Instadate - March 13th
Set a timer for 2 hours and hit the beach again today.
I open a two set as well as a single set, both of which don’t go anywhere. But they’re good for momentum.
As I’m walking back to the beach entrance, I see this girl standing by the edge of the water looking out at the ocean. I change my path a bit so that I’m walking by her, and, as I walk by her, I ask her in Spanish how the ocean feels. She says it’s cold, and then I transition it into personal, asking her if she’s from town. She says she's from another city in Mexico. Since I’m working on making the first couple minutes of my convos less logical/linear, I just look at her with a smirk, as if I don’t believe her. Her eyes get bigger and she starts to smile a bit, “What, why don’t you believe me?!”
We continue like this for a while, with the convo weaving between playful and real. She asks me where I’m from, and I tell her I’m from Guadalajara (second biggest city in Mexico) – which I’m clearly not, based on my accent when I speak Spanish. She knows I’m fucking with her. But then I tell her the truth, that I’m from NYC, and we connect over that because she’s been there a couple times and loves the city. At some point, she explains to me that she’s got a mixed background, and describes herself as a “mutt.” This makes me think of Julien’s hard tease of calling girls dogs… so I throw in with a smirk, “Ah, yeah, I can tell. You’re just like a street dog.” She laughs.
All the while, I’m standing close to her, giving her light backhand touches, giving her strong eye contact.
After a few more minutes of this, I go for the compliance and suggest we sit down at a cabana where her stuff is. She's down, so we walk over and continue talking there for about 30 mins. Overall it feels good… decent sexual vibe and the convo generally is interesting. But she also seems to have her guard up. She talks a lot about not trusting men – how her ex hurt her and how she’s on a journey now of self-discovery. She also throws out various frame grabs, like how I don’t seem like the type who’d want to settle down… or that I probably walk up and down the beach trying to pick up girls (very perceptive, lol).
Eventually, I go for another compliance, suggesting we go grab a drink at a nearby bar. But she says that she has to go back to her hotel where her friends are waiting for her. I persist a bit more, but she's firm, so I just grab her number. I’ll try to get her out again, to see, but not counting on it.
- Looking back… I think that the hook was good. I got a good mix of sexuality and pattern-breaking in there, plus some basic social frame. I felt like the sexual vibe was good while we were talking at the cabana, as well. And the convo felt stimulating enough. I think what I was lacking was social frame. Her frame grabs seemed centered around this idea that I’m a player etc. So, maybe turning down the playfulness a bit, being more real, connecting on processes, talking about friends, family, all of that would’ve helped.
- I slipped in some sexual innuendo, which is another thing I’m trying to work into my game. We were talking about traveling to Brazil, and I asked her if she spoke Portuguese. She said she did, so I asked her how she could speak that language. Giving a smart-ass reply, she said “Con mi boca” (With my mouth). “Ahhh…. So you like to use your mouth a lot” (smirk). Lol, and then when she accused me of the innuendo, I just denied it and flipped it back on her for having the dirty mind.
- Found another easy way to get basic kino going. There’s this expression in Mexico, “Son uña y mugre” (“they’re like dirt and nail”… means that two people are inseparable). So at one point in the convo, I told her that I had learned a Mexican expression. She asked what, so I held her hand, and traced it out while telling her.
A few other loose thoughts I’m working through. One is, I’ve noticed in a lot of Julien’s in-fields that he often doesn’t give real answers in the first few minutes of an interaction. E.g., when a girl asks him the standard questions ("where you from, what's your name"), he’ll often say that he’s from some random country, or he’ll give a clearly false name. I think in one of his videos, he explains that the “facts” don’t matter as much in the first few minutes… it’s all about the emotional experience you’re giving to the girl. You can always talk about the facts later.
Going into conversations with that mentality… feels liberating. Because it opens up a lot of possibilities about what to say and do. One hook that’s been working for me is pretending to speak only one language… and then breaking the pattern by suddenly switching it up. E.g., since I’m in Mexico now, I typically open every girl in Spanish, even if they seem to be Spring Break tourists. A lot of them are visiting from the US, and they tell me that they speak only English. Instead of switching to English, I keep speaking to them in Spanish, as if I don't understand what they’re saying. I keep the act up for about a minute. Then I’ll go “I’m just fucking with you, I speak English
” And that always gets a good reaction. There’s nothing logical there, though… it’s just the emotional experience.
I feel like one opportune time to introduce this in any convo is when a girl asks where I’m from. Instead of making her guess, like I’ve done in the past (which isn’t bad, since it can get her more invested in the convo), I now just say a place that it’s blatantly obvious I’m not from. They know I’m fucking with them, so it immediately introduces a playful, less linear energy.
Obviously, it’s a balance. Being a jokester isn’t seductive… but I think the aspect of pattern-breaking and unpredictability, when it’s sprinkled in strategically, is good. It adds an element of her not knowing when you’re being real and when you’re fucking with her.
In terms of the underlying mechanism of why this stuff works when it does? I think part of it’s the pattern breaking. When a girl is approached by a guy, she’s trying to figure out what “box” to put him in. If the initial convo is a standard, linear conversation… “Where are you from… What do you do…” it becomes predictable. She’s seen this pattern a thousand times before. So, when you give an answer that’s clearly not true, it breaks the typical “box” that she’s beginning to put you in. Also, I think that the Julien-esque style pattern-breaking is effective because the convo is still ABOUT HER in some way. In some of the above examples, you’re fucking WITH her, which is ultimately still about her.