Boyfriend Material?

[Pato]

Hey guys. I was chilling with some of my social circle yesterday, it was three girls, one of my really good guy friends, and me. So we had a pretty big discussion about a wide range of topics, most of which had something to do with sex or hooking up or dating. At one point we were talking specifically about relationships and boyfriends and girlfriends. One of the girls (who is in a relationship with one of my other very good guy friends) said something about how guys can be either boyfriend material or not boyfriend material, and she eventually said that she thinks I could be boyfriend material and pull my act together to be in a relationship. I kinda played it down, basically implying I wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't really want a girlfriend right now.

A couple questions. Firstly, is this a bad thing that they see me like this? It was just the first girl who said it, while the other two girls didn't say anything about it (but I think were kinda in agreement). I'd only hook up with one of the three girls (not the one who said it), but I don't want all the girls there, and therefore all the other girls in my social circle, to boyfriend zone the shit out of me. Especially because I really don't want to get into a exclusive relationship right now. Is this a sign I need to change how I act/what I do around them, or am I looking too far into this? Secondly, was me brushing it off and kinda cutting the thread a good idea? I wasn't really sure how to respond to it, and I don't know if what I said was right.

-Pato

 

[Ross]

Pato,

In my opinion, this is a great thing to hear. She's telling you that her perception of you is that you are not currently boyfriend material, but she could see how you could indeed become boyfriend material with a few changes. This is exactly what we teach on GC. Disqualify yourself as a boyfriend, but still leave some hope in her heart so that she doesn't feel that you're strictly opposed to relationships, because most of us are not.

Brushing it off as 'girl talk' is an okay reaction. Honestly, I'd probably get a little cocky about their perception of me and reinforce it because that's exactly what I want to be seen as. It's an attractive trait to be available, yet hard to get. Brushing it off neither helps nor hurts you, which is a good default action to have when you don't know which action you want to take.

 

[Verisimilitude]

Ross is 100% right. What is important here is the bolded parts here

she eventually said that she thinks I could be boyfriend material and pull my act together to be in a relationship

That's exactly where you want to be. What she was saying was that you currently AREN'T boyfriend material, but you could be. Which is the right level of attainability vs the right level of a challenge as well.

Remember, a girl wants to be the one that dates that guy that has girls after him, but that can't get him to settle down.

It sounds like you are there with these three girls. Now go out and make more girls feel like this!

 

[Pato]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I guess I just assumed being considered boyfriend material or anything close to it is not a good thing, but it's nice to hear that I've been doing something right.

Ross,

Disqualify yourself as a boyfriend, but still leave some hope in her heart so that she doesn't feel that you're strictly opposed to relationships, because most of us are not.

Brushing it off as 'girl talk' is an okay reaction. Honestly, I'd probably get a little cocky about their perception of me and reinforce it because that's exactly what I want to be seen as.

That's what I was thinking, I didn't want to become so unrelatable by completely shutting down relationships, but I also didn't want to make it look like that's the only thing I was looking for. So how exactly would you go about reinforcing their perception, while also not making it look like I'm pursuing a relationship and want to commit to a girlfriend?

V,

Remember, a girl wants to be the one that dates that guy that has girls after him, but that can't get him to settle down.

It sounds like you are there with these three girls. Now go out and make more girls feel like this!

Very true. That's why I didn't want to give the impression that I was actively looking for a girlfriend and a relationship. Good to hear I'm on the right track, and yeah I'll be working on more girls in the future too