So, this is my first honest-to-goodness, legitimate cold approach ever, where I saw a pretty girl, approached her, and was direct in my intentions both to her and myself from the beginning. I've had a few pseudo cold approaches where I thought she was kinda cute and struck up a conversation, but never anything quite like this.
I remember feeling a degree of anxiety, but it was a very natural thing overall. Something I've slowly been internalizing is that it's okay to unabashedly want what we want, and that as a man I'm made to seek out women. Sort of like that Beatles line, "Hey Jude, don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her..."
Anyway...here it goes.
I was in the cafe at a local bookstore and saw a very pretty brunette come in and sit in the corner. She glanced up at me, then glanced down, then glanced up at me...and turned to her stuff. She was interested and cute as a button. I instantly wanted to pull her in for a kiss.
I settled for picking up my book and my tea, walking over, and asking her and the guy two seats over if they minded if I sat down there. The guy shrugged (I think, wasn't paying attention), she looked up at me, smiled, and said I was good.
I sat down, turned my shoulders ever so slightly towards her and glanced askew at her.
Me: "So...I thought you were really cute, and came over because I wanted to talk to you. I'm Haraklus."
Her: "Oh... *smile* Hi! I'm Kris!"
Me: "How's your day going?"
Her: "Really good! This weather..."
Me: "It's gorgeous. Best day we've had in awhile."
Her: "It's perfect."
I'm a bit fuzzy on what was said next, but very shortly after that, this came up:
Her: "I'm actually not from around here. I came in for a job interview. I *hope* I'll move here soon."
Me: "Oh yeah? Who are you interviewing with?"
Her: <Some hospital I don't remember the name of>
Me: "What do you want to do for them?"
Her: "I'd be a client care coordinator."
Me: *raised eyebrows* "Interesting, that actually sounds really engaging. Is that something you've been aspiring to, going to school for...?"
Her: "I went to school for social work."
Me: "It's similar...you see to it that people are taken care of. I definitely see the relation."
Her: "Yeah...what about you, did you go to school?"
Me: "Yeah, Computer Science."
Her: *eyes get wide* "Wow! Did you finish...?"
Me: *laughing* "Yes, I finished. I'm a software developer now."
Her: "Wow! Do you like it?"
Me: "It's okay."
Her: "Only okay? Are you bored with it?"
Me: "I decided in my infinite wisdom as a 12-year-old that I wanted to go into software...And I stuck to it. I've been doing it over a decade now, so it's kind of boring. I found a job where I didn't have to do a ton and I had lots of flexibility and freedom...like, I'm getting paid to talk to you right now because I've done everything I need to at work today."
Her: "Woah. That actually sounds great."
Me: "That aspect definitely is."
There was some other talk in there. Turns out she volunteered at a suicide crisis hotline. I told her a bit about the time a friend of mine was planning on commiting suicide and I intervened and with the help of a friend kept her under 24 hour watch until we could get her in therapy and stable.
At some point, this bit happened:
Me: "How long are you in Portland?"
Her: "I leave tomorrow...I don't have a ton of time. We can totally exchange numbers, though."
Me: "Do you have time today?"
Her: "I have to be at a bar at 5...but I probably have some time."
At this point, the older gentleman on the other side of me grabs my shoulder and holds a note up in front of me:
"Ask her what flowers she likes and ask her on a picnic"
I laughed, put my hand on his back, thanked him for the tip, and returned my attention to her.
Me: "Apparently we're disturbing the other patrons and I should just ask you out already."
Her: "Well, I'm having drinks with my family later...but we can totally trade numbers." (2nd time she mentions this)
Me: "What about now? Have a bit of time?"
We establish that she does have some time. A bit of logistical haggling related to her getting to her destination, and we decide to stroll around the city.
On our way out the door, she gets no less than 5 texts in less than a minute (related either to local family or her interviews) and says she thinks she's going to stay because she's got a lot going on and just doesn't have the attention to wander around at the moment. I tell her I understand. She tells me again that we can trade numbers. I take her up on it. She asks for my number and then texts me. I add her to my phone, and wish her luck with her interviews, and then we part ways.
That went pretty well, I think.
Looking back, I probably came across as too platonic. I possibly could have pushed a bit harder/been more persistent, but I don't know how productive that would have been. She also deep dived me pretty effectively and asked questions very well. Rather than an 80/20 or 90/10 split talking about me vs her, it was more like a 50/50 split between me and her. So, more emphasis on her, less of a platonic vibe in the future.
In the meantime, I guess I've got her number and if she moves to Portland or I pass through Denver. The big win here? I sacked up, approached a cute girl with no social context, and got an overall positive reference experience. Great! Now I just need to do this a couple hundred more times and I'll be on my way.
I remember feeling a degree of anxiety, but it was a very natural thing overall. Something I've slowly been internalizing is that it's okay to unabashedly want what we want, and that as a man I'm made to seek out women. Sort of like that Beatles line, "Hey Jude, don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her..."
Anyway...here it goes.
I was in the cafe at a local bookstore and saw a very pretty brunette come in and sit in the corner. She glanced up at me, then glanced down, then glanced up at me...and turned to her stuff. She was interested and cute as a button. I instantly wanted to pull her in for a kiss.
I settled for picking up my book and my tea, walking over, and asking her and the guy two seats over if they minded if I sat down there. The guy shrugged (I think, wasn't paying attention), she looked up at me, smiled, and said I was good.
I sat down, turned my shoulders ever so slightly towards her and glanced askew at her.
Me: "So...I thought you were really cute, and came over because I wanted to talk to you. I'm Haraklus."
Her: "Oh... *smile* Hi! I'm Kris!"
Me: "How's your day going?"
Her: "Really good! This weather..."
Me: "It's gorgeous. Best day we've had in awhile."
Her: "It's perfect."
I'm a bit fuzzy on what was said next, but very shortly after that, this came up:
Her: "I'm actually not from around here. I came in for a job interview. I *hope* I'll move here soon."
Me: "Oh yeah? Who are you interviewing with?"
Her: <Some hospital I don't remember the name of>
Me: "What do you want to do for them?"
Her: "I'd be a client care coordinator."
Me: *raised eyebrows* "Interesting, that actually sounds really engaging. Is that something you've been aspiring to, going to school for...?"
Her: "I went to school for social work."
Me: "It's similar...you see to it that people are taken care of. I definitely see the relation."
Her: "Yeah...what about you, did you go to school?"
Me: "Yeah, Computer Science."
Her: *eyes get wide* "Wow! Did you finish...?"
Me: *laughing* "Yes, I finished. I'm a software developer now."
Her: "Wow! Do you like it?"
Me: "It's okay."
Her: "Only okay? Are you bored with it?"
Me: "I decided in my infinite wisdom as a 12-year-old that I wanted to go into software...And I stuck to it. I've been doing it over a decade now, so it's kind of boring. I found a job where I didn't have to do a ton and I had lots of flexibility and freedom...like, I'm getting paid to talk to you right now because I've done everything I need to at work today."
Her: "Woah. That actually sounds great."
Me: "That aspect definitely is."
There was some other talk in there. Turns out she volunteered at a suicide crisis hotline. I told her a bit about the time a friend of mine was planning on commiting suicide and I intervened and with the help of a friend kept her under 24 hour watch until we could get her in therapy and stable.
At some point, this bit happened:
Me: "How long are you in Portland?"
Her: "I leave tomorrow...I don't have a ton of time. We can totally exchange numbers, though."
Me: "Do you have time today?"
Her: "I have to be at a bar at 5...but I probably have some time."
At this point, the older gentleman on the other side of me grabs my shoulder and holds a note up in front of me:
"Ask her what flowers she likes and ask her on a picnic"
I laughed, put my hand on his back, thanked him for the tip, and returned my attention to her.
Me: "Apparently we're disturbing the other patrons and I should just ask you out already."
Her: "Well, I'm having drinks with my family later...but we can totally trade numbers." (2nd time she mentions this)
Me: "What about now? Have a bit of time?"
We establish that she does have some time. A bit of logistical haggling related to her getting to her destination, and we decide to stroll around the city.
On our way out the door, she gets no less than 5 texts in less than a minute (related either to local family or her interviews) and says she thinks she's going to stay because she's got a lot going on and just doesn't have the attention to wander around at the moment. I tell her I understand. She tells me again that we can trade numbers. I take her up on it. She asks for my number and then texts me. I add her to my phone, and wish her luck with her interviews, and then we part ways.
That went pretty well, I think.
Looking back, I probably came across as too platonic. I possibly could have pushed a bit harder/been more persistent, but I don't know how productive that would have been. She also deep dived me pretty effectively and asked questions very well. Rather than an 80/20 or 90/10 split talking about me vs her, it was more like a 50/50 split between me and her. So, more emphasis on her, less of a platonic vibe in the future.
In the meantime, I guess I've got her number and if she moves to Portland or I pass through Denver. The big win here? I sacked up, approached a cute girl with no social context, and got an overall positive reference experience. Great! Now I just need to do this a couple hundred more times and I'll be on my way.
