Socializing Being a bachelor for life, anyone else happy living this way?

[Headlines By Drake]

In a year, I am going to turn 30 and I get told that this is the age when you are supposed to start considering serious relationships like marriage and thinking long-term about being a dad. For me, I feel like a reverse effect going on to where the older I get the less settling down appeals to me. The teenage me dreamed of a marriage with kids but the older I got, the less I wanted it. Part of it is due to my youth where I feel like I lived for my parents and community than myself.

I hit my stride in my twenties, went on quite a few dates, hooked up with a few women, and it didn't seem to get that old for me. What gets me is that I feel like I am actually just beginning my life at 30 in some ways. It is as if I feel younger at 29 than I did at 19 because there is so much I feel like I have yet to do.

Recently I started eating and working out a lot so I am looking better, been a bit out of shape before then. Just discovered my hobbies and plenty of new hobbies that take up my time. I am invested into my business and that takes up a lot of my time. I read about the metaverse and all of the cool things going in this quickly changing world. I feel like every week there is a new trend in society, business, and the world that I just have to be on top of.

Women come in and out of my life and I am cool with that and don't get attached too easily.

I think what is having me happy with bachelorhood for life is that I have found passions that go above relationships themselves to where I am ready to drop friends and women that get in the way of that. Like I see how the world is changing and all of the opportunities that may come from it that my thoughts everyday are more there and less on being a dad and having kids. I see the transformation of the ages the world is going through and am thinking day in and day out on how to capitalize on that to where everything else has taken a backseat in life now.

I've looked back at when I have been happiest in my life and it is when I am pursuing a passion, keeping my mind occupied with hobbies, and occasionally having women come in and out for just a casual relationship. The younger me thought that as I hit the magical 30, this changes and I become attached to the idea of being a parent and having a wife.

Quite a few men I talk to and know around my age are panicking about their future concerning marriage and kids but I realize that they are not really passionate about anything. Most of them go to work, watch sports, get drunk, and then just lather rinse repeat. I have had to cut off a lot of friends during this time and I feel like I am happier for it.

Moreover, I feel like I can be mostly alone with just my thoughts and reading about what's going on in the world and still be a happy guy for the rest of my life. I feel like I pedestalized women and relationships when society told me to but now that I have stopped caring, I have found that I am happier just having them come and go than fighting for attachment.

Is anyone else happy living life this way as too where your passions, career, and business come first and people can just sort of come and go?

Something I think I might be a sociopath of sorts.

 

[ulrich]

There’s gonna come a day when you feel the need to stop dating a lot of women and you rather prefer to get the commitment of one (or a couple) of them.
If it hasn’t hit you yet, it hasn’t hit you.

The main driver to “marry” around 30 is because women’s fertility start to drop rapidly… but if you can consistently date 20-25 years old girls then who cares?

Women at 30’s will push hard for it… many guys can’t afford any better so they settle for it.
If you’re not desperate, you can wait for your own time.
It will come but it doesn’t have to be now.

 

[Headlines By Drake]

There’s gonna come a day when you feel the need to stop dating a lot of women and you rather prefer to get the commitment of one (or a couple) of them.
If it hasn’t hit you yet, it hasn’t hit you.

The main driver to “marry” around 30 is because women’s fertility start to drop rapidly… but if you can consistently date 20-25 years old girls then who cares?

Women at 30’s will push hard for it… many guys can’t afford any better so they settle for it.
If you’re not desperate, you can wait for your own time.
It will come but it doesn’t have to be now.

I definitely see that. Even over the years I have found that I cannot actually have great sex when I cycle through so many different women and try to up a notch count. I am somewhere to the point where I can get a solid 3 girls on rotation then that is great. Sometimes, I do find a girl who can do it really good and just matches me.

Where my objection comes from is having to commit further to an actual marriage and having her be my baby mama.

I am happier when I have a smaller group of women I am spending time with as opposed to racking up a 50+ notch count in a given year or something.

 

[Skills]

lol 30, my prime was around 35, studies shows that when men is most attractive..... Single life is the shit:

-no debt
- money in the bank
- my place ALWAYS CLEAN,
- laundry PROFESSIONALLY DONE
- Meals professionally deliver
- no kids
- in shape
-no drama
-freedom
- do what i want when i want...
- women asking me how high should they jump on command...
- still clubbing and pimping.

yeah bachelor life sucks... do what you want bro! listen to this right here related

 

[DarkKnight]

I find the perpetual bachelor lifestyle to be some kind of escapism. I have seeN a lot of guys around my age say the same kind of things.

I have never been much of a hedonist. I certainly want to settle down at one point and sure life will get a lot harder... but otherwise what else kind of a point is there to live? Just eat drink and fuck, is that it? Sounds empty to me.

In my book if you do not procreate you have lost the game of life. You can just as well plug yourself into the matrix and keep deluding yourself like that guy in the movie.

 

[Will_V]

I am 32 and I feel like I'm only just hitting my stride. I wasted a lot of time in my twenties but that doesn't change the fact that around this age, for men, things change in unexpectedly good ways.

Here's the thing, a man only really becomes a man when he has an 'empire' - wealth, skills, the capability to deal with people both in negotiation and conflict. A man only reaches that at a certain level of maturity which by and large correlates with an age.

At this point, he has real power. Women want him, men want to do business with him, he has all kinds of wealth.

But what society wants him to do at this point is to give it all away. Mortgage a house, settle down, have kids, pay taxes. For the same reason that some companies want a CEO to be married, society wants men with any wealth and power to be married, because they can be depended upon to be stable, to build solid careers with long-term opportunities for taxing.

In fact, society wants men to get married even sooner, so that all the things that he would build for himself are already built in the service of his wife, who (for most men) is a sort of proxy for society at large.

...

The thing to realize here is that a woman and a wife is not the problem. A woman is merely a sort of resource that both men and society use to control their respective power. Women are more easily led by the crowd, by social norms etc, so for society, the idea is that by placing a woman at the head of a family, a man is weakened toward the influence of what is generally acceptable and desirable in society, and frustrated in his own striving for independence and power by her reproaches and insecurities. Whereas for a man, a loyal woman is his queen, his right arm, without whom he cannot really build what he longs to build for himself - a tribe of his own.

A man must accept that this is the battleground, and women are, most of the time, only pawns. He must never become the enemy of women, but understand in what ways women are influenced, and can be influenced, during the course of a relationship. Above all, I believe, he must understand that the environment a woman is in is what creates and maintains her, what goes into her ears and goes round in her mind regularly will shape her.

I will definitely have a family. While I sympathize somewhat with eternal bachelors, I cannot help but conclude that it's out of fear more than anything else, and if a man in the old days would go to war to get cut up with a sword, and a man these days cannot even risk getting married, something has been changed for the worse.

But I will be very careful about how I do it, and find the right place, the right time and the right woman, and manage it like a japanese monk after his garden. Because in the end, it's the only way I believe that a man can be fully satisfied.

 

[DarkKnight]

While I sympathize somewhat with eternal bachelors, I cannot help but conclude that it's out of fear more than anything else, and if a man in the old days would go to war to get cut up with a sword, and a man these days cannot even risk getting married, something has been changed for the worse.

This.. I meant this. You put it better into words.

 

[batman12]

dude get married before there are only single moms left.

 

[trashKENNUT]

dude get married before there are only single moms left.

And why should I give half of my shit to wAhmEn eMPOWAHment?

While there's truth in the above sentence, it's meant to be humor. I'm trying to see your logic in your comment.

Are you a real account? DK mentioned that you kinda TROLL.

z@c+

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hmmm.....

Man even on Girlschase are still playing by the rules of what is considered 'reality'.

For they don't realize that ultimate reality is who has power and influence and money and what ppl want..... at that moment in time

to influence and sway how things are seen.

The last door that Girlschase members seem to can't open but it's there. That freedom is frightening.



z@c+

 

[Headlines By Drake]

To call bachelorhood escapism is just asinine. Everyone has their own way of life and it is wrong to attack it. I can easily call men wanting to get married as conformists that want to fill the empty void in their lives.

You can't compare dangers of today to dangers of thousands of years ago, society evolves. Men thousands of years ago didn't shower and they hunted with their bare hands and tools, I bet very few of you would prefer that to shopping for groceries.

The problems I find with the pro-marriage crowd and men desperate for settling down is that they live in the past and most of all, they really have no purpose and calling in life other than following society's script. I used to be that way too and would even shame my friends that would talk about being bachelors for life. Overtime, I started to notice that the men I was around who were scornful of bachelors and preaching to the world about how marriage is a gift from God often had little going on in their lives. Most were the cookie cutter corporate types and even worse, small town people who never moved from the old town after high school. These are the same people who also swear high school is the best 4 years of your life.

People might not realize it but the world has changed, everywhere from how we work and how we approach work. The pandemic sped up what was already meant to be for the world of work. Sure, some old industries like big finance are lagging behind, but most people care little about your status outside of work unless you are making the company look bad by promoting extremist political views.

Even if somehow being a CEO requires you to be married, anyone will tell you that CEOs are not the ones making the big bucks at a large corporation. At a lot of companies the top sales guys make more than the CEO themselves. While in some old school drink and close deal sales people care for your marital status, in more modern sales products, they care more about if you can do the job or not.

Most of this marriage-worship I think is a remnant of the industrial revolution and the men who have little in the way of a life purpose cling on to it. Overtime, you will see the industrial age being displaced by the information age where more people do contract work, long-term employment is less frequent, large corporations start to fail, and people need to be more nimble. Unfortunately, I do see marriage worship becoming more common in masculine spaces which is why I have distanced myself from a lot of these guys and this crowd.

Once men get a purpose in life, I think they are less likely to want marriage to fill the void and keep up with society's lies. I used to think that I would want kids at 30 and be married by then because life would be meaningless without it. It is after I started reading more, filling my days with more fun things to do, and staying busy with every day having a purpose whether it is advancing my business, learning something new, or picking up a new hobby that I stopped wanting marriage. I appreciated me time more and I actually find peace in solitude.

 

[Headlines By Drake]

Hmmm.....

Man even on Girlschase are still playing by the rules of what is considered 'reality'.

For they don't realize that ultimate reality is who has power and influence and money and what ppl want..... at that moment in time

to influence and sway how things are seen.

The last door that Girlschase members seem to can't open but it's there. That freedom is frightening.



z@c+

You might be on to something there. I remember years back when I started consuming red pill and pickup content, guys were all about bachelorhood for life and not settling down. Now I notice that there has been a big shift towards condemning bachelorhood and forcing marriage on to men. I have a theory behind it too.

I think that pickup artists and red pill guys made women the focus of their lives while simultaneously playing mental gymnastics on themselves and saying that women are not the focus of their lives. These men never developed outside of game and pickup, their days and their thoughts were consumed with dating, dating theory, red pill content, and that is all they ever really thought of. At some point, they woke up and realized that once they had hit their 30s, they had nothing else in their lives to really fall back on which could occupy their thoughts.

Their existence had been based on dating, game, and women while simultaneously lying to themselves and saying that it was not. Overtime they felt lonely, wanted to fill the void, and used marriage and kids as a way of doing that. Then they rationalized their decisions using biology and history as a coping mechanism.

 

[Skills]

I find the perpetual bachelor lifestyle to be some kind of escapism. I have seeN a lot of guys around my age say the same kind of things.

I have never been much of a hedonist. I certainly want to settle down at one point and sure life will get a lot harder... but otherwise what else kind of a point is there to live? Just eat drink and fuck, is that it? Sounds empty to me.

In my book if you do not procreate you have lost the game of life. You can just as well plug yourself into the matrix and keep deluding yourself like that guy in the movie.

Watch the link, i posted, also is not, is AFTER you have tried the other lifestyles and you realize, is not for you, is not for everybody... Specially if you want kids... i never wanted kids..

 

[Will_V]

To call bachelorhood escapism is just asinine. Everyone has their own way of life and it is wrong to attack it. I can easily call men wanting to get married as conformists that want to fill the empty void in their lives.

You can't compare dangers of today to dangers of thousands of years ago, society evolves. Men thousands of years ago didn't shower and they hunted with their bare hands and tools, I bet very few of you would prefer that to shopping for groceries.

There's a difference between something done for convenience and something done for meaning. Comparing having a family to shopping for groceries is just not a very useful way to look at things imo.

The problems I find with the pro-marriage crowd and men desperate for settling down is that they live in the past and most of all, they really have no purpose and calling in life other than following society's script. I used to be that way too and would even shame my friends that would talk about being bachelors for life. Overtime, I started to notice that the men I was around who were scornful of bachelors and preaching to the world about how marriage is a gift from God often had little going on in their lives. Most were the cookie cutter corporate types and even worse, small town people who never moved from the old town after high school. These are the same people who also swear high school is the best 4 years of your life.

That's true, a lot of conservative people (who tend to be the most pro-marriage crowd) are simply afraid of novelty, afraid of enterprise, and just want things to be stable and never change too much. Lacking real independence, they value those times of life that society tells you has to be the best years, and value everything in relation to the perception that other people have of it. They expect a kind of reward (either in this life or the next) for being a good boy and never questioning things too deeply.

But on the other hand, I have found many very liberal people, especially those who think they are very independent and non-conformist, to be utterly afraid and trapped inside illusions. Often the most 'open-minded' people are the ones who are most easily victimized by reality, who are the most unable to deal with imbalances and injustices, with difficult truths, and the simple fact that nature never created anything to be free. They are pursued by the anxiety of someone who rebels against the inclinations and affinities of their own nature, creating strangely imbalanced ideologies that pedestalize and obsess over certain kinds of 'justice' while allowing in (and often revelling in) all kinds of morally questionable ideas.

In my mind, nature has created us with a specific kind of body and mind, that is made for certain purposes. By and large, certain things have depths of meaning for us that nature has simply determined to be there for functional reasons, and other ways that we might desperately want to shape ourselves into just don't have a lasting impression.

One of these things is responsibility, especially over other people. It is something which I believe men will never be able to replace in their lives with any kind of pleasure or self-satisfaction. We know, deep in our guts, that we are made to lead other men and women, to grow and shape other human beings from nothing into something, that this is our ultimate goal for which we are made, and no matter what novelty or fleeting pleasure we try to occupy ourselves with, we will not rest until we have done it.

I have never seen a woman childless in her forties or older who seems happy to me (though many try desperately to be) and while men can put it off a lot longer, I believe they will generally end up in the same mental place, once they reach a certain age. When I am sixty or seventy, and my dick starts playing up and my back starts getting creaky, there's no hobby in the world that's going to be able to divert me from dwelling on whether I have done my part well or not.

People might not realize it but the world has changed, everywhere from how we work and how we approach work. The pandemic sped up what was already meant to be for the world of work. Sure, some old industries like big finance are lagging behind, but most people care little about your status outside of work unless you are making the company look bad by promoting extremist political views.

Even if somehow being a CEO requires you to be married, anyone will tell you that CEOs are not the ones making the big bucks at a large corporation. At a lot of companies the top sales guys make more than the CEO themselves. While in some old school drink and close deal sales people care for your marital status, in more modern sales products, they care more about if you can do the job or not.

Most of this marriage-worship I think is a remnant of the industrial revolution and the men who have little in the way of a life purpose cling on to it. Overtime, you will see the industrial age being displaced by the information age where more people do contract work, long-term employment is less frequent, large corporations start to fail, and people need to be more nimble. Unfortunately, I do see marriage worship becoming more common in masculine spaces which is why I have distanced myself from a lot of these guys and this crowd.

Once men get a purpose in life, I think they are less likely to want marriage to fill the void and keep up with society's lies. I used to think that I would want kids at 30 and be married by then because life would be meaningless without it. It is after I started reading more, filling my days with more fun things to do, and staying busy with every day having a purpose whether it is advancing my business, learning something new, or picking up a new hobby that I stopped wanting marriage. I appreciated me time more and I actually find peace in solitude.

One other thing I would say is that I separate family from marriage. Marriage is a social construct, but family is something in the blood. Whether or not I'm married is of little consequence to me, but having a woman to laugh with and play in bed with, to make me coffee and take care of me when I'm sick, while I consider how best to impart my knowledge and create the next generation of my kind, seems to me to be the most satisfying thing in the world.

In any case, that's how I see the world, I might be wrong, but as my wise father said to me recently "the only things I regret in my life are the situations I didn't dominate and take control of", and I am not going to run away from something that could give me a hell of a lot of satisfaction, just because it seems a bit risky.

 

[Headlines By Drake]

@Will_V

I think this once again ties into the point I was trying to make around why men become so desperate for marriage, very few men actually have purpose in life. Most western men go to work, clock out, go home, watch sports where they vicariously live through athletes and teams, drink, and then wake up again to do the same stuff. On weekends, some may attend a social event in the neighborhood and try to fit in with others where they gossip nonstop as they drink their lives away, having beer with unhealthy meats to fill the void. Therein lies the issue, men thinking that having a marriage and kids will fill the void in their lives rather than finding meaning in their lives.

This is the underlying problem with society where men try to seek out marriage and kids to fill the void and then eventually end up getting wrecked by divorce. For every single woman in her forties you reference as being miserable single, I can find just as many women who came off of divorces and are now miserable or just miserable housewives and moms.

The Conservative Right tries to cling to the Bible and to religion as a way to counteract the left's winning momentum in western society but it falls flat. Marriage in my view is a leftover of the Industrial Age or even the farming age where you needed to have kids to work the land or you needed to support a family because society could afford to grow.

In the past few decades, I think with religion's loosening grip and the rupture of large entities in society, people are finding that they do not necessarily need marriage to be happy or even a family.

The reason I gave you a like is because I do agree with you on one thing. Over the years I have seen that seeing rando after rando starts to get kind of old. You find a handful of women you can happily see on rotation or even that one girl you can see exclusively. I have felt happier when I have had a couple of women or even a woman who I could regularly come to for sex and romance while doing my own thing with my life. My big issue is with committing to a marriage itself or family life.

 

[batman12]

And why should I give half of my shit to wAhmEn eMPOWAHment?

While there's truth in the above sentence, it's meant to be humor. I'm trying to see your logic in your comment.

Are you a real account? DK mentioned that you kinda TROLL.

z@c+

Or get in a long term relationship. You can have sex everyday... but yah once you become 35-45 the dating pool becomes a lot smaller.

 

[DarkKnight]

Watch the link, i posted, also is not, is AFTER you have tried the other lifestyles and you realize, is not for you, is not for everybody... Specially if you want kids... i never wanted kids..

Okay, I will watch it when I am behind a computer (at holiday atm), and it was not a jab that I made. It simply doesnt compute with me, so perhaps it is myopic... but for me, that is fine. That is alright.

 

[trashKENNUT]

At some point, they woke up and realized that once they had hit their 30s, they had nothing else in their lives to really fall back on which could occupy their thoughts.

Their existence had been based on dating, game, and women while simultaneously lying to themselves and saying that it was not. Overtime they felt lonely, wanted to fill the void, and used marriage and kids as a way of doing that. Then they rationalized their decisions using biology and history as a coping mechanism.

Yeaaaaa...............

The big question to anyone:
Are you guys trying to convince me that marriage is awesome,

Or are you convincing yourself?

Because the Muslims do it. The christians do it. The right wing do it. The left wing do it. The chicken wing do it.

@Headlines By Drake You bring up a great fundamental thing that keeps us alive.

Do you have something bigger than females?

I know I have. And that lifework is what keeps me alive. I even posted my lifework at Girlschase.

Girlschase members call me crazy. Lolx. But they have women as their life goal. I have my lifework as my life goal, and that's a big big difference that's not even funny.

Anyone really, please go find your lifes work.

z@c+

 

[Skills]

Okay, I will watch it when I am behind a computer (at holiday atm), and it was not a jab that I made. It simply doesnt compute with me, so perhaps it is myopic... but for me, that is fine. That is alright.

yeah i know brother... i am not that sensitive, just clarifying... But i am really happy, i do want to get a dog though...(what i am lacking in my life a dog atm)

 

[Will_V]

I find the perpetual bachelor lifestyle to be some kind of escapism. I have seeN a lot of guys around my age say the same kind of things.

I have never been much of a hedonist. I certainly want to settle down at one point and sure life will get a lot harder... but otherwise what else kind of a point is there to live? Just eat drink and fuck, is that it? Sounds empty to me.

In my book if you do not procreate you have lost the game of life. You can just as well plug yourself into the matrix and keep deluding yourself like that guy in the movie.

One other thing I would say is that one does not have to raise a family according to the prescription that is usually given. Men these days often consider it to be a question of either being a perennial bachelor or doing the whole 9-5 grind, no money because of bills, come home to complaining wife with no sex, watch tv to forget about everything, etc. Which is often the case these days. But personally I plan to do things by a different route.

I think a man who asks himself honestly "if I did want a family, and I could do it by any means in whatever way I wanted to, what would it all look like ideally?" and then (if it is possible) goes about carefully creating that, doing things consciously and rationally without buying into illusions, has at the very least not failed himself and his own desires. But the man who gives everything up for marriage because society demands it, and the man who rejects marriage compulsively because it seems too troublesome, even though he may be drawn to it, have equally failed themselves.