Beware of Marriage

[Drck]

Beware of Marriage. I placed this under General intentionally, hoping that it can stay here:


Sure, girls are great. They can provide you with the most amazing feelings you will ever feel. They are silly, cute, sexy and sweet, and you should learn as much as you can to seduce them, GC has been great - if not the best - source of knowledge.

But: Beware of Marriage. Avoid marriage. It is not because you don't want to provide for your girl and have a great family together with her. It is not because you don't want to raise children in great and safe environment, raise your kids the right way, be the daddy who wants to set a great example how to live great life. It is all because the current system is horrible. It is aimed against men, the likelihood that you as a guy who has no other intention than have a great life with girl you love will get screwed over and over is very high.

Today, she is silly, cute, sexy and very sweet. She is supportive of everything you do, she is encouraging you to do what you like to do, and you would do everything to spent the rest of your life with her. Today, you can't even imagine that it could be otherwise, you believe that you found your true soul-mate. Perhaps you believe that you can easily manage your marriage through open mindedness and communication. I'm sure that you believe that you are different than other guys, and that your girl is different than other girls. Who doesn't believe it? You would have to be fool to believe otherwise, this just couldn't happen to you... It can't happen...

But what are the chances she will remain the same 10-15-20 years from now? People change. She will change, and you will change. Your and her feelings will change. You will meet different people, so she will. You might be blinded today by her great love. You might still be blinded 2 years from now, or 5 years from now, you won't be aware at all. But then your eyes might start opening. Slowly but surly they will be opening, you will start seeing your friends, you will see how they got screwed by wife they once loved.... And once your eyes open brother, once they open you will see totally different world...

I'm not saying that it will happen to every guy who gets married. Not at all. Sure, you might be a great communicator, you might be able to manage your relationships quite well. But what if not? What if you are just regular guy, thinking in regular guy's way? So the chances that it will happen to you are very high, perhaps 50% (e.g. up to 50% of marriages end up in divorce).

The law will be against you. The sweet, silly, cute and sexy girl will turn against you, and she will use everything she can against you. She will do everything to get anything she can out of you - your money, your house, your kids. She will drawn you her in emotions. She will become ruthless beast while you will feel sorry for her. She will drag you emotionally down, she will make you depressed with guilty feelings; she will make it seem that everything you ever did was wrong. She will throw in your face stuff you did or said 5 years ago, 10 years ago, even before you got married. She will make it seem that you are the cause of all the problems in her life, you will be accused of many things, and great amount of guilt will be placed upon you...

You will be guilty - before you'll even get a chance to prove that you are innocent. And, having a typical foolish mind of regular guy, you will most likely agree with her, agree that you are the true source of all the problems in her life... You will be a loser because you failed to fix all the problems in her life...

You will then be stripped by system of your house, your money, your retirement, your children... You will be ordered to pay child support and most likely alimony. Money you were saving for years in your 401K will be split, you will have to pay extra taxes and fines to destroy your lifelong savings. You will be described as horrible person, whereas she will be the innocent one, she will be the poor girl who was being abused by her insensitive husband for years. Yes, she may actually file charges against you for domestic violence, you will be accused for physical and verbal abuse...

And then, don't be surprise if you find another guy living in your house fairly soon; taking care of your kids, spending money you made, fucking that cute and sweet girl you are still loving - while you are draining your brain in alcohol, so you at least can temporarily forget...

So Beware of Marriage. Girls can be silly, cute, sexy and sweet, and they are. But they also can be silly, cute, sexy and sweet bitches. And the system is - currently and unfortunately - on their side...

 

[Drck]

Golden words from DrexelScott (under Marriage), they worth to be memorized:

====================
DrexelScott:
Ask yourself this:

If the laws for marriage said that anytime the husband wants, he can leave the wife for no reason while taking half her money, maybe the car, definitely the house and definitely the kids, even if the woman did absolutely nothing wrong, do you think a single woman on Earth would agree to get married? Especially if the guy could just say "she hit me" and then she wound up in jail regardless of whether anything happened?

Of course not!

What boggles my mind is that so many men agree to the same conditions in reverse, not just hoping for the situation but literally getting down on one knee and BEGGING for it! I'll never understand this. Men are supposed to be smart and rational and easily connect cause and effect and think out consequences ahead of time to do a proper risk-reward analysis.

 

[luego]

This mindset baffles me. Of course people change. Hopefully, you'll change together.

The laws aren't remotely biased, from a financial perspective. They often are, from a practical perspective. Yes, if you divorce, you're entitled to half her pension, half the house, half the car, etc. It's all "community property" (if you're in such a regime, which is being discussed here). Don't like it? GET A PRENUP. You can get a good one for $1,200. It can protect you against alimony as well. The only reason that guys get "screwed", is they're usually the primary breadwinners (and often by mutual choice, if she stays home to raise kids). Oh, and in many (all?) provinces/states, living together long enough means you're "married".

And, yes, I say this as a guy who (a) works in the field and (b) has been completely screwed by "the system". I knew what I was getting into.

The only real unfairness is a remaining preference towards mothers respecting custody/access, especially with young children. To that, I say "don't put your dick in crazy". I still have a hero complex I'm working on; my exes are basically all nuts (as in, actual medication). My long-term commonlaw wanted to have a baby. No way in hell was I going there with her, despite the fact that I want kids. To put it bluntly, anyone who splits when you have young children was with the wrong woman. And if you split when the kids are 12 years old, just because you've grown apart, the kids' opinions have a decent weight when it comes to parenting issues.

I see no real benefit to marriage other than family. I'm utilizing skills from here in a form of serial monogamy, because that's my thing. But I grew up in a nuclear family, and that's what I'd want for my future kids.

 

[Nova]

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage the 'Y' becomes silent.

 

[daviddreamer]

Too late. I'm already married lol

 

[ILoveElla]

And, having a typical foolish mind of regular guy, you will most likely agree with her, agree that you are the true source of all the problems in her life

If the basis of why I should be reluctant to get married, is based all on that sentence above, then I am now more inclined to want to get married(than I was before) after reading your post!

Are men really that stupid, and easily manipulated? Seems ironic to me, after what you'd read on GC! I know it provides for more entertainment to paint men out to be this way in tv shows, but in reality, I don't think men(after decades of experience with women) would fall for a ploy this easily. That's what I don't get what you're saying?

Unless the woman has some sort of other advantage over you, then there is nothing that she can do to make you feel guilty! All you'd have to do, is give her a taste of her own medicine. It's really that simple. I don't know if it happened to you or not, but from reading your writing, it definitely has a brain-wash style to it.

But if you are weak and spineless though, there's quite simple solution to all this anyway. Get a prenup!!

 

[Drck]

Ok, couple of issues to address:

1. My point is not to argue whether you should get married or not. My point is, if you are thinking about marriage be very careful. I was always for marriage. I was raised in good family (in different country), for me marriage was "normal". However, the more I look around and the more I understand, the more I am incline to say: Do not do it. Don't get married.

2. Perhaps you should ask yourself what do you as a man have to gain from marriage? IMO not much. What can you lose? A lot. The laws migh be 'equal', however the reality is that women still benefit more from it.

3. Is prenup good? Sure, why not. I just can't imagine a guy in his 20's, who is in love with the girl and both of them don't have much $$$, perhaps they just have college loans and regular income, that he is even going to talk about prenup. IMO it kind of kills the romance, but again, that is only my opinion. Once a guy gets to 30's and 40's (in general), prenup makes more sense. But at the same time, he will be more mature, he will see that he has more options, more good women to be with. So why would he tie himself down with just one?

4. You as a guy might be in love. She as a girl may not. I don't want to say that she is/was lying, that wouldn't be true, but she was only seeking a provider. She had fun, if she's hot she's been with couple "alpha" guys, but now she's 25-30, and all she wants is some good stable guy who is willing to have family, share the money, provide... So she may vibe with you quite well, and you may think that she is in love - but she really isn't. She's just working on her priority, on her kids.

5. In marriage, you will be domesticated. You will have to share many things, not just finances but decisions, friends, her family... You are not marrying her only; her family will be involved, her mother will be giving her advices. You will have to make compromises between what you want and what she wants. You will have to be more "beta", more complient, more sensitive, more weaker... Your balls will become more tender, they will be painted blue occasionaly. You will be living happy Beta world every single day. The same world you are trying to avoid now, whith all the energy you have because you just can't get laid...

6. Thinking about the great sex you are having today? Beware. You will get used to each other, the attraction will be gone. After some time she won't be as attractive as she is now. She may become bored with you, and most likely she will. Your romantic attempts may last some while, but even then they will become "casual" interactions. And, she will start denying you sex for being exactly what you are trying to be so hard by getting married - the beta provider.

7. Before marriage, both of you are going through great times. Everything seems easy, everything is exciting, there are no problems. That is because your heart is pumping hormones through your body. But, Life is not always happy. There will be problems, work issues, difficulties with family or friends, unexpected troubles... There will be exciting people coming to your life, and her life. Once the problems arive, things won't go so smoothly like now. Perhaps you will show her different side of your personality, and perhaps she will show you hers... Think girls are always cute, sweet and sexy? Look around and think twice...

8. Luego: my exes are basically all nuts (as in, actual medication) >>>> LOL! On the other hand, who's exes are not? Many women are on some antidepressant medication, if I remember about 25%. Others should be, and possibly will be in the furure. And the rest is seriously thinking about studying psychology, LOL

9. Remember, just because you can or will do everything for the marriage to work out, it doesn't mean that she will do the same. It always take two parties for the relationships and marriages to work out, not only the guy's part. Read the DrexelScott text again that I copied (above), it says quite a lot

10, 11, 12, 13 and 14: Would Alpha guy, independent and not needy guy who's got abundance mentality ever get married? Fuck no. For what? Those are just beta desires, deeply rooted in most guys. But again, do as you wish, you should always decide on your own (regardless what your friends or internet says anyway), your life is only yours. Good luck either way.

 

[ray_zorse]

+1 DrexelScott... marriage is shit. BTW at least where I am at, having kids will invalidate a prenup... as to not putting your dick in crazy it can take a long association to finally get she's cluster B. Especially if u have no previous understanding of, or experience with, personality disorders, and most guys don't.
-Ray

 

[ILoveElla]

+1 DrexelScott... marriage is shit
-Ray

Who's this DrextelScott??

 

[To Need a Woman]

In marriage, you will be domesticated. You will have to share many things, not just finances but decisions, friends, her family

It's called symbiosis, specifically mutualism in this case. Look it up!

I'm not saying that it will happen to every guy who gets married

But you kind of are.

You will have to make compromises between what you want and what she wants

It's called being an adult! Just because a husband is pulling his weight doesn't mean he's becoming more beta. If that's the case the wife is also becoming more beta too.

You will have to be more "beta", more complient, more sensitive, more weaker

It's only in your case that becoming more sensitive meant becoming weaker! It sounds to me like you know that if a woman gets close enough to you, she'll be stronger over you, and that's what you're afraid of. You obviously failed to stand your ground in the relationship, which only means you are a 'beta'

... Your balls will become more tender, they will be painted blue occasionaly.

Hmmmm

If I had the time I'd address the other 10 or so points you listed.