Bob-B's journal

[Bob-B]

The background-

I'm 26, got out of a long term relationship when I turned 24 with the intent of getting good with women and not being one of those guys that settled. I've had some pretty severe bouts with depression and anxiety since then and been thru many of the beginners phases often spoken about on this site.

The first six months of being single (literally in my adult life) I was deep in the victim mentality. I managed to get a couple of dates - with hot women even - but couldn't get anywhere with them for the simple fact I had no idea how to escalate. This only led me further down the road to nowhere. I lived in a small town where there is just no real options for women, they're either dating people I know or they just broke up with someone I know. Somewhere during this time I discovered girlschase. The first lessons I put to use - quit the victim mentality, approach women, ask them out.

July 2013- Soon after this I asked out a not so attractive girl from the convenience store in town...very cool and confidently, and in front of other people - she went right for it (it's that easy?). She flaked the first date and I thought it was the end of the world like usual. But I stuck with it and she agreed to another date. Took her to a drive in movie, was patient and cool, escalated and invited her home! Success!! The ick factor was in play but I breezed thru that (my marine buddies would have been proud lol)

Dec 2013- still not getting the kind of numbers and results I had imagined, and still living in the same craphole town I grew up in I had managed sleeping with 2 other women up to this point (both were in a relationship with someone else). An old crush from high school who I had been mired hopelessly deep in the friendzone for ten years years reappeared in my life. I showed interest an persisted relentlessly but in a cool collective way. She finally after a month or so of non stop trying slept with me. I stuck this out for a few weeks until I realized she had no sex drive whatsoever (I can't stand having to beg for sex and having her bitch the whole time while we are doing it). So I moved on

Feb 2014- let's try online dating! Went on a couple of dates, girls seemed interested. Slept with one at the end of our first date! (Move fast- it worked again!). Unfortunately chase was also right about girls online being pretty nuts...stuck it out until she tried telling me how it was gonna be - NEXT

June 2014- Geezus it's been a while, am I ever going to get laid again? I read an article that said something about using every possible number you can to get laid when you're in a slump. I connect with a girl who I hadn't spoken with in almost a year who I had never slept with. Get her to meet me at a festival. We got pretty tipsy and went out after as well. We were to drink to go home which worked out great, slep with her in my truck in a public parking lot (strange sex logistics)

August-dec 2014- I seem to really be hitting my stride. My wingman dan and I are on the same page, talk to new women constantly, have our fashion down, posture is good, confidence is thru the roof and we are both 6'4 and in great shape to top it off! We were constantly getting compliments on how handsome/hot we are etc. At one point I even managed to take a girl as my lover within 15 minutes of meeting her, slep with her in a public parking area. At the end of this stretch I ended up dating the first "hot" girl ive been with since ending my long term relationship 2 years prior. She cheated on me and I ended things...

Oct 2014- I moved to a new city, first time since I was single that I've lived away from that dreadful optionless small town
This made breaking up with the cheating girl easy. But low and behold it's almost April and I've had no success since then. My social circle here includes only people in commited long term relationships and my wingman dan is in rehab and lives in the same old small town.

March 2015- back to the online dating scene. I've managed 6 dates with 5 women in the last two weeks. Texting game has definetly come around substantially. First 2 dates I was invited to thier home but got cut off before I could really get started. 2nd 2 dates I failed to make much if any sexual frame though they have stayed in contact with me and I'm going out with one of them tonight. 5th one went well, established a sexual vibe but got thrown deep into the boyfriend bin. She came over for dinner last night however, 4 attempts to escalate, 4 failures. Never even got her sweater off despite the fact she was telling me and showing me how interested she was. I can't go on ten dates with one girl before I sleep with her, not enough time in my year.

Time to start keeping track...too many long months with no lays, I can't stand when history repeats itself

 

[Bob-B]

Met a girl for a drink after work. Our first "date" was last Monday, she was very attractive, very goofy/fun. I played along and was a lot more playful/funny than I should have been. Even though she was the most outgoing and playful of the last 5 girls I've been out with she was the only one who avoided making out after the first date (very public location). Interesting, but could very well be the lack of sexual vibe I put out.

So this meetup, I walk in paying close attention to my walk/posture etc. she's at the bar, we lock eyes and I let out a slow but big smile, say hello etc...but didn't touch her whatsoever. I was very quiet this time, she's a talker and doesn't seem to get akward, so she fires away questions at me at nearly every silent moment.

I didn't do much for deep diving, I find it a bit difficult after the first date trying to remember what I've already dug in to. I did however make sure to compliment her fashion and how beautiful she made it look. Also I wiped an eyelash off her cheek at one point, then made a slight bantery joke but stared deeply and somewhat closely into her eyes for a long few seconds. I was a bit taken back, we had literally no physical escalation to this point besides me touching her face but I picked up a heavy sexual undertone to her stare (that might sound crazy but it seemed unmistakable). I ended the date after an hour, I hadn't much to say, and she seemed to begin circling around trying to think of what she hadn't already asked. She pays for the drink, we walk outside and she tells me I don't need to wait for her cab...I ignore that with a shoulder shrug. I said something to ease the silence then asked her what her week looked like, then asked her if she'd like to come over for dinner on Wednesday night. She says yes with a smile, I make a light/inside joke about how intricate a meal I would plan, and we went our separate ways.

Things I had right- my walk, ability to appear relaxed and in control (of my body at least).

Things I'm not sure about- the only sexual vibe I managed if you could even call it that, would be I may have been more mysterious with my reserved approached (it seemed a bit to distant and quiet to me) and I felt ok about the timing and delivery of my compliments.

Things to improve- plotting the course of conversation on a second date (it's MUCH easier for me on the first date) as I tend to forget a lot of details about her from the first date a week ago. Finding more ways to physically escalate when she's not giving me easy open opportunities. Being a bit more interesting and not leaving her with the burden of conversation. I'm sure there's more, I'd love to know them so I could begin to solve them.

As for Wednesdays dinner at my place date, I'm not holding my breath. She could just be agreeable and the lack of physical escalation to this point could make things strange if she does come over.

- side not with her, very little back and forth online before trading numbers, and straight logistics for setting up dates over texts, almost 0 rapport building over the phone. (Genius? Or maybe she already exited stage left...) couldn't be any worse than all the other ones who I've spent more time texting and rapport building and put more effort into conversation with!

 

[ray_zorse]

If she's asking questions she's interested, however it would be good to reward her interest with touch and attention. For the dinner date tell her she will be your kitchen hand and start ordering her around -- pass x from the drawer/fridge/cupboard, cut this into 1cm cubes etc. Praise the hell out of her at each step and add touch. Tell her you have a few jobs to do, put the rubbish out or mop the floors or set the table or whatever while she cooks per your orders. Check on her frequently by standint behind her and caressing her body while telling her what a great job she is doing and what a sexy kitchen hand she is. When things seem to be in a good place (sooner rather than later) award her a break, pour her a drink and sit her down on the couch. Then go for the "drinks kiss". Alternatively manhandle kiss her against the fridge or similar.

Works every time, the only time it failed for me was whem I moved too slow. So move fast, but built it up through the steps I described.

Ray

 

[Bob-B]

I can barely muster the fortitude to write this.

The girl who i invited over for dinner the other night actually came over. Texting stayed the same, stuck to straight logistics. She was a little late (traffic is ridiculous here).

she gets here, immedietly seems a bit distant. I tell her shes my kitchen aid for the night, give her a couple things to do. I compliment her looks (shes dressed very nice for what im used to) but the compliment itself seemed a bit flat. i struggled a bit to make any real conversation. she brought over a bottle of wine but we stuck to a couple of beers i had in the fridge. i go to kiss her after we get dinner in the oven, she seems a bit reluctant and pulls away after a few seconds. we go back to chatting (it really had no feeling like shes interested). conversation goes a little better, dinner comes out of the oven, to the couch, eat, i put my arm around her and give her a little nudge towards me to kiss, she smiles (kind of a "uh no" smile) i dont push it. we watch tv for a bit...the "main course" comes out...total disaster. we stand in the kitchen and joke about it. she starts checking her phone, i knew it was pretty much over anyway. says she should be going, i just smile and agree, she gives me a hug, pulls back, then jumps up and gives me a kiss on the lips, smiles...nice to see you etc and leaves.

things I did- cleaned up the house, shaved, wore a decent shirt (no undershirt, top 2 buttons unbuttoned) told her before hand the dinner itself was a bit experimental. had country playing on my radio (we both like country music)

To be perfectly honest i was suprized she even showed up to begin with after I was so distant when we met for a drink the other day. It all seemed like it should work like clockwork in my head. i had gamed myself up all day that i can make this happen, that i could easily make conversation and things would just flow. not so much.

I bought the mastery package yesterday, something obviously has to change. i knew this to begin with. ive noticed over the last few weeks how lame everything seems, cant seem to get interested in anything, have had less to say and i cant get my mind off from how unsuccessful ive been/am with women. this coupled with ive had more interaction (all thru dating girls ive met online) with women in the past 3 weeks than i have in 3 months and it feels like i keep getting worse at the game and further from the goals at hand.

 

[ray_zorse]

It seems bizarre that she would make all the effort to come over, and dress well etc, and to your house, and then be distant?

Anyway, if that happens the temptation is to keep trying to engage her, and this gets more and more chasey (this was illustrated to me clearly with a Burmese chick and I said never again), and this might have been the issue you ran into. It's really difficult but you have to really pull back if she isn't investing. If she's really giving you nothing, then after your initial conversational stabs, maybe just play with your phone and/or appear distracted, wait 5 minutes or so and if she doesn't start a new conversation tell her she might as well go, since the conversation doesn't really seem to be flowing? (A takeaway). This might well jolt her into action.

The other thing that concerns me a bit is you said you "gave her a few jobs", what you have to do is actually have her cook the meal instead of you, this is the way to build compliance, but much more importantly she feels she is doing an activity with you, it engages her and challenges her and will effectively remove that distance. It's impossible to do an activity with someone (a challenging activity) and at the same time remain reserved and distant, see what I mean?

Ray

 

[Bob-B]

Yea I hear ya Ray, thanks for the advice in the first place. it seemed flawless in my head but i think i have some others factors negatively affecting my game right now that need sorting out.

Friday after work - I am forcing myself to go approach some women. I grab a tea from a local cafe and walk to the bank across town. flirt a little bit with the girl at the counter but i know hired guns dont count. get to the bank, get a fun and bantery conversation going with the not cute at all bank teller, just trying to get the social lube going if nothing else. once again i know hired guns dont count. im determined to at least open my mouth to a women somewhat close in age and relatively attractive. i make the corner from the bank and theres my chance. im very focused on my walk, it seems good, slow paced, but with a purpose. chest out shoulders back chin parrellel to the ground, looking off to the side as i approach. i get within 10 or 15 feet, we look at eachother, shyly grin aaaaand nothing comes out of my mouth. wtf. seemed way to awkward, im thinking about just walking into a fucking wall face first. i managed to continue with my walk and resist the urge to just go home. i see a girl walking towards me, tiptoeing thru a puddle, i laugh at her and ask her if theres nails in there that i should be watching out for. she laughs and replies she just doesnt want to get her feet wet. end of convo, at least i managed to open my mouth....baby steps for now.

ended up just getting hammered with a couple friends friday night, they both have girlfriends so going anywhere with a pile of women wasnt happening, did see 2 not attractive girls by themselves, they were tuned out to all 3 of us. whatever.

improvements - while most things seem to be going awry, my texting game and setting up dates has been damn near flawless. though i am in one of the lowest moments in my life as far as women are concerned i can text to set up a date with amazing ease, even managed to get a girl who was doing the everyday texts then flaked on a date to agree to dinner at my place tomorrow night. i just didnt reply to her when she flaked and she offered to go out the next week, hit her up a week later with a warm and thoughtful text, said she was busy until next weekend, same thing again i simply didnt reply then she just hit me up today asking to do something tomorrow night. i told her i went out alot this weekend but we could make something together at my place and told her to bring a wine glass. done deal.

i think part of the problem with these dates is they are all set up from online, so when i meet with them its literally just because i have the texting thing "down to a science"

Glaring issues - something is way wrong here, i cant remember the last time a girl slapped my arm or played with her hair around me...not in 2015 thats for sure. as a matter of fact it is impossible to ignore that just about all of the women i have gone out with have their legs sinched closed, literally as tightly crossed as they can get them, arms crossed and bodies facing straight ahead, not facing towards me.

I have got a new haircut, worked on my walk, worked on my voice tone and pace of my words, all of which i am comfortable with... ive been "dialing down the value volume" and really trying to be a bit vague with my responses, but cant help feel a little bit boring. ive also been focused on deep diving, really trying to pull some emotion out of these women but have come to no avail. the only thing i know for sure that im doing wrong is not touching these women at all besides a goodnight hug or kiss, and not building any sort of sexual framing. something else is surely missing though. while i have never been great with women, i have always seemed to have them very interested by me when i actually get them out. this has changed. its a head scratcher because i feel good about the techniques i read about on here but everything from the deep dive to moving fast and building intrigue has been blowing up in my face.

the fix - i need to approach more women, i think meeting them in person in the first place instead of online will show some confidence and interest that a man actually has the balls enough to approach them and ask them out. im having deep anxiety about not getting laid for months on end but i feel at this point i need to go allll the way back to step one, just say hi to a few women and attempt some real sincere compliments. thats my mission for the week.

 

[Lotus]

Hey Bob,

Good to see you are recording your interactions, I have found it to be very helpful to improving and just writing is settling.

ive been "dialing down the value volume" and really trying to be a bit vague with my responses, but cant help feel a little bit boring

If you are going on dates and having girls acting very closed and non-responsive, reducing your value will hurt more then it will help.

i knew this to begin with. ive noticed over the last few weeks how lame everything seems, cant seem to get interested in anything, have had less to say and i cant get my mind off from how unsuccessful ive been/am with women

might be worth spending some time thinking about what you want, and what direction you are going. Becoming passionate about things other then women will bleed into your interactions and make you more interesting.

Sounds like you have had some good successes before but you just hit a rut and need change

https://www.ted.com/playlists/237/11_ta ... hen_you_re

what enabled you to move to a new city? career change?

 

[Bob-B]

hey brum, thanks for the heads up on the "value volume" I laughed when I read it...kinda like "duh, of course" lol. it kinda helped put my head on straight today on what I have going for me (quite a bit). I had an opportunity at an awesome career in the city and jumped on it. its been going way better than expected...already closing on buying my first house, a boat etc (these things have been planned way in advance)... but i left all of these things out completely when talking to women.

That being said i felt quite a bit better about life after laughing in the face of anxiety and depression over dumb things. I felt my swagger come back to me, low and behold the girl that came over for dinner ended up being my first lay in months!

the details she comes over, kind of to my surprise. we met online weeks ago, went to dinner, i wasnt super interested, she really didnt interest me and i made no sexual framing except for making out with her on the sidewalk. she texted me everyday for a week then blew me off on a dinner date at my house. i gave her a few days "radio silence" i make a stab at taxting her to set up a date - shes busy - more radio silence. she texts me sunday to go out monday night, i say "yea dinner at my place, ive been out all weekend." she shows up. I am setting up dinner but make sure to give her a warm greeting and give her a few minutes of direct attention (using great posture eye contact etc). i get the first part of dinner going, walk by her close and make out with her (close to my ten minute limit). shes into it but i cut it off, repeat several times while making dinner. dinner came out terrible but we both saw that coming, it seemed like (and she said) she really liked the effort and ate it anyway (shes allergic to gluten so ill cut myself some slack lol). the entire time i make the conversation easy and mostly about her, however i did bring up a couple of value items "oh im buying a house there right now" "my boss is letting me keep my new boat out by that marina" etc.

After we eat I ask her if shes in a hurry to leave, "no." Ok cool, I grab my radio and we sit on the couch, shes pressed right into me so i waste no time and escalate quickly. though i can tell shes pretty inexperienced I just kept it in my head "she wants me to escalate to sex" I tell her we better bring this to my room, we bring the wine, i face minimal resistance. took my time really trying to get her to enjoy it, again her inexperience really began to show, for all i know she might have been a virgin and definetly wasnt super confident about her body. regaurdless i finish up and she turned into the "kitten" (chase trademark) that i hadnt had in my bedroom for a while.

Notes - this girl was definetley inexperienced which I know is a bit rare at my age. not sure if that is good or bad when it comes to my getting her from meeting her to bed...(the last girl i slept with from online dating said "i havent done this in a REALLY long time"). maybe thats where inexperienced girls go for sex? i dont know.

Cant not mention... I walked around town a bit today testing my new walk. came across at least 3-4 different women that i didnt even say a word too. went to whole foods to buy stuff for dinner (first time in there)...place was literally at max capacity with smokeshows. didnt say a word to any of them. two takeaways - if i had any in with these women (eye contact, a smile, anything...) i feel i could muster up something. second takeaway, i need to develop a high percentage opener (something that wont sound forced) that can get me past the day game approach hurdle.

 

[Bob-B]

Goals - I've got put this in writing so I cant backpeddle.
-The endgame here is something I pictured growing up. Being a badass dude, in his 20's-30's doing what I like (boating, killing shit, working on cars) surrounded by beautiful women that adore him. So there it is. Before I can ever truly be the fulfilled man I want to be and settle down, thats who I need to be. When I call it a wrap, it has to be with the woman of my dreams... not just one whos pretty and acceptable as good enough.

Short term goals - One of the speakers in the moto vids that brum sent me spoke about doing something new for 30 days. He was adament about what ever he tried, regaurdless of how bad the failures of the day, he would stick with whatever he was trying for 30 straight days. He said no matter how bad he was at the things he tried, he inevitably got much better after 30 straight days of practice. This man, clearly not the most in shape or adventurous type, even climbed mount kilamangaro in kenya after committing to climb a new hill everyday for 30 days...
--as irrelavent as it may seem, it gave me a little spark. talk to at least one new women everyday for 30 days. period. baby steps I know. The real goal is to get comfortable with talking to women who are complete strangers.

the method - I dont have the logistics or the friendbase in this new state to support a solid night game, nor the solid connections to meet women thru social circles (the product of moving often and cutting ties constantly). Sooo daygame it is. This can benefit me if i sack up and let it. While most of my hobbys are monogomous (hunting, fishing, working on things) i do have a couple of things working in my favor. Im tall, naturally handsome, and the daygame is a less crowded marketplace. easy? I doubt it.

Focus today im tuned in to getting my walk and movements down. i love this one, it makes me feel like a badass when people in the mall literally scurry around me while i strut. im a construction worker by trade, so i left on my jeans, boots, and hoodie... i at least have a decent haircut. this makes me feel like im authentic in certain settings, even stand out a bit (in malls, target, grocery store) because i can cary that badass vibe as i walk (like yes im a mans man) around people who are mostly dressed business casual etc, and of course, lots of beautiful women who clearly put time into thier look.

Day 1 - I have errands to run, i decide on target (always has girls) and whole foods market (place was 90% women on monday). Target was a bit a a flop, place was empty, but i did get to do my best fishhook under the chest, head up, feet pointed straightforward slow stroll past a women standing past the checkout line who definetly acted a bit flustered as i walked past. I made sure to make her notice but was relativley sure she was waiting for one of the dudes standing in the checkout line. Whole foods, im determined to at least open my damn mouth in there... a few minutes in, a girl who i didnt notice initially was on my left side, walked around to my right. she was standing on her tip toes looking up at the top shelf at something. I jokingly said "can you see way up there?" she laughed and said "no not really" i then said something a bit off, cant remember what but it didnt float very well...then i sort of unconciously turned my body away from her (gotta break that habit before it becomes a bad one) her and i crossed paths at least 4-5 more times but nothing was said, i simply chalked it up to we were working in the same diresction thru the store.
- complimented/conversated with an employee at the mall about her purple hair...
- held very intensive eye contact with the smokeshow clerk at the north face store while she was explaining something about the reciept...nothing special i know, but this girls eyes were unbelievable, really something i enjoyed staring into. we stared straight at eachothers eyes, non blinking for at least 6-8 seconds...nothing amazing mind you, but i could hear a bit of submission in her voice toward the end of her statement. This is a technique that i feel if i master i can really make things happen with. im 6'4 so im already a bit imposing but i feel the right mix of comfortable/relaxed vibe with strong dominant eye contact/posture could really make girls swoon in some day game.

 

[Bob-B]

Day 2 - I only had a 20 minute window during the entire day where I could actually get out of the confines of work and school to make something happen. I went to a bar up the street from school, knowing there'd at least be a chick bartender in there. Turn out there was 3. None super attractive and not one single other female in the place. Decide to flirt with the biggest girl there, she's the closest one and I only have 15 minutes. Ask her how her days going what's new etc... I get a small pizza that I have to stuff in my mouth before I leave...I make a remark about it burning my mouth with a laugh, she says "blow on it" I reply with "is that what you do when things are getting hot" she laughs makes some remark about it then continues with a little bantery conversation of her own buuut I have to leave.

At least I broke the ice with myself conciously using a sexual frame...

Day 3 - I'm really focused on fundamentals, my walk and movement as well as trying to get my voice to be more clear and concise. Walking out of a cafe I did something I almost never do...as I'm walking out a cute girl is walking in, I hold the door for her and just said "hi". It actually came out clear and concise as opposed to the mumble that usually comes out when I attempt such things. She replied with a warm smile and said "hey". Nothing special but at least I've opened my mouth to a new girl 3 days in a row...

I went to the mall after work and actually dropped some $$ on clothes, tighter fitting, and to be honest I felt excellent just trying them on. Decided to take them on a little test run.

There is one "club" In the town I live in outside of the city. The town is pretty dingy but hey fuck it there's probably girls there. Right when I walk in I'm not amazed. Straight up not the kind of people I'm going to have a great time with lol. Lots of big ass dudes just looking to show their bravado and a decent amount of cute girls but who knows who they are with. I just grab a beer and post up next to the bar and start people watching, kinda trying to take in the whole picture and see what's going on. Lots of people goofing around on the dance floor, lots of dudes just posted up by themselves or in small groups, a few girls shuffling about.

One chick walks by very close right in front of me, but she walked over to a dude/small group a few feet down the bar from me. She mingles for about a minute and again walks by even closer to me, inches away if that. I didn't make any moves, wasn't real sure about what to do with that situation to be perfectly honest. This is the kind of club where there is no glass served, no bottles and no beer glasses, everything is served in plastic cups. I can only presume by knowing the area I'm in and observing the crowd that it's because dudes love to fight here to "impress" women. Yup. Shortly after that some dude bumps my elbow while I'm taking a drink, spilled a decent amount of it on my new shirt. I chuckled, chugged down the rest of that beer and slid it across the bar. Walked out without ever saying a word to anyone. Definetly not my element when I'm on my own.

 

[Bob-B]

Day 4 - 2 friends came in from out of town and we meet up in the city. I know ahead of time logistics aren't in my favor and that we are going to drink A LOT.

First place we go is packed with women at 5 in the afternoon, mind blowing honestly. Friend 1 "btown" is actively flirting with the waiter...we scope out a bunch of other women and catch one group peeking over at us. We decide to leave and meet up with friend 2 "Benza" girlfriend at a different bar. Btown is inviting the waitress to come with us, she says to come back at ten when she gets out. I hand her the second copy of the receipt and the pen and say "give me you're number, I'll let you know what's up if we are still in town." She does. Btown walks over to the group that was checking us out. They aren't being super inviting but I go join in anyway. After 5 minutes we say fuck it and head to the next bar.

I scope out a blonde sitting by herself and tell Btown I'll be back in a minute. I say hello and ask if the spot next to her is taken, she says no. I sit down and order a water and tell her I have to sneak in some water without my friends seeing. We banter back and forth a little, I deep dive her (though not like a pro) and touch her knee at one point as I'm responding to something she says. The conversation wasn't bad but I excused myself after 10 minutes or so.

To the next bar.

Place is packed with women. I break off the group right as we walked in to do some scouting. Got nowhere with the first group I approached but my friends had a group of the chicks that were interested so I went over. This group was kind of our "home base" for a bit. Btown and I traded off pointing out likely candidates and sent eachother over at will, then the other would come over a few minutes in to do wingman things. This was actually a ton of fun and we met a pile of women this way but none that were really super into it. I get one of the girls numbers from our "home base" group, flirt with her/deep dive her etc. she's got her hands on me and is very warm but I literally have no logistics to make this happen.

Benza's girl shows up with a friend. Soon after her and I are chatting a bit, I have my voice tone and talking speed seemingly perfect. She says something about traveling, I ask her about the last place she was at then I asked her "how it made her feel. I swear I saw her flinch, lock eyes and snapped right out of auto pilot and she just took the conversation away. I was having a hard time hearing her after a while and began to lean in towards her, caught myself, stood up straight then just gave her a bit of a puzzled look and told her I can't hear her.

I put my hand on the small of her back and guided her to a quiter place to talk. She stayed very close to me after this, quite a bit of hand on the shoulder etc. we were walking thru a crowd at one point when she got stuck behind some people and just looked at me like "what do I do". I held my hand out, let her place hers in mine then led the way they the crowd. After this she stayed in physical contact with me and let everyone else come to her. No chasing her friends around etc.

Then... Benza couldn't get back in the bar because he was too drunk, Btown was MIA and I was bombed and still had to figure out where I'm sleeping. My escalation window is wide open if I close now, so I ask Benza what the deal is with his hotel. He's all pissed off at his girl and says he's going back, alone with really no other option I know I need to make an attempt to see what this girls plan is and she quickly shuts down the idea of her place and wants to go to another bar. I bailed, jumped in the nearest cab and went to where I thought Btown was staying, fortunately he was there. I was way to drunk to do another bar or even stay awake much longer. I left pretty abrubtly, she even sent me a text saying she was offended about the way I made my exit (it wasn't very smooth or pretty lol)

In hindsight I probably should have straightened out and just told her if see her soon and actually say goodbye instead of trying to get to her place and then just leaving. It would go against most of what I read on here but when in a tight spot it probably would be the more effective route.

Live and learn lol

Day 5- super hungover, went fishing all day...stopped at a new bar on the way home. Bartender was the only chick in there and I attempted a little light banter without putting any noticeable effort in...she was somewhat warm at first but got colder with every word out of my mouth. Had to at least speak to a girl, no matter how shitty I feel or how flat my words fall!

 

[Bob-B]

Day 6-15 - I have managed to speak to at leastone new girl each day with the exception of Monday (day 13). Only two of those encounters were notable. Day 6, after a pro ball game a friend and I were standing in a bar outside the stadium. I was scoping the place hard for single women or any sign of pre opening but got absolutly nothing. Everyone seemed to be couples or big mixed groups of more dudes than chicks. Finally my friend was bugging me about meeting some girls (he was trashed). I scoped it out again and saw 2 girls on thier own but weren't giving us any kind of eye flirting or anything. I said fuck it and went over anyway, cold approach. My opener was somewhere along the lines of "hi how are you ladies doing?" Followed by them being pretty closed, then my friend came over and we pushed forward and got to chatting with them. My conversation was somewhere between 5-10 minutes before I met her boyfriend...

My friend however did something I found interesting considering what I've been learning. He talked to this girl FOREVER. She seemed interested and giddy, but they didn't move even one step in any direction in the hour and a half they were chatting. I even left the bar for a bit but he stayed right there. He kept bending down to hear her instead of standing tall. Finally I came back and said "hey man there's a sweet bar up the street, this place is emptying out, let's all go to the other bar". This was met by resistance from both parties, I put my foot down (gracefully) and again invited her, but she pulled the old "but all my friends...". I almost busted out laughing from how accurately this all fit into what I have read about investment etc on this site. That all being said he was kind of beating his chest in class a couple of days later and kept telling me how he should have got her # and how we shouldn't have left so early etc. I didn't mention ANYTHING about it because I don't have the results or expirience to back it up but it did make me feel a bit shitty to have to take a bit of a lashing in front of others in my class. (This friend is in a commited relationship otherwise I would be more active in setting him up for success)

Day 12 - women in a department store, a bit older than me but very attractive. I noticed he when I walked in, then she ended up walking into the same aisle as me. I froze up and didn't say a word to her and after a few minutes she walked away... I was giving myself a beating for this mentally, this is exactly what I'm trying to get better at. BUT she came walking back into the same aisle as I was about to leave. "You know, if you're going to keep stalking me you could at least say hello". It suprized me how smooth it came out lol. She looked just a hint startled when I began speaking but was laughing by the time I had finished my sentance. I did make a mistake though... I said it as I was walking by, only giving her half my body (which seemed right) but I could feel my shoulder turn away from her and my head followed as soon as I finished speaking. This felt like I had closed her before she had a chance to respond, if she was even planning on it.

Fuck ups - had a definite pre opening look from a well dressed gorgeous women on the street yesterday, I had my fundimentals relatively under control buuuuut I just let her walk by. I wanted to make myself walk face first into a pole for this...

 

[Bob-B]

Day 22 - so while there are no specific interactions that have been worth writing about there are some notes I should jot down about what I have been noticing.

Notes - I have noticed that on quite a few of these days I haven't been on my way to anywhere that involves women. There has seemed to just be a lack of them in my day to day life. I have started to correct that a bit by A.) grocery shopping more often, buying less at a time and ALWAYS going to whole foods. There is usually at least a cute girl working a sample table there but I have talked to women shopping as well. B.) walking down a busier street to my truck after work instead of hitching a ride from my boss.

Notes (cont) - there was no question that when I had friends in from out of town it made approaches to women skyrocket. Instead of being in my own head about it all day, we just went out, had some drinks, and turned it into a game. A very fun one at that. Just pointing out women to eachother to go approach or telling the other "hey I'm going to talk to that blonde, be back later." In that situation I could approach women to no end, and while I got some quick rejections we also got quite a few warm receptions and found plenty of complient women.

There is one glaring problem I have noticed that is completely self inflicted...if I say anything more than hello to a girl that I'm simply passing on the street or in a store I always say it as I'm passing them, keeping my shoulders closed to them and just keep walking past them. Basically I'm closing them before I open them. While it does feel a bit better to at least say something to these women my voice tone is usually way off the mark and I haven't communicated anything stating interest in them of any kind. I think this may be why I'm so quick to walk away because I feel there is no meat to the opener and I can't picture what I would try and engage them in conversation about.

Improvements - fundimentals, my posture and holding my head up have no doubt improved and I have indeed noticed that people notice me and find a way around wherever I am walking to. Kind of like every where I'm walking to has a purpose. I have also started expirimenting with facial hair a bit...we will see how it goes.

Unimproved - my social life is still basically non existent. Which leads to the issue of no social momentum. I still honestly don't have a plan at all for how to turn this around but it more than likely would be huge in my ability to start approaching women with a little more purpose as oppose to literally just doing it for the sake of it.

 

[Bob-B]

I've been legit about speaking to new women everyday, and while I am more comforatable with it I have noticed a few things.
- I'm not showing any genuine interest
-I haven't been polarizing AT ALL
- I haven't given out compliments, for fear of rejection I guess? Or just the fear of sounding dumb because it's a new concept to me
- I haven't attempted to engage in an conversation at all after the initial "hello"

So I have work to do..
I can tell that post field reports is going to be worth it's weight in gold. It's almost like having the wingman I'm missing point me in the right direction when I'm unsure of what's happening thru my own point of view.

Some short term goals that need to be addressed include growing a pair and being more arrogant in general...I mean fuck it I don't really have a social circle developed here yet so why not. Working on smoothness and actually delivering compliments. Having confidence in conversation and staying relaxed and in tune while socializing.

I've also started keeping a separate journal for all the women I don't approach, or approach the wrong way. I simply write down where it happened and what I could have said to them to open while simultaneously showing interest. The thought here is that as I keep writing out these situations I will know how to go about things the next time I'm in that situation. I guess the real goal is to go from what I would've said to what I did say and what happend after.

 

[Bob-B]

A bit more of the same. I have been slacking hardcore in any semblance of game lately. This has been reflected in my having 0 momentum socially as of late.

I did just move so I've been stressin' out and focused elsewhere but it is putting me in a tough spot with meeting new women.

One thing that needs immediate and undivided attention from me is using direct openers/compliments. I have moved forward very well in recent months at least getting my mouth open to women but have been way to neutral. I feel like heeding some of the advice I've gotten from field reports to polarize with direct openers will help put seduction back in gear for me. The issue I'm having is I still just don't compliment women at all, or I think of this great thing to say 10 seconds after it needed to be said. I'm not sure if this is curable in the same way texting was. With text I just got down a basic outline and use it every time, and it works. Unfortunately my belief that texting was all that was holding me back was false.

On top of not approaching lately I have noticed my fundimentals slipping away. I got my non verbals down pretty well when I want to and have noticed women turn their attention completely away from what they are doing to check me out (while I'm walking chest out/head parrelel/feet one in front of the other) even when I'm way underdressed. it actually shook my confidence each time it would happen because I started thinking "what's the point in trying this hard to be attractive if you aren't going to act on it...pussy"

Either way, approaching and polarizing are of the highest priority at this point, where and how to begin and what to say? Beyond me.

My little 30 day self challenge did unarguably help me open my mouth and communicate with women but landed me with 0 new numbers or lays. Maybe the same thing with compliment a women everyday to polarize and spike attractiveness is just what the doc ordered.

My gut instinct on this says I'm going to be very akward, possibly even freak chicks out, or not seem genuine at all about it...certainly not going to be the funnest hurdle I've ever jumped