Beginners advice: move slow or fast?

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
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So, I've been reading a lot here and the general advice is to move as fast as possible with the goal of having a same day lay. I was just wondering if this is also good advice for total beginners, or should we not try to "force" things if we don't have as much of a sexual base vibe yet?
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Never force. 'Move fast' just means don't dilly dally. If she's ready for more, then go. If not, then hold until she is. In my opinion, Chase says 'move fast' to pound preconceieved dating norms out of our noob heads. So if you're on a first date with a girl and she's giving you those 'fuck me' eyes, then go fuck her. Don't start deep diving. Don't bid her farewell and then strut home because you're confident she'll say yes to a second date. Similarly, if another girl ends up needing 5 dates before she's ready to have sex, then that's fine too. The key is that you're moving with them and you just aren't delaying things on your end.

As for the vibe, don't worry about it here. If you can sense when to move things forward and when not to, you'll be giving off a good, commanding (and thus sexy) vibe.
 

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
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ElderPrice said:
Never force. 'Move fast' just means don't dilly dally. If she's ready for more, then go. If not, then hold until she is.
I don't really have a problem with that (anymore!), I just have a hard time "reading" whether she's ready, and for what exactly. Last time I fucked up (see my FU report) I was trying to kiss the girl while she was silent and staring into my eyes. This was clearly a terribly uncalibrated move, considering her reaction.

Still feel rather clueless in the escalation department.
 

fog

Cro-Magnon Man
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zappbrannigan said:
ElderPrice said:
Never force. 'Move fast' just means don't dilly dally. If she's ready for more, then go. If not, then hold until she is.
I don't really have a problem with that (anymore!), I just have a hard time "reading" whether she's ready, and for what exactly. Last time I fucked up (see my FU report) I was trying to kiss the girl while she was silent and staring into my eyes. This was clearly a terribly uncalibrated move, considering her reaction.

Still feel rather clueless in the escalation department.
any positive emotions from the girl is usually a good time to escalate. i pair escalation with high points in the interaction, like when shes laughing. can move things forward at a nice pace
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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zappbrannigan said:
ElderPrice said:
Never force. 'Move fast' just means don't dilly dally. If she's ready for more, then go. If not, then hold until she is.
I don't really have a problem with that (anymore!), I just have a hard time "reading" whether she's ready, and for what exactly. Last time I fucked up (see my FU report) I was trying to kiss the girl while she was silent and staring into my eyes. This was clearly a terribly uncalibrated move, considering her reaction.

Still feel rather clueless in the escalation department.
Just read the FR. Yep, you forced it. I have two suggestions.

1. Stop going for a kiss until she's naked on your bed. Kissing isn't necessary to move things along. Kissing is also a form of touch (obviously) so maybe read up on touching. Touching can be a good indicator for when to move forward. For instance, when you sit down next to her and your leg/knee touches hers. If she moves her away, she's not ready. If she keeps it there, proceed. If you then go and touch her forearm and she doesn't reciprocate by lightly touching you somewhere similar, she's not ready to keep going. If she reciprocates, proceed. If you take her hand to lead her somewhere (such as your place) and she lets go, she's not ready yet. If she lets you lead her, you're good to go.

2. Don't be afraid to experiment on the next 5-10 first dates by mentally tossing out the "Official GC Playbook." I know when I was first getting into this content, I was treating the best practices as an actual script. "OMGerd she touched my arm! ESCALATION WINDOW! Oh shit! I forgot to move her! At least I covered all the "8 Questions You Must Ask Her." AHHH ghosted! I didn't follow the Texting article correctly!" No no no. The first date isn't supposed to be a script to follow and treating it as such will just make you do weird shit. Now that you know a lot of the theory, try to stop thinking about it. Try to just have a smooth, natural date. At least you'll get the reference points and see if such an approach helps you or not.
 

zappbrannigan

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Thanks guys, appreciate the advice.

You're right that I've been too "strict" on trying to follow the theory. I just feel so much like I get thrown in the deep end before learning how to swim that I hold on to this stuff like a life-raft. Maybe that's a bad way to go :) I'll try winging it, the next time. The material is in the back of my head so I'll try to let it drive my unconscious instead of being all up in my head about it.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Every situation I've been in has been a learning opportunity. There is no right answer for all situations. But IN GENERAL leading the interaction in a direction with more touch, more escalation until it is rejected or reacted to negatively. Emotions snowball so you gotta keep building those emotions. The saying is "never say WHOA in a Horse race". Momentum is your friend.

Don't escalate if you aren't able to finish. If you are gonna grab her ass you better have your logistics in place to take her to bed. But you have to be ok if she politely declines...
 
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