Hi all
First post! Any and all advice much appreciated. A somewhat typical newb mess up, but circumstance has thrown up a potentially interesting follow up that I am tempted by (option 2 below). Much of this is around the balance of not wanting to be shopping guy'd, and instead seen as 'a man of action' but not chasing/needy/desperate.
So briefly, she's in one town, I'm in another, all contact is via email, save for first date. I have her mobile too (but given before 1st meet in case I was late etc. so wary to use otherwise).
Met at work thing in my town, spoke very briefly in passing (I was focussed on work). Emailed her after event, and moved fast (2nd email) to set up date (I was going to be in her town for work). Went great, having such a great time I failed to close(!) despite (in retrospect blatant) interest. Tried to get another meet while still in town, but no banana. It went like this:
Day1: Met girl, great time, but failed to close/move fast (now in AR?)
Day 2:Email and text mentioning I was a bit tired with travel etc, saying we should meet up while I'm still there
Day 3:Email response that she's busy, she'll get back in a few weeks. My text ignored.
Day 4(last day there): Email insisting in a warm way we should meet up before I go. Text in case not checking emails.
Day 5 (I'm back home now): Email response, short but friendly. No questions. Text again ignored.
Today (Friday) is day 9, and I committed to responding by now for work thing, so I ought to get back either way!
So, I would like to see her again...
Option 1: Try to go a bit slowly, (re)build rapport/warmth. Happy to ignore any coldness and just persevere, and suggest meet somewhere down the line. This is the safe (and sane?) option. Our first meet was ostensibly to do with work (though not really), and a meeting in a while could be dressed up this way by her (or me?), if she needs to rationalize it in some way. It would also be logistically easier for her (her town, choice of time and range of calendar dates). Downsides are it may require some investment from me (she wouldn't know this), it wouldn't be for some time, and very wary of becoming 'email guy', moving too slow etc.
Option 2: I show warmth/interest in next email (so still leaving the slow path as an option), but also throw out there a (rather outrageous) suggestion of a meet quite soon - I'm going to be somewhere very nice for work with some free time before hand, and so ask her to join me. She knows the place better, so would joke about her being my tour guide, rather than my date.
This requires no investment from me, but significant from her (2 days, ticket there etc.). I like the gutsy-ness of this, it has a sense of adventure and out of the blueness that she may like, and that I'm going to be there anyway so I'm not investing in that sense, but wary of being seen to chase (esp as she may be in some degree of AR), being offensive (her: 'you fail to close on first date, then expect me to say yes to this!'), and consequences of the fact she may want to, but be logistically unable (may have bf, cost). If she wants to but can't, does this turn her colder or warmer to me?
My gut says the second option, but I know myself that I'm not thinking clearly on this at the moment. I do feel my directness/speed initially, and that I'm still somewhat unknown, is in my favour, if nothing else. I don't want to kill that by going too slow, but also don't want to kill off chances if she is on the fence and open to slowly-but-surely. Opinions on which to go for, or any other options welcome.
Whichever option I go for, also not sure on how much interest to show, how cool/warm to play it (lots of questions vs just a few vs only work stuff for a while). Also, much of conversation is based on things talked about at our meeting. It was a increadibly warm/friendly meet, but didn't end well. Given this, I am not sure how directly I should reference topics discussed at it.
This is not withstanding the obvious necessity of getting out there with other girls meantime, but looking for advice on this specific case atm, whatever the chances of turning it around may be.
NB: There's a work project we're trying to work up (suggested by her in reply to my 1st email). She understandably dressed up our meet as a chance to discuss this further (so as not to seem to forward I guess), and I let her go with it (was trying to avoid creepy guy thing of using work as reason to meet then trying to jump her bones). Neither of us gave work much attention when we met, but I think we are both genuinely interested in taking this forward also.
Many thanks
Mark
First post! Any and all advice much appreciated. A somewhat typical newb mess up, but circumstance has thrown up a potentially interesting follow up that I am tempted by (option 2 below). Much of this is around the balance of not wanting to be shopping guy'd, and instead seen as 'a man of action' but not chasing/needy/desperate.
So briefly, she's in one town, I'm in another, all contact is via email, save for first date. I have her mobile too (but given before 1st meet in case I was late etc. so wary to use otherwise).
Met at work thing in my town, spoke very briefly in passing (I was focussed on work). Emailed her after event, and moved fast (2nd email) to set up date (I was going to be in her town for work). Went great, having such a great time I failed to close(!) despite (in retrospect blatant) interest. Tried to get another meet while still in town, but no banana. It went like this:
Day1: Met girl, great time, but failed to close/move fast (now in AR?)
Day 2:Email and text mentioning I was a bit tired with travel etc, saying we should meet up while I'm still there
Day 3:Email response that she's busy, she'll get back in a few weeks. My text ignored.
Day 4(last day there): Email insisting in a warm way we should meet up before I go. Text in case not checking emails.
Day 5 (I'm back home now): Email response, short but friendly. No questions. Text again ignored.
Today (Friday) is day 9, and I committed to responding by now for work thing, so I ought to get back either way!
So, I would like to see her again...
Option 1: Try to go a bit slowly, (re)build rapport/warmth. Happy to ignore any coldness and just persevere, and suggest meet somewhere down the line. This is the safe (and sane?) option. Our first meet was ostensibly to do with work (though not really), and a meeting in a while could be dressed up this way by her (or me?), if she needs to rationalize it in some way. It would also be logistically easier for her (her town, choice of time and range of calendar dates). Downsides are it may require some investment from me (she wouldn't know this), it wouldn't be for some time, and very wary of becoming 'email guy', moving too slow etc.
Option 2: I show warmth/interest in next email (so still leaving the slow path as an option), but also throw out there a (rather outrageous) suggestion of a meet quite soon - I'm going to be somewhere very nice for work with some free time before hand, and so ask her to join me. She knows the place better, so would joke about her being my tour guide, rather than my date.
This requires no investment from me, but significant from her (2 days, ticket there etc.). I like the gutsy-ness of this, it has a sense of adventure and out of the blueness that she may like, and that I'm going to be there anyway so I'm not investing in that sense, but wary of being seen to chase (esp as she may be in some degree of AR), being offensive (her: 'you fail to close on first date, then expect me to say yes to this!'), and consequences of the fact she may want to, but be logistically unable (may have bf, cost). If she wants to but can't, does this turn her colder or warmer to me?
My gut says the second option, but I know myself that I'm not thinking clearly on this at the moment. I do feel my directness/speed initially, and that I'm still somewhat unknown, is in my favour, if nothing else. I don't want to kill that by going too slow, but also don't want to kill off chances if she is on the fence and open to slowly-but-surely. Opinions on which to go for, or any other options welcome.
Whichever option I go for, also not sure on how much interest to show, how cool/warm to play it (lots of questions vs just a few vs only work stuff for a while). Also, much of conversation is based on things talked about at our meeting. It was a increadibly warm/friendly meet, but didn't end well. Given this, I am not sure how directly I should reference topics discussed at it.
This is not withstanding the obvious necessity of getting out there with other girls meantime, but looking for advice on this specific case atm, whatever the chances of turning it around may be.
NB: There's a work project we're trying to work up (suggested by her in reply to my 1st email). She understandably dressed up our meet as a chance to discuss this further (so as not to seem to forward I guess), and I let her go with it (was trying to avoid creepy guy thing of using work as reason to meet then trying to jump her bones). Neither of us gave work much attention when we met, but I think we are both genuinely interested in taking this forward also.
Many thanks
Mark
