Beginner Relationship

[Mystikal PeiWei]

I've been a long time lurker of the girls chase webpage. I really enjoy the content and everything that's being done. So a big thanks.

With that being said, I could use some help from more of the expert crowd that might be able to shine some light on my situation and help a dude out.

Long story short, I'm in a new relationship about 2 weeks old since we've become a thing. When we get together everything is great, we see each other pretty much daily. However when we aren't together, it's like pulling teeth to get anything from this girl. She never texts me nor makes plans, doesn't respond to some texts. We work together and she pretty much ignores me at work. We've talked about this and she says she does this because people give her weird looks when we talk. Which is understandable, I work in a jr. high environment, where hazing and teasing is extremely high and she has told me on numerous occasions she is very shy (even though everybody knows now that we are a couple). Anyhoo, right now I'm at a standstill. I'm in a relationship but it doesn't seem like it and like the article "Quit Trying to Win Over Your Girlfriend" I'm getting burnt out and don't know what to do next to keep things going.

Any help would be greatly appreciated guys.

 

[Franco]

Mystikal,

When we get together everything is great, we see each other pretty much daily.

when we aren't together, it's like pulling teeth to get anything from this girl. She never texts me nor makes plans, doesn't respond to some texts.

It sounds to me like you might be over-thinking this one and attempting to put in too much effort (which, as the article you brought up also mentioned, can end up doing more harm than good).

You two see each other daily, so what is there to text and plan about? Why should she need to text you all day when she's going to see you at the end of day anyway?

I only see my girlfriend on the weekends, and even then, I usually only talk to her on the phone about once a week. We might send a few random texts back and forth at other times if it's something important or worth noting, but I'm not constantly trying to contact her or expecting her to contact me any other times.

As far as work goes, it's best to keep things as professional as possible. Talk to her if you need to talk to her about something work-related, but don't go seeking out extra conversation during the day because she's the girl you're seeing. She has work to do just like you, and if she's already seeing you basically every day anyway, she probably likes to have her space at work so that she can focus on what she needs to do.

Take away a page from the lion's story in Quit Trying to Win Over Your Girlfriend and just relax, give her good sex, and put in the minimum amount of effort necessary to sufficiently satisfy your woman (and not have her come to resent you).

- Franco

 

[Mystikal PeiWei]

Franco, thanks for the insight.

One question. Since I set the bar high with seeing her a ton and getting in contact with her a lot since the start of the relationship. Once I step back how do I handle the inevitable question "Why haven't we seen each other, why haven't you been texting me etc". Questions?

Thanks man.

 

[Franco]

One question. Since I set the bar high with seeing her a ton and getting in contact with her a lot since the start of the relationship. Once I step back how do I handle the inevitable question "Why haven't we seen each other, why haven't you been texting me etc". Questions?

I don't think you need to start seeing her less if you're both enjoying the amount of time you're spending together. If you want to spend time with her daily and you are both satisfied with this, then that is fine.

It's what you do outside of that spending time together that needs to be minimized. So reduce the attempted texting and "teeth pulling" that you're attempting to do when you two aren't actually together in person. There's no reason for it, and it can only drive her away, if anything.

To be honest, if she's already ignoring some texts, then reducing your texting may actually be well-received without any noticeable changes on her end. If she already felt like she did not want to respond to all of your texts, then sending her less texts will probably fix that issue, and she'll be more likely to respond to a higher percentage of your texts because she'll be looking forward to them since they're not quite as frequent.

If she does bring up the reduced texting, just tell her that you've been more busy and that you figure you'd rather communicate with her more in person when you two spend time together. If you want, you can even mention that you've never been a big fan of social media/texting in general, and you feel that it takes away from the intimacy of a relationship. Most girls will agree (even though they tend to be text/social media hogs themselves), and you probably won't get any backlash from her on this statement; this will also help you change over to the precedent of "let's text each other less" more smoothly. (NOTE: Just make sure if you say this that it's actually congruent with your personality; if you're on Facebook or texting people half of time she's with you, then she's going to be upset that you told her you don't like texting/social media and then end up using it as much or more than she does)

- Franco