Hi Shroud,
The above are good answers. Also, definitely focus on changing your mindset and the way you feel about yourself. Right now you feel miserable (about your interactions with women), you have a wrong set of believes and they result in incorrect behavior. Learn to feel good about yourself.
You sort of have to trick your brain and persists. Just an easy example to grasp the concept: Say there are two guys who never lifted weights, and they decide to start going to fitness. Say both of their goal is to bench press 250 pounds.
Guy A:
He works out hard 2 hours per day, 7 days a week for 4 months. At the beginning he only lifted 80 pounds, and then his progress stopped at 180. He thinks he failed miserably because he didn't reach his goal, and he didn't feel good about myself at all. He is now tired, exhausted, he is bored of doing bench press only, and he will never come to fitness again because of the big failure. His mindset is that he failed miserably despite the fact that he worked out so hard, he started to believe that he will never reach his goal. Not only that, next time when he sees guys who like lifting weights he thinks they are meat heads.
Guy B:
He works out only only 1 hour/day 5 days a week. Weekends off, then next week when he starts he is rested. He also started with 80 pounds, but his progress after 4 months was 160, less than the first guy.
Mindset of this guy is: I've just accomplished a really good thing, it was quite a good success because:
* I never lifted anything before, I started with 80 pounds, and now I'm already at 160 only after 4 months of lighter lifting. That is a huge gain, see if any experienced lifter can double his gains in only 4 months, I must be fucking great!
* Not only that, I also improved myself overall as I did lots of squats, dead-lifts and pull ups. That is huge, there are many different things to work on and to improve, there is no way that I'm not going to limit myself with just bench.
* I lost some weight as a side effect, I converted lots of fat into muscles in just 4 months. That is huge change for me.
* I developed some discipline in these 4 months, and I can use the discipline for the future
* I exercised only 1 hour per day x 5 days, I can easily increase it by 0.5 hour per day and still be well rested after each weekend; I can definitely add more intensity as well, this way my gains will be even better
* I'm excited to extend my exercise for the next 4 months because I know I can do much more, and I know that eventually I will reach my goal
So Gua A lifts more weights than Guy B; he works much more, but he is done with exercising. He feels miserable about himself, he gave up. Guy B lifts less, he is more rested, he feels great and he is ready for another long run. He is ready, fresh and excited to start another 4 months, he has no doubt that sooner or later he will reach his goal.
You obviously want to be the Guy B in your life, not just in weight lifting or girls. So look for success and emphasize success. You are already successful in other areas of your life, so all you need is to start focusing on cumulative success with women. All it takes is to 'trick' your mind little bit and some persistance...
Guy A: "I don't remember anything good when approaching women or taking a risk"
Guy B: "Approaching women and taking a risk is good, it is a good accomplishment, it is already a big success. It is much more than not approaching or doing nothing, so I'll keep approaching and talking to women" >>>> If you want progress in fitness, you have to keep going to fitness, no? Simply extend your effort.
Guy A: "She is going to be like the last one"
Guy B: "Who knows how how the next girl will be? Girls are similar in certain areas, but there are also have lots of differences. They all have tits, but not all tits are the same. I can't judge all girls by one pair of tits. Let's find out how next girl will be, let's keep open mind, let's don't make any conclusion about her tits. Let's find out something more about her tits" >>>> There are different exercises in fitness, you don't have to do only bench all the time.
Guy A: "That girl made me feel worthless"
Guy B: "In the past some girls made me feel worthless, true. But those are only feelings, feelings come and go as they wish and I can change them. It is not really important how the girl feels about me, the important thing is how I feel about myself. I chose to feel great regardless of any interaction with girls" >>>> Learn to feel great about yourself and learn to reward yourself. Go out and get a 12 ounce steak with mashed potatoes. Eat it all, lick the fucking plate, that is how good it is, and leave a good tip. Celebrate greatness, celebrate great feelings, and celebrate bad feelings as well. All feelings are great, they make us alive. After you lift lots of weight, you also get hungry, no? Eat well!
Guy A: "It is hard for me to improve my mastery in seduction or relationship"
Guy B: "I don't need to be a master in seduction or relationship. I'm just having fun with girls because girls are fun/sexy/silly and cute. I'll leave all the mastery and perfection for later, I'll have plenty of time to master the mastery when I'm retired 70 year old dude. Until then I'll just have fun" >> See, you are most likely some form of OCD, you are perfectionist. You have the need to have everything perfect, neat, orderly. If you are not doing things the perfect way you don't feel good about yourself, especially with girls. Fuck it. You don't need to be perfect, there is no such thing as perfect seduction. There is no perfect way, there is no perfect girl. You are not perfect either, you are just a guy, human. You don't really need to lift 250 pounds either, 160 will do it - as long as you are lifting and feeling good about it...
Guy A: "I have to seduce her and I have to sleep with her in order to be with her. It takes lots of effort to get a woman"
Guy B: "Fuck it, I don't have to do anything. I don't have to seduce her and I don't have to sleep with her. I don't have to be with her either, I don't need any woman to be happy. I'm just going out to have fun, and if there are good vibes we'll see later" >>>> You don't have to work like a slave each time you go to fitness, sometimes you have easier days, other times you work out harder. No need to break your back (or emotions) because of women
Guy A: "It just destroys my motivation"
Guy B: "My motivation is to get better with girls. The good thing is that I do have this motivation, so as long as I am doing something couple times per week it is much better than not doing anything and getting fat" >>>> As long as you are going to fitness you are always progressing and you are always doing better. The progress will eventually accumulate, the success will accumulate. There is just no other way, if you lift more you will become stronger. If you do nothing, you will have problems even with 160.
Guy A: "I feel worthless and unimportant, it is very demoralizing feeling"
Guy B: "I used to feel worthless and unimportant, however I know there are much better ways and I can change it. I can feel better about myself, how I feel is only my choice and I won't let any female dictate my feelings" >>>> It is much better to go to fitness and lift 160, and feel good about it - rather then not lift 250 and be miserable about it, no? Going to fitness is important and it is useful. You can feel great about lifting 160 pounds, or you can feel miserable about it - but the choice is only yours....
