Best way to transition from Coworker to Potential Lover?

[Jeet02]

Hey Fellas,

I have a situation I want to run by all of you and get your thoughts. We all know how the saying goes "don't dip your pen in the company's ink" and what not. For many reasons...but mostly "in case it doesn't work out things could get awkward". However, I have dated women and being rejected by women that I saw almost every day after that...so I know I am mature enough to handle the situation if it doesn't work out (or hopefully I am...). Anyway, I am rambling here a little but I am going to give some background info on the situation and see if you guys have any thoughts/ideas on how to transition into an actual relationship/date/lovers.

I met this girl the first day I started to work at my new company. Ever since day 1 we've had amazing chemistry...we can talk about anything and everything and it just feels right. But even more so, I've always felt this sexual tension between us. The way she looks at me and just stares for a few seconds while smiling, especially when we go out in groups, you can tell she is definitely thinking something. However, I haven't done anything YET because she had a boyfriend all this time. Even though she had a boyfriend, things would get a little flirtatious sometimes (physical contact and what not)...but nothing too extreme. Her boyfriend was also out of state, so it was a long distance relationship. I learned recently (yesterday to be exact) that she broke up with him. It came up in a casual conversation in a group, and she mentioned she still had her ex-boyfriend in something and she needed to delete him from it. And she went and did it (she was sitting right next to me so I kinda glanced to see if her ex-boyfriend was the current boyfriend and it was). I wanted to bring it up and ask her, but sometimes I feel like it is better to not talk about exes at all (or am I wrong?). Instead I decided to subtly test the waters a bit...I would get my leg close to hers and make them touch, see if she would back out (she didn't). Every time I would lay back, she would lay back close to me as well (we were in a couch-ish). She even got so close at one point, her shoulder was behind my shoulder...and we were talking and I would've escalated things there but we were surrounded by other co-workers. She would, through the night, just look at me and stare for a few seconds with a small smile and then look away. All points of interest in my mind...

Anyway...thats kinda the background, and there have been a lot of similar situations to this, but I hadn't done much because she was "taken". However, now that I know she is single...I don't want to waste any time and I want to tackle it and maybe ask her out or something...but mostly show that I am interested in her more than just as coworkers...

My question to you my fellow GCers....how do I go about doing this? Should I just straight up say "I would like to grab dinner with you at some point this week, just the two of us". Or what should I do...?

I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say....thanks!

Cheers,
Jeet

 

[Drck]

I wouldn't bring up her BF at all, don't ask about him at all. If she talks about him, just say "uhuh, he must be a good guy - but lets talk about XYZ". That is it. Shrug your shoulders, that guy simply doesn't exist to you. Cut the conversation about him asap, don't let her go on an on, you are not her GF to listen to her bitching about her ex. Avoid any negativity about him.

It is actually an interesting interaction that you described. She could be interested in you, or not (you simply never know). But if she is interested it wasn't any coincidence that she mentioned her ex right in front of you, that she is deleting him from her life. Those coincidences don't happen, it was quite calculated move - to see how you react, to let you know she is free...

She also didn't back out her leg away from yours, another good thing. Every time you would lay back she would do the same... Damn, she is mirroring you, good thing!

Again, you simply don't know if she is really interested or not, but IMO based on the above it is quite safe to Assume high Attraction. I wouldn't waste my time, invite her out asap. Definitelly invite her out. How you ask is really up to you, just keep the general frame, e.g. don't ask her "Would you like to go out sometime?" which shows weakness.

I would talk to her for couple of minutes first, then ask her with more specificity, maybe: "I would like to grab dinner with you at some point this week, just the two of us. Would We or Th work for you?".

You can also try a little twist: "If I knew you have a time after work on We or Th, I would definitely invite you for a dinner". This way she can decide whether she has time to go out with you, an if not you'll avoid awkward situation with seeing your co-worker in the future - she'll be simply flattered by you showing an interest, while she won't feel bad if she says No. She could of course easily agree if she is interested...