Being patient and flexible VS being honest with yourself

[razir110]

I saw a lot of contradicting teaching when it comes to dealing with ghosting, flaking, etc.

Let's imagine she agrees on a date and the day of the date she cancels and doesn't offer to reschedule.

Some say that you should act cool and just contact her some days later.

Others (such as myself) would just delete her number and go meet more women.

I am not saying my philosophy is correct. I do think that I am just being honest with myself, she has low interest, so shy invest energy in her?

How do you gents think about this?

 

[Higher]

I tend to drop the ball quickly as you say you do, but im trying to change this.

It doesnt really cost much to ping her again a couple days later, maybe with a cool/funny gif that references something you guys talked about.

If shes really not interested, you gave it another shot and can move on. Total energy expenditure: almost zero.

 

[Atlas IV]

If she cancels and doesn't offer to reschedule, she's probably not interested.

Still, concurring with @Higher, it takes very little energy and time to ping her a few days later. You never know, she might have just been busy or had a really bad day and didn't feel like being social that day.

 

[Will_V]

I saw a lot of contradicting teaching when it comes to dealing with ghosting, flaking, etc.

Let's imagine she agrees on a date and the day of the date she cancels and doesn't offer to reschedule.

Some say that you should act cool and just contact her some days later.

Others (such as myself) would just delete her number and go meet more women.

I am not saying my philosophy is correct. I do think that I am just being honest with myself, she has low interest, so shy invest energy in her?

How do you gents think about this?

It really depends on what frame of mind you're in. If you are not getting laid much or shaking off some rust, you'll tend to get too attached to leads, and chasing ghosts is just going to make you more annoyed.

You can also simply look at women ghosting in general (unless you did something clearly wrong) as a sign to just move on and enjoy yourself with more enthusiastic women. That's how I look at things, I just dislike the feeling of working myself into someone's unenthusiastic graces. Maybe it's because my least favorite thing is uninspired sex, to me it should be the result of fanning the flames of something that's already hot, not something lukewarm that's dragged out of the bin.

Regardless you should never fail to find a mistake that is made and try to correct it if that is what caused the ghosting. A lot of times women ghost because of confusion, poor frames, or obstacles you could easily have cleared, and not because they are actually uninterested.

 

[razir110]

@Will_V Agreed.

In my experience, when I tried to somehow manage a flaky girl who doesnt show up, ghosts, says maybe for a date, etc. using all the advice on how to handle these situations, i think it would hook 1 out of 25 flaky girls or something like that.

Would she really screen/shit test a guy who she is into with flaky and ignoring behavior?

Even if she is testing, to me it means she is unsure about me and I am not into spending energy to pass some girl's, who I just met, shit tests to see if her highnesses will grant me the honor to pay her drinks. F that. I just dont waste energy on this and move on.

I also think that this is a good way to look at things for someone with less experience, it makes you meet more women and improve your first impression to get them interested in you and not throw bs at you in first place.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Let's imagine she agrees on a date and the day of the date she cancels and doesn't offer to reschedule.

Some say that you should act cool and just contact her some days later.

Others (such as myself) would just delete her number and go meet more women.

Have a slightly different take to what’s been said.

I used to delete numbers after 1st flake… Now?

A girl I meet has a 2-strike & out policy.

Meaning first flake? No problem things happen

Hit her up a few days later & re-schedule.

2nd Flake? She has to invest more to see me.

I give her a ball in court text, “Hi no worries as this is the 2nd time, will leave it with you to hmu to re-schedule”

One of my recent lays text me 1 week later with: “Thursday? *blushing emoji*” after that text.

Every guy has their own style. I delete after 2 flakes and no reach outs but I know other guys here who never delete numbers. Personally I see that as overkill.

Why this works well for me?

People get busy. Myself included. Deleting after the first flake will get you losing out on a significant amount of girls who otherwise are interested.

2 strikes also toes the line of firm but fair. You’re understanding but won’t be taken for a ride and most well adjusted people find that attractive x

Having a firm number/process also means you’ll never waste time on dead end leads when building momentum or lose out on leads when in high abundance with a very low tolerance.

 

[razir110]

@DoWhatWorks thanks for the input.

May I ask, of those who you give the 2nd chance, how many end up going a date with you? Inm would assume it's a significantly lower number than those who go out in the first invitation, right?

 

[Skills]

I never delete numbers is the dumbest advice there is.... women have state changes and life changes... A girl that hates you 1 day will fuck you the next... Always think strategy, fuck feelings... You can just stop texting 0 point in deleting numbers...

 

[razir110]

@Skills

I think that "deleting numbers" is a good modus operanti for someone who is still developing skills. It prevents you from having hopes with women who aren't into you right now and just forces you to meet more women.

If you have good abundance, then, as contradictory this may seem, you can start to give second chances.

But to perfect the approaching, practice having self respect and standards, I think that the harsh approach to delete numbers is the right one.

As I am typing this, just got stood up for a date with a shitty excuse and no reschedule. I didn't even reply. Deleted her n. Bye.

This has been giving me confidence in my ability to generate abundance and to perfect my street approach. To me it just works.

Btw, repeating my previous question, out of these second chances, how many do you get to go out with?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

May I ask, of those who you give the 2nd chance, how many end up going a date with you? Inm would assume it's a significantly lower number than those who go out in the first invitation, right?

Good question - I'd estimate it's 50% less than girls who go out after the first invite.

Worth the ROI for me. You'll also be pleasantly surprised when girls you written off but were following the process actually come out.

You can just stop texting 0 point in deleting numbers...

Respectfully disagree. What % of girls that didn't go on a date with you ended up on a date in the future after flaking 2+ times?

For me it's very close to 0%. If you're getting better results feel free to share how (no sarcasm) always willing to learn.

Rather than keep a girl's number (who I'm not texting anyway) I'd rather delete to not have the temptation to text her and waste my time.

Also if I delete her number and she texts me, her whatsapp pic shows me who she is or I can just say "sorry who's this? lost my contacts"

To use an analogy it's like not having junk food in my flat so I don't snack on rubbish when I'm hungry lol. Instead it forces me to go out and bring in better food/ more invested girls.

If you have the self-discipline to keep but not text those numbers all power to you, but I'd wager most guys (me included) don't.

 

[razir110]

@DoWhatWorks

50%? To me this seems way too high tbh..

I guess it also depends on how she didn't go/accepted the first invitation.

For example would you try to re schedule with someone who stood you up with no offering to reschedule?

Or a last minute bs flake?

I think that she has a solid chance to go out with you and doesn't take it then she isn't interested, nothing happened in her life she just didn't feel like going, so why would she accept the 2nd offer or reach out to you?

Does this make sense?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

50%? To me this seems way too high tbh..

Bear in mind it's 50% less than girls who go out first time.

e.g. I ask 15 girls out on a date. 5 come out first time. 5 girls ghost & 5 flake on 1st date but keep texting, ~2-3 of the flakes eventually come out.

It's worth the follow up text to get the extra 2-3 girls IMO.

Hard to give perfect numbers as going off rough memory/gut feel.

I guess it also depends on how she didn't go/accepted the first invitation.

For example would you try to re schedule with someone who stood you up with no offering to reschedule?

Or a last minute bs flake?

I think that she has a solid chance to go out with you and doesn't take it then she isn't interested, nothing happened in her life she just didn't feel like going, so why would she accept the 2nd offer or reach out to you?

Does this make sense?

Makes sense but I'd say ignore your emotions, follow your process and observe results not reactions.

There are soooo many variables that as a guy it doesn't help you to consider them. Focus on your actions & what outcomes (on avg) it gets.

For instance a recent lay flaked 2 times on me without re-scheduling. I followed my process & she's now responsive on text for a 2nd meet.
Found out in person she was genuinely just busy.

While I was talking to her there was another girl who flaked but offered a different day to re-schedule. This girl ended up being a time waster who I never met even though "on paper" she seemed more genuine/interested.

If I pre-maturely acted based on their reactions/my emotions (instead of just following a process) I would of cut my losses on the wrong girl...

 

[razir110]

@DoWhatWorks

Yeah very interesting. You know for now I will just follow my 0 tolerance policy because when I bave a bunch of these flaky numbers, I cath myself approaching less women because I have th eillusion of this "fake abundance" if that makes sense.

When I get more happy with my results and my approach, I will try the second chances strategy.

 

[Skills]

@Skills

I think that "deleting numbers" is a good modus operanti for someone who is still developing skills. It prevents you from having hopes with women who aren't into you right now and just forces you to meet more women.

If you have good abundance, then, as contradictory this may seem, you can start to give second chances.

But to perfect the approaching, practice having self respect and standards, I think that the harsh approach to delete numbers is the right one.

As I am typing this, just got stood up for a date with a shitty excuse and no reschedule. I didn't even reply. Deleted her n. Bye.

This has been giving me confidence in my ability to generate abundance and to perfect my street approach. To me it just works.

Btw, repeating my previous question, out of these second chances, how many do you get to go out with?

Brah there is 0 point of deleting numbers, people need to learn self control...neediness control is a skill set... No point in deleting numbers, none just don't text them or call them

 

[Skills]

Good question - I'd estimate it's 50% less than girls who go out after the first invite.

Worth the ROI for me. You'll also be pleasantly surprised when girls you written off but were following the process actually come out.



Respectfully disagree. What % of girls that didn't go on a date with you ended up on a date in the future after flaking 2+ times?

For me it's very close to 0%. If you're getting better results feel free to share how (no sarcasm) always willing to learn.

Rather than keep a girl's number (who I'm not texting anyway) I'd rather delete to not have the temptation to text her and waste my time.

Also if I delete her number and she texts me, her whatsapp pic shows me who she is or I can just say "sorry who's this? lost my contacts"

To use an analogy it's like not having junk food in my flat so I don't snack on rubbish when I'm hungry lol. Instead it forces me to go out and bring in better food/ more invested girls.

If you have the self-discipline to keep but not text those numbers all power to you, but I'd wager most guys (me included) don't.

I don't keep track, cause I don't delete numbers...I don't get the porpuse of deleting numbers.. most guys claim I don't want to be tempted to call them or text.... Just don't, simple deleting numbers is just a passive aggressive behavior, cry baby shit... You can run into them again somewhere or they can hit you up some day...

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I don't keep track, cause I don't delete numbers...

Nahhhh come on I'm not buying that Surely if you keep numbers you can easily see the text thread and see if this is a girl who flakes or never replies to you then later comes out or a girl who was a straight green...

My guess is that if we're all being fully honest, these girls are low odds & rarely come out/ end up being lays.

.I don't get the porpuse of deleting numbers.. most guys claim I don't want to be tempted to call them or text....

Answered your own question

You can run into them again somewhere or they can hit you up some day...

This is covered in my earlier point:

if I delete her number and she texts me, her whatsapp pic shows me who she is or I can just say "sorry who's this? lost my contacts"

Ultimately though the way we're acting is the same. Not chasing uninvested girls just the way we go about it is different.

Each to their own

You know for now I will just follow my 0 tolerance policy because when I bave a bunch of these flaky numbers, I cath myself approaching less women because I have th eillusion of this "fake abundance" if that makes sense.

When I get more happy with my results and my approach, I will try the second chances strategy.

Makes sense to me... I'm a big believer that the best move for where you're at may not always be the best move overrall but there's nothing wrong with that so long as you're moving in the right direction.

Could make a whole post on that as I'm a contrarian there but that's a story for a whole other time.

 

[Skills]

Nahhhh come on I'm not buying that Surely if you keep numbers you can easily see the text thread and see if this is a girl who flakes or never replies to you then later comes out or a girl who was a straight green...

I will repeat i don't delete numbers, so what would i keep track, is like you asking me to keep track of the dumps i take in the toilet, there is 0 need to delete numbers, is retarded, i can't believe i am arguing this stupidity...

maybe @StrayDog or @TomInHo can explain better, i see no benefit on such action...

 

[Atlas IV]

Personally I just "archive" the conversation on WhatsApp. That way you won't see the conversation with her when you open the app, but will still see the "1" on the archives folder if they do message you. Out of sight, out of mind, but still there in case you do decide to ping them in future. Seems to be the best middle ground.

 

[Marcellus]

Personally I just "archive" the conversation on WhatsApp. That way you won't see the conversation with her when you open the app, but will still see the "1" on the archives folder if they do message you. Out of sight, out of mind, but still there in case you do decide to ping them in future. Seems to be the best middle ground.

Thats neat haha!

What I want to know is when you guys delete the number are you ALSO deleting the text conversations? because if you delete the contact/number but keep the text conversations on your phone the number is still there just INCASE(even if only 1% chance) you ever need to be in touch again/know who has messaged you

 

[Freakester]

Both schools of thought are correct in their own ways. And have their pros and cons as anything in life.

If you delete, you lose a chance to ping her again if she is interested. Sometimes a girl might wait for you to do so because she thinks you are a player and have lots of girls, and she is just another girl (auto rejection).

But you can always get more leads. And you waste zero time. This is the biggest advantage.

Personally, I don't delete because who gives a crap if she didnt reply to you or flaked on you. But I don't chase her either if she flakes twice or refutes advances.

Sometimes a girl like this will ping me out of the blue when she realises I'm not going to chase, and that's always a lead without having me to do anything. Sometimes it leads to closes because she chases hard and sometimes it doesn't.

You still don't stop acquiring new leads and make them chase you down.