FR+ Beginner's luck

[journeyman]

Hello fellas, I am relatively new to these boards, although I have been reading GC material for some time I’ve never actually had the balls to implement it. This is going to change now since I’ve seen the first actual results in my whole life and I will at least try to learn cold approach.
Some background, I am 22, had a few very clumsy attempts at getting girls in my life with all of them being rejected. You can imagine my frustration at being at that age and not having been with a girl and also the negative effects to my confidence and anxiety. Just by studying GC material I could see the wisdom in it so I decided to test it even though I haven’t started approaching a lot yet.

I have several issues that I will need to work on a lot, including some fundamentals, for example having high energy, facial expressions, polarizing, chase frames, being more sociable in general and voice. But I do believe that I will improve quickly by practicing.

Anyway what I am going to describe is the first extensive cold approach of my life, the other few having been rejected almost immediately and also the first in daytime. Sometimes I work outside, and there is this girl who works right next to my workplace and it happened that we were both outside at the same time. I had seen her before and I loved her eyes so I decided to man up and go talk to her. Notice that even though I didn’t know her the pressure was far less than any other approach because as we were working in proximity we had something in common if that makes sense.

So she was just standing there, I opened with “hey how is your day going” and she responded very warmly, she told me some work related incidents from the day before and after that I introduced myself, for the sake of the story let’s say that she was called Tina. I started to engage her in conversation and even though I got cockblocked a few times by a female colleague who came over to say hi to Tina I managed to get a good level of rapport in very short time keeping good eye contact and asking questions about her past.

The circumstances for asking her out quickly and on a high note were great, so I asked her if she was single, she said yes and she asked about me. When I told her yes I froze for about 2 seconds not sure how to proceed after that but the first thing that came out of my mouth was that she is a cool girl and that we should go for a drink to get to know each other. She was taken aback and

Her: “wow are you asking me out on a date”?
Me: “Yeah of course”
Her blushing: “Oh my god no one’s ever asked me on a date before” (Don’t think this is possible for a cute 29 year old, not sure as to why she would lie)
Me: “What? What’s wrong with this country? “
Her: “You have no idea… But yeah let’s do it we can go out”
Me: “How’s your schedule like this week?”

Blah blah blah we arranged a time and day and I grabbed her number on a piece of paper.
Some key info to this story is that I was about to leave the country in a week but I was careful not to mention it or let the conversation reach that point (Maybe I should? To disqualify myself from a boyfriend role?). But, Tina happened to be out with my aforementioned female colleague who decided to cockblock me once again and told Tina that I am leaving soon. So when I texted Tina in the middle of the night to save my number she responded immediately:

Her: “You’re leaving in a week?”
Me the next day: “Morning Tina, hope you had a great night. Yeah I am leaving I want to go to the sea I’ve missed my country too much.”
Her: “That’s a pity. Sounds lovely though”

From her saying that it’s a pity and from her mentioning to my female colleague that we are going on a date and that she really likes me I had all the info I needed to be extra confident.

Next day she initiates a text conversation with me, I tried to cut it off or lead to an earlier date, which led to her asking if we are still meeting on Tuesday and if I will come back to the country.

Me: “We are still meeting on Tuesday, even if it’s brief. I am coming back, although I will be in a different city”
Her: “Hmm seems like there is not much point in meeting if we won’t see each other again”
(I would appreciate if you could tell me the optimal way to handle this kind of resistance)
Me: “I have moved around a lot in my life and I never let that get in the way of meeting awesome people. After all a get to know coffee never harmed anyone”.
Her:” I guess, you can never have enough friends”.
Me: “This is a great phrase to live by, although I wouldn’t apply it to our case . A date is not a commitment all we have to do is go out and enjoy life. We have nothing to lose by going out, but we will definitely lose if we don’t. (I compiled this message with some ideas from these boards, I think it is too try hard).

After that she agreed to meet.Now the day before the date I stumbled upon her at work, I went over to chat her up and she was behaving very feminine in a shy, reserved way so I tried to interrupt the conversation early and leave on a high note.

She then texts me that she is sorry for mumbling earlier but she didn’t expect to see me and it made her nervous. I had no idea how to handle this so I just responded that there is no need to apologize and she was as cool as ever. I thought about using a chase frame but she practically admitted it so I felt like it would be too much.

THE DATE

We meet for a date, she was 15 minutes late but she updated me by texting. We hug and go for a bad start with me being uncertain about the directions for the venue I had in mind so I failed to lead. She tries to deep dive me on the way but I didn’t respond well because I don’t like walking and having serious conversations at the same time (weird, I know). We find the place and it proved awesome my instinct didn’t fail me.

She sat down and I went to get drinks which I paid for going against the GC standard (but I let her get the 2nd round later). We sat somewhere uncomfortable, but then told her to move to an incredible chilled leather couch. I think the couch choice did half the job because we were sitting very comfortably next to each other and I could face her without putting pressure on her.

We had some get to know each other talk, good eye contact on both parts, I was going closer and closer discreetly. There were no awkward moments to my surprise, we had pretty good chemistry and talked about very interesting stuff. The good thing is that by her body language I could tell that she wanted a kiss because at times she would get up from the relaxed position on the couch and sit uptight, body turned facing me and face close. I went with my gut and decided to kiss her because I didn’t want to take the risk of being rejected if I tried to escalate.

(My post-interaction conclusion is that I could try to pull first without releasing the tension and even though I would probably get resistance, she would still be receptive to making out).

Kissed her by semi-man handle technique without any resistance, clearly ready. Very bad kissing on my part, obviously inexperienced but she didn't mention it. I liked that I managed to continue previous conversation as if nothing happened. The whole night went like that with conversation mixed with some kissing. When she mentioned something about her going to sleep early I told her that if she wanted to show me the local hospitality she could invite me home for a last drink. I got a firm no response and some bullshit about what kind of girl I think she is, that I wouldn't stay only for a drink etc etc. I tried to laugh it off, maybe successfully maybe not and communicated that this is fine.

Now coming from the damned nice guy background I normally would never do something like that and this is the precise reason why I did it, to see if I can get away with it. I chose her house because mine was quite far and also to go even further out of my comfort zone. Later, she told me that I was being ungentlemanly and noone invited me to her home, but not in an insulted way. I conclude that her firm refusal was just a show because she could just get up and leave but she stuck around as if nothing had changed. So I got away with it, which was exactly my goal for this polarizing step.

Then I knew that she would ask to leave at some point because she worked early next day so I moved her out first by leading her, went for a brief walk, with all kinds of hugs and hand holding etc. Stopped to kiss her and first time that it became passionate, I persisted some more inviting to my house but it was still no obviously. Went to the bus station where things kinda started dying. When we talked about fitness she asked me if I have a 6 pack and I told her that I guess she will never find out. After a while we parted our ways with a kiss.

Comments:
- Kissing needs to be greatly improved, making it passionate.
- Had I stayed in the city I am pretty sure I would have another chance at her.
- Maybe high effort conversation about life, history and some science killed any potentially sexy vibe and put me in the boyfriend instead of lover category.
- Had I taken care of logistics first I could have probably moved her after the 1st drink, before escalating, going on a walk and then escalating on a park or something. I know that not being sexy enough the outcome would be the same but couldn’t hurt to try.
- At some point she told me that I didn't make any compliments towards her maybe I need to change this for future interactions.
- Didn’t deep dive her a lot because I could feel that there wasn't much need for it, we had a good vibe.

That was a lot of fun and a valuable lesson. For the few of you that managed to finish this essay I appreciate your time. I have highlighted with bold any points that I am not sure about. Any feedback will be helpful.

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

I don't think you really need any help here, your comments were spot on. I think the thing that would benefit your game the most at this point would be some plausible deniability. Like "hey it's still pretty early, I know somewhere that has really great coffee to end the night with"... and then lead her to your home... this works best if she already knows you live in the area so basically she KNOWS what's up... although I didn't read carefully, it sounds like your logistics weren't good on this date, and that's a shame. I think you would also benefit from having a firmer date plan. For example if I meet a girl at the uni for a 10:30am coffee, even though I know that it's basically a snowball's chance in hell that I will get sex on this date, I still have a plan: "Hey it's a beautiful day, let's cut class and go sit by the river"... etc etc ending up at my house. So my point is that no matter how farfetched the plan, think of the best plan you can for isolation and intimacy and keep it in the back of your mind, it can change colour, grow horns or hairs etc during the date, as new information or opportunity presents itself, but always have a plan in the back of your mind that you're working on implementing.
Ray

 

[lao che]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

this is a pretty good job, you should be pleased with your progress. however, just to demonstrate what you could have done i'll provide a few pointers,

Her: “Hmm seems like there is not much point in meeting if we won’t see each other again”

you: we'll see about that, young lady. (this one phrase has so many uses ..... basically says a lot while saying nothing at all. just plants seeds in her mind ... e.g. "so you're saying we're friends ..?" "we'll see about that, young lady")

yeah, the rest of that exchange was too try hard, as you correctly noted.

no kissing in public! though it sounds like a good job, on your behalf. instead, try heavy eye contact and imagine kissing her, let her know with your eyes that, if she plays her cards right, she's gonna get a steamy passionate kiss, then just look away, look back and talk about something boring... haha or tell her to stop looking at you like that, it makes you nervous. she'll be the nervous one, though

When she mentioned something about her going to sleep early I told her that if she wanted to show me the local hospitality she could invite me home for a last drink

good job, here. any time a girl mentions bed early or being tired take it as a sign to escalate!
try law of least effort. acknowledge the comment, casually finish your drink and get the bill, stand up, offer your hand and say "let's go".

I persisted some more inviting to my house but it was still no obviously. Went to the bus station where things kinda started dying.

logistics logistics logistics!!!! better planning next time. make it easy to keep bee-lining to your place. if you're trying for her place then check it out first, her living arrangements etc. it's a big ask to get back to a girl's place, esp. if she has nosy neighbours, roommates, etc

going on a walk and then escalating on a park or something.

bingo! i've had a lot of fun in public parks.

At some point she told me that I didn't make any compliments towards her maybe I need to change this for future interactions.

yes, you need to show her what you like about her. genuine compliments mixed in with teasing. i compliment weird stuff, like arms or ears. also encourage things you like about her personality "i love that you're so open, it's easy to talk to you"

That was a lot of fun and a valuable lesson.

good attitude. well done. don't take anything personally, analyze, learn, improve.
pretty soon you'll look back at this and smile as you realize everywhere you put a step wrong, and right.

well done, sir.

 

[journeyman]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

Thank you both for your replies

@ray
I am working on having adequate logistics at the moment, but I think I need to up my sexiness first because I know that in my current level, as soon as I mention my place, even with all the possible deniability in the world, the girl's reply will be that she won't come to my place on a first date or something similar.

@lao che
I appreciate the extensive feedback. The phrase "we'll see about that young lady" seems indeed versatile and I will try it ASAP, I really like having backup phrases in my mind that I can rely on. I have to tweak my eye contact to build up sexual tension because on two different dates I had the exact same comment, that when I look at them like that I am making them uncomfortable.

In any case I am preparing a lay report, where I will need feedback on last minute resistance because there is much more to it than I thought...

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

I don't think you are getting the idea of plausible deniability, it's that you DON'T mention your place, for exactly that reason. It's harder to use with poor logistics but can be done. See "LR #1: OMG I can't dooo thiiiss". Some other example with better logistics are "LR: Pool pull" and "LR: Big voice, small package". In none of these LR did I mention my place, if I had I probably wouldn't have gotten laid. Just lead.
Ray

 

[journeyman]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

@ray

Indeed I got it wrong, I thought that while you ask her come to your place, the plausible deniability part would be something like watching a movie etc. Thanks for clearing it up and I think it makes a lot of sense since she can more easily think that everything just... happened when she didn't know where she was going.
I did read your reports and my concern is described in one of them, specifically the girl asking "where are we going?" persistently, I mean I can imagine even me brushing it off 2 or 3 times but if she keeps pressing then how can you prevent responding without at the same time letting it get awkward?

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

Yeah well actually you are right and I was wrong, the movie or any other excuse is also a form of plausible deniability, I forgot about that. But if you say "my place" the plausible deniability is automatically pretty weak. About the persistent questioning you need to have some responses that escalate as follows: 1. ignore 2. squeeze her hand. 3. squeeze her hand with strong EC. 4. say "somewhere with a XXX / somewhere we can XXX". 5. say "don't worry, we will XXX" (take good care of you / take you home after 1 drink / put you on the last train / drop off the shopping and get you home / etc). 6. manhandle kiss... if I think she's showing signs of becoming anxious and bailing I'll pull her into a doorway, put my arms around her in a relaxed way, build some tension with EC, tell her how much I am enjoying hanging out with her or how sexy she is, build some closeness / comfort, maybe kiss her and pull away... then say "let's go" and lead her onwards. This tends to address any concerns she might have
Ray

 

[journeyman]

Re: FR+ : Beginner's luck

Thanks a lot ray, that is useful stuff, I am honestly looking forward to test this in the field. (I mean not mentioning where we are going and handling the questions)