Being understanding/empathy/politeness/respectul seen as weakness?

[andersen09]

I'm Asian. So naturally I was raised round a culture that's with respect and being empathetic towards others.
Being aware of this, I naturally tend to treat my friends with more empathy and respect. And sometimes it seems like friends take that as a sign of weakness when they're first beginning to get to know me.

For example, there's a smart guy that's been working with me on a lot of school projects. I always treat him with respect and well manners.
Well, I guess he took that as a sign that I was weak or something, cause pretty soon he started making demands.
He started sending text such as

#1
Him: "Yo, you gonna be in class today?"
Me: "Yeah whats up"
Him: Cool, I'm gonna have to leave half way through class, so I need you to take pictures and send me rest of the lecture"
(Here's where I got real pissed)
Me: The fuck? Am I on a payroll with you? The fuck do I look like?
Him: You serious?
Me: Does it sound like I'm playing?
He calls me.

Him: You got a problem?
Me: Yeah I got a problem. Matter of fact why don't you meet me in person since you have the nerves to talk to me a certain way.
(And from here he apologized and never have I seen this type of behavior from him again as he saw that I was ready to beat his ass in person)

#2 To another guy with sleeves just trying to befriend him.

Me: Yo! Nice sleeves man! Where'd you get em?
Him: Thanks, I got it done in Italy.
Me: Those are some sick ass tattoos bro.

We start talking.

Me: So what brings you to LA?
Him: I just left. I wanted to leave my parents and start my own. I literally slept in my car for 3 months.
Me: That's some dedication. How was that?
Him: The fuck you mean how was that? Use your smart brain of yours eh?

(Here's where I just change my demeanor once again from just being cool and friendly to straight up my other side)

Me: Please watch how the fuck you talk to me. I've been pretty cool with you so far, but that can go out the window real quick since you wanna start side stepping with me.
Him: (Taken Back) Oh. Sorry bro, I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was yeah, it was horrible man.

(Gets little awkward)

I've noticed that people tend to see me being polite and respectful as a sign of weakness and try treating me a certain way as if I'm below them when I'm FIRST getting to know that. But the thing is where I'm from, people are always respectful and courteous to each other. It's almost engrained in me.

However; here in US, it almost seems like you HAVE to treat people like an asshole and talk down to them to establish dominance for "respect" in the beginning stages of a relationship.

Can anyone enlighten me on this?

 

[Cacc]

I get a ton of passive respect with people I just met yet Im very sweet and kind.

Nothing to do with being kind and respectful. Everything to do with how you're coming across as.

Im sure you're coming across as nice/weak. Look at your fundamentals and non verbals

 

[Rain]

Me: So what brings you to LA?
Him: I just left. I wanted to leave my parents and start my own. I literally slept in my car for 3 months.
Me: That's some dedication. How was that?
Him: The fuck you mean how was that? Use your smart brain of yours eh?

It could have been a miscommunicaiton. Eg maybe he thought you were making fun of him or ripping on him, sarcastically? You may not have meant it like that, but that's how it may have come accross. Even if you said it legitimately, without a sarcastic tone, like if you said it trying to build him up, it could still be taken sarcastically. It may depend on the person. Or it could be as you said seen as weakness or kissing up? It may be counter intuitive. I'm not an expert, just thought those two suggestions might be possibilities.

 

[lostnumber]

Andersen, you mention that you are Asian. Is English your first language? When you post text/conversation examples, are those occuring in English or in a different language?

 

[andersen09]

Andersen, you mention that you are Asian. Is English your first language? When you post text/conversation examples, are those occuring in English or in a different language?

Hey lost, no these are definitely in English. I'm one of the very few Asians in my campus and haven't hung out with any Asians for a very long time. I also only date girls outside of my race also.

I get a ton of passive respect with people I just met yet Im very sweet and kind.

Nothing to do with being kind and respectful. Everything to do with how you're coming across as.

Im sure you're coming across as nice/weak. Look at your fundamentals and non verbals

Yeah, I think you have a point. It happens more frequently when they're getting to know me or with strangers. It rarely happens after they get to know me. I think I may be putting on a persona when I meet someone to come off friendly and "nice" but has to be balanced with fundamentals and non verbals.

It could have been a miscommunicaiton. Eg maybe he thought you were making fun of him or ripping on him, sarcastically? You may not have meant it like that, but that's how it may have come accross. Even if you said it legitimately, without a sarcastic tone, like if you said it trying to build him up, it could still be taken sarcastically. It may depend on the person. Or it could be as you said seen as weakness or kissing up? It may be counter intuitive. I'm not an expert, just thought those two suggestions might be possibilities.

If anything, he was trying to be sarcastic. And maybe I came across like I'm seeking rapport too hard? When I was merely just being cool with this dude. But I definitely feel that as I'm typing and looking back, he was very socially unintelligent, just rubbed me the wrong way BECAUSE it seemed like I was SEEKING rapport.