Bigger Sex Toys

[Lord Byron]

Hey guys,

Would appreciate some feedback here...

Been with wife for years, and together a few more before that, and she's recently opened up to doing a lot more things sexually. Our sex life has been better than it's ever been, which is great.

She's only had a clit vibrator, no other toys before, and is curious about trying a bunch of new ones - including dildos that are bigger than I am.

I noticed myself feeling uncomfortable with this idea, and wanted some perspective from guys with more experience, or who could help me with my mindset here.

First, is this even something I should be worrying about/feeling insecure about?

She and I haven't bought any toys yet, and haven't discussed these thoughts/feelings because I don't know what to think yet or how to talk about it.

My thinking here goes like: she wants to try new toys (I love this), including something bigger than me (I don't love this) --> what if she enjoys it more than she enjoys having me inside her --> will she enjoy sex less with me if she gets greater physical pleasure from a bigger toy --> will this make her fantasize about wanting to be with bigger men than me

For further context, before the idea of this came up, I didn't have any issues with my size. I'm statistically average (which I have no problems with), and can make her cum with my dick.

She had other partners before me, some were probably bigger and some were probably smaller — that doesn't bother me.

I think I'm feeling conflicted because I hear two different perspectives:

1. On one hand, I've heard variations of "It's literally just another/different physical sensation, and that a sexually experienced/enlightened person wouldn't feel insecure about her trying a bigger toy". This feels like I'm being gaslit.
2. On the other hand, I've heard variations of "Her using a bigger toy is disrespectful given that you're both in a committed relationship, and she shouldn't be trying out bigger toys while you're together". This feels overly jealous, and not something that someone experienced would say.

Neither of those feels like a complete or well-thought-out response to the situation...

And I just don't feel like I've heard a sensible perspective on this that's grounded in experience (either directly with this kind of situation, or via something who understands women and their sexuality better than I do)..

I would appreciate some insight on how to navigate this situation, and my mindset around it (if I'm just not thinking about this right, I want to know)

 

[Skills]

I have the magic wand original is the go to toy. Too much playing with toys may desisatize clit

 

[Lord Byron]

I have the magic wand original is the go to toy. Too much playing with toys may desisatize clit

Nice, @Skills, that's the current toy what we have. Damn that thing is powerful!

Any thoughts on my mindset/perspective in the original post? Am I just overthinking this and worrying over nothing? lol

 

[Zoro]

Any thoughts on my mindset/perspective in the original post? Am I just overthinking this and worrying over nothing? lol

A toy can't compete with a man who knows how to give a woman a great experience in bed. You have hands, arms, a tongue, voice, most importantly a mind.

Can the toy create a deep experience and look her in the eye while making her submit her orgasm to it?

Can it sweep her off her feet and stimulate her emotions and make her feel like a woman with a attractive man, feeling like a lucky girl?

--------

Are you overthinking? Well if your bedroom play is mechanical and uninspired, then a toy will outshine you.

You want to be able to create a sexual experience, not just get her off.

I've probably mentioned this before, but reading a good romance novel can teach you tons about how to build sexual tension and get a woman dripping wet before you even touch her.

 

[Skills]

Nice, @Skills, that's the current toy what we have. Damn that thing is powerful!

Any thoughts on my mindset/perspective in the original post? Am I just overthinking this and worrying over nothing? lol

This is normal happen to me in my second relationship i got insecure of toys, toys is not your competition like you think, is just what it is a device, women put greater stock on connection and intimacy. You can start by learning about the secret society of sex and maddona whore complex this will help you a lot, when i get home i will link

 

[topcat]

Your insecurity is a bigger threat to your relationship than the sex toy is. Focus on managing that.

 

[Will_V]

Personally I see sex toys (specifically stuff that replaces my cock) as single girls toys. Why would my woman want to stick a piece of cold rubber up her pussy instead of my cock? It makes no sense to me. It's like I'm lying there banging a squeaky lubed up plastic doll instead of her warm wet pussy, I would expect her to be embarrassed.

OK maybe some people are into roleplay and it's a way to tease the other person or something like that, but for me it doesn't work. Good old fashioned desire is more than enough for me. I don't mind playing around with some accessories but not something that replaces my cock.

I've never been married, and my longest relationship has been 2 years, so take this with a grain of salt. But when a woman suddenly gets interested in sexual stuff that isn't my cock after years and years, I would be examining things to see if the relationship was lacking in any way. Is she excited to see me at the end of the day? Is she generally compliant and submissive? Is she enthusiastic about things we do together? I would try to understand what exactly her desire is about and how I can satisfy it in the context of how I want to run my relationship.

Because even if it's just a sudden shift in her physiology or something, you don't want to start bad habits - such as her looking for sexual satisfaction in stuff that isn't you - when you could use the opportunity to otherwise improve the relationship or fix a problem in a stronger fashion.

 

[Skills]

Personally I see sex toys (specifically stuff that replaces my cock) as single girls toys. Why would my woman want to stick a piece of cold rubber up her pussy instead of my cock? It makes no sense to me. It's like I'm lying there banging a squeaky lubed up plastic doll instead of her warm wet pussy, I would expect her to be embarrassed.

OK maybe some people are into roleplay and it's a way to tease the other person or something like that, but for me it doesn't work. Good old fashioned desire is more than enough for me. I don't mind playing around with some accessories but not something that replaces my cock.

I've never been married, and my longest relationship has been 2 years, so take this with a grain of salt. But when a woman suddenly gets interested in sexual stuff that isn't my cock after years and years, I would be examining things to see if the relationship was lacking in any way. Is she excited to see me at the end of the day? Is she generally compliant and submissive? Is she enthusiastic about things we do together? I would try to understand what exactly her desire is about and how I can satisfy it in the context of how I want to run my relationship.

Because even if it's just a sudden shift in her physiology or something, you don't want to start bad habits - such as her looking for sexual satisfaction in stuff that isn't you - when you could use the opportunity to otherwise improve the relationship or fix a problem in a stronger fashion.

Is not that serious is something to enhance sexual experience, usually she can use on the clit as you are banging and most girls have toys... change your view cause it may affect women to open up to you, if they sense u see toys unfavorably... most have clit type toys no penetration ones...

 

[Will_V]

Is not that serious is something to enhance sexual experience, usually she can use on the clit as you are banging and most girls have toys... change your view cause it may affect women to open up to you, if they sense u see toys unfavorably... most have clit type toys no penetration ones...

I'm talking specifically about penetration toys. I don't mind at all what a woman does with her clit, sometimes she will ask me if it's ok if she rubs it while I'm banging her and I always say 'sure!', I know its hard physiologically in some positions for me to hit multiple spots and I want her to feel as much pleasure as possible. If she wanted to get something specifically to stimulate her clit, sure.

The problem with penetration toys is that obviously we can't be both in there at the same time. So first of all what am I going to do, sit there and watch? Not going to happen. Does she want it for when I'm not there? First I'd be thinking, are we having sex often enough and in a satisfying enough way? Try and fix the problem with my own cock first.

Because here's the way I see it: when a woman sticks something up her pussy and it's not a cock, she's fantasizing about someone's cock. Is it yours? If you're already there it makes no sense.

If she wants it for when I'm not there, it's still risky. Even if I am giving her enough satisfying sex and dominating her psychologically (which is probably not the case if she wants a dildo) it facilitates her to be fantasizing in my absence - without my presence, my smell, my voice - which gives her a sexual experience where I am removed (or it's very easy to remove me at will) from the equation.

I am a believer that relationships always break along their weakest points, and that sex is something that helps hold a relationship together as it's going through a crisis or rough patch. When you weaken the sexual aspect (that is, start to separate her sexual experience from the strengthening of the relationship), it creates weaknesses everywhere, because the glue is not doing its job.

That's my perspective, some guys may have different ways of looking at things or like to be with women with different mindsets, but in the sort of relationships that I have, dildos don't have a place.

 

[hey_lover]

A sex toy could never be a replacement for a living, breathing, fleshy dick.

 

[Terms]

I've certainly had quite a bit of fun dildoing girls with big intimidating black dildos, or doing the mutual masturbation thing with one, that's hot to me when the girl is hot.

It does make them looser, it does make sex afterwards noticeably less pleasurable because she's all stretched out. And I have an 8-incher on a rock-hard day, a half inch smaller on a typical day. If you're dildo-ing your wife with a 10-inch and putting a 5 or 6-inch dick into her afterward, you might not even feel it much, and she might not even feel it much, which is physically less satisfying with all the ingrained psychological stuff that goes along with that.

So my gut says that's not a good idea with your wife, a Pandora's box. Relationships mean sacrifice, this is one she needs to make IMO. There's no male equivalent there, I'm trying to thing of a parallel and there isn't one.

I've never had a wife or a relationship past 3 years and I'm a space monkey, so take it for what its worth.

 

[Skills]

I've certainly had quite a bit of fun dildoing girls with big intimidating black dildos, or doing the mutual masturbation thing with one, that's hot to me when the girl is hot.

It does make them looser, it does make sex afterwards noticeably less pleasurable because she's all stretched out. And I have an 8-incher. If you're dildo-ing your wife with a 10-inch and putting a 5 or 6-inch dick into her afterward, you might not even feel it much, and she might not even feel it much, which is physically less satisfying with all the ingrained psychological stuff that goes along with that.

So my gut says that's not a good idea with your wife, a Pandora's box. Relationships mean sacrifice, this is one she needs to make IMO. There's no male equivalent there, I'm trying to thing of a parallel and there isn't one.

I've never had a wife or a relationship past 3 years and I'm a space monkey, so take it for what its worth.

Well yeah but againg lets say she is doing that while yuo getting your dick suck you can role play as having 2 dicks fantazy as well as doule penetration, most women even prn starts are no size queens you with your 8 incher should know sometimes even scary as painful for some... again guys no that serious... i am woory more about sexual insecurities subcommunications more than dildos...

 

[Terms]

I feel you. My gut is your dick needs to be the biggest thing that goes into her. Smaller-dildo double penetration sounds fine. But this is just one person's gut, has someone ever field tested this with a wife?

 

[Skills]

I feel you. My gut is your dick needs to be the biggest thing that goes into her. Smaller-dildo double penetration sounds fine. But this is just one person's gut, has someone ever field tested this with a wife?

Lol yeah no that serious, those your girl or wife is the tightest pussy? Is she better than some porn fapping session constantly, guys no that serious

 

[Skills]

A sex toy could never be a replacement for a living, breathing, fleshy dick.

Correct, is insecuritiies being projected

 

[Terms]

Correct, is insecuritiies being projected

Maybe. The Pandora's box is she gets hooked on the big size, and over time becomes overcome with the desire to get this kind of size in a living breathing fleshy dick, with you unable to provide that. Which leads to all the psychological stuff like dissatisfaction and resentment that creeps in at a subconscious level and spills out into everyday life.

But again, just going with the gut here. Take it for what its worth.

 

[reeax]

Are you sure she's not seeing someone else? Sometimes girls get sexually wild when they start cheating. Suddenly, they are "open to new things." Plus, if your sex life is better than it ever was, why would she need a plastic dick? Personally, I'd put the brakes on that.

 

[Skills]

Are you sure she's not seeing someone else? Sometimes girls get sexually wild when they start cheating. Suddenly, they are "open to new things." Plus, if your sex life is better than it ever was, why would she need a plastic dick? Personally, I'd put the brakes on that.

jesus christ! no dude!

 

[Chase]

@Lord Byron,

Interesting the range of different responses here.

I guess each guy here's going to have his own opinion. You'll just need to figure out what's closest to yours and run with that.

I'm not a 'sex toys' guy. I know some guys are really into it. I personally am really into fucking girls... with my cock. Anything other than that is a snooze.

That said, I also don't care either way about sex toys, and find them goofy/silly... like, I know she is cumming her brains out with me. Why is she trying to masturbate with sex toys? It is funny that she is THAT horny that in addition to getting fucked a whole bunch she is also trying to fuck herself. Like, lel. It's like walking in on your buddy jacking off to porn, or in on two dudes buttfucking. Consistently hilarious. Or at least I find it so.

A few times over the years I have had women float the idea of getting dildos. I can only tell you how I react, and that is with uproarious laughter and pleasure at a chance to tease her mercilessly.

It goes more or less like this:

Her: Should I get a dildo?​

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Me: BWAHAHAHA!​

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Her: What?!​

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Me: I'm sorry, what is the dildo for? Is my cock boring you? Hahaha​

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Her: No! I just think it'd be fun to try a toy!​

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Me: Oh, okay. You can see if they have a fake pussy when you're ordering it. You can fuck your rubber dick and I can fuck my rubber pussy.​

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Her: You can use the toy when we have sex...​

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Me: You mean the toy is for me? Do I stick it up my butt?​

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Her: No, you use the toy on me...​

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Me: Sorry, I will be too busy fucking you. I'm not ambidextrous. I can't be fucking you with my cock while fucking you with a dildo at the same time.​

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Her: You can use it before sex. Foreplay?​

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Me: Why would I use a rubber cock for that when I have a cock for that already? So I can experience less pleasure and more boredom? You just use it on yourself and tell me when you're done. I'll give you some private time with your toys.​

That is typically the first and last discussion. They never end up getting the toys... or if they do, it must be tucked away deep in the back of some drawer somewhere, because I've never seen one and it never gets mentioned again. The only toys I've had girlfriends have were vibrators while training them to cum.

If a girl did have a rubber dildo though, I can tell you I would just look at it as another chance to have more laughter at her expense...

Me: So how are things going with the dildo? Did you give it a name yet?​

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Me: Does that dildo buy you dinner or is it not that type of relationship?​

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Me: Does the dildo cuddle with you after or are you guys not at that point yet?​

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Me: If I'm feeling really tired one day, think it's fine if I just don't come over and you can use your dildo?​

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Me: Hey, I'm thinking we should take a day trip this weekend. You, me, and your dildo. He's part of the family now too. We'll buckle him into the back seat.​

I have cracked jokes like these with girls about their vibrators (which, while good for training orgasms, I still also find hilarious). I'm not really trying to have any effect with it, I just enjoy trolling girls over goofy things they do (silly and cute). But I will say the effect seems to be the girl gets a bit self-conscious about the vibrator after a while, then eventually throws it away and is just all-in on cock after that.

Chase

 

[Terms]

That's a good way to shut down the topic with her and make it go away. What if the guy is open to it and enjoys some sex toys and sexual exploration beyond fucking? Do you think there's a risk in using a larger dildo on your wife?

An interesting question because I don't know if its field tested much.