in this bar is on the first floor which is empty except for the bathroom, great back in business! I stood up and went after she reached the upper floor. I enter the mens bathroom and stay washing my hands at the door, one minute passed I don’t see her pass so I figured she exit without me seeing her. I come out and see her standing washing her hands in the girls bathroom and starts browsing her phone and as she comes out she receives a phone call….. in the words of jack nicholson: looked at the sky and said "anything else?" but after that I said I don’t care. I look at her directly and she almost instantly looks at me and i make a gesture with my hand that I want to ask her something, she looks and says ok with her head and starts going down and tells me to follow her down. So when she hangs up we were standing in the middle of the bar and she looks at me, so there I was totally exposed and with the other girl arriving any minute to interview a suppoused to be serious professional man…..

So before saying what I said, this whole situation was stronger than me and I inmediatly felt I got nervous, not shy nervous but overwhelmed by the situation nervous, i didnt had time for conversation, was expecting the student, was in the middle of the bar....

Anyway, I put myself together and told her that i thought she was very beautiful and would love to talk to her but since she was with her friends and I was waiting for someone, that it would be great if she would give me her number so we can talk some other time. She smiled and looked at me, looked away, smiled again..... she took it really well but she needed convincing, I took my cellphone told her to tell me her number and that she could decide later if she wanted to answer or not, that its my only alternative to see her again... she started walking to her friend and in that moment the girl that came for the interview arrived… now in the words of darth vader: nooooooouuu!!! I hear the girl from the interview ask my name to the waiter and I had to tell her that if she could wait a minute for me at the table I was sitting. I get back to the blonde girl with my phone in hand and she told me a yes... but no... but... and that I should come back later, etc. She never stopped smiling and she never rejected me plainly but I wasn’t able to guide her properly. Of course when i finished the interview she was gone.

So I know my nerves made her more nervous and I couldn’t find a way of managing the situation different or control myself. I realized i need to create a proper way to manage situations like this where i need to close them discretely and on the spot, i.e. when exposed and no time for conversation so the approach must be discreet, direct, strong and brief so to make her feel comfortable but dont allow room for doubt. Quite difficult it was.


Any thoughts advice to help manage situations like this more smoothly in the future?

 

[BarryS1]

So I know my nerves made her more nervous and I couldn’t find a way of managing the situation different or control myself. I realized i need to create a proper way to manage situations like this where i need to close them discretely and on the spot, i.e. when exposed and no time for conversation so the approach must be discreet, direct, strong and brief so to make her feel comfortable but dont allow room for doubt. Quite difficult it was.


Any thoughts advice to help manage situations like this more smoothly in the future?

Hey R.A.D. I think I know what you are talking about - approaching the girl and asking for a date without much conversation in between. I've been struggling with that too doing car game during the day, like pulling over to the side of the road and asking a girl out.

This is interesting:

the blonde looks twice very briefly and touches the tips of her hair gently.

In your opener, did you explain why you came over? I know you said she was beautiful, but I noticed when Chase makes direct openers he explains himself more. Something like, "Hi, I saw you looking at me from across the bar and I had to say how beautiful you were." You busted her red-handed checking you out haha!

It's something simple that puts some context between two people in a brief interaction.

 

[R.A.D.]

I see what you mean and it seems so obvious now that i think about it. Also saying something like that in this case would have put us at the same level, instead of implying "you attract me please let me see you again" the idea would have been "we are both attracted to each other so we both want to meet again".

Now that i read it again im sure i should have made her stay upstairs because that was the place i picked for the approach instead of letting her guide me to an exposed and difficult place for me.

Will try it out next time i find a situation like that.

Thanks! Now back to the world and practice some more!

 

[maximus6004]

Yeah R.A.D. She gained compliance from you and pretty much had you in that interaction. When it should have been the other way around. You could have told the waitress that you are going to the bathroom if a girl comes through real quick looking for you could you just tell her to sit here? then tried to get her to stay in the area not moving your ground smiling at her like come here.

Then this would have been perfect for the chase frame i think personally. Like hey, i saw you looking at me and i think you are beautiful. You seem shy though so i thought i would help you out and say hi First......


I'm R.A.D

that way the woman comes in the bar and sits, then you could simply just say listen i have an interview going on but after that lets grab a drink and talk some more, because we probably will never see each other again and i wouldnt want you to to go through all that work getting my attention and then never see me again.

Maybe? anyone else have any thoughts?

 

[R.A.D.]

Thats something to try in the future, stating our attraction and then make her feel my approach as something she really wanted and expected instead of an unexpected unpredictable event.

 

[maximus6004]

yeah for sure, i just read to books that crazily explained the whole priming, and the science behind frames. Pretty crazy that when studies showed words that such as old, florida, slower, tired, etc people would move slower then people who looked at sentences like happy, young, etc.

I have been using this example a lot, but R.A.D you know two languages, while im learning spanish you associate words with pictures which is how rosetta stone does it, based on the research that we are essentially learning like we are a child. If you really think about it, the research doesnt seem too off as certain words associate different feelings and mental images. You and i have talked about story telling however the words the for and as for example dont associate any real meaning if you really had to think about it how would you describe those words to people? to means like a movement to something else and the rest just link sentences towards different meanings. for example discribing words like anger, sadness etc, you associate it with a feeling everyone can relate too. studies show that people who become colour blind can no longer associate colours or even describe them we just point the word associated with what everyone else see's its weird to think about.

To conclude where i am going with this, chase frames dont really make sense to me, like how could they work? This book blink i am reading by malcom gladwell shows the importance of the first 30 seconds a person sees something and it is so interesting, if you look good, have strong fundamentals , etc people will get the first impression of a strong confident powerful man. This will cause say a woman to see you as more dominant than her coupled with beating her tests, setting up a chase frame i see is very powerful as its almost like a click. From the book influence, their are certain things that by pass us and almost put our brains into a different thought process.

I didnt discover this fully until becomming a bouncer at a bar. The difference between going out as a regular patron its ten times harder to get a woman to comply with you than it is with the bouncer shirt on say how con artists work the same way. It's almost like a bypass and they are completely different person as a bouncer ill be like hey walk with me and the compliance is a lot a lot easier than normal, they associate bouncer with power of authority and they just click and follow. So in these interactions id say using chase frames with confidence might help your interactions a lot more.

Try it and let me know, as im working towards the same things!

 

[BarryS1]

yeah for sure, i just read to books that crazily explained the whole priming, and the science behind frames. Pretty crazy that when studies showed words that such as old, florida, slower, tired, etc people would move slower then people who looked at sentences like happy, young, etc.

I'd be interested in learning about some of those books! I'll PM you

To conclude where i am going with this, chase frames dont really make sense to me, like how could they work?

This is a good question. What tactics can we use in an interaction with limited time besides the opener? To be honest, I've never used chase frames in this type of cold approach, so I can't say if it will work. I've had great results with cold-reading and qualifying sexual frames in really short interactions like these (around 30 sec). Deep-dive on one quick topic, make a sexual frame, and ask for a date. This is something I've realized recently, you only have to deep-dive just enough before turning the conversation sexual.

This book blink i am reading by malcom gladwell shows the importance of the first 30 seconds a person sees something and it is so interesting, if you look good, have strong fundamentals , etc people will get the first impression of a strong confident powerful man. This will cause say a woman to see you as more dominant than her coupled with beating her tests, setting up a chase frame i see is very powerful as its almost like a click. From the book influence, their are certain things that by pass us and almost put our brains into a different thought process.

Totally, Ricardus has an article on girls economizing their information on us to make a decision: https://www.girlschase.com/content/are-you-single-why-always-ask-girls. Ricardus talks about dressing sharp and vibe. I've never thought much about vibe, but this is something I will look into.

 

[BarryS1]

Maximus6004,

I experimented with calling out girls IOI's in the opener and it hasn't worked for me. After opening with the direct compliment with chase frame, the girls either blow me off or get embarrassed and stall the conversation with appologies.

I was looking on the site and came across Chase's article on the subject: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-spot-girl-looking-men

Here's an excerpt from the article:

One note for newer guys: don't say anything dumb to a girl in this position, like this:

"Hey, I noticed you were looking around..."
"I saw you scanning the room for someone sexy, and thought I'd..."
"The guy you've been looking for? Right here!"

Things like this threaten to make a woman lose face and forfeit social status (they paint her as desperate and/or pursuing a stranger she knows little about yet) and force her to throw you under the bus just to save face... even if she might've liked the looks of you originally.

Have you been implementing this lately? Interested in seeing what your experiences have been!