"Boyfriend Zoned"

[DoWhatWorks]

Been in a good place with girls. Dating new ones & sleeping with some too

1 of the new one has "bf zoned me". Met via online & 1st date we had drinks in a park where she brought drinks and a blanket. Ended up at mine and kissed / grind but nothing happened.

Second date there was foreplay but she said "I don't want to have sex tonight" just like before

No big deal - she's invested, as she double texts, asks for my schedule and asks me to reply when I'm slow to do so but now she wants me to meet her friends.

I said no lol - I want to get to know you & she's brought it up again

I'm not willing to put in extra effort to seal the deal I.E more dates / meeting friends etc.

Usually I'd slowly wind the conversations down and let things fizzle out but curious if guys have found a graceful way to say: "babe I have options and won't be following this dragged out programme, so it's either now or never"

Could be a cool practice opportunity on a girl I'm indifferent about for when I'm in a similar position with a girl I'm really into

 

[Will_V]

I think the best time to convince a girl that you really are about having sex right away is when she's in your bed refusing it. Two refusals for me is a big red flag that I'm not doing something right or she's not really interested. I can deal with one, but the second time I'm going to go in with a plan, and if it fails I'm going to react in a negative way to her behavior. Lessons don't work very well when they are taught after the fact.

So if she was refusing the second time, I'd probably be a little bit more insistent with the escalation, a bit push/pull where I do something that's a bit more aggressive and then pull back. In my opinion, girls that react very negatively to that type of thing were never really going to do it anyway (at least not on my terms). If they were just not sure what I was wanting, they will understand that I am starting to get a bit annoyed and that they did a bad read, and start to comply more. Calibration obviously, and a 'no big deal' attitude is key, and also the push/pull thing is necessary so that she has a chance to 'accept' a strong advance and isn't just overwhelmed by a pushy escalation. But she has to feel the truth of the matter.

If she was really insistent, then IMO she's not in my frame and her importance to me greatly diminishes. I'd talk to her for a few minutes and then wrap the interaction up, and give her the impression she bored me a bit.

If I had to convince her at some other time, I think honesty is golden. Men aren't honest enough with women (and not aware enough of how much women respect it). I've told women on second dates that I like to have sex quickly, that it doesn't lower my opinion of her (on the contrary), and that I need to know if a woman has sexual chemistry with me before I can really take her seriously (and it's true, a woman who's a wet noodle or who doesn't like the way I have sex is uninteresting to me, half of what turns me on is how she reacts to me). I have never gotten a negative reaction from that, and I notice in general when I am above board with a woman she tends to listen very keenly.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Yeah twice in a row is off-putting. I have put up with it in the past but the momentum was good & girls would come straight to mine 3rd time rather than proposing more “cute dates”

I’ll also be honest & say the others were a lot hotter too.

Hell I’ve spoken to guys on here who don’t even do second dates lol.

I’ll take that visibly bored aspect and end the interaction early next time it happens

For this girl I’ll text her how perhaps we aren’t compatible as I like sparks flying & she seems more slow burn. Not ghosting is the nice thing to do

 

[Fuck This]

"YOu ever hear of the 5 Love languages?"

"Mine is physical...Intimacy has to come first. There needs to be Sexual compatibility and a raw attraction for me to be able to move into a deeper more meaningful relationship.."

 

[Will_V]

Yeah twice in a row is off-putting. I have put up with it in the past but the momentum was good & girls would come straight to mine 3rd time rather than proposing more “cute dates”

I’ll also be honest & say the others were a lot hotter too.

Hell I’ve spoken to guys on here who don’t even do second dates lol.

I’ll take that visibly bored aspect and end the interaction early next time it happens

For this girl I’ll text her how perhaps we aren’t compatible as I like sparks flying & she seems more slow burn. Not ghosting is the nice thing to do

Personally, I don't like letting a girl down softly when we haven't banged. She's invested nothing, and if she really wants me she knows where I am. I'd rather ghost or do something unusual and give her the chance to chase me. But again, it's necessary to react properly in the moment so she's in no two minds about what I'm about.

For me personally, whenever I find myself on the verge of letting a girl go but I still want to give her a chance, and she's still interested at all, it's time to practice something fun and unorthodox and preferably self expressive. Guys don't realize what all this chasing girls does to their ego, and there's nothing more satisfying than a woman coming to give you what you want when you've done nothing to appease her.

 

[dingdong]

"YOu ever hear of the 5 Love languages?"

"Mine is physical...Intimacy has to come first. There needs to be Sexual compatibility and a raw attraction for me to be able to move into a deeper more meaningful relationship.."

Great gambit dude, stealing

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Update: Girl in question is back & the morale of the story is always be willing to walk away.

***My text***

“Hey been thinking maybe we’re a little too different as I’m more let sparks fly & you seem more slow burn..which’s cool but not for me, all the best - you’re great ”

***Her First response***

“Lol 2 dates slow burn eh”

“But fair enough, guess we're looking for different things and appreciate you telling me now”


***Her 2nd response 5 days after I didn’t reply***


“Oi oi so before I thought you were looking for a relationship...now I know that you're looking more for fun, I treat that different to start of a relationship - if you're up for friends with benefits vibes, I would be too”

 

[topcat]

Update: Girl in question is back & the morale of the story is always be willing to walk away.

***My text***

“Hey been thinking maybe we’re a little too different as I’m more let sparks fly & you seem more slow burn..which’s cool but not for me, all the best - you’re great ”

***Her First response***

“Lol 2 dates slow burn eh”

“But fair enough, guess we're looking for different things and appreciate you telling me now”


***Her 2nd response 5 days after I didn’t reply***


“Oi oi so before I thought you were looking for a relationship...now I know that you're looking more for fun, I treat that different to start of a relationship - if you're up for friends with benefits vibes, I would be too”

This is brilliant, honestly. I’ll be using this in future..

 

[Will_V]

Update: Girl in question is back & the morale of the story is always be willing to walk away.

***My text***

“Hey been thinking maybe we’re a little too different as I’m more let sparks fly & you seem more slow burn..which’s cool but not for me, all the best - you’re great ”

***Her First response***

“Lol 2 dates slow burn eh”

“But fair enough, guess we're looking for different things and appreciate you telling me now”


***Her 2nd response 5 days after I didn’t reply***


“Oi oi so before I thought you were looking for a relationship...now I know that you're looking more for fun, I treat that different to start of a relationship - if you're up for friends with benefits vibes, I would be too”

Awesome! This is damn smooth - waving in her nose something so enticing that she wants it all, and then making her chase you down to offer you what you want.

 

[ocean_eyes]

Update: Girl in question is back & the morale of the story is always be willing to walk away.

***My text***

“Hey been thinking maybe we’re a little too different as I’m more let sparks fly & you seem more slow burn..which’s cool but not for me, all the best - you’re great ”

***Her First response***

“Lol 2 dates slow burn eh”

“But fair enough, guess we're looking for different things and appreciate you telling me now”


***Her 2nd response 5 days after I didn’t reply***


“Oi oi so before I thought you were looking for a relationship...now I know that you're looking more for fun, I treat that different to start of a relationship - if you're up for friends with benefits vibes, I would be too”

My man!
Why are you asking for advice?
You should be teaching us!

 

[DoWhatWorks]

My man!
Why are you asking for advice?
You should be teaching us!

I wish bro! Always room to learn and improve