Being unflappable vs bottling up emotions

[Spyce D]

I have been trying to make myself look unfazed ( atleast externally ) and it kind of has worked .

But ... On the flip side , It seems like I am just repressing my emotions , which sometimes come out in the form of rage , despair .

I am still yet to become unfazed from the inside .

But , I always end up repressing my emotions .

For example , if a girl rejects my advances ... Even though I will appear chill to her but inside , I will be feeling all this fucked up emotions.

So , how do I become cool headed ?

Cuz even though from the outside , I appear chill but on the inside I have this turmoil.

 

[KJ Francis]

https://jhana8.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Mindfulness-in-Plain-English.pdf

 

[Spyce D]

https://jhana8.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Mindfulness-in-Plain-English.pdf

So , basically , meditation is the solution to lot of problems

 

[ulrich]

Experience.
Those kind of transformations take time.

And also reframing… could it be possible that you see these “failures” as a necessary part of a learning process?

 

[Spyce D]

And also reframing… could it be possible that you see these “failures” as a necessary part of a learning process?

What other choice do I have now ?

It's a bit hard but Let's just reframe then .

 

[KJ Francis]

Well it's practiced, repeated experience sort of like what @ulrich referred to, but "meditation practice" like batting practice vs baseball game. It's not as dynamic as being unflappable in unexpected social situations and is more about internal reflection...

But practicing awareness of emotions coming up and letting them pass will extend into daily life. So you'll improve at opening the bottle, also without letting it explode.

Related to failure being necessary, even in meditation, though the goal is a quiet mind (and you need to practice awareness of breath for months before getting into insight), it's a fleeting thing especially for a non-monk. The practice is to get better at observing and letting go, so literally focused on the journey, not the destination - awareness of the present, always returning to the moment at the tip of the nose when inhale turns to exhale.

 

[Spyce D]

Well it's practiced, repeated experience sort of like what @ulrich referred to, but "meditation practice" like batting practice vs baseball game. It's not as dynamic as being unflappable in unexpected social situations and is more about internal reflection...

But practicing awareness of emotions coming up and letting them pass will extend into daily life. So you'll improve at opening the bottle, also without letting it explode.

Related to failure being necessary, even in meditation, though the goal is a quiet mind (and you need to practice awareness of breath for months before getting into insight), it's a fleeting thing especially for a non-monk. The practice is to get better at observing and letting go, so literally focused on the journey, not the destination - awareness of the present, always returning to the moment at the tip of the nose when inhale turns to exhale.

Just did meditation , today .

Needless to say it was a bit tough to concentrate as felt a bit restless .


But I believe things will go well if I stayed on this path .

 

[KJ Francis]

Yep, if you search the PDF for monkey mind, it will explain. It's a pretty legit instruction manual for vipassana, the original Buddhist meditation, written by a Theravada monk from Sri Lanka.

I fell off the habit, but if you get past the first month or so of 20 minutes morning and night, it's a pretty radical change. I believe Tony D who has written articles here is a huge proponent and saw benefits in pickup (like outcome independence).

 

[Spyce D]

I fell offp the habit, but if you get past the first month or so of 20 minutes morning and night, it's a pretty radical change. I believe Tony D who has written articles here is a huge proponent and saw benefits in pickup (like outcome independence).

Sure man . I have started this habit and I do believe that there is a need to be outcome independent .

Cuz , sometimes greed/neediness takes over and rather than enjoying the journey , I would get upset about flakes , girls replying late etc .

The thing is on just a span of 4.5 months , I have gone from zero female interaction to ' newbie good times ' but rather than seeing it as an achievement ... Mind wonders more about what else could have I achieved .


I have been working on the part where I enjoy the journey while making gains .

Let's see what happens after 1 month .

 

[Spyce D]

Experience.
Those kind of transformations take time.

And also reframing… could it be possible that you see these “failures” as a necessary part of a learning process?

Speaking of experience . What I have seen is that I get less fazed in the approaching and talking part maybe due to the fact that I had put myself there a lot in past few months .... But still feel a bit fazed in dating / escalation cuz don't have much experience .

So , yeah , need more experience while having some internal reflection .

 

[reeax]

I can try to resume you what Kashmir Shaivism masters teach (from my understanding) .. Feeling negative emotions is human, but you need to train yourself to let them go as fast as possible. Evacuate them, so they just flow through you. Therefore you could imagine that when you attain mastery to evacuate negative emotions extremely fast, you will no more "feel" them in a common sense of the word. Most people retain and accumulate negative emotions like you do.

On the same subject, Shiva and Shakti are considered gods mostly because they live perfectly in the present moment, with no past or future in their minds. Accumulated emotions relate to the past which no more exists.

 

[KJ Francis]

@Spyce D https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/some-introspection-and-some-feedback.28303/#post-168999

 

[KJ Francis]

Saw this today too @Spyce D

How to Do a 10-Minute Meditation that Eliminates Bad Emotions

I've been meditating since I was 18 years old. That's half a lifetime ago for me now. I didn't get into meditation as part of any kind of spiritual belief system. I prayed as a child when I was a Christian. But by the time I started meditating, I was an atheist. I'm more spiritual again now...

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