Bipolar Disorder

[spadepoker]

Hey guys,

So I have a situation that I want to hear some opinions about.

Back in 2013, I was on top of the world. Making all A's, taking an extra load at school, getting laid frequently with different girls, partying regularly, established a mentorship with a prominent local businessman, and was talking with one of Steve Jobs's inner circle guys about possible business ideas. At the time I had a big ego, upset one of the deans at my university by being really cocky and blowing him off. He found a way to get my suspended and arrested for disorderly conduct. My parent's found I could be released from jail and have the arrest mitigated if I went to a mental hospital.

There I was given the option by a psychiatrist: choose bipolar or schizophrenia. I chose bipolar and started taking the meds (otherwise at that South Carolina mental institution you can't leave otherwise). Left, was thankful I got through it all, and stopped taking the meds immediately afterward. My parents were upset I wasn't, made me start taking them and had me arrested by telling the police "I threatened to kill them followed by myself" - not true - after telling them I wasn't going to take them. That initiated a 2nd round in a different ward. At this point I gave up, started the meds, went home and became severely depressed - more or less bed-ridden for 18 hours a day for about a year. I was seeing a psychologist weekly throughout the time, and she came up with the idea that the bipolar diagnosis was marijuana-induced as stated in the DSM 4. Finally, I had an escape. I started putting the meds under my tongue, trashing them when I had the opportunity. My depression immediately cleared up and was mentally stronger after about 2 months.

As soon as I could, I moved away from home. A few years passed, now beginning of 2017, I started my own personal training business, and scored my first girlfriend who was extremely loyal, motivated and outgoing. Things with the business weren't going well after about 8 months - I was making ~ $30k/ year working 8 hours a week - I couldn't sign any more affluent clients that I was looking for. I reinvested everything I made, and didn't have enough to take my girlfriend on dates. On top of that, I dropped all my 'friends' since they were bad influences - would drink and smoke all day which got me back to smoking as well. I made the friends after reading the articles on how important it is to have friends for pickup. And it's true. Before my gf, I was getting laid regularly from ONS's.

I asked a lot of people for advice, and wasn't getting anywhere. I started calling my mom who's a successful businesswoman and entrepreneur. She would say the source of my problems was I wasn't taking the meds and not seeing a psychologist. Feeling bad about finances and lack of ability to take out the girlfriend, I started getting a bit depressed. Then I lost my biggest client. Then I was really depressed, more so than ever before. I went to the sporting store to buy a shotgun. Turns out you can't buy one after being in a mental institution.

My brain stopped working. I'd mentally splice three sentence into 1 and couldn't process a single thought. I contacted my parents knowing no other route to take. They sent me to a much better mental institution in VA and got on meds that at least allowed me to think again.

This is where I am now - living in one of my parent's homes, working another 8 or so hours a week, which suffices, not having to pay rent. I could work more, just don't have the motivation. I'm still taking the meds. It's weird. It takes away the mental fog and body aches out of being deeply depressed, but doesn't help with the feeling good part or removing apathy toward every aspect of life. My parents visit regularly. I still have suicidal thoughts regularly, especially after they say the source is they think I'm not taking the meds, which I am. I don't know what to do. Is it in my mind and I should just think positively like Chase states in his article? Then I have the thought/fear that it won't matter anyway since the bipolar will cause the depression again anyway. I get motivated in short bouts but still find the feeling of apathy depressing and the number of social gains I hope to make overwhelming and perhaps unachievable. Should I move to a different country and leave my mom, the only one dead set that I'm bipolar, behind and start fresh? It's hard since she's also an amazing resource of all wisdom, knowledge, connections, and wealth (for paying for school and my housing), though it comes with its reciprocal major downside.

I workout regularly by default as I'm still a personal trainer. As of recent I eat rather poorly, relying on my parents to purchase groceries and eating what they bring in the house since I don't make enough $ to. I have plans I'm not very excited about. I'm going to community college in the Spring full time. I can go to UVA engineering school in the Fall and then make more money than as a pt and not have it as an issue.

That's the bulk of things. Just curious what others think. This site has been a staple of mine for about 5 years for reading articles that have totally changed my life in too many ways to list. Chase, Ricardus, and Colt have been a major influence.

 

[BetaBoy]

Were you diagnosed with bipolar 1 or 2 or cyclothemia for that matter?

 

[spadepoker]

BPD 2

 

[Parkour]

I am not a healthcare professional so this is informational only:
1.) my understanding of BPD is that there will be mania (highs) and depression (lows).
Some well known artists, entrepreneurs, and successful people have found ways to accept the cycle and will push during the highs and recoup/restore during the lows.
2.) lithium and similar meds or supplements are meant to stabilize the pattern. That affects both the highs and the lows.
It’s okay if the low is getting too low but some people don’t want to restrict the high. it’s not a panacea for the condition but it can be the difference in terms of how low it goes
3.) try hypnosis, and learning about how rumination, habits, and thought patterns play into perpetuating depression. You’ll want a toolkit to deal with the lows and restorative habits that keep your baseline going while you allow the cycle to make its way back up. At the peak, you’ll want to learn hold back just a hair so that you don’t push yourself into a completely avoidable situation (dean, disorderly conduct). You might feel unstoppable but you’ll need to feel like you played your peak well when it comes back down again so you don’t create baggage that exacerbates the depressed mood.
Meditation, exercise, diet, healthy friendships, these are the things you may need more of.
4.) Motivation is an interesting one. When you’re depressed, you can use that as motivation to improve and restore. When you are manic (peaking) you can use that at motivation to reach. Basically choose the stick during depression and the carrot during peaks.
Let me know if this helps/resonates.
- Parkour

 

[BetaBoy]

I am not a healthcare professional so this is informational only:
1.) my understanding of BPD is that there will be mania (highs) and depression (lows).
Some well known artists, entrepreneurs, and successful people have found ways to accept the cycle and will push during the highs and recoup/restore during the lows.
2.) lithium and similar meds or supplements are meant to stabilize the pattern. That affects both the highs and the lows.
It’s okay if the low is getting too low but some people don’t want to restrict the high. it’s not a panacea for the condition but it can be the difference in terms of how low it goes
3.) try hypnosis, and learning about how rumination, habits, and thought patterns play into perpetuating depression. You’ll want a toolkit to deal with the lows and restorative habits that keep your baseline going while you allow the cycle to make its way back up. At the peak, you’ll want to learn hold back just a hair so that you don’t push yourself into a completely avoidable situation (dean, disorderly conduct). You might feel unstoppable but you’ll need to feel like you played your peak well when it comes back down again so you don’t create baggage that exacerbates the depressed mood.
Meditation, exercise, diet, healthy friendships, these are the things you may need more of.
4.) Motivation is an interesting one. When you’re depressed, you can use that as motivation to improve and restore. When you are manic (peaking) you can use that at motivation to reach. Basically choose the stick during depression and the carrot during peaks.
Let me know if this helps/resonates.
- Parkour

lithuim can be quite toxic for him to ingest. its linked to kidney issues, theres better medications out there that work just as well as lithium.

 

[BetaBoy]

BPD 2

good, that means your psychian isn't gonna be as paranoid about you becoming psychotic. had 2 friends who were also bipolar 2s, they manage to get from their lows back to extreme by mismanaging their sleep.

 

[lindsayrrr]

4.) Motivation is an interesting one. When you’re depressed, you can use that as motivation to improve and restore. When you are manic (peaking) you can use that at motivation to reach. Basically choose the stick during depression and the carrot during peaks.
Let me know if this helps/resonates.
- Parkour

Hey Parkour

This is a really interesting approach, using depression as motivation. I suffer from severe depression, recently learning that it comes from my parents. Have tried many things to overcome it without meds but with no luck. Actually started to accept it as part of myself but I hate the negative feelings it brings.
Have never tried to use it to my advantage but will definitely try this out.

Thanks man.