- Joined
- Feb 11, 2016
- Messages
- 137
I'm sure all of you have felt it before: the feeling you get right before you hit the pickup venue, in the morning or evening. The feeling you get when you see girls you ought to approach, but for some reason, don't. The feeling you get when you have a less than ideal approach. The feeling you get when a girl doesn't reply to your text, replies in a cold manner, or flakes.
We read and learn that you need to be outcome independent; you're going out to have fun and enjoy yourself, and your focus should be on what you do (actually going out and asking for, say, 3 numbers) rather than results (getting 3 numbers).
Personally, I'm trying to live by that, and I am able to pull it off. I don't have hundreds of approaches yet, but I've approached a decent amount of times, got shot down, and actually got happier for it.
But the thing is, although logically I know I don't need to be sad about rejections, although I know that if a hot girl I had some progress with gets cold after a while there's always a similar girl i can take to bed, I get struck down emotionally. It's not that deadly feeling you get when you're starting out, but it's there. And it tends to show when I'm alone (hence have time to think), not in the venues (bar or whatever); I'll be very happy then.
Yesterday, for example, I approached one group of girls, and i had to write it down as a rejection although we talked for 5 minutes. Now 1 approach is nothing, but since it ended up as a rejection, I have no "bright side" to look at (other than I had fun). So that's a 100% rejection. However I sense that had I approached 7, and gotten 2 numbers (or more than just numbers), I would have been happy for the good results. and indeed, I know for a fact that I get happy when i get good texts. But the point is, this isn't outcome independence; the positive outcome is making me happy, so I'm dependent on the outcome again.
So, how do you train yourself to really, emotionally, be outcome independent? How do I not get annoyed at bad outcomes, and not 'seek' (and be dependent on) good ones? I know one answer is "just do more approaches, get more rejections, and you'll develop it". Is there another way?
We read and learn that you need to be outcome independent; you're going out to have fun and enjoy yourself, and your focus should be on what you do (actually going out and asking for, say, 3 numbers) rather than results (getting 3 numbers).
Personally, I'm trying to live by that, and I am able to pull it off. I don't have hundreds of approaches yet, but I've approached a decent amount of times, got shot down, and actually got happier for it.
But the thing is, although logically I know I don't need to be sad about rejections, although I know that if a hot girl I had some progress with gets cold after a while there's always a similar girl i can take to bed, I get struck down emotionally. It's not that deadly feeling you get when you're starting out, but it's there. And it tends to show when I'm alone (hence have time to think), not in the venues (bar or whatever); I'll be very happy then.
Yesterday, for example, I approached one group of girls, and i had to write it down as a rejection although we talked for 5 minutes. Now 1 approach is nothing, but since it ended up as a rejection, I have no "bright side" to look at (other than I had fun). So that's a 100% rejection. However I sense that had I approached 7, and gotten 2 numbers (or more than just numbers), I would have been happy for the good results. and indeed, I know for a fact that I get happy when i get good texts. But the point is, this isn't outcome independence; the positive outcome is making me happy, so I'm dependent on the outcome again.
So, how do you train yourself to really, emotionally, be outcome independent? How do I not get annoyed at bad outcomes, and not 'seek' (and be dependent on) good ones? I know one answer is "just do more approaches, get more rejections, and you'll develop it". Is there another way?
