Being Silent on Dates Sometimes

[Troy]

Every date I go I feel " there should never be a " silent " moment. I've realized that girls don't like asking too questions. I've asked female friends about their dates and all have told me in general girls don't really like asking men a lot.

Sometimes I just want to go on a lunch date or sit in the park and enjoy a little silence. But I feel that girls also dislike the silence. They start looking at the time and their phone.

I want to be able to spend a few minutes talking. I'm not a continuous talker. I'll be flirty and fun a few minutes then I'll want to shssh.

I'd imagine making eye contact and using nonverbal flirtations. Trouble is how do I get the girls to reciprocate being silent while keeping and building the attraction?

Also when I'm walking on the road it's really difficult to keep a conversation . I can't multitask. I have the traffic , other pedestrians , I have to look where I'm going and focus on keeping the girl engaged. Really too much to think about at the same time.

PS. I always get the feeling I need to keep the conversation going almost none stop on a 2 to 3 hour date . That is a lot to do and I feel I need to impress ( none stop talking). Else I lose her attraction.

I have a date tomorrow morning and Saturday afternoon .

Troy

 

[Bboy100]

Silence is necessary to build sexual tension. So not only is some silence ok, but its encouraged. Imo, the only time silence is bad is if the date just started. You don't want her to be thinking "Uh oh...the date started five mins ago and we already ran out of things to talk about. Well this is gonna be awkward...".

But if its like, half an hour+ through the date, and you've already "gotten to know each other" so to speak, its ok to just sit back in silence every once in a while.

I haven't had the experience of too many girls looking at the time/their phone just because we're not talking. If this is happening, then perhaps they don't feel comfortable around you yet? Which means you might be running out of conversation topics too fast, or not deep diving enough. I dunno though. Cause that just hasn't happened to me. haha

Another guess might be that she's feeling uncomfortable being silent with you because you feel uncomfortable with silence. Remember, women can read stuff like this really well. If you're relaxed, she might be a lot more ok with silence than she would be if you're not.

 

[Troy]

But if its like, half an hour+ through the date, and you've already "gotten to know each other" so to speak, its ok to just sit back in silence every once in a while.

Thanks Bboy . I did some of this in my latest field report /date here

I haven't had the experience of too many girls looking at the time/their phone just because we're not talking. If this is happening, then perhaps they don't feel comfortable around you yet? Which means you might be running out of conversation topics too fast, or not deep diving enough.

I am running out of conversation topics too fast. I dunno why. It seems after I get past the initial " getting to know you questions " on dates I don't have anything else to say. What makes it harder is the girls never have anything interesting to share either which gives a feeling " why are we still on the date ?"

I'll try deep diving more . What I think I need to focus on as well is getting girls to just tell me stories and stuff without me always doing all the work. " What do I say next? I'm always the one to start talking first " type of thinking. I can't tell you whether girls are or aren't interested on dates . At first they usually seem excited then as I run out of conversation topics the interest wanes :/ At first I actually feel I'm getting somewhere .

Troy

 

[Bboy100]

First: Can girls tell you're not judgmental. If they feel that you judge them in any way, they'll hold their tongue when it comes to telling you about stuff that truly matters to them. A good indication of whether or not they think you're judgmental is well...are you? If you are, you need to work on changing that.

Second: You need to become more curious about women. It sounds to me like your asking questions like its some sort of routine. But you might not actually give a shit about her answers. You may not actually care to get to know her. You might view it as a prereq to what you really want. This is problematic for many reasons. One of which is that it's hard to naturally create conversation. It's like taking a boring math class or something...yeah, you can do it with enough hard work. But it would definitely be 10x easier if you actually liked/gave a shit about what you're doing.

Instead, I recommend that you make it your mission to understand her identity. So you might want to find out things like:
what makes her who she is?
How did she become the person she is today?
What's important to someone like her and how does it relate to your values?
What's appealing about spending time with her?
Is she intelligent?
Is she mature?
Is she socially savvy?
...and so fourth.


The challenge is to find out the answers to these questions without asking them. Because even if you ask her, she probably won't be able to give you a satisfactory answer. Because she probably doesn't really know. Instead, its your job to guide her to discovering the answers to these questions together via bringing up other more concrete topics.

Once you take on this mentality, "What to say/what should we talk about now" probably won't even be on your radar.

Finally, if you do run out of questions to ask her, literally ask yourself this: "What more do I want to know about this person"? <---This has helped me quite a few times in the past.

Other than that, I recommend that you go back and re-read all the articles on the main page about deep diving and conversation skills.