FU Blown Up Great Vibe

[TheEcho]

This is focused on the Muslim girl I mentioned in chat a while back. Every time we talk we have such a great vibe and I've had 3 people so far tell me she looks really into me. Already have a pet name for her and I kind of have one. This is going hard into boyfriend territory, but we get along really well and other than a smaller lower frame, her face and upper body are great. She stares at my pecs at times and is definitely into my body and personality. The main catch has been a long distance thing she has with a guy in another time-zone, and the details make it seem very unlikely they'll ever actually live in the same place so I'm going "dark" on this one. She has been trying to be loyal and not meet outside the gym, so I was planning to escalate in the parking lot and see about some car fun.

We had a great time today with our usual teasing and her showing me pictures and such. I get a good amount of touch in when fitting (being in my home gym makes things a bit iffy). I finished before she did and helped her improve a couple exercises and teased/chatted a lot. Everything was good and I teed up an avenue to get more intimate with talking about being an empath and having others be my focus.

As soon as we got outside, KABOOOOM... She asks about the Israel-Palestine war and the mood goes to shit. She took my empath framing and wanted to see my stance on a war with who-knows-what-the-hell-is-happening propaganda everywhere. We disagreed a bit as she's pro one side and doesn't believe the negative news about them and I see the messiness of the whole damn thing. It ended with her getting a call, taking it without saying anything, and then needing to go get her niece (which she told me about earlier).

She gave me a side hug (the first hug we've actually had, she's said she's not very touchy with her family), thanked me for helping her, and said "she has to go get her little demon (niece)". She almost seemed to be trying to reestablish the flirtiness as she walked off with a couple silly comments, but still. She only comes to my gym for leg days, 2-3 times a week, so it'll be a few days until I see her again. I'm really annoyed as the mood had been great to lead into a kiss and impromptu date, and then tatters... Not sure her takeaway after this, but we have had at least 5 great interactions.

Any thoughts on navigating explosive topics like this?

 

[Ambiance]

Sounds like the real problem was her getting the call to pick up her nephew. Had she not been interrupted, you could have chatted about the war for a bit, maybe disagreed on a few things (which isn't the worst thing because she can respect you not just telling her what she wants to hear), and eventually you'd have found a way to find common ground and then thread-cut and gotten onto a better topic.

OR, you could even have proposed on the spot you want to hear more about her views on the war and set up grabbing coffee or something. Then on the date, use it as a way to deep dive her rather than debate anything. After 5-15 minutes, let her "win you over", qualify her views (putting you as the appraiser of value), then bring conversation back to better topics. Be warm and flirty the whole time. Then get her alone at yours or hers, and you know the rest.

(PS - I see absolutely nothing wrong with going after a girl who has some pathetic long-distance thing with some fucker )

 

[TheEcho]

We talked about it for a long time, it wasn't short and it was kind of stuck. Fingers crossed me standing my ground reflects well, but I was rather middle ground due to the messiness of the conflict. Felt a bit lost after having spent over an hour with her overall and 20+ minutes being war messiness

 

[Ambiance]

I see, didn't realize how long you two were chatting about the war (presumably right outside the gym). What a momentum killer.

It's a hot topic, and something she clearly is passionate about with her Muslim heritage. When she drops a bomb like that, you can go the authoritative/Don Draper route where you frame bringing up the war as a faux pas. Say something like "We're having a good time, let's not get into a topic like that" with 25% levity and 75% seriousness. Then change the conversation. If your frame is strong enough, she will feel ashamed for bringing up the war, and will be eager to make it up to you with your choice of next conversation, which will make it easier on you to throw a pull request in there.

Or if you want a less direct approach, you could have feigned ignorance about the war while turning it back on her and asking about how she feels about it (and maybe suggest taking the conversation to a coffee shop or your apartment). Then mirror sentiments of hers you actually agree with, resist the male urge to correct her on anything else (at least until you're sleeping with her and she is genuinely curious about your input), and thread cut into a better topic you can use to move her somewhere.

 

[TheEcho]

I like the thoughts on dealing with this in the future, especially with girls that I've had much less contact time with.

She was totally single for 5 years (despite looking like a 5' 4" model) and mentioned she has no clue what to do with dating stuff after so long, so I have said a few times to her that the way we talk is basically like we're in a relationship (plenty of teasing, with substantive topics mixed in), and it even came up just before we went outside, when she was finishing her workout and I was acting as trainer. I think I triggered the serious topic as I become a more serious contender in her mind

 

[foggy]

@TheEcho

Nice job getting her outside

Ambiance has you covered, and I’m gonna add my perspective to his

What you say about serious contenders & serious topics...is true. mid game is a common time for political questions to pop up. And they can be quite ambiguous too. With the stance of the girl being unclear

When this happens, I pace her by playing a wide frame, showing awareness of multiple sides of the perspectives. But don’t take any individual stance until she fills it in, allowing for me to establish some positive common ground

Once you pace her, you lead out of politics. So she doesn’t get stuck

An easy way to do this. Is to start discussing how the cultures of countries influence the way their politics are. Go deeper and deeper into various types of cultural differences. Until you suddenly find yourself with a compliant girl who’s gazing at you with excitement. as you're describing the differences in...uh... sex across the world. whether it's flirting, acceptance, or the act itself

 

[TheEcho]

Yeah, we got stuck on her view being stubbornly biased to one side while I am pretty set on "this is a shitshow all around". I had also lost my bearing as my empath talk was supposed to lead to much more intimate topics and instead she thought of the war and my views "since you're an empath". Totally forgot the thread and we just were stuck there for a while.

My brilliant self only could think of mentioning some "fun" facts about Serbians and how Russia built roads from Moscow to each tribe but not in between each tribe, just sinking deeper in the ick of conflicts and corruption... I did visually outline the roads and called the Russia shape a potato (which is an inside joke) and that got a laugh, but then the call popped in and I didn't like how she answered it without saying anything (though I was looking away and talking, so maybe I missed it).

Sent a couple follow up texts that I'm a little iffy about, but I'll see her state whenever her next leg day is. There was a gorgeous girl at the gym today, but it's so hard having smooth openings at this gym as it's a very visible, open layout. My stupid, stubborn mission to make things happen at the gym is definitely making me think gyms actually do suck for meeting girls... I'm on the shorter side, but besides that, I'm the most fit guy there a lot of the time (combo of size and leanness) and my attire is great at showing the size with class. I see looks but haven't managed to turn them into more yet.

Edit: She responded to the texts positively (one was a tease, one was a serious addition to the convo)