YaReally's classic "Lover Attraction Vs Provider Attraction"
She can think you're super cool and fun and even go out on dates with you and maybe even bang you, but like, you're in that Providery zone where you're attractive but she doesn’t have that raw animal ravaging feeling for you. This is what most guys experience and interpret as “She’s attracted to me so I’ll marry her and shit!” To them “attraction is attraction” so HOWEVER they get attraction, it counts because they don’t get much of it and have to take what they can get. A lot of those iois are just the “this guy would be a good Provider” attraction and not intense sexual attraction. But a lot of those guys haven’t EXPERIENCED that kind of intense sexual attraction so to them getting those Providery iois are good enough to them. The guys who don’t understand this dynamic and do pickup are the guys who rally on about how you need suits and 0% bodyfat and money and the guys who don’t understand this dynamic and are normal AFCs are the guys who work really hard and get a good job and marry some girl who gave them Providery iois (and then can’t understand why she cheats on them with a guy she has Lover attraction to with that intense sexual chemistry, because they don’t even know what that IS or what it LOOKS LIKE because their GF (now wife) has never had it for THEM).
It’s also why betas will think strippers are in love with them, and if they’re fun the stripper might legitimately be happy to see them and enjoy talking to them, and to them that’s good enough, that’s “attraction”, but it’s in that Provider zone.
It’s the difference between why my buddy and I will run a 2-set and I’ll end up making out with my girl while he’s stuck with a number from his girl…because I’m getting that Lover attraction while he’s getting the Provider attraction. You can just tell “this girl likes me but we don’t have that sexual chemistry so this is going to be going on lame dates and I’m going to have to turn my image around in her mind to get myself out of Provider and into Lover (to avoid having to date the girl, since our goal is just fuckbuddies right now)”. It happens to me when I’m just starting my night sometimes or if I haven’t been out in a while, I’ll find myself mid-conversation talking about puppydogs and ice cream and the girl LIKES me and I COULD still manage to turn it into a lay, but it’s going to be on shitty Provider terms and not that animal lust terms that I’d rather have her liking me for.
The Lover is better, especially for running harems and shit where the girls all know in fucking other girls (harder to pull that off when you have Provider attraction because they expect you to act like a Provider so some behaviors they accept from a Lover are drama to them).
I find the Doggy Dinner Bowl look is more Provider based attraction…she looks at me wide eyed and stunned like I'm the most amazing thing she’s ever seen. That can translate into lays obviously, BUT it’s not the same as that sexual animal Lover attraction which to me feels a lot more “active” on her part. DDB is passive, she’s just staring in awe stunned like a deer in the headlights, but that eye-fucking is like an intense active “I want to fuck your brains out” communication from her.
Best ways I’m finding to get a guy out of Provider attraction and into Lover attraction is:
1) talk about sexual topics, early and often. Your opener should be something related to sex or sexual topics. Most of my conversations are entirely sexual from the word go till the end. It stands out compared to the puppydogs and ice cream shit other guys talk about (puts them in the potential Provider category where they end up with Provider attraction) and it shows I’m comfortable/familiar with sex in general and subcomms all sorts of good shit…plus it lets their inner horny girl feels run wild because I’m providing a non-judgemental safe space to talk about sex. Last night I had two cold-approached girl who had never met before making out because separately both of them had mentioned they were into girls as well as guys (so I introduced them and removed responsibility, one of them had a BF too lol). But like that’s the stuff I’M talking about with girls while other guys are talking about COOL TOPICS but not SEXUAL topics.
2) LASERS.
Locked bedroom-eye-contact + closing the distance to build tension = retarded amounts of sexual Lover attraction and gina tingles.
3) disqualify yourelf as a Provider. Don’t flaunt your money, job, suits. Don’t come off like you have Provider value. If a girl knows your not a potential Provider, she can only view you as a potential Lover so when you combine steps 1 and 2 into this, you end up in the Lover frame. It’s not just external Provider traits like money and suits, it’s internal Provider traits too…like don’t use the word “date”, push for the Same Night Lay instead of the #-close Day2, talk about relationships and how you have commitment issues and hate clingy girls and your ex was crazy and how this girl better not fall in love with you ’cause youll break her heart. Like remove any possibility in her mind that you have Provider potential. (if you decide you like her and want to LTR her, you can ALWAYS become MORE of a Provider by letting her win you over or revealing Provider traits slowly over time because that’s her GAINING access to resources she didn’t know you had, but it’s very hard to the point of almost impossible to go from Provider to Lover because that’s her LOSING access to theoretical resources she knows you have).
Those are the three big things that shift a guy from “cool social guy that girls like and will date and even fuck, but don’t really think of ravaging sexually” into being the “guy who she wants to fuck her brains out that night”.
